Funerals

[scheherazade_79]

Morbid question, but have you set down any plans regarding yours? About ten years before my great uncle died, he planned out the entire funeral service and designed the programme to be handed out to mourners. The event was sad but beautiful, and it seemed amazing how he could have an effect like that on people even from beyond the grave.

So what are your plans?

Burial? Cremation? Religious service?

Do you have any music or readings in mind?

Where would you like to be buried or have your ashes scattered?

Do you care what happens after your End of Days? Or are you happy to leave it to the living who are left behind?

Discuss.

 

[OhMissScarlett]

Morbid question, but have you set down any plans regarding yours? About ten years before my great uncle died, he planned out the entire funeral service and designed the programme to be handed out to mourners. The event was sad but beautiful, and it seemed amazing how he could have an effect like that on people even from beyond the grave.

So what are your plans?

Burial? Cremation? Religious service?

Do you have any music or readings in mind?

Where would you like to be buried or have your ashes scattered?

Do you care what happens after your End of Days? Or are you happy to leave it to the living who are left behind?

Discuss.

I've never made any concrete plans, but I know what I don't want. I really hate open-casket funerals with a painstaking two day visitation and a large annoying religious funeral, etc. I'd rather be cremated and have my ashes buried in the family plot. There's a shady place, under a big old oak tree and I could be by my aunt and several ancestors. I do worry though, because hubby is apalled that I want to be cremated and thinks that families need the closure of a visitation, so I definitely need to find a way to make sure my wishes are followed.

 

[TheeGoatPig]

I don't want to take up any real estate when I'm dead. Cremation followed by being tossed in the garbage is fine with me.

 

[oggbashan]

Funerals are for the living, not for the corpse.

If the friends and relations want to gather together to remember the person who died then those left behind should organise it in a way that suits those attending.

The deceased wishes about the main form - cremation, interment, green burial or whatever should be respected - but the rest should be arranged for the attendees.

My in-laws wanted their bodies to be used for medical research but that wasn't possible because of their advanced ages and other practical matters. Both had green burials with the commemorative event beside the open grave.

My father's funeral was traditional Church of England but he had outlived his contemporaries. The next generation had to celebrate his life. After the service we adjourned to the residential home where he had spent the last six years of his life and had a party, including the staff who had looked after him. I think he would have liked that.

Og

 

[scheherazade_79]

Interesting. Thanks, folks

Am I unusual in that I feel the urge to plan everything out?

My parents came back from a funeral today, where the hearse followed a guy in a top hat with a big stick. I've seen Victorian-esque funerals before and they creep me out.

I also don't like chapel services, because the ministers get so personal that someone always runs out of the service sobbing loudly.

And church ones are just so anonymous.

I don't like cremation, either. Apart from causing a lot of pollution, sometimes they burn all the bodies together and your loved one's ashes might end up mixed with several other people.

I want an eco-friendly burial. No grave stone, no hymns, no religious readings. Just out in the countryside with a tree buried on top of me and my body fertilising the roots and the flowers and the grass around it.

 

[DesertPirate]

Zade you sound like my Dad. He was a soils professor in a College of Agriculture for 30 years. His Idea? "If you can get away with it, wrap me in a sheet and plant me under a tree." Due to local laws that wasn't possible so a church service and cemetary. Somehow the coffin had several scratches in the finish, bet it has lost some integrity over the last 13 years.

His other big demand was no eulogy! "Or I'll come back and haunt your ass!"

 

[lesbiaphrodite]

To be buried in the family graveyard. No pomp or circumstance, I hope.

 

[TE999]

Cremation. Ashes scattered in the Atlantic Ocean. A service if my survivors choose to have one.

I fully intend to outlive everybody, so the last may be a moot point.

 

[Emerald_Dragon]

I've never made any concrete plans, but I know what I don't want. I really hate open-casket funerals with a painstaking two day visitation and a large annoying religious funeral, etc. I'd rather be cremated and have my ashes buried in the family plot. There's a shady place, under a big old oak tree and I could be by my aunt and several ancestors. I do worry though, because hubby is apalled that I want to be cremated and thinks that families need the closure of a visitation, so I definitely need to find a way to make sure my wishes are followed.

