Dominants and how are moods effect are submissive’s

[volvin]

No one is perfect we all are subject to bad days; head aches or just plan old feeling of anger at the world. In almost any sort of Relationship when one partner is upset the other is going to be effected by this, if you have a bad day at work and are prissy when you come home your partner can be in a great mood and slowly turn as sour as you are at the moment. This is a normal part of human nature but why would this effect a BDSM Relationship any differently, Speaking for my self I find that if my Submissive is in a bad mood from Stress or other wise i take it on my self to cheer her up even if its against her will(so to speak). If that means putting her on her knees or just talking to her I take control of it to find out what’s wrong, On the other side of the coin if I am the who is pissed/angryat the time I notice a Recurring Theme in that she will not so much panic but try to cheer me up and become increasing sad when it doesn’t work on me as well as I do on her. I only recently became aware of this (Not a moody person thank you very much… much…heh) i make it clear to her in no uncertain terms she in no way failed but after putting a little thought in to I thought I would ask here.

Too all Dominants And Submissive and in-between Does the Role (Figuratively speaking) you have in your relationship effect how well you can calm your partner down?
Is it Easier for a Dominant to make there Submissive feel better if they are feeling sad then vise versa?


This subject holds some interest for me I would greatly Appreciate any and all feedback thank you.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Firstly, I wouldn't use the word 'gay' to mean pissed off or angry on this forum. 'Gay' is a word that many here strongly identify with.

I can understand what you're saying about a PYL's mood (Pick-Your-Label: Master, Dom/me, Top) having a negative effect on a pyl (sub/slave/bottom.) My Master has suffered with depression recently and it does effect both my own mood and the ways in which I serve him.

Having said that, I'd probably end up pissed off and resentful if Master chose to cheer me up whenever I was down. Sometimes I just need to be down. I think it's admirable that you want her to be happy though.

Could turn into an interesting topic.

 

[Essene]

Firstly, I wouldn't use the word 'gay' to mean pissed off or angry on this forum. 'Gay' is a word that many here strongly identify with.

Mmm I found that one to be a bit confusing. It was grouped with "angry" but it followed the phrase "on the flip side of the coin" so I was like "oh he's only gay sometimes? Me too! Oh or wait, since when is "gay" an antonym of happy?" * confused*.

I revel in being pissed off. It fuels me - I write my best when I'm totally homicidal.

*nod*

Grrrrr

 

[volvin]

Firstly, I wouldn't use the word 'gay' to mean pissed off or angry on this forum. 'Gay' is a word that many here strongly identify with.

I can understand what you're saying about a PYL's mood (Pick-Your-Label: Master, Dom/me, Top) having a negative effect on a pyl (sub/slave/bottom.) My Master has suffered with depression recently and it does effect both my own mood and the ways in which I serve him.

Having said that, I'd probably end up pissed off and resentful if Master chose to cheer me up whenever I was down. Sometimes I just need to be down. I think it's admirable that you want her to be happy though.

Could turn into an interesting topic.

Nothing more then a typeO at 4AM last night sorry.
I always use my best judgement. Like i said sometimes its just a matter of Finding out what is wrong Not putting her in a Submissive postions but almost always i find i can improve per mood a little bit at the very least sharing company does just that i wouldnt Stuberny try to keep making her happy simply for that reason.

 

[volvin]

Mmm I found that one to be a bit confusing. It was grouped with "angry" but it followed the phrase "on the flip side of the coin" so I was like "oh he's only gay sometimes? Me too! Oh or wait, since when is "gay" an antonym of happy?" * confused*.

I revel in being pissed off. It fuels me - I write my best when I'm totally homicidal.

*nod*

Grrrrr

Did i mean gay as happy as in the reverse of happy? or was it just odd typeO heh.
and yes sometimes i am sometimes am not but very mood dependent.

I find some of my best soulsearching is found when i am Angry. The balance between how angry i am and how Clear my thinking is are important.

 

[EmpressFi]

I will pick up on Master or Malin's moods. When they're down, I can feel it pulling at me as I struggle not only to pull them out, but to not join them. It's a dangerous balancing act for an empath ~ to not feel so much that you forget which are your feelings and which are theirs.

 

[volvin]

I will pick up on Master or Malin's moods. When they're down, I can feel it pulling at me as I struggle not only to pull them out, but to not join them. It's a dangerous balancing act for an empath ~ to not feel so much that you forget which are your feelings and which are theirs.

I know it’s hard to speculate but how would you describe how the situation compares when you are the one that is down?

 

[EmpressFi]

I know it’s hard to speculate but how would you describe how the situation compares when you are the one that is down?

