It is just me or is it hard to find a dom or a sub in your area? One that you are attracted to and that wants to the same kind of play you do. I mean it is not like you can walk up in a grocery store and slap someone in the ass and tell them to call you sir. I am just curious on how people find partners... or do we mold them?
hard to find a dom/sub?
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trisquel_astur
Literotica Guru
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I think it's not the first time I told this history, but you asken and you will have an answer! 
When young, I always had fantasies about dominate, hard fuck, mastering women, but as an catholic educated guy, I keep it inside my mind... 'till after divorced from my first (and extremely vanilla) wife, i meet "birdie" in the cyber-space. Our chats was hours and hours everyday and we enjoyed our company a lot. A day talking about books, reading and so on, she told me:
Was very embarrased for me in this moment, because I trying to be polite and "good boy". And I was trying fo find a good way for escape...
She sent me very nice photo of her bound and hang with a black and red corset.
We begin to go deep in the theme and a month after, I asked her to be my subbie and I became her Master. That was more than 3 years ago and we are now a happy couple, with a vanilla look and a very kinky and BDSM side.
And this the tale about how a subbie build her Dom and Master from a vanilla guy.
When young, I always had fantasies about dominate, hard fuck, mastering women, but as an catholic educated guy, I keep it inside my mind... 'till after divorced from my first (and extremely vanilla) wife, i meet "birdie" in the cyber-space. Our chats was hours and hours everyday and we enjoyed our company a lot. A day talking about books, reading and so on, she told me:
[*]A friend passed me a book, I still didn't read. It's called "Slave girl of Gor", Have you had hear about it?
[*]Hmmmmmmm. Yep I'd read it long ago. It's a fantasy one, but maybe you will not like to read it. It's about a planet where women are almost always treated like object for the pleasure of men.
[*]And what do you think about?
Was very embarrased for me in this moment, because I trying to be polite and "good boy". And I was trying fo find a good way for escape...
[*]I will send you a photo and you will answer after receive it, OK?
She sent me very nice photo of her bound and hang with a black and red corset.
[*]I will like it-. I answered. And was the answer she was waiting for.
We begin to go deep in the theme and a month after, I asked her to be my subbie and I became her Master. That was more than 3 years ago and we are now a happy couple, with a vanilla look and a very kinky and BDSM side.
And this the tale about how a subbie build her Dom and Master from a vanilla guy.
VelvetDarkness
Polysyllable Whore x
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Kink does shrink the playing field and there are plenty of vanilla people who lament about finding a partner in their area.
I think that if you are determined about a kink based relationship, online is possibly the best place to start. Widen your concept of 'local area' a little and your options will improve. Sites like collarme and alt.com have squillions of kinky profiles for you to wade through.
Also, have you been to local munches? They are where local kinksters meet up for a drink and a chat, nothing that requires fetish gear or a safeword. You can google for munches in your area and some areas have handy yahoo groups or something similar so that you can chat a little online before you meet.
Of course, there's the personals section here as well.
I think that if you are determined about a kink based relationship, online is possibly the best place to start. Widen your concept of 'local area' a little and your options will improve. Sites like collarme and alt.com have squillions of kinky profiles for you to wade through.
Also, have you been to local munches? They are where local kinksters meet up for a drink and a chat, nothing that requires fetish gear or a safeword. You can google for munches in your area and some areas have handy yahoo groups or something similar so that you can chat a little online before you meet.
Of course, there's the personals section here as well.
BiaTcHiNFiRe
lost in my thoughts
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I am still waiting for you to clone yaself and send to me!I think it's not the first time I told this history, but you asken and you will have an answer!
When young, I always had fantasies about dominate, hard fuck, mastering women, but as an catholic educated guy, I keep it inside my mind... 'till after divorced from my first (and extremely vanilla) wife, i meet "birdie" in the cyber-space. Our chats was hours and hours everyday and we enjoyed our company a lot. A day talking about books, reading and so on, she told me:
[*]A friend passed me a book, I still didn't read. It's called "Slave girl of Gor", Have you had hear about it?
[*]Hmmmmmmm. Yep I'd read it long ago. It's a fantasy one, but maybe you will not like to read it. It's about a planet where women are almost always treated like object for the pleasure of men.
[*]And what do you think about?
Was very embarrased for me in this moment, because I trying to be polite and "good boy". And I was trying fo find a good way for escape...
[*]I will send you a photo and you will answer after receive it, OK?
She sent me very nice photo of her bound and hang with a black and red corset.
[*]I will like it-. I answered. And was the answer she was waiting for.
We begin to go deep in the theme and a month after, I asked her to be my subbie and I became her Master. That was more than 3 years ago and we are now a happy couple, with a vanilla look and a very kinky and BDSM side.
And this the tale about how a subbie build her Dom and Master from a vanilla guy.
.....just sayin
As for for you and your birdie, you were both very lucky!!
Miracles do happen, but not in my world and not for me lol. Find the Mr.Righ is hard, but its possible if you keep talking with people. Find the Mr.Right in YOUR AREA is VERY VERY HARD. And honesty, i dont see that happening anytime soon. lol
dakotagirl
Really Experienced
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finding mr. right is always hard but always worth the wait. good luck in finding him.
