How would I find a sub?

[NightMuse]

Forgive what seems like a rather stupid( and possibly already answered) question.

I don't know where to begin. I have been reading the forums for a while now, and wanted to make my Dom alter-ego presence known on the board.

I'm not too terribly sure how to go about finding someone interested in subbing. I was told to check sites like collarme, alt.com, fetlife, etc. and they really don't impress me too much.

I am also not too sure how to find groupings/munches/what have you, in my area, and it is a bit discouraging especially since this is something I feel deeply drawn to.


Thanks,

Night

 

[_kiana_]

Virginia munch groups

 

[Homburg]

Ugh. I had a huge post typed out and the net ate it.

Fallout - membership only light fetish club. Come dressed in that night's fetish and they will probably let you in. Some topping happens there, largely an industrial-ish club. Young crowd. www.falloutrva.com I'm a member, and like the place, but rarely get up there because of distance.

Shelter - Munch group that meets in Fallout on alternate sundays. Semi-exclusive. Show up at Fallout and handle yourself well and you will likely get invited. www.shelterrva.org I've been invited, but haven't made a meeting. They're at a bad time for me.

*EDIT: Fixed the link. I think*

Phyxious Mystique - no clue what their site is, or their focus. My munch group is associated, so we get invitation emails from them.

There are a couple more in the area, but I can't recall the names.

DC has Black Rose and Dark Odyssey, both big names.

The Norfolk area has TIED (the group I'm in) and Crimson Phoenix.

Just get out there and make a name for yourself. Show up to events and get some education. Work on your skills. All the hob-nobbing in the world will be useless if word gets around that you don't know what you are doing. And be active online. Plenty of submissives out there are looking as well. Find one that is compatible and give it a shot.

Good luck.

 

[Kajira Callista]

hmmm subs eh?



subways and quiznos and blimpies have those ya know

 

[Homburg]

hmmm subs eh?



subways and quiznos and blimpies have those ya know

Wait, he wanted a hero sandwich? Shit, and I typed all that mess out.

Um, find a Zero's Subs. I think there should be two or three in Richmond. I've also been told that Paper Moon has a good lunch menu. Never been there.

I will say, however, that the Fox and Hounds is a pretty darned good English-style pub. Well, was, as it has been probably eight years since I've been there. It was frikken awesome. Midlothian turnpike area, I think. I know a great burger place in the Shockoe Bottom area, but I can't remember the name. They had a burger with goat-cheese and sun-dried tomatoes that was excellent.

 

[Harlet_Minx]

hmmm subs eh?



subways and quiznos and blimpies have those ya know

And if you go to Baltimore harbor you can have subs with subs inside of subs (say that 10 times fast! )

 

[WriterDom]

If you are a real Muse you can try writing stories. It's not hard to get a fan base if you do them regularly. Or a blog is another way to get exposure. I started my in August and it has almost 30,000 hits. The fun has kind of gone out of it now that I have found someone. But I guess it served its purpose.

 

[spndrft]

OMG Richmond has a munch now? And it looks active? wow. Figures, I no longer live there.

Anyways, haven't been to Fallout yet- but many of my friends have and they seem to like it a lot. Some of them are fetishy, some of them are more goth... all seem to enjoy themselves there. And, yes, some of them are a bit young.

 

[faeriefire]

Forgive what seems like a rather stupid( and possibly already answered) question.

I don't know where to begin. I have been reading the forums for a while now, and wanted to make my Dom alter-ego presence known on the board.

I'm not too terribly sure how to go about finding someone interested in subbing. I was told to check sites like collarme, alt.com, fetlife, etc. and they really don't impress me too much.

I am also not too sure how to find groupings/munches/what have you, in my area, and it is a bit discouraging especially since this is something I feel deeply drawn to.


Thanks,

Night

Dom alter-ego?? Are you a dom or are you more curious? exploring? What do you like? What do you need/want? Once you can answer questions about yourself/describe your requirements you could post on the personals page.

Someone interested in subbing...do you want a sub, or someone who likes playacting? Both? Neither?

On collarme, alt, etc. there are an overabundance of males and not nearly as many females. People get to know each other there if they are persistent. So have you actually been trying? Or more like looked, saw it would be hard, and wanted an easier route?

Before taking on the challenge of working with another person you might try learning more (about) yourself. You don't need a partner for most get-togethers. Read, research, explore. If you are sincere and persistent about learning and get/stay involved online or irl subs will be more likely to approach.