My husband feels the same way. i have every intention of following his wishes.

 

[matriarch]

We have talked about this. I want a funeral, nothing religious in any way, probably some AC/DC or Meatloaf or Puccini to be played, haven't decided yet. I'd like to leave a letter for everyone to read, hopefully amusing. I don't want any crying, no-one is to wear black or formal clothes, if they want to come in jeans and a t-shirt, then they can. It's about remembering me, and being comfortable with remembering me.

Then the wife has strict instructions that my ashes are to be scattered over the sea off the south coast of England.

I hate all the social restrictions that have arisen around funerals. It all seems to be designed to make the mourners as uncomfortable as possible.

 

[champagne1982]

Before my open heart surgeries I wrote my living will and last wishes down and gave them to my family. They were all aware that the medical community was to have full access to any useful tissue and the rest was to be cremated with a gathering of friends and family in whatever fashion they would find comfort with.

I agree with Og, funerals are for the living. I promise, I won't mind.

 

[Weird Harold]

Do you care what happens after your End of Days? Or are you happy to leave it to the living who are left behind?

I was notifiied Sunday that a cousin I haven't heard from in ages died of cancer. There will be no memorial or funeral service. I don't know anything about the burial details, but the previous three deaths in my family also requested no memorial or funeral service and added requests for cremation and a bio-degradable "coffin" (aka an expensive cardboard box.)

The people who would be making the decisions about (and paying for) my funeral are aware of my preference for similar minimal arrangements -- but the decision is theirs; I'm not going to haunt them if they choose something other than what I would.

IMHO, the cost of death and burial has excalated to ridiculous proportions and even the bare minimum requirements can bankrupt heirs. Enough life insurance to cover burial expenses or prepaid funeral arrangements are probably the minimum preparation a person should make as soon as they're adults.

 

[CharleyH]

Morbid question, but have you set down any plans regarding yours? About ten years before my great uncle died, he planned out the entire funeral service and designed the programme to be handed out to mourners. The event was sad but beautiful, and it seemed amazing how he could have an effect like that on people even from beyond the grave.

So what are your plans?

Burial? Cremation? Religious service?

Do you have any music or readings in mind?

Where would you like to be buried or have your ashes scattered?

Do you care what happens after your End of Days? Or are you happy to leave it to the living who are left behind?

Discuss.

Not so morbid. People should actually plan. If they don't? The government comes in and takes a lot more money than anyone alive would enjoy them taking in taxes. Plan to give everything away before you die, otherwise, there are taxes and the government will milk you AND YOURS. However, even when you plan? (As I have experienced) giving too much control over your death to a spouse equals not getting what you want in death. You want cremation? Well, your spouse wants to show you off in a fucking casket. My father wanted no showing and cremation. Somehow, my step-mother was able to have a showing and a burial as per her wishes. It irks the hell out of me to this day.

Death - unfortunately, never equals peace unless you are explicit in what you want and you leave it to trusted individuals like lawyers. Leave death to lawyers.

How sad is that? lol

Kisses
CH

 

[trysail]

I'm opting for the Viking version.​

Place me aboard me sturdy swartship, set it afire and shove me out to sea— to the accompaniment of the 4th movement of Beethoven's Ninth Symphony and Wagner's Die Walküre blasting out at a minimum one hundred twenty (120) decibels. Valhalla, here I come!

 

[oggbashan]

...I hate all the social restrictions that have arisen around funerals. It all seems to be designed to make the mourners as uncomfortable as possible.

The recent family funerals have been followed by entertaining social occasions, celebrating the life of the departed one, but also enjoying ourselves because that's what the dead relation would have wanted.

I attended the cremation of a friend last year. Afterwards we stood around in the crematorium park swapping jokes that he would have enjoyed. There was more laughter than tears.