EmpressFi
Mama Bear
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- Feb 7, 2006
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I know that I'm lucky when I say I stumbled onto mine. Malin and I had always had a kink side to our vanilla appearing marriage, then we went poly. The first person I was with was just a single night in England, but we decided we were better friends. Then I met Master. well ok, I'd met him a few years before, but didnt find out he was a Dominant until about a year and a half ago.
sometimes, you find a Master when you dont even know you're looking for one
sometimes, you find a Master when you dont even know you're looking for one
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
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I think if you limit choices to local, it is going to be harder than it already would be, either kink or vanilla relationships. We found each other online with 16,000kms between us.....but we will soon be celebrating 6 years of marriage and a little longer as M/s. It is about how much you want it and what you are willing to do to get it. Main thing to remember is not to compromise your own needs, values etc., to try and fit with someone just so you can feel you have a relationship...be open, honest and true to yourself and you shouldn't steer yourself or someone else wrong.
Catalina
LOL, I posted this earlier today, but for some reason it just stayed in cyberspace on my PC and I just found it when I sat down...so better late than never they say.
Catalina
LOL, I posted this earlier today, but for some reason it just stayed in cyberspace on my PC and I just found it when I sat down...so better late than never they say.
intothewoods
Truth seeker
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I met mine through collar me. He's local. I don't generally recommend the site for female subs, but it did work out for me. We're very kink compatible, almost frighteningly so.
Ironically, mine started online but as a vanilla relationship. Well, i say it started online, we met online but only started dating after we met.
I would certainly find it very difficult to find a sub I could have a good relationship with in my area - I would so NOT be into random play or munches. Where's the fun in spanking someone you don't even know, not as punishment, but just... because? I suspect the best route to go is online - get to know someone a bit, you can even have more than one on the go as redundancy, and then the one you like you can hopefully meet up and start a personal relationship with. Even then I'd be useless
I would certainly find it very difficult to find a sub I could have a good relationship with in my area - I would so NOT be into random play or munches. Where's the fun in spanking someone you don't even know, not as punishment, but just... because?
I suspect the best route to go is online - get to know someone a bit, you can even have more than one on the go as redundancy, and then the one you like you can hopefully meet up and start a personal relationship with. Even then I'd be useless I have found that ( from the male dom side) has been ruined by jackasses and posers. I see more adds and profiles ,, even here that state .."if you start making demands and telling what you are going to do right away i will ignore you... but that effects all
BeachGurl2
Sarcastic Smart Sexyass
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You're right. As a sub who has done the online thing on and off now for over 4 years, and not very successfully, I will tell you that it's very hard to whittle the playing field to, first, those who aren't trolls, and second, to those who have kinks in common. When you add into the mix that I'm a life sub, not a bedroom-only sub, it makes my playing field even smaller. Then, after all that, you have to actually be attracted to them and have other things in common. Makes for a difficult search, indeed.
I've also done the local scene. You would think the 5th largest city in the US would have a rather large BDSM community. Maybe it does and I just don't know it. Visits to the dungeon were difficult because people were already paired up - the only singles hanging out were subs. I haven't been able to attend any of the munches because they conflict with my schedule or are on the other side of the universe from me, but another sub friend of mine reports that the only singles are usually subs as well. So from a Dom standpoint, the local scene might be a good place to start.
I wish you luck. It's tough out there. What I've learned is that you just have to be patient. And when it really gets you down, like it does me on occasion, come here and lament about it and you'll feel better.
Shadow Thief
Literotica Guru
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I've been wanting to explore my submissive side for years, but could never find a woman who was so inclined. But sometimes you just get lucky...
I met Mistress thru a close friend, and we clicked just like that. While I was looking for someone to submit to, she was looking for someone to dominate. When she found out about that particular desire, you should have seen the grin on her face.
So far, neither of us has come up with a fantasy that the other didn't like. She likes to dominate, but would also like me to take control sometime. She also likes anal, other women, and to swallow. And I've been having so much fun exploring my submissive side.
I met Mistress thru a close friend, and we clicked just like that. While I was looking for someone to submit to, she was looking for someone to dominate. When she found out about that particular desire, you should have seen the grin on her face.
So far, neither of us has come up with a fantasy that the other didn't like. She likes to dominate, but would also like me to take control sometime. She also likes anal, other women, and to swallow. And I've been having so much fun exploring my submissive side.
Chicklet
plays well with self
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I'm head over heels for the man I've been dating since October (we had a couple of weird weeks, but it's smoothed out)
I met him at a munch. I told the people I trusted what I was looking for in a guy, and they recommended I talk to a specific one. I did, he liked me, we went out, and it's been pretty wonderful.
I met him at a munch. I told the people I trusted what I was looking for in a guy, and they recommended I talk to a specific one. I did, he liked me, we went out, and it's been pretty wonderful.
Jades
South of heaven
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- Apr 5, 2005
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Where I live, the pickings are slim. Some I have found online are not serious, they just want a kinky phone conversation or those dreaded words 'do you have a cam?'
