LDR relationship opinions

[SubKekiLee]

ok been awhile since I posted a thread so I thought this would make a great thread... I was having this conversation with a friend and decided it would be good to get opinions...

So the question is...

If you are in a LDR and your PYL/pyl said to you it was okay to be with others due to your distance, and the time you could spend with one another.

Would or could you be/play with others ( not submitting) but sexually... even if you knew in your heart you thought it would bother/hurt your PYL/pyl????

Lets not make this a slam thread just give your opinion....

 

[minx1]

Things have constantly shifted as I think they tend to do.

when we began an ldr D said that he thought because of the distance etc that he coulsn't expect me not to want physical interaction with someone, whether that be sex or cuddles or whatever.

At that point I don't think he relished the idea of me being with another man but accepted that might be the reality.

I however am pretty monogomous. When I fall in love and am committed to someone I have very little interest in finding anyone else, even if it is simply a play partner. I loved D and honestly gained a great deal of satisfaction from our relationship and decided I didn't want anyone else.

I also wanted to show him how committed I was to being his sub and that I was reserving myself just for him.

Recently when we haven't had much time together I know he has wondered about it again. I also know that he wouldn't really like the idea, unless it was a woman! lol
But just because the time element has been an issue wouldn't spur me on to find someone else. I know what I am like and to be honest if I had ever done that, it would have signalled the end of our relationship as I would have no doubt fallen in love with the other person and want to devote myself to them!

 

[ShyVixen]

I couldn't be/play with anyone else if I'm in a LDR. And maybe it's me being completely selfish but I'd expect my partner to be the same way.

I know it's hard, I was in a LDR for 3 years. But depsite times of lack of physical contact, I never felt the need to be with someone else. When I give myself to someone, I'm like Minx in the sense that I don't want anyone else.

 

[catalina_francisco]

F gave me that option before we met face to face and it just didn't work for me. Once I felt my commitment was to him, I wasn't interested in anyone else sexually or for play. He felt the same so we just decided to sweat it out until he visited and then again until I could fly to Europe to be with him. For others it might be the perfect solution.

Catalina

 

[Desdemona]

I'm monogamous

I need monogamy, I expect monogamy and won't be in any other kind of relationship again. I've done the LDR thing and the poly thing and it was harder for me than I can describe. I won't do it again. Knowing my partner was with someone else made me crazy. The idea of me even having phone sex with someone else is repugnant. Monogamy is a HARD limit for me. It can not and will not be violated or stretched. That would be grounds for the end of the relationship in my life.

I know it works for some people and to them I say, go for it. Even contemplating how it would feel for T to play with someone else or for me to be with someone else makes me kinda queasy.

So, should I tell you how I really feel? LOL

 

[Bandit58]

When Sir and I were still in the online stage of our relationship, He knew I had a "friend with benefits" (male) who I saw every 3 weeks or so. It was just a casual thing, because he was married.

However once He and I had met in r/l, I decided I didn't want anyone else and I put a stop to the sex, although we remained friends. Sir did say that He would not mind if I continued to have sex with this man, but like others here once the commitment was made, any sexual interest in other men flew right out the window. It was only another six weeks before I came back to live with Sir, but it seemed like six months!

I have free reign to have sex with any female I like though

 

[kinkyknickers]

I know I wouldn't be give the option, so it's a bit of a moot point. But as a for instance.... at this stage, I don't think I could anyway.
It's not a guilt thing, I just think that if I knew that I was going to be with them again eventually, then, I could wait.

Sex is not just sex. I don't derive pleasure from the act itself from just anyone because there are just too many dud roots out there.

 

[naxalite0906]

Just my 2 cents, but I could never be in a LDR with someone, yet be looking elsewhere due to a need for physical contact. I was in a LDR for some time with my ex, and during that, I even felt guilty if I was talking to a woman and I felt like she was flirting or being too close - even if I wasnt doing anything! LDR's are very tough, but they seem to be more and more common now too. All I know now is in an ideal situation I would love my partner to be close by, but if she is special enough then I would happily go through the LDR just to be able to have them as my partner..

 

[ecstaticsub]

Both my PYL and I are married to other people. I assume he is having sex with his wife though we don't talk about it. My PYL encouraged me to have sex with my husband (hubby is not a cuckold in the sense of a submissive hubby).

