The International Rules of Manhood

[rengadeirishman]

If your buddy needs a smoke, and you have one, you are honour-bound to share.

If your buddy is doing well with a girl, you are bound by the bro code to intercept, and if necessary, engage, her less attractive cockblocker friend.

If your friend is single, you must never expect him to be the wingman more then twice in a row, if he is the wingman twice, you must reciprocate and allow him to be the flight leader twice in a row as well.

 

[mdb913]

If your buddy needs a smoke, and you have one, you are honour-bound to share.

If your buddy is doing well with a girl, you are bound by the bro code to intercept, and if necessary, engage, her less attractive cockblocker friend.

If your friend is single, you must never expect him to be the wingman more then twice in a row, if he is the wingman twice, you must reciprocate and allow him to be the flight leader twice in a row as well.

Thanks, Barney.

 

[rgraham666]

Once again it's bought home that I'm not much of a guy.

A pretty good man, but not much of a guy.

 

[DesertPirate]

#30 You never read the instructions until after the magic smoke escape the electrical device!

 

[impressive]

(Vulnerability really gets chicks going.)

Yes -- but only in certain situations. He can (and should) express his vulnerability TO YOU. To everyone else, he must remain your pillar/knight/hero.

The exception is when he's expressing his vulnerability FOR you. In that instance, it is perfectly acceptable for him to tell anyone and everyone that he's putty in your hands.

 

[JagFarlane]

First rule of manhood, Don't talk about manhood

Particularly in front of females...whom refuse to talk about womanhood -takes note the two threads...female secrets severly lagged the male secrets-

 

[where]

Particularly in front of females...whom refuse to talk about womanhood -takes note the two threads...female secrets severly lagged the male secrets-

much better to show us your manhoods

 

[packersfan]

31. The toilet seat is placed in the down position when we need it to be, ONLY! If we don't need it that way, it stays up!

 

[jomar]

re. 2. *When Brian's Song is watched.

...and I want you to love him too.

 

[impressive]

31. The toilet seat is placed in the down position when we need it to be, ONLY! If we don't need it that way, it stays up!

Not in my house.

Correction: Not in any house where I'll agree (or continue) to live.

 

[Liar]

13. Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.

Unless you're in Finland. Then there's nothing that's seen as more macho than that.

 

[cloudy]

Not in my house.

Correction: Not in any house where I'll agree (or continue) to live.

Agreed. And I will superglue that motherfucker down if it's left up once too often.

 

[JagFarlane]

Agreed. And I will superglue that motherfucker down if it's left up once too often.

Ya know that always killed me. Why is it that its expected the man will leave the toilet seat down, and thus have to check the toilet seat is up when having to use the bathroom? "Oh but I'll fall in because you left it up, but make sure its up when you urinate"...is that simply saying women aren't responsible enough to check the fucking toilet seat is down before they use it?

 

[voluptuary_manque]

In our house it's always closed. That's not just the seat down, but the lid down, too. As in "closed". Why would it be otherwise?

 

[cloudy]

In our house it's always closed. That's not just the seat down, but the lid down, too. As in "closed". Why would it be otherwise?

that's the way it is here, too.

Jag: do you fall in when you pee? If you don't, then put the seat down when you're finished.

 

[JagFarlane]

that's the way it is here, too.

Jag: do you fall in when you pee? If you don't, then put the seat down when you're finished.

You missed the point completely. I'd possibly hit the toilet seat so thus I am responsible enough to put it up. however the point was, women are obviously incapable of being responsible enough to pause long enough to put it the fuck down

 

[cloudy]

You missed the point completely. I'd possibly hit the toilet seat so thus I am responsible enough to put it up. however the point was, women are obviously incapable of being responsible enough to pause long enough to put it the fuck down

however, "if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."

 

[lundyson]

Rule born out of college experience

No man shall ever cockblock another man unless:
*The chick is either man's female relative (excluding previous rule regarding marriage of sister and anything beyond 1st cousins)
*The chick is the blocker's girlfriend (in which case, the blocker can freely beat the hell out of the blockee)
*The chick is a woman the blocker is in love with (this includes recent ex-girlfriends, but the blockee can avoid the situation by asking the blocker's permission first. if the blocker says yes, then no rule is violated. if the blocker says no, he's probably a douchebag and the blockee has broken no rules because he respected the blocker enough in the first place to ask)
*The chick is actually a man (see NOTE below, questionable application unless the guy is one of your best friends and your reputation will be tarnished by associating with him)
*The blockee is a complete and utter douchebag...in which case, the blocker had better sleep with the chick within 2 days, and also expect a fight from the blockee - which the blocker must win.

NOTE: fat chicks and one-eyed amputees from ugly-ville are not on the list of acceptable cockblocks. This is because if your friend is either pathetic or drunk enough to sleep with these questionable type of females, then it is his friend's right AND imperative to get photographic or video evidence and then humiliate him at every opportunity possible.

 

[Guest]

Fat chicks?

Response edited - not worth fighting over.

 

[OzoneRed]

32. A guy may not change the toilet paper roll.
33. A guy may not watch the Martha Stewart or Rachel Ray shows. A guy may watch Regis and Kelly or The View only if the sound is muted and they're hosting a hot guest, or if Kelly or Elisabeth is wearing a short skirt. The same applies to Oprah, minus the short skirt rule.

 

[rgraham666]

If something requires over thirty rules to do properly it's too complicated to be useful.

 

[impressive]

In our house it's always closed. That's not just the seat down, but the lid down, too. As in "closed". Why would it be otherwise?

Ditto. It was "the" compromise. Besides, it keeps the cats out of the bowl.

 

[impressive]

Fat chicks?

Response edited - not worth fighting over.

Yes it is. Let the asshole have it -- both barrels.

 

[Guest]

Yes it is. Let the asshole have it -- both barrels.

I'd rather let you have it.

I'm missin' girl kissin'.

 

[rgraham666]

I'd rather let you have it.

I'm missin' girl kissin'.

So am I.