how D/s changes us

[faeriefire]

I find myself completely content, sure of my place in the world...

Happiness radiates out touching others and making them smile back...

I don't hesitate to be myself or to acknowledge feelings that excite or bring fear...

Complete strangers approach me and request directions, start a conversation, or offer help, being nice just because...

Maybe it's something in the spring air, but then maybe something in me has changed fundamentally, or at least been fully realized. Have you noticed how D/s seemingly changed your life for better or worse? Was it a change in you or in the people around you? Or perhaps just the way you look at the world.

Oh, and Happy Easter to everyone

 

[YourCaptor]

I think love generally does that.

I have not gotten their, but the 4 year mark is also suppose to have a similar thing attached to it, except bad.

 

[notalwaysweak]

Putting a name to what I am, instead of questioning whether I feel these things due to abuse, is greatly comforting.

 

[sexycaz22]

*nods* Before I realised the true me, I was a little shy, always followed the crowd, and didn't really express my opinions....till about 7/8 months ago, after realising who I am, after realising that I am kinky, I begun to feel more confident in who I am; and I begun to express my views, and challenge other people, much to my friends' amazement!! In fact, one of my freinds mentioned that she have never seen me this happy, this confident girl before and is glad that I have found out my kinky side before it was too late!

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I can relate to this, I carried kink around like a guilty weight on my back for a long time. As soon as I accepted myself for who and what I was it disappeared.

Love did the same thing really, to be in a loving, kink based relationship has been one of the greatest gifts I've ever had. I can't believe that I could be be happy if I was still living in denial and dating nilla guys.

 

[faeriefire]

I think love generally does that.

I have not gotten their, but the 4 year mark is also suppose to have a similar thing attached to it, except bad.

Hi YC. Yes, you are right, although I noticed some of these changes before falling in love, so perhaps they are augmented now...*grins* Oh, no! A 4-year apocalypse...perhaps should start planning like for Y-countdown in 2000 and stockpile flashlights lol.

Thanks to all the lovely ladies who have posted their takes.

I suspect there are a few lurkers who might say 'D/s screwed me over', 'broke my trust' or something along those lines...you are welcome here too. I know my initial post reads a bit like a hallmark card that does not mean it is this way for everyone. I have thus far been very fortunate but I have talked here to a person or three who had bad experiences or were burned by a PYL/pyl.

For me, when I realized D/s existed and that it made sense it was a huge ahah moment like a lightbulb went off. I think that translated into more self confidence and comfort being in the moment wherever I was, even just walking down the street and feeling content. It also laid out the path I will continue to follow in relationships and a roadmap of sorts for sexual exploration. Having that 'direction' and lots of educational material has been a positive component for my growth (don't you growl at me for 'all that growth crap' lol). Before I had no clue where to look, just knew that 'nilla wasn't going to cut it for the long-haul. It's good knowing that sexual exploration is no longer taboo in the sense of examining likes/dislikes and being fulfilled by some things that on a wide scale would be considered socially unacceptable.

 

[twysted73]

Like a Buddhist Monk I couldn't really connect with everything around me until I accepted and embraced this part of myself.
The fewer regrets I felt, the more intune I began to become.

It's quite liberating (yet equally taxing) to shed developmental/childhood/religious and sociological constraints and buck the system of conformist opinions for the sake of my own inner peace.

Once a daunting task, now I look back and wonder why I didn't do it sooner.

 

[faeriefire]

Buddhist monk! Ah, twysted I'm going to imagine you now walking around in thick brown robes and meditating lol. Welcome btw and thank you for the perspective.

 

[TeachMeSir]

Me To

......

 

[Netzach]

1. A certain modicum of control makes me happy. Too much is as bad as too little, but I like more than most people.

2. I'm OK with myself in a way, whereas without I don't think I'd fully *know* myself if I weren't involved. It answers a lot of the doubts I've had about my own competence and capability.

3. I've met some neat people through it. I've met some really awful people through it.

4. It's taught me that NOBODY is completely always reliable and perfect as your Alpha. That's OK, you can decide to follow them anyway. Perpetually excusing and following foolishness, however, makes a person a fool, not loyal.