My husband and I used to be into the wifesharing lifestyle when I met my PYL. My husband would still prefer I continue in that lifestyle but I usually have no desire to. My PYL has total control over who I have sex with. On occasion he will share me with friends (which I love, both for the sex and for the service part)

If I do meet another man who I may want to have sex with then I must get permission first. However, I have learned on the very few occasions in the past 3 years that this issue has come up it is not worth it. It has never ended up reaching the point that I have had sex with someone else.

I am not allowed to have phone sex or cyber with anyone else or even really flirt on-line with anyone-male or female.

On the other hand, my PYL has the full right to have sex with whoever he wants whenever he wants. Though this was never discussed it was always just assumed by both of us. However, he has told me that just because he can doesn't mean that he will. I don't think he has had sex with anyone else, other than his wife, but I don't know for sure. He has assured me that he will never take on another submissive in addition to me and that means more to me than if he has random sex with others.

 

[the captians wench]

ok been awhile since I posted a thread so I thought this would make a great thread... I was having this conversation with a friend and decided it would be good to get opinions...

So the question is...

If you are in a LDR and your PYL/pyl said to you it was okay to be with others due to your distance, and the time you could spend with one another.

Would or could you be/play with others ( not submitting) but sexually... even if you knew in your heart you thought it would bother/hurt your PYL/pyl????

Lets not make this a slam thread just give your opinion....

Converstation you forgot to finish

I always look at it this way, if you are not going to tell me how you really feel, then I'm going to take you for the word you give me. It's probably selfish, I'll admit, but comunication and honesty are very dear to me. I do not believe that we can comunicate effectively if we put on sharads and say things we really don't mean just to be nice or be fair. I'm not asking what you think is fair, I'm asking how you feel and what you want. Life isn't about what's fair, if it was we wouldn't be in a LDR in the first place.

I'm a very sexual creature. A few friends will joke with me because I veiw sex "like a man" most of the time. With the exception of the triad I was in, I have never loved a playmate. They are cheap and disposable. Any day any female can go on collarme or fuck even walk down the street and say "I want laid come home with me" and bam she has a toy for the night. While it takes the edge off a bit, it's not really satisfying.

 

[madetotakeit]

I've been in LDR for 3 years, always with the option to play. For 2 1/2 years I didn't take advantage of that option. I couldn't imagine another man inside me. When I love, I love and others don't even register on my radar. The fact that someone did let me know that something had changed and well, this wasn't the average person. It seems for me that even a long history can not overcome distance and infrequency of contact. There were other factors at play. Option A was emotionally available yet vanilla and Option B was quite the opposite. End result...I'm looking for Option C which would ideally combine the best of both. Bottom line even if the option is given, I am not going to take it. I also found out I am not made out for LDR. I need the person to be there. Absence does not always make the heart grow fonder. Sometimes, it is the final nail.

 

[pink]

If he gave his ok for me to play but i knew it bothered him, i could not do it. Simple.

i would do anything to make him happy and holding off on sex for a period of time is a small price to pay.

 

[SubKekiLee]

Both my PYL and I are married to other people. I assume he is having sex with his wife though we don't talk about it. My PYL encouraged me to have sex with my husband (hubby is not a cuckold in the sense of a submissive hubby).

My husband and I used to be into the wifesharing lifestyle when I met my PYL. My husband would still prefer I continue in that lifestyle but I usually have no desire to. My PYL has total control over who I have sex with. On occasion he will share me with friends (which I love, both for the sex and for the service part)

If I do meet another man who I may want to have sex with then I must get permission first. However, I have learned on the very few occasions in the past 3 years that this issue has come up it is not worth it. It has never ended up reaching the point that I have had sex with someone else.

I am not allowed to have phone sex or cyber with anyone else or even really flirt on-line with anyone-male or female.

On the other hand, my PYL has the full right to have sex with whoever he wants whenever he wants. Though this was never discussed it was always just assumed by both of us. However, he has told me that just because he can doesn't mean that he will. I don't think he has had sex with anyone else, other than his wife, but I don't know for sure. He has assured me that he will never take on another submissive in addition to me and that means more to me than if he has random sex with others.