I couldnt even speculate on how it feels for them, but I will say that when I feel myself getting down, I tell myself I cant, because they need me to be strong...

 

[Etoile]

Firstly, I wouldn't use the word 'gay' to mean pissed off or angry on this forum. 'Gay' is a word that many here strongly identify with.

Thank you.

 

[Chicklet]

My experiences seem very similar to yours. If I'm in a bad mood, my guy can pick me up out of it very easily. Even if he just says "I don't want you to be in a bad mood" his recognition of my bad mood makes me feel better.

And on the other hand, when he's in a bad mood, I feel powerless to fix things for him. If there's a reason he's in a bad mood, I try to get through it without bringing up any extra stress from it.

Here's a story for the group:

A while ago, we woke up and were going to take a shower together. I hopped in first while he made a phone call, and he was going to join me. He came downstairs, tried the door, but the pressure in the room from the fan caused a little bit of resistance, and sometimes it feels like the door is locked. If you put extra pressure on the door, it will open just fine; however, he, understandably, assumed the door was locked, so knocked. I didn't hear him in the shower. (I live with four other people, so it could have been embarrassing for him if he'd knocked too much and had one of my roommates answer the door) He went back upstairs, and fell into a very sour mood. I thought he hadn't come to the shower, and he thought I'd locked him out.

When I came up looking for him, he was pissed. He called off our plans for the day, and wanted to leave and go home. After I begged him to stay, he went out to go home, got in his car, and it wouldn't start. This did not elevate his mood in the least.

So, anyways, I drove him home, did his laundry, helped him do all the shit he'd needed to get done that day, helped make arrangements for his car to be taken care of, became the receiving end of some frustration (glee) and in the morning drove him to work.

At the end of the night, he was cuddling with me in bed, and said "Thank you for being so sweet to me today. I really appreciate it."

All day he was in a foul, frustrated, stressed mood. I just did my best not to add any more stress, and help fix the problems that I could. And that worked fairly well.

End of group story time.

 

[volvin]

My experiences seem very similar to yours. If I'm in a bad mood, my guy can pick me up out of it very easily. Even if he just says "I don't want you to be in a bad mood" his recognition of my bad mood makes me feel better.

And on the other hand, when he's in a bad mood, I feel powerless to fix things for him. If there's a reason he's in a bad mood, I try to get through it without bringing up any extra stress from it.

Here's a story for the group:

A while ago, we woke up and were going to take a shower together. I hopped in first while he made a phone call, and he was going to join me. He came downstairs, tried the door, but the pressure in the room from the fan caused a little bit of resistance, and sometimes it feels like the door is locked. If you put extra pressure on the door, it will open just fine; however, he, understandably, assumed the door was locked, so knocked. I didn't hear him in the shower. (I live with four other people, so it could have been embarrassing for him if he'd knocked too much and had one of my roommates answer the door) He went back upstairs, and fell into a very sour mood. I thought he hadn't come to the shower, and he thought I'd locked him out.

When I came up looking for him, he was pissed. He called off our plans for the day, and wanted to leave and go home. After I begged him to stay, he went out to go home, got in his car, and it wouldn't start. This did not elevate his mood in the least.

So, anyways, I drove him home, did his laundry, helped him do all the shit he'd needed to get done that day, helped make arrangements for his car to be taken care of, became the receiving end of some frustration (glee) and in the morning drove him to work.

At the end of the night, he was cuddling with me in bed, and said "Thank you for being so sweet to me today. I really appreciate it."

All day he was in a foul, frustrated, stressed mood. I just did my best not to add any more stress, and help fix the problems that I could. And that worked fairly well.

End of group story time.

Thank you for your insightfull post.

Hindsight is a wonderful and horrible thing, too often I find my self brooding on events that have just transpired i am known for ruining my own day for a simple unavoidable circumstance. I learned long ago the value of stopping counting to 10 and smiling if a bit evilly or vise Vera for my submissive yet still have to remind my self to do just that.


After all is said and done a simple “thank you” can make it all ok this deserves some thought, again thank you for your response.

 

[volvin]

I couldnt even speculate on how it feels for them, but I will say that when I feel myself getting down, I tell myself I cant, because they need me to be strong...

I do not know the specifics of your relationship so forgive me If I error, Does knowing your master/Malin’s want you to be strong differ your mind then say, staying calm and optimistic in the face of a horrible day for the sake of keeping the sprits of those around you up. How would you view then differently or too you are they one and the same. Are the emotions of sorrow better kept under control (too a Degree) because they are your dominates? Not sure I worded that right lol I have a horrible time asking questions on forums

Thank you for your responses those far.