A question for your Doms/Dommes

[Aleolus]

A question for you Doms/Dommes

Hey, all. I'm getting into the BDSM scene some (though I prefer MC over restraints/humiliation/punishment), and I had a question for all of you Dominant types on the board. How do you prefer your sub refer to you as, both in and out of scene? I personally prefer the term "Master," but I was wondering how the rest of you felt on it.

Also, what's the general rule on having multiple subs at the same time, something of a harem?

 

[catalina_francisco]

Hey, all. I'm getting into the BDSM scene some (though I prefer MC over restraints/humiliation/punishment), and I had a question for all of you Dominant types on the board. How do you prefer your sub refer to you as, both in and out of scene? I personally prefer the term "Master," but I was wondering how the rest of you felt on it.

Also, what's the general rule on having multiple subs at the same time, something of a harem?

What's MC? Could be I am not firing on all cylinders today and it is ust slipping by me. As to whether I prefer "Master" or some other lable, it only matters in so much as to our relationship really. It is a personal thing, and once again, not something that can be ascribed as the 'best' or 'right' terminology. I sometimes use his name, sometimes use Amo, sometimes one of the many endearments I have for him, and sometimes just talk to him without using anything specific...is all good for us.

Multiple subs in the style of a harem? The stuff many a fantasy (and porn) is made of, rarely a reality in the harem sense. In poly type arrangements it requires a lot of hard work from all, energy, and a lot of communication and ability for all to get along and like and respect each other. While I know of some successful poly relationships, some of those being here on this forum, as a generalisation most poly arrangements have a time limit where is stops working for one or more person.

Catalina

 

[Aleolus]

MC means Mind Control. It refers to dominance of the mind, rather than the body. The main real-world application of it is with hypnosis, which isn't perfect, but it's close enough! Everyone should get into hypnosis as a fetish! Here are a couple sites you can go to to check it out,
www.hypnogirls.com
www.hypnolust.com

 

[catalina_francisco]

MC means Mind Control. It refers to dominance of the mind, rather than the body. The main real-world application of it is with hypnosis, which isn't perfect, but it's close enough! Everyone should get into hypnosis as a fetish! Here are a couple sites you can go to to check it out,

Ah, now it makes sense. And yes, I know about hypnosis, even have it in some of my writing, but for me I prefer mind control if used to be dominance of the mind without hypnosis. Hypnosis relies on the person being open to it and the suggestions made, and someone who is skilled in administering it without having to be necessarily Dominant or submissive. In some ways for me it is like giving someone a date rape drug and then claiming they really were into having sex with you, really wanted it, really loved you...the actions are not necessarily one in the same with the reality.

Catalina

 

[Aleolus]

Bump, plz?

 

[WriterDom]

I've been fond of Mr. President here lately but we both bust out laughing when I do my Bill voice.

 

[MrGoodlookin]

No matter what one is called it's only as powerful as the relationship allows it to be. The meaning is only important to you and your S/O making it something you should discuss with them. I prefer Daddy or Sir with both having appropriate settings. Like anything else for it to hold any meaning for us we discussed the significance before allowing them to be used. We were well into our relationship before any interest in bdsm arose. I think it was even more important for us to find the right terms to make us both feel comfortable and not like we were faking it or trying to fit us into something.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Hey, all. I'm getting into the BDSM scene some (though I prefer MC over restraints/humiliation/punishment), and I had a question for all of you Dominant types on the board. How do you prefer your sub refer to you as, both in and out of scene? I personally prefer the term "Master," but I was wondering how the rest of you felt on it.

Also, what's the general rule on having multiple subs at the same time, something of a harem?

I prefer being addressed by name. It's what my parents gave me, my friends and family call me, it's what I'll be buried as.

It makes her happy to call me "Sir" so I indulge her. She calls me Sir in front of her family, her friends, her employers, pretty much anyone. It's a sign of her honor and respect for me, she does it voluntarily, not because I require it of her.

As for multiple submissives, that's up to the individuals involved in the relationship to figure out. There is no "general rule" about it. People are either inclined toward monogamy, polyamory, or swinging. If you try to force poly or swinging on someone who is internally wired to be monogamous, you ARE going to have problems. Just as you will have problems trying to force monogamy on someone who is internally poly, or a free wheelling swinger.