One of my aunts was cremated in East London. The event was midweek and she had outlived most of her generation so our attendance was limited. The crematorium had twin chapels with car parks on either side. "Our" funeral had about six cars. In the other chapel was a Muslim funeral for a patriarch of an extensive family and their car park was too small. I went over to them and suggested that they used the empty parking spaces on our side. They did and promised a prayer for our aunt. So we said a prayer for him too...

After the funerals the mourners were intermingled in the car park. We found out that their family knew our aunt, and our aunt knew their deceased. The two groups spent so long talking to each other that the funeral directors had to hurry us along before the next funerals arrived. "Our" children and "their" children were playing tag around the flower beds and were reluctant to be parted from their new friends.

When my mother-in-law had a green burial it was the first such burial that the funeral directors had attended. It poured with rain the day before and for most of the morning. The family mourners arrived in wellington boots and waterproof anoraks. The funeral staff arrived in formal black with shiny patent leather shoes. They took one look at us and changed into wellingtons. The path from the car park to the graveside was about four inches deep in fast running water. The grave had a pump running before the service started. The rain ceased just long enough for the pump to be turned off for the ceremony and was then started again so that the biodegradable coffin could be lowered without floating.

A year later my father-in-law was buried beside his wife. The sun was shining, no pump was required but we still needed wellington boots. This time the funeral staff arrived in shiny black wellingtons. Now my in-laws' grave is marked with a native tree that will eventually become part of the wood when the green burial site is full.

Og

 

[TxRad]

At sixteen I bought a burial policy and a plot near my parent's in the same cemetery.

At sixty one, being stuck in a hole in the ground seems like a waste of space and not to inviting. The inviting part I can wait on, believe me. I'm now leaning more toward cremation and a nice bronze urn so they can hold a wake for me at the local bar. I hate morbid funerals so sit me on the top of the juke box and lets party one more time.

I wonder what that burial policy is worth today? Maybe I should check into that.

 

[glynndah]

Yes, I have plans which I've shared with my family.

1. Make sure I'm really dead and feel free to take anything usable from the corpse.

2. Throw the rest in a ditch somewhere.

3. Take the money you would have spent on a funeral and have a really great party.

 

[scheherazade_79]

Interesting answers, and kudos for being able to speak so easily about it A lot of people I've mentioned it to have given me funny looks and refused to go into detail..

One more question - if the funeral is for those who are left, isn't it better to plan it all out for them so that they don't have to be wondering what music you'd like, and what you'd like to be dressed in when they've gone to pieces with grief?

Unless my cause of death involves losing both legs I'd like to be buried in my skateshoes and a hoody.

 

[CharleyH]

The recent family funerals have been followed by entertaining social occasions, celebrating the life of the departed one, but also enjoying ourselves because that's what the dead relation would have wanted.

I attended the cremation of a friend last year. Afterwards we stood around in the crematorium park swapping jokes that he would have enjoyed. There was more laughter than tears.

One of my aunts was cremated in East London. The event was midweek and she had outlived most of her generation so our attendance was limited. The crematorium had twin chapels with car parks on either side. "Our" funeral had about six cars. In the other chapel was a Muslim funeral for a patriarch of an extensive family and their car park was too small. I went over to them and suggested that they used the empty parking spaces on our side. They did and promised a prayer for our aunt. So we said a prayer for him too...

After the funerals the mourners were intermingled in the car park. We found out that their family knew our aunt, and our aunt knew their deceased. The two groups spent so long talking to each other that the funeral directors had to hurry us along before the next funerals arrived. "Our" children and "their" children were playing tag around the flower beds and were reluctant to be parted from their new friends.

When my mother-in-law had a green burial it was the first such burial that the funeral directors had attended. It poured with rain the day before and for most of the morning. The family mourners arrived in wellington boots and waterproof anoraks. The funeral staff arrived in formal black with shiny patent leather shoes. They took one look at us and changed into wellingtons. The path from the car park to the graveside was about four inches deep in fast running water. The grave had a pump running before the service started. The rain ceased just long enough for the pump to be turned off for the ceremony and was then started again so that the biodegradable coffin could be lowered without floating.

