Confusing feelings....

[sexycaz22]

As most of you will know that I have came over to the Dark Side as BiBunny likes to call it!

Now, I am loving every mintue of being a Domme with my subs, espically with my pet who recently announced that he wanted to be all mine!

However, I am also looking to be a bottom with a Top/Dom for exploring pain play - as in that I want someone to push my limits but in a scene only

I have been talking with a few Doms, and we talked about things, as you do, obviously and suddenly I felt a little "trapped" and confused, because some of them were talking about other things, like me fully submitting to them, and taking orders from them etc (when I agree to "submit" to them, that is) and I feel like I don't want to take orders from you, I just want you to beat me till I cry out for you to stop, and even not stopping at that, too, till I use a safe signal. I don't care about other things, just finding someone to push my pain torelance etc, and also the aftercare as well.

But...at the same time, I feel like I should please the Top in question if they want to do other things, like oral sex *which I am fine with* or orgasm control *which I am not fine with* and giving me orders away from the scene.

So that is where I am finding it difficult to cope with.

Anyone else having this difficulty??

 

[BiBunny]

As most of you will know that I have came over to the Dark Side as BiBunny likes to call it!

Now, I am loving every mintue of being a Domme with my subs, espically with my pet who recently announced that he wanted to be all mine!

However, I am also looking to be a bottom with a Top/Dom for exploring pain play - as in that I want someone to push my limits but in a scene only

I have been talking with a few Doms, and we talked about things, as you do, obviously and suddenly I felt a little "trapped" and confused, because some of them were talking about other things, like me fully submitting to them, and taking orders from them etc (when I agree to "submit" to them, that is) and I feel like I don't want to take orders from you, I just want you to beat me till I cry out for you to stop, and even not stopping at that, too, till I use a safe signal. I don't care about other things, just finding someone to push my pain torelance etc, and also the aftercare as well.

But...at the same time, I feel like I should please the Top in question if they want to do other things, like oral sex *which I am fine with* or orgasm control *which I am not fine with* and giving me orders away from the scene.

So that is where I am finding it difficult to cope with.

Anyone else having this difficulty??

Yes, I've had this problem before. It tends to be an obnoxious hetero male Dom thing. I have far fewer problems with other switches.

This is the time to let your inner Domme loose really. You set your boundaries, and if they're not willing to abide by them, then find somebody else. If you haven't agreed to "submit," then you're well within your rights to set your own limits. Lots of pre-negotiation and a "Just because I want to bottom to you doesn't mean I'm going to be your sub" attitude going in will do away with a lot of this.

Or just play with other switches. We *get* it.

 

[intothewoods]

I've struggled in the past with negotiating casual play with Tops, but mostly because I'm a lightweight when it comes to pain. Bunny's advice is great, and even if you aren't a Domme, just be clear and firm about your boundaries. The pain versus submission line should be a pretty clear one. I know tons of people in my local scene who would play with you!

 

[catalina_francisco]

My suggestion would be you be clear about what you will and will not accept and be willing to negotiate and/or participate in. You can hardly blame someone else if you say you feel you have to please a Top you are with even when you don't want to...that is your responsibility, not theirs. If you want to be a Domme or top others you have to be able to maintain your own ground, and for me the same goes with if you bottom to another or are a sub...if you can't set out your limits and stick with them when you want/need to, you need to find a way to do that, and it doesn't necessarily mean you have to be rude, obnoxious, or nasty, just assertive when needed.

Catalina

 

[rida]

As most of you will know that I have came over to the Dark Side as BiBunny likes to call it!

Now, I am loving every mintue of being a Domme with my subs, espically with my pet who recently announced that he wanted to be all mine!

However, I am also looking to be a bottom with a Top/Dom for exploring pain play - as in that I want someone to push my limits but in a scene only

I have been talking with a few Doms, and we talked about things, as you do, obviously and suddenly I felt a little "trapped" and confused, because some of them were talking about other things, like me fully submitting to them, and taking orders from them etc (when I agree to "submit" to them, that is) and I feel like I don't want to take orders from you, I just want you to beat me till I cry out for you to stop, and even not stopping at that, too, till I use a safe signal. I don't care about other things, just finding someone to push my pain torelance etc, and also the aftercare as well.

But...at the same time, I feel like I should please the Top in question if they want to do other things, like oral sex *which I am fine with* or orgasm control *which I am not fine with* and giving me orders away from the scene.

So that is where I am finding it difficult to cope with.

Anyone else having this difficulty??

Find yourself a sadist Top to play with!

Joking aside, what is probably happening is that the Dom you are speaking with do not understand the concept of being a Switch, of not wanting to be any body's Sub, of just wanting to bottom to them.

As the posters before me said, make sure that you express your limit/requirements. And be ready to repeat them over and over.

Or... you were just unlucky and had a run with some wanna-be Dom in search of a wanna-be Sub

 

[Netzach]

Not many people start out willing to do any and every thing the other person wants. If they are invested in your obeying them outside the scene, then they should be smart enough to just be how they are and if they're innately powerful to you it'll start happening naturally. Geez.

You can't really *negotiate* actual submission, in my experience, you can negotiate what things you want to happen and what things you're opposed to when it comes to play, but submission is often a mindset, it's like negotiating interest. A person can approach me with a slave role and mentality but that only grows legs over time.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Looking for a sadist to inflict sensations on your body, No Strings Attached?

*raises hand*

I will!

 

[sexycaz22]

Looking for a sadist to inflict sensations on your body, No Strings Attached?

*raises hand*

I will!

Massive smile on my face, E_G!

Unforetenly......Homburg have not fixed the transporter, as far as I know, so I can't use it, as yet, to take me over to the USA and to where you live, E_G!

 

[DeservingBitch]

Massive smile on my face, E_G!

Unforetenly......Homburg have not fixed the transporter, as far as I know, so I can't use it, as yet, to take me over to the USA and to where you live, E_G!

What? We have a transporter here? How come nobody ever tells me anything?

As for your OP: I am with Bunny on that one. It's a uber-het male Top thing. Go for the genderbinding or switch types. They tend to be more on the same vibes on this. And don't worry about missing out on the smart uber-het male Tops: they'll go with Netz's approach.