Help?

[Aleolus]

Hello, all. I need some advice. I recently was in a relationship, where my sub and I were doing a fair amount of mind play. He informed me that he has always wanted a female personality, so I went about creating one. It went rather awry. It started off fine, until I decided to make her aware of the other side, his maleness, and try to bring her to full consciousness. I then completely disregarded his desires to get rid of her, and tried to convince him to keep her. I professed to be worried about him, but in actuality, I just didn't want to lose her. I saw her as my creation, and a woman who would love, respect and fear me as I desired. Does this make me a bad Dom? Now, this issue has been worked out, but I still have a lot of work to do on getting better before I try Domming again.

So you know, I am also a survivor of sexual abuse at a young age, and have begun to show other signs of abuse, beyond those described above. I am working on it, so hopefully this won't happen again. But does anyone have anything they can tell me to help in the future? I am new to being a Dom, and want to learn.

 

[MasterPhoenix]

Ummmm....

uhhhhh....

I don't know what to say...

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Ok. I'm a little confused. You got your male sub to behave like a female and create a separate character in his head? Where does this fall between roleplay and schizophrenia exactly?

 

[MasterPhoenix]

Ok. I'm a little confused. You got your male sub to behave like a female and create a separate character in his head? Where does this fall between roleplay and schizophrenia exactly?

I am wondering if this is headed for MPD...

 

[misfit_pixie]

you cannot be responsible for another person until you can be responsible for yourself

read, talk, learn but don't rush in to 'domming' until you are confident in your own mind

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I am wondering if this is headed for MPD...

MPD?

 

[kinkyTNcouple]

MPD?

I think it stands for multiple personality disorder.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I think it stands for multiple personality disorder.

Oh, ok. Wasn't familiar with that particular acronym. Thanks.

 

[_kiana_]

I think it stands for multiple personality disorder.

They're now calling it "Dissociative Identity Disorder."

----

I saw the original OP, then reading the last line of:

I am new to being a Dom, and want to learn.

And immediately thought:

You're new to being a Dom, and yet in your first relationship you fuck up a person's psyche by somehow training another personality into them?? And then ignoring his wishes to let said persona die??

Umm..right.

----

Now I'll be a little serious.

It doesn't matter how abused you were as a child, how many problems you have today, or if you have a third nipple. Safe, Sane, and Consensual still applies! (I'll leave the SSC vs RACK discussion for somewhere else, please.) It was not sane to go any farther than playing with feminization (such as cross dressing, a new name, makeup, etc) and try to build into his psyche. It was not safe to be playing with shit you don't know a whole lot about (which goes for any type of play). And it became nonconsensual when you tried to manipulate him into keeping the female persona.

Advice? Slow the fuck down. Learn things before you apply them, think about all the possible consequences before you leap in front of the train. If you are showing other signs of being abusive, stay out of intimate relationships until you have somewhat of a grasp on it. No one here can help you with that though, you'll need to find someone like a therapist/counselor/psychologist. Don't put someone else's life in danger because you didn't learn about your own behavior and leanings well enough. There are several sadists on this board who keep a tight grasp on their inner beast who would other wise ruin lives. It's something you need to learn to do. Knowing it is there is a good first step. But one step does not equal climbing Mt Everest.

Of course, that's all assuming this is a real thread.

*goes back to her little spot to lurk once again*

 

[CromCruithne]

I've got to toss in my two cents on this because of some terminology that's been thrown around. You cannot induce a mental disorder where there wasn't one prior. A mental problem like schizophrenia or an identity/personality disorder is a chemical imbalance that's hard-wired into a brain. No outside force is going to create that problem.

That said, it is possible that such play brought a problem of that nature to the surface. If that's the case, then I suggest your next discussion with your sub is about both of you getting counseling, seperately. I'm sure everyone on this board knows someone who was abused/molested in the past and, in my experience, they aren't capable of a healthy relationship until they've gotten some serious help. That help might be a partner who can talk with you about it, but that's probably not going to happen in a relationship where the abused person is the Dom.

I'm not sure what you level of BDSM experience is, but it sounds like you're jumping in feet first when you ought to be dipping your toes in the pool. This board has a wealth of knowledge in both text and experienced people. Do some research to find out what kind of play you're into and then learn all you can about it. The level of play you're jumping into isn't something to do uninformed if you don't have to.