After ten years, it's more of another interesting quirk rather than an all-important life philosophy for me.

 

[SubKekiLee]

First off.. I think D/s has changed me for the better I am more happy, content person... I am more confidant, secure person... ( thanks to my Sir) and that I am also a more level headed person... Ive met some great people and Ive met some not so great people and Ive pushed myself to limits I thought Id never do.. and Ive enjoyed it..and Ive experienced a type of trust I could have never experienced before.... so yes I think it changes you ...

***mini hijack***

BTW netzach... GOD your AV is SO hawt!!!!

Okay .. done..

 

[kushielstoy]

Still learning....

I have learned much more than I imagined possible when I started to explore here 3 months ago. What I have come to appreciate the most in this forum, is the open dialogue and the ability to state what you want or need whether a D or s. The threads and post that are the most inspiring to me are the ones that talk about honor, respect, communication, trust and the time for a relation to develop. I have not found a person to play with yet in real time but I am ok with waiting for the right person.


PS. Netzach, I am not stalking you but I figured out that we live in the same area. WOW!

I never get star struck and I would never stand in line for a autograph for anyone but...... I think that I am a bit intimidated that you might be at the co-op the next time I go!
Gulp!

 

[00Syd]

It made ME feel a hell of a lot better, just acknowledging that it was a big part of myself. It also complicated my life a lot, and put my current relationship on tenuous ground. I'm dealing with it, and we'll see how it all pans out.

 

[HottieMama]

i am more comfortable with myself...even though i don't tend to define myself in terms of D/s (as in a particular role.) At the end of the day, it's all about what makes me fundamentally happy.

 

[faeriefire]

Sry I don't have time at the moment to thank you each and pull out quotes. Just popping in on my lunch break and thought I'd ask something: why the change if the bdsm character/nature was there all along? Why does putting a name on the players of D/s and self-identifying as a member of the ranks help? I mean some of the threads have talked about 'real' PYL/pyls and (while I don't even want to prod that sleeping tiger) from the posts it seems there is something inherent about D/s that stays with us whether we act on it or recognize it...or not. For me, I had no clue even tho all the signs were there until recently. Just curious and rambling as usual

 

[EmpressFi]

Sry I don't have time at the moment to thank you each and pull out quotes. Just popping in on my lunch break and thought I'd ask something: why the change if the bdsm character/nature was there all along? Why does putting a name on the players of D/s and self-identifying as a member of the ranks help? I mean some of the threads have talked about 'real' PYL/pyls and (while I don't even want to prod that sleeping tiger) from the posts it seems there is something inherent about D/s that stays with us whether we act on it or recognize it...or not. For me, I had no clue even tho all the signs were there until recently. Just curious and rambling as usual

I'm with you. I agree it must have been there all along but I didnt know until I or we (Malin and I) started exploring poly. I was attracted to other people and felt so guilty for it. Swearing never to fall trap to the "once a cheater, always a cheater." Although, I'm sure some who dont agree with the poly lifestyle would say I've proven it true even if I do have permission from Malin. Anyway. We decided to go poly and I met Master. He and I started exploring D/s. I bottom for Malin from time to time, but I'm Master's submissive, his pet. Since we started our relationship, I've found myself more confident, more accepting of others than I was before. In the year since he and I have been together, I've stepped up and volunteered to become my boss' assistant. That act alone has snowballed into my latest promotion, leading a team of my own. Everyone's commenting on the change and I just smile because I know my inspiration. I want to make my men proud of me.

 

[notalwaysweak]

Sry I don't have time at the moment to thank you each and pull out quotes. Just popping in on my lunch break and thought I'd ask something: why the change if the bdsm character/nature was there all along? Why does putting a name on the players of D/s and self-identifying as a member of the ranks help? I mean some of the threads have talked about 'real' PYL/pyls and (while I don't even want to prod that sleeping tiger) from the posts it seems there is something inherent about D/s that stays with us whether we act on it or recognize it...or not. For me, I had no clue even tho all the signs were there until recently. Just curious and rambling as usual

I think it's because having to hide or deny one's real nature, whether it's as a sub or a dom or a painslut or a Jehovah's Witness, tends to make people feel bad/guilty/sad in general. Being able to embrace and acknowledge these things, even if it's only to a select group of friends or anonymously to an online forum, where they are accepted, makes one feel like they don't have to deny part of themselves.

