The Open Source Sexuality Project

[Salvor-Hardon]

I just read a series of blog posts Link here. That describe the beginnings of something called "The Open Source Boob Project". Long story short it began with a woman in a small group sighing publically "I'd liked to be able to just ask 'can I touch your boobs?" to which another in the group responds "You can touch mine. Its no big deal." The group then began asking, just simply, humbly, politely asking other friends and acquaintences "May I touch your boobs?"

It then escalates into a project, a set of buttons reading "Yes you may" or "No you may not" When worn that signify it is ok to ask. These were handed out a convention and people responded by inviting other friends and acquaintances to join. The title of the project is misleading as the experience was not just boobs but also include both male and female butts that could be inquired about. The discussion on the livejournal site is heated, lively and at times nasty. Reading through only about a third, There seemed to be a lot of ideas about personal space and the person as a whole rather than just a body, as well as the context of doing it amongst friends and acquaintances rather than in the throng of thousands of complete strangers.

What got me thinking though was not about boobs or asses, but about sex in general. SOmething about that phrase of "just asking" and it being as simple and the person being asked being able to respond freely and openly with a yes or no. Coupling that with a degrees of interaction, from warm hugs to light kisses to making out, oral intercourse and even more from there. A way of saying "here are my limits and preferences" without being so brazen as to announce them or the repetitions of announcing them repeatedly.

It's possible I just want to make a database application out of this somehow to satisfy my geeky desire to quantify and analyze everything, to make human interaction as efficient as possible. Not that guarantees of connections and compatibility are to be made but just a way to better manage social interactions that have an undercurrent of sexuality.

 

[TxRad]

Interesting, I say as a light bulb flashes above my head.

I have this scifi story about an open sex planet. I had kind of written myself into a box but this may fix that. Everyone will now wear a tag, a sort of colored strip that indicates sexual favorites and preferences.

I can see it now.

"Uh, excuse me but I see you're interested in anal bondage, may I buy you a drink?"



To bad this world ain't that way.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

It sure would make life easier, wouldn't it? Of course, we'd lose some of the "sporting" aspects of the pursuit but I think on balance it would be a good thing.

 

[Xelebes]

The mathematician in me wants to apply game theory... must resist urges...

 

[cloudy]

I just read a series of blog posts Link here. That describe the beginnings of something called "The Open Source Boob Project". Long story short it began with a woman in a small group sighing publically "I'd liked to be able to just ask 'can I touch your boobs?" to which another in the group responds "You can touch mine. Its no big deal." The group then began asking, just simply, humbly, politely asking other friends and acquaintences "May I touch your boobs?"

sure, you can fondle the boobage.

 

[Stella_Omega]

The beginning of the project-- and the dead-as-a-doornail-end.

I've been reading these posts for a day or so, and trying to figure out my own position.

OF COURSE, I'd love it, if I could simply ask, and be answered. (and as a woman, I am peculiarly enabled to do that). I would have worn a green button had I been there. But one reason, I don't mind telling you, is because I feel secure and confident enough, amongst a gang of geeky men, that I could say yes or no,and make my answer stick. And that my self-identity is far more complete than many twenty-something young women do-- a guy could accuse me of being a denying bitch, (if i said no) and a girl could accuse me of being a slut (if I said yes) and I'd just laugh in their respective faces.

But my attitude is relatively rare; enough so that I've been accused of autism on occasion. And thus the rage from so many of the women who've responded.

Here's the big-arsed problem, as many a woman has said in the discussions; It would be acceptable, IF ONLY the asker would accept the answer THE FIRST TIME.
Unfortunately, men have a habit of refusing that first answer, instead asking again and again. Sometimes, the woman will finally give in. The ferret, about two years ago, claimed that women were thus at fault,because they've taught men that persistence-- even asshole persistence-- pays off in the end. Several women pointed out that it's difficult to judge where persistence will turn into forceful coercion-- IE rape.

Some posts in reaction; This one discusses the flaws in the libertarian philosophy

This woman took part in the OSBP

giandujakiss Is a very thoughtful and liberal woman with a strongly feminist AND pro-sex mindset-- and is equally sympathetic to the confusions that men have to face as the rules change. She has at least three posts reagrding OSBP, and this one is the most complete.

(this post talks about women who join that marines, and is peculiarly germane)

By the way, did everyone know that April is sexual assault awareness month? I didn't...

 

[voluptuary_manque]

The mathematician in me wants to apply game theory... must resist urges...