 

[FurryFury]

I've got to toss in my two cents on this because of some terminology that's been thrown around. You cannot induce a mental disorder where there wasn't one prior. A mental problem like schizophrenia or an identity/personality disorder is a chemical imbalance that's hard-wired into a brain. No outside force is going to create that problem.

That said, it is possible that such play brought a problem of that nature to the surface. If that's the case, then I suggest your next discussion with your sub is about both of you getting counseling, seperately. I'm sure everyone on this board knows someone who was abused/molested in the past and, in my experience, they aren't capable of a healthy relationship until they've gotten some serious help. That help might be a partner who can talk with you about it, but that's probably not going to happen in a relationship where the abused person is the Dom.

I'm not sure what you level of BDSM experience is, but it sounds like you're jumping in feet first when you ought to be dipping your toes in the pool. This board has a wealth of knowledge in both text and experienced people. Do some research to find out what kind of play you're into and then learn all you can about it. The level of play you're jumping into isn't something to do uninformed if you don't have to.

Great post!

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Hello, all. I need some advice. I recently was in a relationship, where my sub and I were doing a fair amount of mind play. He informed me that he has always wanted a female personality, so I went about creating one. It went rather awry. It started off fine, until I decided to make her aware of the other side, his maleness, and try to bring her to full consciousness. I then completely disregarded his desires to get rid of her, and tried to convince him to keep her. I professed to be worried about him, but in actuality, I just didn't want to lose her. I saw her as my creation, and a woman who would love, respect and fear me as I desired. Does this make me a bad Dom? Now, this issue has been worked out, but I still have a lot of work to do on getting better before I try Domming again.

So you know, I am also a survivor of sexual abuse at a young age, and have begun to show other signs of abuse, beyond those described above. I am working on it, so hopefully this won't happen again. But does anyone have anything they can tell me to help in the future? I am new to being a Dom, and want to learn.

If you're new to dominance you should be taking things slowly, not railroading a sub into continuing with things that he has plainly told you he doesn't want to do.

I hope I don't upset too many people by saying this but I really hate the way that past abuse is often cited as a catch all excuse for fucking up relationships. It will have a bearing on how you handled this - which as others have said, was in a risky and non consensual fashion - but it should not be an excuse. The first thing you have to do before any progress is made on either side is to take responsibility for making these mistakes and ignoring your sub's wishes on such a fundamental issue. Plenty of people survive abuse without inflicting it on other people.

I think the sub was at fault too here because once his wishes and wellbeing were being disregarded he should have ceased submitting to you for his own good. What you did was indeed abusive and the fact that he continued to let this happen to him makes you a very unhealthy pairing in my opinion.

If what you've said is true, I think you both need a complete time out and some therapy, whether separately or as a couple. It is clear that neither of you is equipped to practice BDSM safely right now.

 

[Aleolus]

Well, he already had another self, which was more an alternate version of himself than anything else. I hadn't known that until shortly after doing this.

I am also well on the way to getting therapy, and have another friend who is willing to make certain that I deal with my issues, or else she has personally assured me she will kill me. So, yeah, I'm dealing. He's found a Dom of his own, and I am going to try learning all I can before I try anything more.

And yes, this thread is for real. I need help.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Well, he already had another self, which was more an alternate version of himself than anything else. I hadn't known that until shortly after doing this.

I am also well on the way to getting therapy, and have another friend who is willing to make certain that I deal with my issues, or else she has personally assured me she will kill me. So, yeah, I'm dealing. He's found a Dom of his own, and I am going to try learning all I can before I try anything more.

And yes, this thread is for real. I need help.

just curious, how old are you? and i wonder when you say that you "Made up another personality" for your sub, how exactly do you do that? brainwashing? huh? i'm confused, someone enlighten me?

 

[Aleolus]

I am 21. And when I say I created a new personality for him, I mean that I put him into a trance, a fairly easy task, and gave him the basic outline for a new personality which would come out when I called her. Initially, she was unaware of the fact that she was an alternate that I created, but I eventually changed that. That was when most of the problems started.