A year later my father-in-law was buried beside his wife. The sun was shining, no pump was required but we still needed wellington boots. This time the funeral staff arrived in shiny black wellingtons. Now my in-laws' grave is marked with a native tree that will eventually become part of the wood when the green burial site is full.

Og

A big smile for a beautiful write.

 

[Weird Harold]

I'm now leaning more toward cremation and a nice bronze urn so they can hold a wake for me at the local bar. I hate morbid funerals so sit me on the top of the juke box and lets party one more time.

When I was in my twenties, any time this subject came up I told my friends to:

prop my body in the corner and use my coffin for a beer cooler; the first one to sober up has to put me back in the coffin.

I'm a little less inclined to put it taht crudely, but the basic philosophy hasn't changed -- celebrate my life if you must, but get on with your own lives without crying over mine.

 

[TxRad]

When I was in my twenties, any time this subject came up I told my friends to:

prop my body in the corner and use my coffin for a beer cooler; the first one to sober up has to put me back in the coffin.

I'm a little less inclined to put it taht crudely, but the basic philosophy hasn't changed -- celebrate my life if you must, but get on with your own lives without crying over mine.

My feelings exactly. (Insert beer toast here)

 

[Liar]

Funerals are not for the dead, but for the living. I'll ber dead so it doesn't matter much to me. Whatever ceremony and final storage that gives my loved ones the most solace is what I want. And it's not my place to dictate what that might be. If they want to stick me in a hole in the ground, cool. If they want to burn me and spread the ashes, cool. If they want to snort the ashes, dandy.

 

[CharleyH]

When I was in my twenties, any time this subject came up I told my friends to:

prop my body in the corner and use my coffin for a beer cooler; the first one to sober up has to put me back in the coffin.

I'm a little less inclined to put it taht crudely, but the basic philosophy hasn't changed -- celebrate my life if you must, but get on with your own lives without crying over mine.

Cudos. I will forget about you as soon as you die.

 

[Weird Harold]

Cudos. I will forget about you as soon as you die.

Since we only know each other through aliases on a pron site's froms, I suspect you'll just wonder why I quit posting.

 

[matriarch]

The recent family funerals have been followed by entertaining social occasions, celebrating the life of the departed one, but also enjoying ourselves because that's what the dead relation would have wanted.

I attended the cremation of a friend last year. Afterwards we stood around in the crematorium park swapping jokes that he would have enjoyed. There was more laughter than tears.

One of my aunts was cremated in East London. The event was midweek and she had outlived most of her generation so our attendance was limited. The crematorium had twin chapels with car parks on either side. "Our" funeral had about six cars. In the other chapel was a Muslim funeral for a patriarch of an extensive family and their car park was too small. I went over to them and suggested that they used the empty parking spaces on our side. They did and promised a prayer for our aunt. So we said a prayer for him too...

After the funerals the mourners were intermingled in the car park. We found out that their family knew our aunt, and our aunt knew their deceased. The two groups spent so long talking to each other that the funeral directors had to hurry us along before the next funerals arrived. "Our" children and "their" children were playing tag around the flower beds and were reluctant to be parted from their new friends.

When my mother-in-law had a green burial it was the first such burial that the funeral directors had attended. It poured with rain the day before and for most of the morning. The family mourners arrived in wellington boots and waterproof anoraks. The funeral staff arrived in formal black with shiny patent leather shoes. They took one look at us and changed into wellingtons. The path from the car park to the graveside was about four inches deep in fast running water. The grave had a pump running before the service started. The rain ceased just long enough for the pump to be turned off for the ceremony and was then started again so that the biodegradable coffin could be lowered without floating.

A year later my father-in-law was buried beside his wife. The sun was shining, no pump was required but we still needed wellington boots. This time the funeral staff arrived in shiny black wellingtons. Now my in-laws' grave is marked with a native tree that will eventually become part of the wood when the green burial site is full.

Og

Beautiful memories, Og. Thank you.