A snake, a machete and a ladder

[glynndah]

So, we're out in the garage dealing with the trash this evening when my husband calls me over and points up to the rafters next to one of the overhead doors.

"Take a look at the size of that!"

It took me a while to figure out what he was pointing at. The spider web, the handful of bugs caught in it, the spider itself? But then I saw the snake.

"Uh. What kind of snake is that?"

"A boa constrictor/corn/rat snake. Five, maybe six feet long."

"So, what do we do about it?" I said, mentally making a note never to walk through that garage door again.

"Well, I've got to kill it. It eats eggs and we can't have it living in the garage. I certainly don't want it dropping on my head some night."

Oh, thank you for that visual. I hadn't even thought of that.

"Do you need my help?" Fingers crossed, hoping for a negative answer.

"No. I've got a shotgun."

"You'll put your eye out."

"Yeah, and probably blast a hole through the garage wall, too. I'll figure out something."

When last I looked, he was on the ladder armed with a machete.

 

[rengadeirishman]

i used a machete on a rat once, it was a big motherfucker

 

[starrkers]

Hope you're all ready with towels to staunch the blood and 911 on speed dial

 

[shereads]

walk into a bar...

 

[Elianna]

i used a machete on a rat once, it was a big motherfucker

My cat brought in a pidgeon that was almost as big as he was the other night... ALIVE. So I ask myself... what do I do now.

Option 1: grab bird from cat. Somehow kill bird.
ruled out... touching pidgeons... gross!

Option 2: Call dogs to take bird from cat.
ruled out... pissy tomcat... bad idea.

Option 3: Grab cat with bird still in mouth. Toss both outside and see who's still standing in the morning. Note: close doggie door so cat can't drag bird back in AGAIN!

It was 3 a.m.

Yeah. I had a very happy cat come 6:30.

 

[shereads]

To avenge the near-death of my dog, I tried to kill a giant poison toad (bufo marinaris, Latin for "loathesome toad the size of a dinner plate, yeesh!") by whacking it on the head with a shovel, really hard. I don't like to kill anything, but it was the toad or my dog, so I summoned all my courage and swung away --

-- and dented the toad's head. It looked at me, like "Hey, cut that out! It stings" and began hopping across the carport toward the neighbor's fence.

I kept hitting the thing with the shovel, and it kept hopping. WHACK/THUD, WHACK/THUD. The dent on the head became more pronounced, but there was otherwise little damage. My neighbor, whom I had not met (I had just moved in) was a few yards away, talking on the cell phone in his driveway. He couldn't see me through the bamboo fence, but no doubt he heard me hitting something repeatedly with a heavy metallic object and sobbing, "Oh, god, please die! Please die!"

For all he knew, I was murdering Grandpa.

He never asked.

The toad wedged its Jabba-the-Hutt-like body between two fence posts, in a space just a fraction of its body width. I put a brick there. Could this be how Edgar Allan Poe got the idea for The Telltale Heart?

You have my sympathy. You can have my shovel, too, if you want it. I still can't look at it without cringing.

 

[damppanties]

I read that as "A snake, a machete and a bladder" and thought someone had an 'incident'.

 

[starrkers]

bufo marinaris is an evil fucker. It was introduced to Australia to kill the bugs in sugar cane fields.It didn't. Instead is waged war on the local wildlife population, decimating all comers (hey, they weren't used to poisonous ugly great toads, they though ugly great toads were edible) and is now spreading its reign of terror across the topend of Australia and has been seen as far south as Sydney.

A favourite tropical sport is hitting cane toads (that's what we call them) as far as possible with golf clubs. Is seems fatal.

 

[glynndah]

Update:

The snake's dead. (44 inches, rather than 'five, six feet') The only sign in the garage is a smear of blood on the floor.

The carcass is tossed over by the apple tree. If I'm really lucky, the dog or the cat won't bring it up to the front porch steps tonight. Monday mornings are hard enough to face without stepping on a snake.

 

[shereads]

bufo marinaris is an evil fucker. It was introduced to Australia to kill the bugs in sugar cane fields.It didn't. Instead is waged war on the local wildlife population, decimating all comers (hey, they weren't used to poisonous ugly great toads, they though ugly great toads were edible) and is now spreading its reign of terror across the topend of Australia and has been seen as far south as Sydney.

A favourite tropical sport is hitting cane toads (that's what we call them) as far as possible with golf clubs. Is seems fatal.

They aren't native to Florida, either. As in Australia, someone once had the ingenious idea that if normal toads eat a few insects, giant toads must eat lots more insects. Ha. The tiny baby ones eat bugs. After that, they graduate to eating birds, rodents, whatever doesn't see them coming.

After the shovel incident, when I realized the dog was likely to find more than one giant poison toad on the premises, I called our state Department of Agriculture to ask for suggestions about controlling them. The woman on the phone had a bit of an accent. She said,

"I would frizz them."

Me: Frizz them?

She: "Yes, frizz them. Put the toads in a ziplock bag, and put the bag in the frizzer."

 

[voluptuary_manque]

They aren't native to Florida, either. As in Australia, someone once had the ingenious idea that if normal toads eat a few insects, giant toads must eat lots more insects. Ha. The tiny baby ones eat bugs. After that, they graduate to eating birds, rodents, whatever doesn't see them coming.

After the shovel incident, when I realized the dog was likely to find more than one giant poison toad on the premises, I called our state Department of Agriculture to ask for suggestions about controlling them. The woman on the phone had a bit of an accent. She said,

"I would frizz them."