And if you want to ask questions or bounce ideas around a few of us around these parts are younger. But honestly, you can learn so much from the experienced voices on lit, from reading the library, ordering books on bdsm. Just keep posting, keep asking questions and take your time. There's a lifetime to explore...I've been guilty of wanting to jump in feet-first without a parachute so I understand the desire to get a move on. But there's so much to learn along the way. It'll be worth it to research first, watch someone with experience, then give it a go. Best of luck to you...

 

[free_of_whip]

Phyxios Mystique

The URL for Phyxios Mystique is http://www.PhyxiosMystique.com.

 

[snowbyte]

Somebody already mentioned BlackRose in DC. I knew some folks there about 20 years ago (from alt.sex.bondage) and would drive down from NJ for parties, etc... It was a great group of people back then.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Richmond VA!

I was just chilling there.


A lot of those VCU art-chicks are pervy. Mad pervy.

 

[Big Poppa]

Homburg, hate to tell you man, but I think the Fox and the Hound caught fire a few years back, and I believe even after fixing things, I think they are now out of business.

 

[Big Poppa]

Just get out there and make a name for yourself. Show up to events and get some education. Work on your skills. All the hob-nobbing in the world will be useless if word gets around that you don't know what you are doing. And be active online. Plenty of submissives out there are looking as well. Find one that is compatible and give it a shot.

Good luck.

How does one make a name for themselves? I personally don't do clubs, bars, hell, maybe not even groups. I have never been one to be socially active, especially with complete strangers

I'm sure this hampers my progression in the lifestyle farther than what I have experienced, but honestly, I don't intend on changing that until I meet friends who go to the above mentioned places.

Working on skills also falls into the same trouble areas. i'm sure I would look pretty silly trying to spank myself, or even bark commands to thin air

I have met a few people who claimed to be/were interested in being subs, but I never got a good vibe off those people.

Also, why is it that fallout has such seemingly elitist status? Is this something that may have changed since you have been? I was under the impression anyone could get in, given the flavor of the night?

 

[Homburg]

Homburg, hate to tell you man, but I think the Fox and the Hound caught fire a few years back, and I believe even after fixing things, I think they are now out of business.

Damn, that sucks. I really dug that pub.

How does one make a name for themselves? I personally don't do clubs, bars, hell, maybe not even groups. I have never been one to be socially active, especially with complete strangers

I'm sure this hampers my progression in the lifestyle farther than what I have experienced, but honestly, I don't intend on changing that until I meet friends who go to the above mentioned places.

It's a catch-22. How do you make friends that go to these sorts of places without going to these sorts of places? Me? I just went. It started with a local goth club. I went with a buddy of mine, and he knew somebody that knew somebody, etc until we heard about a guy that might be holding a party. I talked my usual talk with the inevitable girls that were interested in why the old guy (I'm around 10+ years older than that crowd, but I was there as a wingman for my buddy *shrug* ) was so different and interesting, and word got around. The few that were the real deal wandered around eventually, and we decided if we could tolerate each other.

In one case, we did, and that was the guy holding the parties. I went, did some tying. Got invited back to more. Went again, did more tying. Started asking the blushing shy girl in the corner that had been staring. That sort of thing. After a while, it gets easier.

With Fallout, I just showed up with a hot bottom. She got us in after my buddy AP got turned away at the door. Pretty girls are handy in situations like that. I tied her shapely ass, and put on a good, solid, hot show for the onlookers. The next day, I had my free membership invite in the email. The next time I showed up, I had a couple of girls that saw me the first time and remembered me asking to bottom for me. Again, after a while, it gets easier.

Once you establish a name, you will find that bottoms will probably start asking you out. The aforementioned hot bottom still texts me on occassion to take her back to Fallout. Or to the goth club. Or any party that i might want to take her to. We aren't romantically involved, and have no interest in it, but she sure does like having my hands, ropes, and various toys on her body while people watch. Cultivate contacts like that and you are set.

And, if you aren't just looking for hot bottoms to lay hands on, setting up a name and rep will make it easier for you to attract the unnattached bottoms in the local scene, or turning some lovely little vanilla thing onto the BDSM kinkiness that she has been secretly damp over for years but not had the guts to try.

