Hi, my name is saphicsub. Im a 40 something previously identified bi but mainly lesbian female from the UK.
In the past 6 days something totally amazing has happened and I goog led this subject with as many words as i could think of to find some advice, comfort and conformation about who i am, what makes me tick and how to get my head round the whole subject of domination from a submissive viewpoint.
I have an online friend, -jane. We had a catch up chat last week and she told me about her new GF/Mistress. I know that shes always been a sub but never realy understood the dynamics of what that meant. Im certainly not naieve about BDSM, swinging, and other non nilla aspects of the human sex life but ive realy not thought about it in detail untill janes explaination.
She gave me some graphic details about her relationship and what it entails. I have to say that it gave me butterflies, dizziness and wetness just reading what she wrote.
She asked for my reaction to it and i admitted that i was very turned on.
I knew i would be as ive participated in a few "kinks" with an ex GF and during times when ive been single ive done things to myself too. I could never discuss them with others as ive got a huge guilt trip over it and whilst i know im not the only person in the world whos done similar things, im too ashamed to identify and label and admit my disgusting perferences. I enjoyed the role play games with my ex, we also experimented with mild pain and humiliation and i have to say i was extreemly thrilled and turned on by it except for the shame and guilt due to having been shamed, humiliated and physically and mentally abused by my step dad.
Jane suggested that im a submissive and said her mistress has a friend who could chat to me if i wished. Im curious, so Jane introduced us online.
She is Miss Marilyn, and from the first moment of her questioning me about my life etc ive been captivated. So far this week we have chatted twice, about 3 hours worth, during which time shes told me what she diagnoses me as and what she would like to do about it. Shes a very attractive woman of 50, financially very secure and has trained 4 female subs over the past 25 years. Shes been single for ages and is now looking for someone who will be in a D/s relationship for the rest of her life with.
Im a singleton and have been looking for the same for 5 years too. We have swapped pix and the attraction is mutual. All that remains is the D/s aspect.
She laid it out in no uncertain terms to me and thats what has lead me to search resources to find out what this lifestyle is all about.
Miss M wishes to own me, to train me to serve her, to be her live in, 24/7 sub, lesbian lover, to pierce me, to show me off to her friends at parties etc.
These past 6 days, ive read so many of your postings, ive been manically obsessed with wanting to learn all i can and i feel that I almost know many of you already.
5 days ago, as Miss M was laying down her demands, i was seriously questioning if i could commit to this as a whole as its a package deal, not a pick and mix, custom made game. I want to enter into this as i beleive what Miss M and Jane have said about it being a fantastic voyage of discovery, but ive also had reservations and some hard and soft limits to consider.
My hard limits will not change and reading your osts has helped confirm that im not the only person who wont budge on issues such as blood, scat, kids, etc.
As for the soft limits, your posts have also made me realise from my nilla point of view this isnt about beating, tourture, heartless humilliation etc, it is an exchange of love and power between two people and thats helped me decide what i want to do next.
I explained to Miss M that i have reservations, - limits, and she asked for a few examples. She assures me she would never disrespect me in public, she would care for me, keep me, cherish me etc.
Jeeez, my tummy and head are spinning, .............she wants to visit my city this weekend so we can have dinner and interview eachother in person.
Shes already dishing out the orders by telling me what im going to wear and whilst 4 days ago, i was still thinking of excuses why i couldnt, im now preparing for our meeting. Ive already shaved and will be going to buy the clothes shes requested i wear.
Reading your posts has helped mentally prepare me and show me that what ive always considered to be disgusting kinks seem to be realy rather mainstream in a non nilla community. I know i will still feel embarrasment and humilliation when we start our journey together but if shes as loving and caring as i hop she will be, it will help me to work through the historical issues i have with many of the things i wish to encounter.
I only hope shes as responsible, thoughtful, understanding, loving, caring as many of you Dom/mes are.
If shes not, how do i spot the signs? How do i get over the dissapointment?