No, no! Do it! I think you may be onto something of great value to human relations here . . . or possibly to horny relations.

 

[cloudy]

Here's the big-arsed problem, as many a woman has said in the discussions; It would be acceptable, IF ONLY the asker would accept the answer THE FIRST TIME.
Unfortunately, men have a habit of refusing that first answer, instead asking again and again.

I agree. I'm like you, Stella, in that I'm very confident in myself, so the idea of someone touching my boobs just makes me amused. After all, all women have them, they just vary in the particulars.

 

[lesbiaphrodite]

I agree. I'm like you, Stella, in that I'm very confident in myself, so the idea of someone touching my boobs just makes me amused. After all, all women have them, they just vary in the particulars.

May I?

 

[cloudy]

May I?

yes, you may.

 

[lesbiaphrodite]

yes, you may.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Thank you.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

By the way, did everyone know that April is sexual assault awareness month? I didn't...

Neither did I. And here we are nearly at the end. Not very aware, were we? Damn!

Well, from what I can gather from your links . . .
1. The ferret is an ass
2. A perfectly good and civilized idea got trashed by a collection of troglodytes
3. Things like that need the same rules as a Lit-together
4. Asking always has the risk of refusal so we should all get used to it
5. Alcohol should be limited within the setting

Anything else?

 

[Stella_Omega]

Neither did I. And here we are nearly at the end. Not very aware, were we? Damn!

Well, from what I can gather from your links . . .
1. The ferret is an ass
2. A perfectly good and civilized idea got trashed by a collection of troglodytes
3. Things like that need the same rules as a Lit-together
4. Asking always has the risk of refusal so we should all get used to it
5. Alcohol should be limited within the setting

Anything else?

6. It's not a very good idea to toss a you-shoulda-been-there scene into the general public.

The good idea wasn't trashed by the trogs-- it worked out pretty well in that instance. The Ferret, however, wrote about it in a evangelical way, bless his pointed little head, and seems to have been surprised (even though he's been faced with that reaction before) by the reactions of women who aren't repelled by the echoes of male privilege that every woman still has to face.

Heinlein tried and tried too... and got the same response. Hmm, he was a libertarian as well...

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Heinlein tried and tried too... and got the same response. Hmm, he was a libertarian as well...

Sigh! So am I. Oh well, I'll just blame any negative reaction on the fact that I'm Asperger's and completely clueless. It's amazing what people will forgive the "handicapped".

 

[Stella_Omega]

Sigh! So am I. Oh well, I'll just blame any negative reaction on the fact that I'm Asperger's and completely clueless. It's amazing what people will forgive the "handicapped".

My sis is convinced that I'm Asberger's as well, but the tests said no.

Did you read springheeled jack's post? She articulates the problem with applying libertarian standards to social issues very well, I think. That's the main reason why I cannot embrace libertarianism-- coercion will always be with us, and the Libs don't seem to address that problem very well. Contracts and such. How can you be sure that someone who has sold themselves into slavery did it willingly?

This controversy resonates with me in several ways, one of which deals with the sorrow and confusion that a white person encounters when she is confronted with the all-pervading nature of institutionalised racism-- no matter how liberal she might be. I see these men floundering in the same way. I can't help but feel a little bit sorry for them.

(edited to add)

In the same moment, however, it's still tough noogies for them, just as it is for poor misunderstood white me, haha!

 

[voluptuary_manque]

This controversy resonates with me in several ways, one of which deals with the sorrow and confusion that a white person encounters when she is confronted with the all-pervading nature of institutionalised racism-- no matter how liberal she might be. I see these men floundering in the same way. I can't help but feel a little bit sorry for them.

See, that's why your tests say "no". Such things resonate with you. My tests say "moderate" though my wife thinks even that is too high. Treating others the I want to be treated is difficult enough without worrying about overriding institutional problems. Sometimes I am grateful to be so oblivious.

 

[Guest]

Sigh! So am I. Oh well, I'll just blame any negative reaction on the fact that I'm Asperger's and completely clueless. It's amazing what people will forgive the "handicapped".

doesn't that make you smarter?

 

[Stella_Omega]

doesn't that make you smarter?

Speaking for myself, my IQ just dropped ten points when I looked at your av.

 

[The_Fool]

sure, you can fondle the boobage.

Damn....If you had only said this to me about a year ago....*lusty sigh*

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Speaking for myself, my IQ just dropped ten points when I looked at your av.

Yeah, all the bloodflow away from the brain did that to me, too.

