Tell me why it sucks

[starrkers]

My latest offering has a score of 2.50 and no comments.
Anyone care to offer comment as to why it sucks donkeys?

A Last Reply.
As the title suggests it is a reply to an earlier letter: A Last Thought.
For the second to totally make sense, you need to read the first. It's not an overly onerous task, they only just scrape over the 750 word minimum.

 

[Lalah]

My only guess is that it doesn't have a "happy ever after" ending. But you're writing in the letters and transcripts section, how many votes does the story have? It probably doesn't take more than one or two bad votes to ruin a score in that section.

 

[kimbalee]

I read the reply first. Took me a while to catch on to gender having not read the first. Straight here, and not really into that. Not as much of a sexual feel to it as the first, seemed more forlorn and distraught. Maybe if it was listed as a part 2 would help. Not really sure.

 

[PrincessErin]

I read both letters and commented that they sound more like a long poem then a letter. It is sad but I think as another poster said, that category just doesn't have a lot of traffic.

Erin

 

[starrkers]

I read the reply first. Took me a while to catch on to gender having not read the first. Straight here, and not really into that. Not as much of a sexual feel to it as the first, seemed more forlorn and distraught. Maybe if it was listed as a part 2 would help. Not really sure.

It is called "A Last Reply". The description has "To A Last Thought - will she forget and move on?" and there's a disclaimer at the top, saying you should read A Last Thought first. So I don't really see how I could make it much plainer.

 

[drksideofthemoon]

It doesn't suck. I thought it was well written. I gave it a 5.

 

[Fatwa_Morgana]

I liked them both. Very sad. I gave them both 5s.

 

[mjl2010]

It doesn't suck.

I read both and gave them both fives.

This is why short stuff is dangerous. People read enough to like it or dislike it and vote LOL instead of clicking back. The letters are actually a little depressing, but obviously that was the way you wanted them. I got a sense of loss and longing but also some good things too. Like telling the other person to move on and forget them. That's a good thing. They don't want the other person coming back.

Overall. Really nice job.

MJL

 

[elfin_odalisque]

starrkers,

Your two letters are super writing - not the Harlequin romance that gets the high scores. Like drk and mjl, I voted 5 on both.

Your problem is you are writing better stuff than this site's readers vote for. The teasing, the second person, the gender mystery - all that I enjoyed but is a quantum leap away from the formulaic Romance stereotype.

IMHO, for what it's worth, I think your two letters are brill. Can they be carried on a bit. THe love leaks through every line.

 

[JADED_ONE1969]

I think

I think you will find things have changed you seemed to have top scored with these two letters

 

[Tricialen]

I read them both. Very sad. But very good too. Maybe you picked the wrong category?

 

[starrkers]

Oh, wow. Thanks, guys. The first one didn't exactly light up the toplist, but when the second sunk like a rock, I got worried.

Thanks so much for looking at it, and even more for the ego stroke - maybe I won't throw away the word processor just yet.

 

[WhiteWave48]

Liked it

*****

 

[turnkeymaster]

I Liked It

I thought it was great keep it up

 

[starrkers]

Thanks again.

I'm kinda mulling over in the back of my mind whether I can write more about this pair - spend some time with them when they first meet, or follow one or other (or both) after their parting.

Don't know if anything will come of it, if I find out their names I may be onto something . Don't know if I can do a lesbian relationship justice either.

But I do like these two, and would like them to tell me more about themselves.

 

[WhiteWave48]

*****

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Thanks again.

I'm kinda mulling over in the back of my mind whether I can write more about this pair - spend some time with them when they first meet, or follow one or other (or both) after their parting.

Don't know if anything will come of it, if I find out their names I may be onto something . Don't know if I can do a lesbian relationship justice either.

But I do like these two, and would like them to tell me more about themselves.

There's scope, but don't spoil it if you can't handle the relationship. There's loads of guys here would happily give you a steer (or a heiffer).

The initial letters say so much, by not saying so much. IMHO, forget the gender and concentrate on the incarceration issue. We all love in the same way, just let your two explore a bit.

 

[Le_George]

It's rather cold and distant. There is no real 'grab factor' to the story until well into it, which for many, would've already been the turning point.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

starrkers, think I was a bit too facetious with my last reply.

IMHO what you wrote between these two is emotional, loving and eminently readable. You've already covered the lesbian issue and there's no need to get into graphic sex to show passion between these two women.

The contrast between their tough lives and their inner feelings - with a touch of keeping things hidden - will keep me reading. I want to know how they resolve their issues and love, not what color is the strapon.

 

[drksideofthemoon]

starrkers, think I was a bit too facetious with my last reply.

IMHO what you wrote between these two is emotional, loving and eminently readable. You've already covered the lesbian issue and there's no need to get into graphic sex to show passion between these two women.

The contrast between their tough lives and their inner feelings - with a touch of keeping things hidden - will keep me reading. I want to know how they resolve their issues and love, not what color is the strapon.

I agree completely with you. I think graphic sex would destroy the magic of what she's written so far.

 

[starrkers]

If - and it's a big if - I don't want to ruin the story - I write more of this couple, sex will not be a big part of it (sorry to any fellows looking to hot girl action ) By "doing a lesbian relationship justice" didn't mean the sex, I meant the emotion, the acceptance issues, the things as a hetero I have no understanding of (or even knowledge).