I think ive rambed enough for now, .....ive got so many questions to ask but will think carefully how to word them to save time
Its nice to meet you all
SS xxx
In the past 6 days something totally amazing has happened and I goog led this subject with as many words as i could think of to find some advice, comfort and conformation about who i am, what makes me tick and how to get my head round the whole subject of domination from a submissive viewpoint.
I have an online friend, -jane. We had a catch up chat last week and she told me about her new GF/Mistress. I know that shes always been a sub but never realy understood the dynamics of what that meant. Im certainly not naieve about BDSM, swinging, and other non nilla aspects of the human sex life but ive realy not thought about it in detail untill janes explaination.
She gave me some graphic details about her relationship and what it entails. I have to say that it gave me butterflies, dizziness and wetness just reading what she wrote.
She asked for my reaction to it and i admitted that i was very turned on.
I knew i would be as ive participated in a few "kinks" with an ex GF and during times when ive been single ive done things to myself too. I could never discuss them with others as ive got a huge guilt trip over it and whilst i know im not the only person in the world whos done similar things, im too ashamed to identify and label and admit my disgusting perferences. I enjoyed the role play games with my ex, we also experimented with mild pain and humiliation and i have to say i was extreemly thrilled and turned on by it except for the shame and guilt due to having been shamed, humiliated and physically and mentally abused by my step dad.
Jane suggested that im a submissive and said her mistress has a friend who could chat to me if i wished. Im curious, so Jane introduced us online.
She is Miss Marilyn, and from the first moment of her questioning me about my life etc ive been captivated. So far this week we have chatted twice, about 3 hours worth, during which time shes told me what she diagnoses me as and what she would like to do about it. Shes a very attractive woman of 50, financially very secure and has trained 4 female subs over the past 25 years. Shes been single for ages and is now looking for someone who will be in a D/s relationship for the rest of her life with.
Im a singleton and have been looking for the same for 5 years too. We have swapped pix and the attraction is mutual. All that remains is the D/s aspect.
She laid it out in no uncertain terms to me and thats what has lead me to search resources to find out what this lifestyle is all about.
Miss M wishes to own me, to train me to serve her, to be her live in, 24/7 sub, lesbian lover, to pierce me, to show me off to her friends at parties etc.
These past 6 days, ive read so many of your postings, ive been manically obsessed with wanting to learn all i can and i feel that I almost know many of you already.
5 days ago, as Miss M was laying down her demands, i was seriously questioning if i could commit to this as a whole as its a package deal, not a pick and mix, custom made game. I want to enter into this as i beleive what Miss M and Jane have said about it being a fantastic voyage of discovery, but ive also had reservations and some hard and soft limits to consider.
My hard limits will not change and reading your osts has helped confirm that im not the only person who wont budge on issues such as blood, scat, kids, etc.
As for the soft limits, your posts have also made me realise from my nilla point of view this isnt about beating, tourture, heartless humilliation etc, it is an exchange of love and power between two people and thats helped me decide what i want to do next.
I explained to Miss M that i have reservations, - limits, and she asked for a few examples. She assures me she would never disrespect me in public, she would care for me, keep me, cherish me etc.
Jeeez, my tummy and head are spinning, .............she wants to visit my city this weekend so we can have dinner and interview eachother in person.
Shes already dishing out the orders by telling me what im going to wear and whilst 4 days ago, i was still thinking of excuses why i couldnt, im now preparing for our meeting. Ive already shaved and will be going to buy the clothes shes requested i wear.
Reading your posts has helped mentally prepare me and show me that what ive always considered to be disgusting kinks seem to be realy rather mainstream in a non nilla community. I know i will still feel embarrasment and humilliation when we start our journey together but if shes as loving and caring as i hop she will be, it will help me to work through the historical issues i have with many of the things i wish to encounter.
I only hope shes as responsible, thoughtful, understanding, loving, caring as many of you Dom/mes are.
If shes not, how do i spot the signs? How do i get over the dissapointment?
I think ive rambed enough for now, .....ive got so many questions to ask but will think carefully how to word them to save time
Its nice to meet you all
SS xxx
