Please, I seek your counsel

[PrincessGoddess]

I have never asked anyone to help me with direction for my life, but I am doing so today. Today, I am asking myself, "Who is best for me?" In posing the question, I am torn between wanting a relationship with freedoms I have always enjoyed, and the manner in which I was introduced to the lifestyle. I have written a story which describes my introduction, which you can read here: http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=599497 . This story would be helpful in understanding the dillema I am struggling with today. Some questions that I am asking are: Am I a switch? I have only lived as a submissive, and I am an ultra-sub at my core. What knowledge about myself did Dame Marie really pass on to me? And finally, do I stand a better chance of attaining inner peace by submitting to a stern authoritarian and disciplinarian like Dame Marie?

I know I won't get all of the hints necessary to answer this question, and point me in the right direction, solely here at Lit. But I am impressed with the knowledge that the Dominants have here. If I am fortunate, I might learn just exactly what I need to learn.

Thank you in advance,

Leslie

 

[desertslave]

Hi there.

I've read your other post, and I've read this one, and to be honest I'm a little fuzzy on what the question is. Would you be willing to elaborate?

 

[PrincessGoddess]

Sure I will be more specific

Hi there.

I've read your other post, and I've read this one, and to be honest I'm a little fuzzy on what the question is. Would you be willing to elaborate?

Dame Marie was 100% Total Power Exchange, not just with me, but with all she supervised in the home. My life in the lifestyle has been as a submissive. But, I also trained Dominants in the use of major things like whipping, caning, restraints, etc. When I trained others, I was not the main person in charge in the room. All of that was performed with direct supervision. But I felt the power, and I liked it.

Since my indoctrination, I have not experienced full time 24/7 TPE again. But I don't feel that I have grown as much as I should have over the years. So, my question is: Should I be a slave to a Dom/me, and live a 24/7 TPE life? Or should I acquire a sub, and create my own reality? That is my question.

Leslie

 

[kinkyknickers]

It's hard to know if you can dominate until you actually have. Using an instrument of torture or punishment on someone under the guidence of a dominant is still submitting, not dominating. You're still being told what to do.

You may have gotten off on the power not because you were in control, but because you felt like you were "doing good", and therefore the favourite in the situation at the time.

Until you are willing to be the absolute Alpha in the room and take no crap from anyone, you still submit. If you want to find out whether being a Dom is your bag then you need to hitch up your skirts and do it yourself, Princess.

Maybe all you really need is a bit more praise from your Dom.

KK.

 

[PrincessGoddess]

Wow, I never thought of it that way...

KK, you are very insightful. See, I knew I would get some good info here. Not being able to grasp the concept of cooking has not helped. I remember once throwing away eggs 5 times the same morning, for they were unacceptable, running into the bathroom and crying, From the point on in that relationship, I was no longer permitted to be unsupervised near the stove for any reason. Honestly, my skill set only permits me to vacuum, be a secretary, and do cleaning in the home. I have a difficult time learning things, and when frustrated, start crying. So, I havent had many opportunities for praise. I can't step away from the lifestyle, because I don't know how to live in a vanilla relationship, and have no desire for that type of life, anyway. It is just, well, it's so boring. A Domme friend of mine told me that I was not mature enough to take responsibility for a sub. She told me that I needed more supervision, not less. Now I don't know what to do. I know I have value, but who will value what little I am?

Leslie

 

[desertslave]

Do what makes your heart sing!

It's not for anyone else to judge or opine. Ultimately it can only be what feels exactly right for you. Maybe TPE, maybe switching when the urge strikes (hehe, there's a lovely pun), maybe mostly being in control.

Personally, I don't get why people get so anxious about all this. "Who am I?" doesn't have to be a life sentence. I think the better question is "who do I need to be for now?"

If submitting makes your toes curl, there ya go. If not, keep exploring until you find what does; but be prepared to adapt if that changes.

(Been there, done that, have a drawer of T-shirts. The only truth I've learned is that it's much simpler to work with the changes than to try to resist. That's where hell is.)

 

[PrincessGoddess]

Thank you for your kind words of encouragement, Desertslave

Do what makes your heart sing!

It's not for anyone else to judge or opine. Ultimately it can only be what feels exactly right for you. Maybe TPE, maybe switching when the urge strikes (hehe, there's a lovely pun), maybe mostly being in control.

Personally, I don't get why people get so anxious about all this. "Who am I?" doesn't have to be a life sentence. I think the better question is "who do I need to be for now?"

If submitting makes your toes curl, there ya go. If not, keep exploring until you find what does; but be prepared to adapt if that changes.

(Been there, done that, have a drawer of T-shirts. The only truth I've learned is that it's much simpler to work with the changes than to try to resist. That's where hell is.)

You are very smart. I am grateful for your perspective. I count myself fortunate that you chose to lend me your advice. Thank you so much!

Leslie

 

[YourCaptor]

I didn't read the long post, but I'll take a general stab at it.

I got a few submissive friends, who are fully comfortable doing just about anything as long as they are told its ok.

Can be anything from picking out what to eat, to running a red light, as long as somebody else imitates, they are happy campers.

This however in no way means this is you.

You have leaned more towards subbing. So try the dom thing, see if you like it, if not go back to your submissive side.

This is not a black and white thing, you will have both dom and sub traits, you just got to find out which one you have more of.

 

[BiBunny]

You don't have to always BE one or the other, you know. Some of us are happy doing both. And just because you're dominant and/or submissive doesn't mean you automatically have to have either a sub or Dom of your own, either.

 

[PrincessGoddess]

Thank You, YourCaptor, you exposed something new to me

Very well then. I see I have a project to undertake. Thank you for the encouragement. Come to think of it, a girlfriend of mine had recently spoken to me about her desire to explore. Seems like a good time for me to take her out for lunch.

Leslie

 

[PrincessGoddess]

Thank you to everyone!

With a little help, I figured it out: I am a poly/switch who leans to the submissive side. Finally defining myself accurately, this girl will sleep far better now! Thank you! Have a great 4th of July!

Leslie

 

[desertslave]

With a little help, I figured it out: I am a poly/switch who leans to the submissive side. Finally defining myself accurately, this girl will sleep far better now! Thank you! Have a great 4th of July!

Leslie

Congrats!!!!

My Motto: Being a bi poly switch means never having to say no....unless you WANT to!

 

[greeneyed_Lady]

I tend to not want to label who or what I am because I find I am constantly changing and evolving and developing. Glad you found a starting point for your journey.