You should be honest and up front about who you are, what you want and need out of a relationship, and whether you are strictly monogamous, poly, swinging, or poly or swing curious. Just as you should tell a partner if you are straight, gay or bi or bi-curious. Or a cross-dresser. Or a plushie. Or kinky...

Honesty, trust, and good communication skills go a long way in determining the health and longevity of a relationship.

Hope my thoughts help.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

I'm with Evil Geoff on this one. I really have a hard time keeping a straight face with anything like "Mistress" or "Lady," and "Ma'am" has an age implication that I am defensive about, I must admit. I miss "Miss", as it were.

My actual names are quite powerful enough, and I like to hear them spoken with the sort of tone that one would use with a title. However, like Geoff, I'm ironically often around people who get off on calling me by titles, in which case it's fine and I'll deal.

I tend to raise an eyebrow just a teency bit when I meet people who insist on being referred to as Master Something or Other. You is or you ain't, y'know? And if you is, I'll probably know it with or without a formal title.

But for many subs, the title Master or Sir or whatever is an endearment, as much a sign of affection and love as calling someone "Darling." There is real beauty and power in that sort of title, when it comes from the heart.

For me, it's about just saying my name. I'd rather hear "yes, bijou" than "yes Ma'am" any day of the week.

bj

 

[HottieMama]

Geoff...What's a plushie???

(If that was a completely idiotic question...i'm sorry.)

 

[midwestyankee]

I've been fond of Mr. President here lately but we both bust out laughing when I do my Bill voice.

Gotcha. I'm having a lot of trouble imagining saying, "Honey, I feel your pain" with a straight face.

But then, a good cigar always deserves an appropriate accompaniment.

 

[sexycaz22]

As a Domme, I prefer to be called Caz and just that. But I would require, and only if the sub in question and I were having a serious relationship, for him to call me his Lady (with a capital letter) when he were talking about me online, ie in a forum like this or in his profile etc. Other than that, just plain old Caz is perfectly fine.

As a sub, I only want what the Top/Dom want me to call him. That;s it simple.

You should be honest and up front about who you are, what you want and need out of a relationship, and whether you are strictly monogamous, poly, swinging, or poly or swing curious. Just as you should tell a partner if you are straight, gay or bi or bi-curious. Or a cross-dresser. Or a plushie. Or kinky...

I agree completely on this one, all the guys I am dating/seeing/playing with knows about each other, some vanilla, some kinky and knows about it. I am not in any relationships iwth any one of them...yet, but I won't want to force poly on any one of them, and if one of them asks me to be mono, I would seriously consider it and talk it over with him, and also it depends on how serious our relationship would be.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Geoff...What's a plushie???

(If that was a completely idiotic question...i'm sorry.)

In fetish terms a "plushie" is a person who has a strong -- usually erotic -- attachment to stuffed animals and/or "furries" (folks who dress up in animal costumes).

Not my kink, but hey, if it floats their boats I'm happy for 'em! It certainly is kin to my role playing...

 

[conhed]

To the OP:

The actual title is not important, as long as the relationship is rock solid. That solidity is built on mutual trust, respect and honor. With those in place, the proper form of address will come about naturally, and will do so for all parties in the relationship, and will be appropriate for the situation.

I, like others above me in the responses, prefer that my name be used as a matter of course. I actually do ask people that I know only slightly to NOT refer to me as Sir, as I feel that should be reserved for those who know me well enough to have real respect for me.

As for the form of address for my sub (when I have one, I do not currently), it depends on the social situation. In vanilla settings, his/her name is appropriate, in lifestyle settings it can vary according to many factors, often being determined by the Host or Hostess at an event. In private, it is between us alone, but I can assure you that a proper noun is not used.

To me, a more interesting question is how the sub refers to self. "This slave", "Your cum-starved pain slut", and "Master's toy" are all acceptable, but are by no means the only acceptable self appellations. Creativity is encouraged, as are ideas for for proving the veracity of the names!

Regards,

conhed

 

[myinnerslut]

im not a domme but i do have an answer. A prefers to be called by his name, or Love (capital l, love). he hates master. and really dislikes sir.

 

[Netzach]

Slaves/subs who are not intimately involved with me - I like Ms. (mylastname or mylastprofessionalname)

Just like you would outside of SM. It's contemporary, normal, respectful. Pretend I'm your boss or prof.