Good gods that last sentence was terrible, but I hope you know what I mean. I'm feeling quite ill at the moment (chronic fatigue + insomnia = exhausted Sin).

xxSin

 

[00Syd]

I think it's because having to hide or deny one's real nature, whether it's as a sub or a dom or a painslut or a Jehovah's Witness, tends to make people feel bad/guilty/sad in general. Being able to embrace and acknowledge these things, even if it's only to a select group of friends or anonymously to an online forum, where they are accepted, makes one feel like they don't have to deny part of themselves.

Good gods that last sentence was terrible, but I hope you know what I mean. I'm feeling quite ill at the moment (chronic fatigue + insomnia = exhausted Sin).

xxSin

Your terrible sentence rings true! I concur

 

[MasterPhoenix]

It opened up My eyes to a whole new world.

 

[twysted73]

It opened up My eyes to a whole new world.

And not the Aladin/Jasmine/Disney kind either.

 

[MakeMePlease]

I think it's because having to hide or deny one's real nature, whether it's as a sub or a dom or a painslut or a Jehovah's Witness, tends to make people feel bad/guilty/sad in general. Being able to embrace and acknowledge these things, even if it's only to a select group of friends or anonymously to an online forum, where they are accepted, makes one feel like they don't have to deny part of themselves.

Good gods that last sentence was terrible, but I hope you know what I mean. I'm feeling quite ill at the moment (chronic fatigue + insomnia = exhausted Sin).

xxSin

that sentence was absolutely perfect.

 

[Homburg]

Perpetually excusing and following foolishness, however, makes a person a fool, not loyal.

QFT.


It caused a LOT of introspection on my part, and still does.

It helped me start to understand the dark corners of me that hide the things that mothers hope don't show up in their babies.

It brought my wife and I even closer.

It has been a doorway into bliss, and a dark hole in which I've found sorrow.

It's just a part of me. Nothing more. Less important than the part marked "Father", more important some other parts.

It has been more good than bad in my life.

(Ask me abot poly, and you'll probably see cursing.)

 

[JamieB]

Trudat

It has been a doorway into bliss, and a dark hole in which I've found sorrow.

It's just a part of me. Nothing more. Less important than the part marked "Father", more important some other parts.

It has been more good than bad in my life.

Truer words was never spoke.

J

 

[SweetGigi]

I am gonna counter things to a degree here so please don't stone me 'just' yet, k?

For me, like with others, this is who I have always been. Identifying or 'labeling' it didn't change things so much for me as it just gave me ever so slightly more focus and understanding. Instead of crawling on all fours through the rabbit hole, I am now standing upright wandering through wonderland, so to speak

What did change for me, I feel, is how others view me; at least those 'nilla folks who know this about me. On several occasions, when I have felt like I could trust someone enough to confide in them, I have felt a distance come about- a judgement I guess. For instance, my best friend in the world knows about my lifestyle and over all tends to be very non-judgemental of me in my choice. However, when talking about the up and coming ATL litogether while walking in the park with her brother this weekend, she silenced me when he started asking questions. It stung when I realized she didn't want her brother to know this about me for what ever reason.

Really this is an issue for discussion in another thread, (which I plan on starting) but I just wanted to reference it for this topic. The only 'change' I've felt in anyway is the lack of understanding and acceptance of those who love me and are already in my life.

 

[intothewoods]

<snip>
It's just a part of me. Nothing more. Less important than the part marked "Father", more important some other parts. </snip>

Exchange Mother for Father here and this pretty much sums up my POV.

There's definitely a post-discovery bliss sorta thing that happens, and it sounds like that's what you're experiencing.