I know that when it comes time for me to find a sub of my own, that I will have to broaden my search to other areas. Here, just all the teenagers are bi.
I know that when it comes time for me to find a sub of my own, that I will have to broaden my search to other areas. Here, just all the teenagers are bi.
faeriefire
Really Really Experienced
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Well, I've met a few pretty awesome subs and Doms. People that I consider friends. As for meeting 'the one', if there is such a thing I believe that will be a long journey. Finding someone closeby probably isn't going to happen in the near future. I don't think Podunk Bible-belt-esque prairie is the place to go looking for a Dom lol. Finding someone nearby? Well, if you mean an hour 1/2 drive away maybe.
For now there are other priorities. Part of me really believes that the best things happen when least expected. That doesn't mean I'm gonna quit seeking answers and information, but I think if it's meant somewhere in my wanderings and searchings I will stumble across the person who's meant for me and I for him. Maybe 10 years from now I'll want to find someone asap and actively seek a partner online. Dunno. So, yeah, I agree that finding someone close is unlikely, but ya never know. Stranger things have happened
For now there are other priorities. Part of me really believes that the best things happen when least expected. That doesn't mean I'm gonna quit seeking answers and information, but I think if it's meant somewhere in my wanderings and searchings I will stumble across the person who's meant for me and I for him. Maybe 10 years from now I'll want to find someone asap and actively seek a partner online. Dunno. So, yeah, I agree that finding someone close is unlikely, but ya never know. Stranger things have happened
Homburg
Daring greatly
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I've heard this numerous times. I agree that kink does narrow the options, but I've found that it is sort of a plus. While you may have a smaller pool to troll in, your odds of compatibility are probably greater than if you were just cruising the local watering spots.
D
Daddy2mylilgirl
Guest
For now there are other priorities. Part of me really believes that the best things happen when least expected. That doesn't mean I'm gonna quit seeking answers and information, but I think if it's meant somewhere in my wanderings and searchings I will stumble across the person who's meant for me and I for him. Maybe 10 years from now I'll want to find someone asap and actively seek a partner online. Dunno. So, yeah, I agree that finding someone close is unlikely, but ya never know. Stranger things have happened
That is what happened to me. I was searching for a few years and not having any luck. Then I pretty much gave up the search and a month later found my little girl.
It's strange how life works sometimes.
Lucky_Strike
Virgin
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*shrugs*
I think it's a lot easier to find what you're looking for without all the name tags. I don't say I want a dom or a sub or a top or a bottom or whatever. I meet people, find out what they are like, and we go from there. Over-definition, over-categorization is kind of boring to me.
I think it's a lot easier to find what you're looking for without all the name tags. I don't say I want a dom or a sub or a top or a bottom or whatever. I meet people, find out what they are like, and we go from there. Over-definition, over-categorization is kind of boring to me.
rosco rathbone
1. f3e5 2. g4??
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You think it's bad now, you should have been around before the inet.
intothewoods
Truth seeker
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You're looking in a narrow field, and within that field there's a wide scope for variation, from the casual player, through the lifestylers to the Total Power Exchange folk.
Add to this the wannabees cluttering up the field, the undeveloped who are kinky but don't really know how deep they really want to be, the fact that you yourself may not know enough about, and you have a challenging time finding the right compatible partner.
Online, even if only to meet the community is the only real way to start, but having started, you have to come out from behind your keyboard and meet people. So a good profile and work on any lack of social skills are the starting points.
Lady Alpha
Add to this the wannabees cluttering up the field, the undeveloped who are kinky but don't really know how deep they really want to be, the fact that you yourself may not know enough about, and you have a challenging time finding the right compatible partner.
Online, even if only to meet the community is the only real way to start, but having started, you have to come out from behind your keyboard and meet people. So a good profile and work on any lack of social skills are the starting points.
Lady Alpha
daddysgirl83
Really Experienced
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- Oct 23, 2007
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i agree
i agree with this whole thread! i myself find it very hard to find what i'm looking for. where to look, what to ask for, who to trust ... there is just so much that goes in to it that it is hard to know where to start. i have met a couple Doms online and been sorely sorry later on - in more ways than just physical. it is hard to meet someone *real* and i have a hard time telling them apart. then just when i think that it is going to be true this time something happens and i catch them in a lie or something and all of a sudden i find myself looking again. it's not easy i would imagine from either side. im sure it isn't easy finding a sub who is compatible with all that you want - just as for me being a sub, i am having a very hard time finding a compatible DaddyDom. oh the complications of life that we must face.
i agree with this whole thread! i myself find it very hard to find what i'm looking for. where to look, what to ask for, who to trust ... there is just so much that goes in to it that it is hard to know where to start. i have met a couple Doms online and been sorely sorry later on - in more ways than just physical. it is hard to meet someone *real* and i have a hard time telling them apart. then just when i think that it is going to be true this time something happens and i catch them in a lie or something and all of a sudden i find myself looking again. it's not easy i would imagine from either side. im sure it isn't easy finding a sub who is compatible with all that you want - just as for me being a sub, i am having a very hard time finding a compatible DaddyDom. oh the complications of life that we must face.
