Born to be a sub?

[Calabama]

I know this has probably been done before, but to be honest, I'm way too lazy to wade through all the posts to find it. So here goes again

Do you think that you are born to be a Dom/Sub? Do you think it's possible to not be interested in a Dom/Sub relationship then change your mind?

I bring this topic up because someone actually asked me this the other day. I have only ever had one Master, and none since. When asked, my answer was "I wasn't born to be a sub.... I was born to be His sub".

Do you think that's accurate or just hurt feelings talking? It's been well over a year and I'm honestly not interested in being dominated by anyone else. Oh I miss everything about being His submissive, but that's just the thing. I don't miss being A submissive.... I miss being HIS.

Thoughts?

 

[TeachMeSir]

I have only ever had one Master, and none since. When asked, my answer was "I wasn't born to be a sub.... I was born to be His sub".

Thoughts?

That makes me want to cry ... with happiness, with longing, with sympathy.

 

[Calabama]

Sort of makes me want to cry too

 

[Bandit58]

I sincerely believe that I was born submissive. However I spent many years in a marriage with a domineering bully - unlike my relationship now, with my first Dominant. I've learned that submissiveness can bring me great joy and happiness, but that it has to be with the right person.

In the future, maybe I will find another Dom, and maybe not. I do know that any relationship I find myself in will have to include a degree of D/s for me to be content.

 

[FurryFury]

Sounds like you are still hurting from a relationship that is no longer viable for whatever reason.

I do believe people are born with what turns them on and what does. I also believe you might not be fully aware of these things for sometime and then loss can make your sexual desires go away for a time.

 

[BiBunny]

I know this has probably been done before, but to be honest, I'm way too lazy to wade through all the posts to find it. So here goes again

Do you think that you are born to be a Dom/Sub? Do you think it's possible to not be interested in a Dom/Sub relationship then change your mind?

I bring this topic up because someone actually asked me this the other day. I have only ever had one Master, and none since. When asked, my answer was "I wasn't born to be a sub.... I was born to be His sub".

Do you think that's accurate or just hurt feelings talking? It's been well over a year and I'm honestly not interested in being dominated by anyone else. Oh I miss everything about being His submissive, but that's just the thing. I don't miss being A submissive.... I miss being HIS.

Thoughts?

Yes, it's possible, I think. I've uttered the phrase, "I was born to be HIS slave" on more than one occasion myself. It's been nearly a year, and I haven't felt the need to submit to anyone else yet. *Shrug*

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Yes, it's possible, I think. I've uttered the phrase, "I was born to be HIS slave" on more than one occasion myself. It's been nearly a year, and I haven't felt the need to submit to anyone else yet. *Shrug*

You haven't met me face to face yet...

 

[myinnerslut]

i often said that the people in my family were "made to be kinky". it seems to be hereditary, for those in my family at least. yes, i do believe i was born to submit. its just to natural for me to think anything else.

 

[inwanting]

I'm only submissive to Him. No one else would ever be able to do what He does to me. I'm EXTREMELY independent and stubborn lol With other people, especially women, I'm dominating. But I understand what you said, born to be his. I was definitely born to be His. That part of me wasn't even conscious until I met Him.

People are born to be certain things. I was born liking men and women, something I've only recently accepted. I was born an exhibitionist lol And I do believe some people are born with that in place, collar and all

 

[Fuckette]

Calabama,
I know how you feel.

 

[Etoile]

I think the wording is important. "Born to be a sub" or "born to be his sub" is not the same thing as "born a sub" or "born submissive." I think we can be born with traits, but not destinies. Sometimes our traits lead us to our destiny, sometimes our destiny shapes our traits. But I don't think we are necessarily born with the fate of becoming one thing or another - we were put on this earth for so many more reasons than that. I believe that we are put on this earth to love each other, and while that includes D/s, it isn't exclusively about D/s. IMHO, the only people who were "born" to be anything are subsequent children who were born to be donors of cord blood. The rest of us make our lives what we want them to be, either by doing things or by letting things happen.