Converstation you forgot to finish

I always look at it this way, if you are not going to tell me how you really feel, then I'm going to take you for the word you give me. It's probably selfish, I'll admit, but comunication and honesty are very dear to me. I do not believe that we can comunicate effectively if we put on sharads and say things we really don't mean just to be nice or be fair. I'm not asking what you think is fair, I'm asking how you feel and what you want. Life isn't about what's fair, if it was we wouldn't be in a LDR in the first place.

I'm a very sexual creature. A few friends will joke with me because I veiw sex "like a man" most of the time. With the exception of the triad I was in, I have never loved a playmate. They are cheap and disposable. Any day any female can go on collarme or fuck even walk down the street and say "I want laid come home with me" and bam she has a toy for the night. While it takes the edge off a bit, it's not really satisfying.

Things have constantly shifted as I think they tend to do.

when we began an ldr D said that he thought because of the distance etc that he coulsn't expect me not to want physical interaction with someone, whether that be sex or cuddles or whatever.

At that point I don't think he relished the idea of me being with another man but accepted that might be the reality.

I however am pretty monogomous. When I fall in love and am committed to someone I have very little interest in finding anyone else, even if it is simply a play partner. I loved D and honestly gained a great deal of satisfaction from our relationship and decided I didn't want anyone else.

I also wanted to show him how committed I was to being his sub and that I was reserving myself just for him.

Recently when we haven't had much time together I know he has wondered about it again. I also know that he wouldn't really like the idea, unless it was a woman! lol
But just because the time element has been an issue wouldn't spur me on to find someone else. I know what I am like and to be honest if I had ever done that, it would have signalled the end of our relationship as I would have no doubt fallen in love with the other person and want to devote myself to them!

Thank you ALL Of you for your input .. It is appreciated and I read all the posts to this moment..
This sounds so VERY familar.. although we have agreed he has sex with OSO.. but I dont think there is anyone else.. besides her.. and until my marriage was over I could be with my OSO... then he said I could be with anyone who "tripped" my trigger but I cannot do that.. Hence where I am like the rest of you... I cannot imagine another man being inside me , so I told him I didnt want that I wanted a female play friend but I didnt need another man touching me.. that It would be waste of time to me... In a recent visit he found some OLD OLD OLD condoms from my OSO and myself and the look on his face told me all I NEEDED to see , he isnt comfortable with another man being with me not even if it were the two of us playing in a open situation where he was right there.. So hence the committment I made to him is I DO NOT want anyone else and I am making that commitment to him I belive that would be the best.. he still says if I need the physical contact as long as he knows about it before hand he will have no problem and if he doesnt he then would have a problem with it ....

Thank you ..

 

[intothewoods]

Thank you ALL Of you for your input .. It is appreciated and I read all the posts to this moment..
This sounds so VERY familar.. although we have agreed he has sex with OSO.. but I dont think there is anyone else.. besides her.. and until my marriage was over I could be with my OSO... then he said I could be with anyone who "tripped" my trigger but I cannot do that.. Hence where I am like the rest of you... I cannot imagine another man being inside me , so I told him I didnt want that I wanted a female play friend but I didnt need another man touching me.. that It would be waste of time to me... In a recent visit he found some OLD OLD OLD condoms from my OSO and myself and the look on his face told me all I NEEDED to see , he isnt comfortable with another man being with me not even if it were the two of us playing in a open situation where he was right there.. So hence the committment I made to him is I DO NOT want anyone else and I am making that commitment to him I belive that would be the best.. he still says if I need the physical contact as long as he knows about it before hand he will have no problem and if he doesnt he then would have a problem with it ....

Thank you ..

Wait - could you clarify - I'm kind of lost.

So your PYL has you and another female play partner. You have him and you had your husband, but now you're divorced and the husband is out of the picture? Is that right?

To answer your original post...

It's all communication and negotiation. Certain things do "bother" Mister Man, but ultimately he can live with it. Other things he can't live with. And same for the things he might contemplate. We constantly talk about what we're okay with and what we're not okay with, and what will probably change in the future if we got married, had kids, etc.

It would not be okay with me if Mister Man wanted to fuck someone else, but couldn't accept my wanting to do the same. But that's me. Very generally speaking, women and men tend to feel differently about their partners sexual desires and activities with other people. Women tend to care about the emotional connection - did she mean something? would he replace me? Whereas men want to know what touched their woman (in a territorial sort of way). That bit rings true for me and Mister Man.

