What would you do?

[Trinique_Fire]

So I had plans to move in with my parents for a year or so to get my shit together, save money, get ready for the baby, etc. Well, I talked to them today, and in so many words, what it's really about is regaining control over me and my actions. Basically I wouldn't be allowed to go anywhere, do anything, etc. without my parents okay. Keep in mind I'm 22, about to be 23 this month. They would pick the psychiatrist, pick the appointments, check up on me at my job, and so on. On top of all this, they're asking me now what I think I'm doing having a baby, why would I have it, what do I plan to do, etc.

Frankly, it's hurtful.

I've decided I cannot live like that, not even for a year. I can try to still get to Chicago somehow and see about staying with a friend or in a shelter, or I can stay out here and find someplace else to live.

I'm not looking for your opinions or advice on what to do about my parents. I'm simply giving back story. I really don't want anyone's psychological opinions on my life choices or my family.

Just put yourself in my place for a moment and tell me what you'd do, how you'd go about getting the funds to do what had to be done, how to make contact with shelters or places I could stay in the city.

That sort of thing.

Thanks.

 

[MagicaPractica]

*hugs* babe. DSS? See what you can get for foodstamps etc?

 

[Trinique_Fire]

*hugs* babe. DSS? See what you can get for foodstamps etc?

Yeah...I want to do that, but I'm really going to have to figure out where I'm going to be living first...

 

[CeriseNoire]

Planned Parenthood or your local women's health center should be able to point you in the direction of shelters and other available services.

 

[MagicaPractica]

Yeah...I want to do that, but I'm really going to have to figure out where I'm going to be living first...

Well, they might be able to help figure that out too. We have low income housing here, think it's run by the state.

 

[Trinique_Fire]

Okay...so what does anyone (especially those that know me) think would be the most beneficial to the baby and me? Staying around here or going back to Chicago?

 

[kimbalee]

I know in my area there id low income housing available for women with children, and it's subsidized. We also have a WIC program to help with nutritional needs for Women, Infants, and Children and it's in addition to food stamp program. Look into that also. Try for some food bank type thing that churches and civic groups have, also. Good luck and I'll keep checking in.

 

[Trinique_Fire]

I know in my area there id low income housing available for women with children, and it's subsidized. We also have a WIC program to help with nutritional needs for Women, Infants, and Children and it's in addition to food stamp program. Look into that also. Try for some food bank type thing that churches and civic groups have, also. Good luck and I'll keep checking in.

I'm hoping to apply for WIC, so I'm already in that circle. What sort of figures do most low income housing run along, so I have a basic idea...

 

[kimbalee]

I'm hoping to apply for WIC, so I'm already in that circle. What sort of figures do most low income housing run along, so I have a basic idea...

In my area it is based on income, so I'm not sure. I have never dealt with it, but friends have. I could try to find something out, but I bet it varies from state to state.

 

[Trinique_Fire]

Very cool Kim...thank you.

I wish I wasn't so confused and iffy about the whole thing, you know?

 

[jomar]

Insurance. You need to apply for Medicaid if you don't already have insurance through work. Some churches have funds to help people going through lean times (rent, emergency travel) - it may be worth it to check around. Call the local mental health center (where you want to be) and see if someone can give you a list of social service agencies that might be helpful.

 

[Trinique_Fire]

Insurance. You need to apply for Medicaid if you don't already have insurance through work. Some churches have funds to help people going through lean times (rent, emergency travel) - it may be worth it to check around. Call the local mental health center (where you want to be) and see if someone can give you a list of social service agencies that might be helpful.

This is really good. Thanks so much!!

 

[SlickTony]

I don't know you all that well, Trinique, but your instincts to not move back in with the folks are quite sound. I've been there, done that. My relationship with my mother was so adversarial that it contributed toward my marrying at 19 and moving to the other side of the world. That turned out to be a mistake, and I fled back to America with my baby. My folks said they'd be glad to take me in. Come to find out, they hadn't learned jack shit. I was older than you are now, and they wanted to dictate everything. I handled it better the second time--I bided my time, got away with what I could, and eventually graduated college, got a job, and moved out with my daughter.

You should investigate what services there are out there.

Just out of curiosity, do you have any other family that might support you? I used to read in sociology books about people who lived in a community with their extended family, if they quarreled with their mother they could go live with a cousin or something for a while. Interesting if true.

I wish you the best, and in the meantime, take care of yourself.

 

[kimbalee]

Sent you some particulars in a PM re my area.

 

[kimbalee]

Insurance. You need to apply for Medicaid if you don't already have insurance through work. Some churches have funds to help people going through lean times (rent, emergency travel) - it may be worth it to check around. Call the local mental health center (where you want to be) and see if someone can give you a list of social service agencies that might be helpful.

Great ideas. Also, there should be a free healthcare card for baby when a/he arrives that could cover any copays and stuff that insurance doesn't cover.

 

[cloudy]

There are usually lots of apartment complexes that do their own type of Section 8 housing. Just to give you an idea of what to expect, I'll tell you my friend's situation:

She's recently divorced, hasn't worked in years, and has two young boys, ages 11 and 8. It would cost her more than she'd earn if she went back to work, so she's continued to stay home.

She lives in an apartment complex that bases the rent on income. She receives $400/mo. in child support from her ex, but that's the only income she has - her rent is $58 a month, but she has to pay her utilities herself. The apartment is a nice one with two bedrooms and two baths.