And Asperger's folk are very intelligent in a book-learning sort of way. We just find living people confusing.

Hi, Fool, I as thinking the same thing . . .

Maybe next year?

 

[cloudy]

Damn....If you had only said this to me about a year ago....*lusty sigh*

Remind me next time, k?

 

[NoJo]

Interesting, I say as a light bulb flashes above my head.

I have this scifi story about an open sex planet. I had kind of written myself into a box but this may fix that. Everyone will now wear a tag, a sort of colored strip that indicates sexual favorites and preferences.

I can see it now.

"Uh, excuse me but I see you're interested in anal bondage, may I buy you a drink?"



To bad this world ain't that way.

That's a very old, and famous (in the UK) story by a grandmaster of Science Fiction, Brian Aldiss. The story is called The Primal Urge and it was written in 1961. It is regarded as eerily prescient satire of the "Swinging Sixties" mood that followed four years later.

 

[TxRad]

That's a very old, and famous (in the UK) story by a grandmaster of Science Fiction, Brian Aldiss. The story is called The Primal Urge and it was written in 1961. It is regarded as eerily prescient satire of the "Swinging Sixties" mood that followed four years later.

I guess the old say about there never being anything new under the sun is true.

Mine deals more with a sexual murder on a planet where sex is free and open with all parties involved willing of course. It delves into a matriarch society and the schemes going on behind the scenes. It has quite a few twists and turns even for my devious dirty old man brain.

I'll let you read it before I post so I can be sure i didn't rip nothing off unintentionally. I read so much scifi in my younger days, I have to really watch what I write.

ETA: I have to finish it first. It's been on the back burner for a couple of years.

 

[Salvor-Hardon]

I knew that this was a great place to bring strange ideas . Yes it would never really work in real life, other than in a very specific context, and with set rules and screened participants. I think it was a flawed execution of an unattainable idea, but the idea itself intriques me.

The beginning of the project-- and the dead-as-a-doornail-end.

I've been reading these posts for a day or so, and trying to figure out my own position.

OF COURSE, I'd love it, if I could simply ask, and be answered. (and as a woman, I am peculiarly enabled to do that). I would have worn a green button had I been there. But one reason, I don't mind telling you, is because I feel secure and confident enough, amongst a gang of geeky men, that I could say yes or no,and make my answer stick. And that my self-identity is far more complete than many twenty-something young women do-- a guy could accuse me of being a denying bitch, (if i said no) and a girl could accuse me of being a slut (if I said yes) and I'd just laugh in their respective faces.

But my attitude is relatively rare; enough so that I've been accused of autism on occasion. And thus the rage from so many of the women who've responded.

Here's the big-arsed problem, as many a woman has said in the discussions; It would be acceptable, IF ONLY the asker would accept the answer THE FIRST TIME.

Unfortunately, men have a habit of refusing that first answer, instead asking again and again. Sometimes, the woman will finally give in. The ferret, about two years ago, claimed that women were thus at fault,because they've taught men that persistence-- even asshole persistence-- pays off in the end. Several women pointed out that it's difficult to judge where persistence will turn into forceful coercion-- IE rape.

...


By the way, did everyone know that April is sexual assault awareness month? I didn't...

That struck me Stella, as you so often find the heart of a good idea and where ti goes awry. I think the idea of men just pestering and asking is atrocious, and shows such "men" to be in fact little boys with no grasp of the interchange . Its that selfish that "if he gets to why not me?" that strikes at a man's ego. I agree The Ferret is an ass, and if he were any kind of methodical thinker, a better project test bed could have been developed. I think he fixated too much on boobs (hence my focus more on the sexuality) and less on teh dynamics and social interplay that was being tested.

I did know it was sexual assault awareness month, and I keep looking for an Atlanta event of "Walk a mile in there shoes" so that I can be a part. I'd have to call some drag queens to help get shoes that fit, but I think it would be a worthy cause.

There's just somethgin unshakeable about social networking, sexuality and technology here that gnaws at the back of my head. Curse my twsited brain.

ETA: And yes TX Rad, I was thinking of somethign along the same lines, of a badge or card or indicator that showed higher and lower areas of compatibility. Between RFID tags and some matrix designs, you would still ahve to get close enough to talk to the person for the tags to work, and the idea of "No means no stop asking" would have to be drilled into participants and enforced ruthlessly, but somethign in my head makes me wonder "waht if".

 

[Selena_Kitt]

Nope... I don't want the mystery removed... I rather like it.