I feel like, you want to go bang some 20 year old hottie? Go for it. Because I know she's not me. On the other hand, I could do all sorts of things with another man or woman, but if one of them wants to fuck me, or top me, he goes a little nutty. He fully admits it's a little nuts, and basically goes back to some sort of childhood desire to yell, HANDS OFF MY STUFF! Bwah ha.

 

[Homburg]

I feel like, you want to go bang some 20 year old hottie? Go for it. Because I know she's not me. On the other hand, I could do all sorts of things with another man or woman, but if one of them wants to fuck me, or top me, he goes a little nutty. He fully admits it's a little nuts, and basically goes back to some sort of childhood desire to yell, HANDS OFF MY STUFF! Bwah ha.

Hey now! I'm okay with her fucking other women!

Oh, wait, you were talking about me, right?

--

To address the question, no, not really. viv has some issues with me and other women, thus the only times I've fucked anyone else it has been with her foreknowledge and at least tacit approval. Yes, I'm the Master and all that, and I don't ask permission, but, damn, I love her, I live with her, and she's my girl. I'm not going to tag some random piece of ass just to get my rocks off.

We have a polyfidelitious triad. This means we don't fuck other people, and that is how it goes. So I am in an LDR, and have two partners that are uncomfortable with any of us being with other people. I'm the Master, and I can take that perogative to do what I want as part of our dynamic, but I won't. I don't want to damage what we have for, again, some random piece of ass.

And, honestly, random tail is never as fun or satisfying as tail I own.


ETA: Play is a different story though. I still tie other people on occassion. The girls are totally cool with that. Neither of them are interested in play with other people.

 

[serijules]

Early on in our relationship I still played with others and had a fuck buddy and was happy with that. As our relationship grew and strengthened, I came to the point where I had NO desire to be touched by anyone but her, and as she is rather possessive, this worked out well. Even people that I used to very much enjoy playing with that had skills that are rare to find, I no longer play with. I even have a hard time now when she allows her switchy submissive to top me...I just don't like it.

Last time I was there she allowed another friend to play with me and while I enjoyed it, if I had the choice I would have said no. I'm hers and I really dislike being touched by anyone else. *shrugs*

 

[intothewoods]

Hey now! I'm okay with her fucking other women!

Oh, wait, you were talking about me, right?

Ha, no. As people often remind me, it's not all about you, Homburg.

Mister Man does sometimes say, sometimes I want to fuck a 19 year old, because when I was 19, I didn't fuck any. Har. Anyway, I get that 19 year olds are hot in their 19 year old way. And 30-somethings are hot in our thirty-something way. I get it.

Lots of ideas are hot. Lots of people are hot. Whether or not it's a good idea to do it is a whole other question. As you said, you don't risk what you have for some random tail. And I feel the same way. A big, big, big factor is where we are in our lives and our relationship right NOW. We aren't in an LDR, but we aren't married, we don't live together and we don't have kids together. Those are factors that Mister Man and I both agree would change things.

 

[Netzach]

ok been awhile since I posted a thread so I thought this would make a great thread... I was having this conversation with a friend and decided it would be good to get opinions...

So the question is...

If you are in a LDR and your PYL/pyl said to you it was okay to be with others due to your distance, and the time you could spend with one another.

Would or could you be/play with others ( not submitting) but sexually... even if you knew in your heart you thought it would bother/hurt your PYL/pyl????

Lets not make this a slam thread just give your opinion....

I think if it's OK, it will feel OK. If they're saying it's OK, but it's NOT OK, you are having a relationship issue right there and a communication issue. Beyond the question of would I or would I not, I would get OK with it or not do it, but that's me. I would not appreciate someone saying "I'm OK with it" when they are clearly not. Not at all. I have a VERY bad experience with that, and it's something I'm never putting up with again as long as I live. That's a bait-and-switch to someone poly like me of the worst kind.

I am VERY in favor of H doing other things with other people, whatever the gender, even submitting to another woman if that appeals for some reason, because people are just so radically different and I get off on the stories that creates anyhow. If I were there much more often it might be a little different, but I imagine I'd be lending him in person to people.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I feel like, you want to go bang some 20 year old hottie? Go for it. Because I know she's not me. On the other hand, I could do all sorts of things with another man or woman, but if one of them wants to fuck me, or top me, he goes a little nutty. He fully admits it's a little nuts, and basically goes back to some sort of childhood desire to yell, HANDS OFF MY STUFF! Bwah ha.