This doesn't, of course, apply to people not involved with me at all, I think that slaves/subs who aren't interested in that dynamic *with me* can call me whatever.

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

I don't really like it when my little girl calls me by my name. I much prefer Master, Daddy, or Sir.

And of course all the lovey dovey nicknames too like Sweetheart or Honey.

 

[twysted73]

Hey, all. I'm getting into the BDSM scene some (though I prefer MC over restraints/humiliation/punishment), and I had a question for all of you Dominant types on the board. How do you prefer your sub refer to you as, both in and out of scene? I personally prefer the term "Master," but I was wondering how the rest of you felt on it.

Also, what's the general rule on having multiple subs at the same time, something of a harem?

As for titles, Master seems too overused and played out for me. It feels campy if it's directed at me so I choose Celtic words for things that represent me as I see myself.
It's more personal and certainly not a word that will make more then one person answer "Yes?" at a Fetish convention.

As for "harems".... I'm slightly traditional in that I feel that I'd be giving less then I am capable of if I bifurcated my attentions, thoughts, plans and drive. Would I want her to submit to another?
Certainly not.
Call me old fashioned perhaps.
But submission is like the new wedding ring. Not even marriage often goes as deeply.

 

[SubKekiLee]

I am not Dom, but I am his sub.. For my Dom ... his preference has been Sir until he collars me right now I am his Pet, his submissive... when he collars me I will refer to him as my Master... as to in public I refer to him under his given name.. No one knows that this what happens behind closed doors..

 

[SweetDomme_29]

Harem?????

Hey, all. I'm getting into the BDSM scene some (though I prefer MC over restraints/humiliation/punishment), and I had a question for all of you Dominant types on the board. How do you prefer your sub refer to you as, both in and out of scene? I personally prefer the term "Master," but I was wondering how the rest of you felt on it.

Also, what's the general rule on having multiple subs at the same time, something of a harem?

If you plan on building yourself a harem you must take into account the fact that as the Dom it is your responsibility to make sure all of the needs of your subs are met. In other words don't bite off more than you can chew.

 

[hardcorexmaster]

I prefer to be called Master or Sir... I like my sub being unable to talk to me or address me without stating my power over her, and that's the most simple way to acheive that.

 

[Gunny_G]

Sir~

My slut was instructed to call me Sir~ This still works even though we now have 3 small children. They respond yes sir yes mam, no sir no mam. It is a respect, that is voiced in title. I add the " ~" because when we are by ourselves out of earshot of the children the Sir has a distinctive tone to it.

Our Marriage was for US the commitment to each other as not only husband and wife but Master and slave. The ring she wears IS her collar. Since the children came along we also call eah other Husband and wife. Neither of have used our given names in years. It helps us survive life together. That included a time when we were homeless. Whil during that time the sexual physical contact was not available, out commitment to each other and our rolls deepened.

 

[CynicSan]

Well...it all depends on your relationship with your sub. I have quite a unique one with my lover. Personally having a sub constantly refer to you as master is a fickle thing. Sure there can supposedly between master and pet but what I wanted with my woman was not just "master and pet." As such I'm mainly called master when we decide to screw like the depraved beings we are.

Since we're also lovers, when we aren't master and pet she just refers me by name or a nickname I've come to enjoy very much.

With previous pets I had them refer to me master or sir only. But they were mere playthings that bored me. So what I'm saying is simple--you can switch on and off if you desire. Or you can be in that mode twenty four seven. Whatever gets you off I always said.

And harems--never work in this day and age. Once you've had enough pets you soon realize they have a habit of falling in love with their masters. Once love becomes apparent jealousy comes up. And before you know it you lost a perfectly good pet. The only possible to form a "harem" of sorts would to find multiple subs who are either romantic asexuals (don't desire romance/companionship but want sex) or equally desire each other.

 

[lovebored]

Well why would a sub or slave call you master.

I usually never let them use that till they have earned the right to use those words. They always refer to me as SIR even iin public.

To quote ben franklin
Two woman are not twice the fun but four times the problem.

I have had two subs at one time for over 2 yrs and enjoyed it greatly but they were very special and talented woman. It is not easy and a lot of work for the dom and the subs.