Me: Frizz them?

She: "Yes, frizz them. Put the toads in a ziplock bag, and put the bag in the frizzer."

http://i264.photobucket.com/albums/ii177/1volupturary_manque/lol.gif

 

[kimbalee]

hmmm... "frizz" them... that's a new one to me... hahahahhah!

 

[shereads]

Update:

The snake's dead. (44 inches, rather than 'five, six feet') The only sign in the garage is a smear of blood on the floor.

The carcass is tossed over by the apple tree. If I'm really lucky, the dog or the cat won't bring it up to the front porch steps tonight. Monday mornings are hard enough to face without stepping on a snake.

Eww...EWW!

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Glynndah, I think you ought to have made him eat it. That's the rule I hold out to the kids, "you kill it, you eat it!" Saves wear and tear on the local lizards . . .

Of course I also tell them when I see them chasing each other around, "(Child's name)! You chase him/her, you catch him/her, you have to take him/her home! Now what will your mother say?"

They all go "Ewww . . . " and stop chasing.

 

[starrkers]

They aren't native to Florida, either. As in Australia, someone once had the ingenious idea that if normal toads eat a few insects, giant toads must eat lots more insects. Ha. The tiny baby ones eat bugs. After that, they graduate to eating birds, rodents, whatever doesn't see them coming.

After the shovel incident, when I realized the dog was likely to find more than one giant poison toad on the premises, I called our state Department of Agriculture to ask for suggestions about controlling them. The woman on the phone had a bit of an accent. She said,

"I would frizz them."

Me: Frizz them?

She: "Yes, frizz them. Put the toads in a ziplock bag, and put the bag in the frizzer."

She was a kiwi, wasn't she? (New Zealander)

 

[glynndah]

Glynndah, I think you ought to have made him eat it. That's the rule I hold out to the kids, "you kill it, you eat it!" Saves wear and tear on the local lizards . . .

Of course I also tell them when I see them chasing each other around, "(Child's name)! You chase him/her, you catch him/her, you have to take him/her home! Now what will your mother say?"

They all go "Ewww . . . " and stop chasing.

Oh, sweetie, you have no idea who you're dealing with. The last one he did skin, boil and serve up as "dinner". *shudders* Thank goodness he's not feeling well tonight.

 

[starrkers]

Update:

The snake's dead. (44 inches, rather than 'five, six feet') The only sign in the garage is a smear of blood on the floor.

The carcass is tossed over by the apple tree. If I'm really lucky, the dog or the cat won't bring it up to the front porch steps tonight. Monday mornings are hard enough to face without stepping on a snake.

*small voice* Am I allowed to feel sorry for the snake?

I met a corn snake once at a reptile park, he was so cute and friendly - not like most of our natives - and he was really pretty too.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Oh, sweetie, you have no idea who you're dealing with. The last one he did skin, boil and serve up as "dinner". *shudders* Thank goodness he's not feeling well tonight.

Ah, I forgot. You're the one with the hound dawg sleepin' on the front porch. I should have known. Yeah, better let the crows have it.

 

[shereads]

*small voice* Am I allowed to feel sorry for the snake?

I met a corn snake once at a reptile park, he was so cute and friendly - not like most of our natives - and he was really pretty too.

Yes, if I'm allowed to feel sorry for our hideous toads.

Unlike human toads and snakes, the animal variety don't have a choice...But I agree, I wouldn't want a snake in my garage where it might fall on my head. Snakes should remain hidden beneath the front deck, eating toads.

 

[glynndah]

*small voice* Am I allowed to feel sorry for the snake?

I met a corn snake once at a reptile park, he was so cute and friendly - not like most of our natives - and he was really pretty too.

I suggested that, but the thought of never knowing where it was going to be and reaching into that dark corner of the garage...

And this wasn't one of the pretty yellow or orange ones. A dark blotchy thing. Probably a rat snake rather than a corn snake.

 

[starrkers]

I suggested that, but the thought of never knowing where it was going to be and reaching into that dark corner of the garage...

And this wasn't one of the pretty yellow or orange ones. A dark blotchy thing. Probably a rat snake rather than a corn snake.

Yeah, I doubt I would've wanted him in my garage either. But I might've tried a catch and release effort...
If it was a spider now, NO MERCY!

 

[Zeb_Carter]

Both snakes you mentioned are harmless and beneficial to the environment. Both eat/kill rodents and insects. Neither are poisonous. You didn't have to kill it, just put it in a sack and move it to some other location.

 

[glynndah]

Both snakes you mentioned are harmless and beneficial to the environment. Both eat/kill rodents and insects. Neither are poisonous. You didn't have to kill it, just put it in a sack and move it to some other location.

I agree with your sentiment. If it hadn't been in the garage, everything would have been fine. The other snakes we leave alone.

 

[JagFarlane]

Both snakes you mentioned are harmless and beneficial to the environment. Both eat/kill rodents and insects. Neither are poisonous. You didn't have to kill it, just put it in a sack and move it to some other location.

Yea and if you aren't erm...up to the task of bagging it [I'll admit, snakes are my natural fear...have issues watching em on tv even], just call animal control. With a snake thats beneficial to the environment, generally they'll be more than happy to move it to an area where it'll be useful.

 

[impressive]

If it was a spider now, NO MERCY!

Critters who make their way into MY home are fair game. Outdoors, it's live and let live. I kill only in self defense. Under my roof is a different story.

I tell the same to my children.