LOL, I always find in situations where a partner is OK to have sex with another but not OK with their SO to do the same, or only if with someone of the same gender (eg. f/f or m/m in a hetero arrangement) hypocritical in a sense, especially when it is often these same people who claim jealousy is a negative emotion and has no place in their world as it is childish, unjustified, unnecessary etc.,....but only when talking about their submissive's reactions, not their own. I also think it is very naive if they think by saying their partner is OK to have sex with someone of the same gender there is no risk to the relationship as I know personally of 5 situations where the woman actually left their male SO for another woman, and they were not relationships which were new or casual, 4 of them were married couples with children. It happens.

If I had to choose, I would say I would have less problem with F having sex with another woman than playing in a D/s and/or SM way with her...something to do with the connection and intimacy I associate with D/s and SM. Can't say I would see him having sex with another as beneficial to our relationship though, probably the opposite, and as unslavelike as some would see that, I like to be honest and upfront about the risks as I see them so there is no room for regret or what if's in the future when and/or if it all blows up in our faces because one of us find they are not comfortable with it and can't get beyond that. We are after all human...slave, sub, or otherwise...to try and pretend otherwise is a good way to end something you really didn't want to, possibly regretting it the rest of your life, and never thought possible it would end just by trying to prove a point and use D/s and/or M/s as an excuse to try and have your cake and eat it too.

If people are poly and happy with it, great (and yes, I know people who are and I fully support them and actually feel it is the best relationship dynamic for them), but don't call it poly (or an open relationship) just to justify what is done by some of those involved, especially if you know you are hurting or causing emotional pain to someone you love, more especially by putting them in a position where they feel they have to go along with it or lose their partner...that to me is manipulation and I am not into that as part of a relationship I invest my heart and soul into. I know not everyone feels that way and they are just as entitled to their opinion and their feelings, but I do see a lot of hurt in this lifestyle by bringing poly into the mix when all are not entirely at peace with it, and justified as being part of this lifestyle which like all things, is subjective to those involved, not a golden rule.

Catalina

 

[intothewoods]

LOL, I always find in situations where a partner is OK to have sex with another but not OK with their SO to do the same, or only if with someone of the same gender (eg. f/f or m/m in a hetero arrangement) hypocritical in a sense, especially when it is often these same people who claim jealousy is a negative emotion and has no place in their world as it is childish, unjustified, unnecessary etc.,....but only when talking about their submissive's reactions, not their own. I also think it is very naive if they think by saying their partner is OK to have sex with someone of the same gender there is no risk to the relationship as I know personally of 5 situations where the woman actually left their male SO for another woman, and they were not relationships which were new or casual, 4 of them were married couples with children. It happens.

Just to repeat:

It would not be okay with me if Mister Man wanted to fuck someone else, but couldn't accept my wanting to do the same. But that's me.

And the reverse is also true. I won't fuck someone else if he's not okay with it. Not a chance. Also, in case this wasn't clear, because we talk about and acknowledge our jealousies doesn't mean that they rule out over what makes sense. Same with desires. Ultimately, in my opinion, if you value a relationship, you have to use your head to make the decision.

And along those lines, I *think* I wouldn't mind if Mister Man had sex with a 20 year old, but who knows if those feelings would change if it became a reality. I totally acknowledge that.

If I had to choose, I would say I would have less problem with F having sex with another woman than playing in a D/s and/or SM way with her...something to do with the connection and intimacy I associate with D/s and SM. Can't say I would see him having sex with another as beneficial to our relationship though, probably the opposite, and as unslavelike as some would see that, I like to be honest and upfront about the risks as I see them so there is no room for regret or what if's in the future when and/or if it all blows up in our faces because one of us find they are not comfortable with it and can't get beyond that. We are after all human...slave, sub, or otherwise...to try and pretend otherwise is a good way to end something you really didn't want to, possibly regretting it the rest of your life, and never thought possible it would end just by trying to prove a point and use D/s and/or M/s as an excuse to try and have your cake and eat it too.