Working on skills also falls into the same trouble areas. i'm sure I would look pretty silly trying to spank myself, or even bark commands to thin air

Well, try as I might, I can't figure out how to top without a bottom, so you need to find a friendly bottom or three to stop whacking yourself in the bum. That said, you can still get skills help. research on the net and find seminars, big events, mentoring, etc. Richmond ain't that far from DC, so you aren't terribly far from Black Rose and Dark Odyssey. Both host incredible events with some pretty big name folks giving classes.

I have met a few people who claimed to be/were interested in being subs, but I never got a good vibe off those people.

Also, why is it that fallout has such seemingly elitist status? Is this something that may have changed since you have been? I was under the impression anyone could get in, given the flavor of the night?

*shrug* It's a private club, and they weren't looking much for members last time I was there. Still, if you dress in the flavour of the day, you are far more likely to get in. That was the last time I was there, which was a month or two ago. Things may have changed, as it is still a new club.

 

[subbie_333]

Forgive what seems like a rather stupid( and possibly already answered) question.

I don't know where to begin. I have been reading the forums for a while now, and wanted to make my Dom alter-ego presence known on the board.

I'm not too terribly sure how to go about finding someone interested in subbing. I was told to check sites like collarme, alt.com, fetlife, etc. and they really don't impress me too much.

I am also not too sure how to find groupings/munches/what have you, in my area, and it is a bit discouraging especially since this is something I feel deeply drawn to.


Thanks,

Night

Google. And, then there is Google. And, after that, you can try Google.

um, but, seriously, there *TONS* of web sites, groups, munches, and, facilities in Google and various other search engines. You could spend months reading through all the web sites, and, years chatting on all of the message boards, forums, and, chatrooms. You can literally just show up at a munch or a facility, pay the "cover charge", go in, and, talk to people.

If you want people to approach you, you need to let them know things about you. For example, from your post we know that you want to explore your dominant side, you are looking for a submissive, and, you are in the Richmond area. That is still very general. Some information about you that would help include things like: your gender, the gender of the sub you are looking for, some activities you like and/or want to try/learn, how much you are willing to travel to get together with someone, and, some things about your personality and your vanilla life (hobbies, etc.).

As far as learning how to be a dominant, there are various aspects and approaches. Many people will say that one cannot be a good dominant and be able to control others until they are able to control themselves. One would have to have people skills at least to the point of being able to communicate with and understand what drives a submissive. Concerning the physical skills (spanking, flogging, bondage, etc.), as well as the mental aspects, there are a number of books on various subjects (check out my web site's bookstore: http://www.cometsoftware.com/she/bookstore.htm). And, yes, you can practice some of those things without a live person with you. For example, it is better to learn how to use floggers and whips on inanimate objects like pillows, sofa cushions, poles in your garage, and, even a tree or a building.

Also, concerning sites such as collarme.com, you state that they don't impress you much. um, what did you actually *do* on those sites? Did you fill out your profile with enough information that would let people know about you and that would attract someone? Did you participate in the message boards? Did you send emails to anyone? Did you strike up any conversations? Actually talk to any of those contacts via IM, telephone, or, in person? If you have done those things and are not impressed with those sites, then, you should have a pretty good idea of what you like or don't like as far as that medium compared to real life meet and greet. But, if all you did on those sites is silently look around, it is easy to see how one might not be impressed.


subbie_333

 

[licker4450]

I would suggest getting involved with different forums or online sex dating sites. Most of them can be joined for free while allowing you to interact with like minded people.

The advantage is that you can learn from the experiences of others. It is best to mention that you are a dom while not pushing into any type of "relationship". I see too many posting "sub wanted" without giving any qualifications. A sub needs to know what you can offer her.

 

[akittenone]

I would suggest getting involved with different forums or online sex dating sites. Most of them can be joined for free while allowing you to interact with like minded people.

The advantage is that you can learn from the experiences of others. It is best to mention that you are a dom while not pushing into any type of "relationship". I see too many posting "sub wanted" without giving any qualifications. A sub needs to know what you can offer her.

kitten agrees, but would like to add that when joining these sites that you sit back and read all the posts and advice available, learn about the different rooms that are online, talk in the chat rooms in general and post a greeting to the various room, start the interations in a situation where you and the potential sub are comfortable then swop messanger addies and then go from there, there are about 20 sub/slaves to every Master/Dom but there are no doubt many more wannabees than that so be prepared and know what you wish for