sub space emotionally

[Guest]

hey peeps!!

ive got a question for the subbies and of course the dommes too! i'm a dyke but i know this dynamics is the same or similar for all D/ s relationships

i wanna know more about the sub space on emotional level. not only when youre fucking. the in between fucking. how does a domme make her sub feel desirable and loved? ive heard of a low sub space in that the sub feels that shes not sexy etc. what is it that a domme can do to change that?

i mean its so much more than physical. the dynamic is on many levels. how do you make sure your sub is satisfied emotionally too? esp when youre not fucking.

help please??

thanks peeps

 

[EmpressFi]

well as much as "vanilla" is a no no word.. I have to say it.

What do you do in any relationship to let that person know they're important?

My Master and I have a LDR so feeling loved is definitely less dependent upon sex. How he makes me feel important is in talking with me when he can, including me in as much of his every day life as I can. He stands up for me when people say things about me even if it's just as I'm ranting about them. He listens to my opinion and tells me when I'm full of bullshit (if I am) and shows me that my opinions are valuable to him.

Just because he's my Dom and I'm his slave shouldnt change how one human makes the other human feel their worth. At least that's my opinion. How he shows me he loves me and how Malin shows his love for me are very similar.

 

[YourCaptor]

...how does a domme make her sub feel desirable and loved? ive heard of a low sub space in that the sub feels that shes not sexy etc. what is it that a domme can do to change that?

i mean its so much more than physical. the dynamic is on many levels. how do you make sure your sub is satisfied emotionally too? esp when youre not fucking.

help please??

thanks peeps

Meaningful compliments and consistency in such will go miles.

That’s actually far more simple then it may sound.

If you know the person in question well, this shouldn’t be a problem, just stroke their ego.

I you need a kick start, here is some advice.

Now this is going to sound like generalizing, and it is, but it really does apply to a lot of people, even if they don’t admit it.

Weight, girls and boys, women and men, just about everyone is sensitive about their weight… in most western culture that is.

The trick is to find in what context they are sensitive.

Then stroke their ego every day several times a day.

Eventually your words will get stuck, and they will feel better and better about themselves and more easily respond sexual, resulting in higher states euphoria.

Or you could grow six arms and tickly every sensitive spot on her body at the same time.

Its all really very original for every person, so mix and mach, experiment (safely), etc. In dom terms, you get a feel for the person, so much so that eventually they become and extension of yourself.

 

[madetotakeit]

I agree with EmpressFi and YourCaptor in that the basics are no different than in any other relationship. Everyone wants to feel desired, loved, appreciated. These things have to be reciprocated for any relationship to work.

Appreciative words, desirous looks, unexpected actions. These are the things that elevate as much as their absence crushes. Depending on the sub, the amount of effort needed in these can range from minute to all-consuming. A lot depends on the emotional balance and self-esteem. It's the Goldilocks effect...for some the smallest thing is enough, for others only a continual amount is enough. It's striking the balance of what is just right for both.

One thing is for certain, that balance must be found because these are basic human desires. IMO if the sub tends more towards the sub drop either the two people are not the best match for each other. Or it could be that more attention needs to be paid on both parts. It is just as important for the sub to recognize when the Dom/Domme is offering these things as it is for the Dom/Domme to realize when they are not being given in the right amount. It is amazing how much a little effort can reap.

 

[YourCaptor]

Everyone wants to feel desired, loved, appreciated. These things have to be reciprocated for any relationship to work.

Appreciative words, desirous looks, unexpected actions. These are the things that elevate as much as their absence crushes. Depending on the sub, the amount of effort needed in these can range from minute to all-consuming. A lot depends on the emotional balance and self-esteem. It's the Goldilocks effect...for some the smallest thing is enough, for others only a continual amount is enough. It's striking the balance of what is just right for both. ...

Those words flow together so well and are so true it gave me this odd feeling of something important happening.

Nice job madetotakeit, I am seriously impressed.

 

[Guest]

thanks for the answers peeps

you rock.

is there anyone who can tell me more about the low subspace?

why does it happen. as i said, esp the emotional part.

 

[EmpressFi]

thanks for the answers peeps

you rock.

is there anyone who can tell me more about the low subspace?

why does it happen. as i said, esp the emotional part.

Sub-drop.

Dont know why it happens. I'd suspect it's like anything else, where you get an incredibly high and when the chemicals in your brain wear off, you have an incredible low. It happens with drugs, it happens when you body gets too much sugar too rapidly.

I really havent experienced a deep depression afterwards. My sub-drop usually exhibits, if at all, by just a quiet, stillness.