If people are poly and happy with it, great (and yes, I know people who are and I fully support them and actually feel it is the best relationship dynamic for them), but don't call it poly (or an open relationship) just to justify what is done by some of those involved, especially if you know you are hurting or causing emotional pain to someone you love, more especially by putting them in a position where they feel they have to go along with it or lose their partner...that to me is manipulation and I am not into that as part of a relationship I invest my heart and soul into. I know not everyone feels that way and they are just as entitled to their opinion and their feelings, but I do see a lot of hurt in this lifestyle by bringing poly into the mix when all are not entirely at peace with it, and justified as being part of this lifestyle which like all things, is subjective to those involved, not a golden rule.

Catalina

You never know what is going to blow up in your face. I think that's an important thing to mention.

I thought you had said previously, cat, that you and F "play" with others. I am curious, if you don't mind me asking. If this is true, do you have rules about what is and isn't acceptable? Is all sexual activity a no-no?

I think that's the hard part for me when you say play is on the table. That's where Mister Man and I are at right now, but we both wonder about the so you're in the middle of a scene and all of a sudden...moment.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Just to repeat:



And the reverse is also true. I won't fuck someone else if he's not okay with it. Not a chance. Also, in case this wasn't clear, because we talk about and acknowledge our jealousies doesn't mean that they rule out over what makes sense. Same with desires. Ultimately, in my opinion, if you value a relationship, you have to use your head to make the decision.

And along those lines, I *think* I wouldn't mind if Mister Man had sex with a 20 year old, but who knows if those feelings would change if it became a reality. I totally acknowledge that.



You never know what is going to blow up in your face. I think that's an important thing to mention.

I thought you had said previously, cat, that you and F "play" with others. I am curious, if you don't mind me asking. If this is true, do you have rules about what is and isn't acceptable? Is all sexual activity a no-no?

I think that's the hard part for me when you say play is on the table. That's where Mister Man and I are at right now, but we both wonder about the so you're in the middle of a scene and all of a sudden...moment.

It was not directed at your or anyone's personal situation (hope you didn't think it was), just that part of your post touched on the thread of thought so saved me a lot of extra posting when I don't really feel up to it.

We have played with male subs and for most sex was not involved, but I have never mislead F to believe this is something I want or feel comfortable with, nor do I for the most part think it is good for us overall. It has not been part of our life for quite awhile now, more so due to life than anything else, but he knows I think the risks of involving others are not worth any remotely positive aspects and why, and he admits that at a certain level he also is uncomfortable with many aspects of my being sexually active with another which includes jealousy.

He also admits he finds the thought of having sex with another himself, for the sake of having sex, boring....OTOH, on an emotionally masochistic level he finds it a tantalising prospect at times. as do I. It remains something which comes up in discussion for us from time to time and we are open with each other about what aspects turn us on and why, and which don't and why. I never say never, and admittedly it was good in a way to have the experience for the reasons we did it, especially his throwing me into topping without his input, but I think a lot and I think of how it could backfire in so many ways, and whether we really are sensible to risk losing what we have for a bit of a thrill. Hindsight is of little use in such situations.

The way I see it for us is we have both had our share of sexual relationships and experiences with others before we met, me more so than him sexually, he more so than I in terms of play...we both were at a point in our lives where we no longer wanted to be playing the field and in and out of relationships and so set out to see if we could find one person who we loved enough to want to commit to and spend the rest of our lives together in a M/s relationship. We are both still sure we did the right thing for us and consider ourselves blessed to have found the impossible so why risk it, and to tell the truth neither one of us could be bothered wasting energy on someone else on a regular basis and in the process taking some of that energy from each other and our life. Sure, there are always going to be attractive people cross our paths for one reason or another, but that doesn't mean we have to act on it, especially if it hurts the other in any way which might impact on us. The thought of him playing with someone else, even with me there, can get me to a place of not very happy way faster than the thought of him having sex with them so it makes it even more complicated. I cannot imagine him being that intimate and connected with someone else and my being happy. Perhaps it will change in time, perhaps not.

Catalina

 

[Homburg]

Ha, no. As people often remind me, it's not all about you, Homburg.

People remind you that it's not all about Homburg? Do you really talk about me all that often?