None of us is ever, at any time, not the master of our own fate - the catch is what fate you want to have. If someone is kept locked away and isolated from their family and friends by their master, and threatened with death if they leave, then as long as they are there, they are allowing themselves to be there. The alternative fate they can choose is their own death (or their master's death, as in one familiar case). Similarly, if one stays in an abusive relationship because it's the only way to keep the kids under their own control, they are allowing themselves to be there. The alternative fate is running in the middle of the night with children in tow and going into the Witness Protection Program.

There are always alternatives to one's situation. One is never "born to be" something or "forced to be something" - sometimes the alternative is death, but there is an alternative.

 

[SubKekiLee]

Calabama I can understand what your saying... I know how you feel.. recently my Dom and I celebrated 6 months of being together and I just have to say that I told him I feel no more at home than I do when I submit to him, although I do agree that I was born submissive I think you might have one or two people in your life that you meet and have relationships with weather vanilla or kinky and they are the ones that will last a lifetime or leave a lasting impression.. for me my Sir will be the one who has left footprints in my heart beyond words... When I read your posting it made me want to cry as well I feel for you .. I hope someday youll take the walls down and find someone youll trust again.. as Sir always tells me, Timing is everything..

 

[madetotakeit]

I think people come wired to be how they are. I think it is more what is in you than what someone brings out in you. I've been told I am naturally submissive and I would have to agree.

There are all sorts of things that we discover about ourselves that we connect to who we were with when we had our eyes opened. Does that mean that person is the only one who will ever see that side of us? I don't think so. I do think it takes time to separate the two though. I read another site about how a PYL's voice stays with you long after he has left. It only ever subsides when you hear another that calls to you. That may be true, or maybe only true for some. I understand the concept though. When you place someone in a context in your life it isn't easy to re-categorize. I still go through this even though he doesn't see me in a reciprocating light. I can snap back into being submissive around him in a blink. I don't think however that it is any indication of anything other than we function in those roles well together. Does that mean I'm going to give up and think that only he is the one I can respond to in a submissive way? Not at all, it simply means that he had a great impact on me and that maybe I haven't found anyone else who I feel a connection with. Time has to be allowed to pass. I may find another next week or it may take years.

 

[Netzach]

I know this has probably been done before, but to be honest, I'm way too lazy to wade through all the posts to find it. So here goes again

Do you think that you are born to be a Dom/Sub? Do you think it's possible to not be interested in a Dom/Sub relationship then change your mind?

I bring this topic up because someone actually asked me this the other day. I have only ever had one Master, and none since. When asked, my answer was "I wasn't born to be a sub.... I was born to be His sub".

Do you think that's accurate or just hurt feelings talking? It's been well over a year and I'm honestly not interested in being dominated by anyone else. Oh I miss everything about being His submissive, but that's just the thing. I don't miss being A submissive.... I miss being HIS.

Thoughts?

I can relate to this perfectly well. Totally contextual submission, sure. I can go years without bottoming and only my top brings about anything approaching a submissive response in me, but it feels quite right and comfortable. I'm lucky in that I'm so Dominant weighted in my orientation that I won't pine or be miserable without it, it's just nice to be OK to "go there" with him. If I lose that relationship I strongly doubt that I'll feel submissive urges again - if I miss anything about it it's missing him, if that makes sense.

I definitely do feel "born Dominant" though, it's the lens I approach relationships with. Pleasant detours to smell the bottom/sub roses are nice, but not mandatory.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I used to feel that when I met my One, the man to whom I could give everything, even myself as a slave, that would be it. I could never transfer my love and devotion to another. In an ideal world, I would never have to.

I'm less idealistic in my old age though. I love my Master to distraction and have no intention of ever leaving him. That's today though and hopefully we have a lot of tomorrows to get through. I have been through too much to be able to say 'always and forever' without a few caveats.