 

[Etoile]

I am 21. And when I say I created a new personality for him, I mean that I put him into a trance, a fairly easy task, and gave him the basic outline for a new personality which would come out when I called her. Initially, she was unaware of the fact that she was an alternate that I created, but I eventually changed that. That was when most of the problems started.

Oh boy. FYI, dissociation does not work this way. Whatever you think was happening, wasn't happening. You cannot simply hypnotize a new alter into someone. This is way more complicated than that. Allow me to politely suggest that he was playing along, because what you describe is not neurologically possible. It may have given you a charge to think it was your doing, but it doesn't work that way.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Oh boy. FYI, dissociation does not work this way. Whatever you think was happening, wasn't happening. You cannot simply hypnotize a new alter into someone. This is way more complicated than that. Allow me to politely suggest that he was playing along, because what you describe is not neurologically possible. It may have given you a charge to think it was your doing, but it doesn't work that way.

See I would have said that but I wasn't sure. I don't get what the OP means exactly at all.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Let's just say that I am ... skeptical.

 

[TeachMeSir]

.

I hope I don't upset too many people by saying this but I really hate the way that past abuse is often cited as a catch all excuse for fucking up relationships. It will have a bearing on how you handled this - which as others have said, was in a risky and non consensual fashion - but it should not be an excuse. The first thing you have to do before any progress is made on either side is to take responsibility for making these mistakes and ignoring your sub's wishes on such a fundamental issue. Plenty of people survive abuse without inflicting it on other people.

.

I don't think my thoughts are going to be as clear as I like about this subject. I know what I feel, but I'm not sure I can be coherent. But, I will try.

Abuse is NOT an excuse to abuse again. I have been there. I understand that for many people past abuse can trigger an emotional response. Either they can draw a correlation between their sadism and their abuse and see it as a mechanism to deal with it, to make someone "pay" Or they can be a sub, as a kind of way of letting go of the victimized feelings from earlier abuse, choosing to surrender to someone they trust. While abuse does shape us, it does not define us unless we allow it. But it can be a long journey to find who you are under the victim.

I don't think anyone who has not dealt with the resulting emotions from abuse has the right to inflict this onto anyone else. Nor do I feel that they have the right to transfer the "blame" from the original abuser to the PYL. These are not healthy behaviours.

Whatever personality type you were born, and however later events in your life further shaped you, whatever negative behaviours you have learnt form abuse you should be in control of yourself.

I will note that I have found in my day-to-day life that those I become freinds with, who open up to be about their abuse are generally more empathetic. I'm not sure that this is due to abuse. Perhaps it is an undefinable connection that initially draws me. But I like to think for myself that abuse, while never being good, has been constructive. I would not be so empathetic, sensitive, attentive, patient or strong if it weren't for these early terrible experiences. But it has been a long time getting to where I am... many years of self-destructive behaviour, distrust, glossing over my relationships that at times lacked depth.

// end hijack

 

[the_pet]

They're now calling it "Dissociative Identity Disorder."

----

actually MPD and DID are still classified as two different things. as in i can suffer from DID and not have multiple personalities.

pet

 

[ataxia.girl]

Oh boy. FYI, dissociation does not work this way. Whatever you think was happening, wasn't happening. You cannot simply hypnotize a new alter into someone. This is way more complicated than that. Allow me to politely suggest that he was playing along, because what you describe is not neurologically possible. It may have given you a charge to think it was your doing, but it doesn't work that way.

i am in agreement with this for sure. If the OP had said he wanted to get rid of the new "personality" but the sub didn't i would be more inclined to believe. It's hard to say what is really dissociative though and what isn't.

my Bastard Daddy triggered me to a younger place but it was where i wanted to go and so as soon as he started moving there i jumped right in feet first and got deeper and deeper until i think neither of us knew wtf was up. He realized early on it was a way to get around my resistant exterior and used it. After awhile HE got tired of it and wanted it to stop because he was used to slaves who could be Daddy's little girl and then Master's slut\slave\whore at his whim. i turned out not to be so easy. i was plenty submissive and pliable as his little girl but i held onto that persona and stayed in it with a tenacity neither of us expected i think. i go in and out now easily but except for one or two occasions i now always have sex as little me no matter who its with, how i'm dressed or what kind of sex it is. They may not know even but i do. It no longer has the quasi dissociative quality it did for awhile unless something pretty edgy is happening.