Mister Man does sometimes say, sometimes I want to fuck a 19 year old, because when I was 19, I didn't fuck any. Har. Anyway, I get that 19 year olds are hot in their 19 year old way. And 30-somethings are hot in our thirty-something way. I get it.

Lots of ideas are hot. Lots of people are hot. Whether or not it's a good idea to do it is a whole other question. As you said, you don't risk what you have for some random tail. And I feel the same way. A big, big, big factor is where we are in our lives and our relationship right NOW. We aren't in an LDR, but we aren't married, we don't live together and we don't have kids together. Those are factors that Mister Man and I both agree would change things.

*nod*

You mentioned play, and the heat of the moment, in another post (I'm too lazy to multi-quote right now). I've had some really hot scenes with various bottoms before, and been good and turned on, but, honestly, had no desire to fuck. To an extent, topping and fucking are two different activities for me. While I might be aroused as all hell by a flogging, I'm not necessarily going to be physically aroused, or have urgent physical need. It's like a lock in my brain. I'm topping, so I'm not thinking with my dick. I honestly have to decide beforehand that I want to fuck, and handle things the right way.

It is more about the person than what I am doing to them necessarily. As I've shown in my ropeworks thread, I've played with a fair number of different bottoms in the past year (and those are just the ones that allowed photography). Ignoring the ones I have been in relationships with, maybe two of those gals that I tied actually turned me on to the point where I would've been interested. Their energy, and the level of connection is what matters most to me. And while I don't need emotional connection to spank an ass or tie a chest harness, I really do need emotional connection to fuck. If I don't have it, it won't be good. And who wants bad sex when you have access to good sex? And this also rotates around to the initial question. The scenario that SKL posted, in my mind, implies meaningless sex sans connection. The ideas bores me, and thus makes me that much less likely to do it.

Some days I really wonder how much relation I have to the average guy chasing meaningless sex on purpose

 

[intothewoods]

It was not directed at your or anyone's personal situation (hope you didn't think it was), just that part of your post touched on the thread of thought so saved me a lot of extra posting when I don't really feel up to it.

I thought so, but I thought I'd check.

Thank you for the rest of the post. I also think a lot, and so does Mister Man, about what if this or that, and at the moment it's why I feel pretty good about not rushing a full commitment. He's been focused on school and career for the past few years, and I've been married and never had the self esteem to really enjoy my single self. Anyway. There's not necessarily a perfect time and a perfect decision, but I do give all of this a lot of thought.

People remind you that it's not all about Homburg? Do you really talk about me all that often?

Ha. Oh don't kid yourself. I let you have that one.

As to the rest of your post...

Play for me can be hot or just sensual or fun or any number of things. It all depends. I've not particularly felt like rope bondage was that intimate. It can be, of course, but it can easily be done in a way that's very neutral. Really, it all depends on the connection between the two people.

I have played with other people in a non-sexual way recently, and it's been fine and Mister Man has been fine with it. But it is still a concern. Right now, he gets to okay everything, especially since he isn't playing. And at the end of the day, we're talking about something that just does not happen all that often. I just don't have time.

 

[ataxia.girl]

my PYL requires it!

My last PYL wanted and encouraged me to serve other men RT. He wanted me used. i never did actually get to that point though. Uncle Jack will want more management of exactly who\when\where but it is expected i will be used by others RT.

i guess for Uncle Jack i have come sort of pre packaged with other Uncles and Grandpa's and Daddies and Misters that i entertained on cam as per the request of the previous PYL. He put me down the path to becoming a whore and i expect my Uncle Jack will take me down that path still further.

 

[Homburg]

Ha. Oh don't kid yourself. I let you have that one.

As to the rest of your post...

Play for me can be hot or just sensual or fun or any number of things. It all depends. I've not particularly felt like rope bondage was that intimate. It can be, of course, but it can easily be done in a way that's very neutral. Really, it all depends on the connection between the two people.

It depends heavily on how you do it, and who you do it with. I've had plenty of bottoms with whom it was neutral, and others where it was charged and intimate. As you said, it is based on the connection.

I have played with other people in a non-sexual way recently, and it's been fine and Mister Man has been fine with it. But it is still a concern. Right now, he gets to okay everything, especially since he isn't playing. And at the end of the day, we're talking about something that just does not happen all that often. I just don't have time.

I know that feeling all too well.