I know that if I died, he would seek another in time. If he died, submission is too great a need in me that I could exist without it long term. I would seek another and I know that if it were possible, he would give his blessing.

If things ever broke down irretrievably between us and he released me, I would not feel that there was no other man on Earth to whom I could give my service. I would grieve and mourn the relationship but if there was no way for us to reconciliate, I would seek another Master.

I have never been the sort of person who can switch character traits on and off. I am a slave. If I am single again one day, I will still be a slave. It will govern how I seek and approach a new relationship. It will be a need in me that never becomes less prescient or more dilute. Now that I have a Master, I know I will always need one in the long term. What is a slave without a Master? I could not do that to myself. I would be deeply unhappy and in time I would become dangerously depressed.

 

[twysted73]

Do you think that's accurate or just hurt feelings talking? It's been well over a year and I'm honestly not interested in being dominated by anyone else. Oh I miss everything about being His submissive, but that's just the thing. I don't miss being A submissive.... I miss being HIS.

Thoughts?

This is very heart wrenching. I can practically feel the depth of loss you express.
I wish I had answers for you. I wish I could tell you things will improve. That you will find one who will learn you and replace Him. (if that's even something you'd even want when it presents itself.

I know nothing of you. So I cannot do either.
Steel your heart for the road to come. But don't blind yourself to possibilities.
I hope the very best for you.

 

[Calabama]

I just want to thank everyone who has replied, I couldn't possibly try to articulate all the things you've made me think, but I do want you to know that I've read (and will likely re-read many times) all of your words. It's nice to know that I'm not alone. It's also nice to know that perhaps some day I will find someone else, but as someone said, it involves trust and I'm not sure I will ever get to that trust level with anyone again, but never say never, right?

 

[twysted73]

I just want to thank everyone who has replied, I couldn't possibly try to articulate all the things you've made me think, but I do want you to know that I've read (and will likely re-read many times) all of your words. It's nice to know that I'm not alone. It's also nice to know that perhaps some day I will find someone else, but as someone said, it involves trust and I'm not sure I will ever get to that trust level with anyone again, but never say never, right?

Good girl.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

This is very heart wrenching. I can practically feel the depth of loss you express.
I wish I had answers for you. I wish I could tell you things will improve. That you will find one who will learn you and replace Him. (if that's even something you'd even want when it presents itself.

I know nothing of you. So I cannot do either.
Steel your heart for the road to come. But don't blind yourself to possibilities.
I hope the very best for you.

Wise words, beautifully put Twysted. I second them wholeheartedly, especially the bolded part.

 

[Calabama]

Good girl.

*Beams*

*Hasn't been called a 'good girl' in a very long time*




*Might have a teensy bit of submissive left in her somewhere*

 

[TeachMeSir]

This is very heart wrenching. I can practically feel the depth of loss you express.
I wish I had answers for you. I wish I could tell you things will improve. That you will find one who will learn you and replace Him. (if that's even something you'd even want when it presents itself.

I know nothing of you. So I cannot do either.
Steel your heart for the road to come. But don't blind yourself to possibilities.
I hope the very best for you.

It's 1156 and I only just found this post, so I will present & then take care of the task.

 

[Etoile]

It's 1156 and I only just found this post, so I will present & then take care of the task.

This sounds kind of stalker-ish.

 

[Caitlynne]

*Beams*

*Hasn't been called a 'good girl' in a very long time*




*Might have a teensy bit of submissive left in her somewhere*

I find this reaction to be a good sign for your future.

You might not feel the desire to submit now, and that is probably because you still mourn the loss of your Dom. But, if you look deeply into your reaction here, you'll see what I see. You beamed at being called "a good girl". It just makes me smile that you had this moment. There will be others. Everything in its own time.

 

[Calabama]

It actually caught me off guard that it would impact me the way it did.

Perhaps there is hope for me yet

 

[Caitlynne]

It actually caught me off guard that it would impact me the way it did.

Perhaps there is hope for me yet

Exactly my point!