She receives $417/mo. in foodstamps, but other than her rent, that's the only assistance she receives (you would receive WIC also, but her kids are too old for her to qualify for that).

I know that she doesn't have much, but somehow she gets by okay.

If it was me, I would probably stay where you are, since I'm assuming you already have friends there that function as a type of support network. Going through your first pregnancy is unbalancing enough without adding the stress of a move on top of it.

If I can help in any way, you know how to get in touch with me.

 

[Trinique_Fire]

I don't know you all that well, Trinique, but your instincts to not move back in with the folks are quite sound. I've been there, done that. My relationship with my mother was so adversarial that it contributed toward my marrying at 19 and moving to the other side of the world. That turned out to be a mistake, and I fled back to America with my baby. My folks said they'd be glad to take me in. Come to find out, they hadn't learned jack shit. I was older than you are now, and they wanted to dictate everything. I handled it better the second time--I bided my time, got away with what I could, and eventually graduated college, got a job, and moved out with my daughter.

You should investigate what services there are out there.

Just out of curiosity, do you have any other family that might support you? I used to read in sociology books about people who lived in a community with their extended family, if they quarreled with their mother they could go live with a cousin or something for a while. Interesting if true.

I wish you the best, and in the meantime, take care of yourself.

I have other family, but my brother has made it clear that he feels the same as my parents. I'm not really sure where my sister stands, but she has three kids and a very busy life. I don't have blood relatives on this side of the US.

I know we have the basic programs out here, WIC, food stamps, Medicaid, etc. The problem is that there is limited shelters and opportunities out here because it's such a small area. I'm torn between finding a way back to Chicago or staying here.

 

[Trinique_Fire]

There are usually lots of apartment complexes that do their own type of Section 8 housing. Just to give you an idea of what to expect, I'll tell you my friend's situation:

She's recently divorced, hasn't worked in years, and has two young boys, ages 11 and 8. It would cost her more than she'd earn if she went back to work, so she's continued to stay home.

She lives in an apartment complex that bases the rent on income. She receives $400/mo. in child support from her ex, but that's the only income she has - her rent is $58 a month, but she has to pay her utilities herself. The apartment is a nice one with two bedrooms and two baths.

She receives $417/mo. in foodstamps, but other than her rent, that's the only assistance she receives (you would receive WIC also, but her kids are too old for her to qualify for that).

I know that she doesn't have much, but somehow she gets by okay.

If it was me, I would probably stay where you are, since I'm assuming you already have friends there that function as a type of support network. Going through your first pregnancy is unbalancing enough without adding the stress of a move on top of it.

If I can help in any way, you know how to get in touch with me.

Yes I do. I'm also PMing you my phone #.

 

[jomar]

This is really good. Thanks so much!!

You're welcome and I wish you the best.

As far as staying or moving goes, do the best you can remove the emotion from the decision. Look at it logically and decide where your best options are for the next year or two. You can always move one place or the other later. And looking at it logically should also include assessment of emotional wear and tear (support, lack of support, etc).

 

[Trinique_Fire]

You're welcome and I wish you the best.

As far as staying or moving goes, do the best you can remove the emotion from the decision. Look at it logically and decide where your best options are for the next year or two. You can always move one place or the other later. And looking at it logically should also include assessment of emotional wear and tear (support, lack of support, etc).

Then the logical place for me to stay would be the East Coast.

 

[jomar]

Then the logical place for me to stay would be the East Coast.

Could you live with that for now?

 

[Trinique_Fire]

Could you live with that for now?

I could, as long as I could find financial security and have better luck finding a job than I've had so far. What about suggestions for things I could do from home (at least for now), i.e. babysitting, editing...what sorts of things work?

 

[christabelll]

Subsidized housing and its rates depend strongly on the area they are in...

Average rate is 25 thousand or less per year One adult One child...

I think the cap was 33 thousand.... 2 adults two kids...

But again it varies state to state... (they base it off their per capita rates)...


Wic & Food Stamps excellent programs but barely meet requirements for sound nutrition

I dont know you... so I dont know what Chicago holds...

The question is really - Where would you be happiest?

And I know it sounds trite - but you'll know its right when all the pieces fall into place with few or no obstacles... the funds, the living space, everything clicks like clockwork when its right....

Good Luck Trinique...

 

[Trinique_Fire]

Subsidized housing and its rates depend strongly on the area they are in...

Average rate is 25 thousand or less per year One adult One child...

I think the cap was 33 thousand.... 2 adults two kids...

But again it varies state to state... (they base it off their per capita rates)...


Wic & Food Stamps excellent programs but barely meet requirements for sound nutrition

I dont know you... so I dont know what Chicago holds...

The question is really - Where would you be happiest?

And I know it sounds trite - but you'll know its right when all the pieces fall into place with few or no obstacles... the funds, the living space, everything clicks like clockwork when its right....

Good Luck Trinique...

There will be no clicking or clockwork for a while, no matter where I am. But I'd be happiest staying in this area.

 

[starrkers]

I don't know you or how the States social security system works, so I won't try to answer in those terms. I will offer this:
Where are your friends? The ones who will stick by you through thick and thin, you know, the REAL friends? Keep them within shouting distance wherever you choose to go.
What about work? Would it be better to stay where you are to keep a decent job with an understanding boss, or is that not an issue?
Where can you live best the cheapest?

Weigh up these three points and figure out the best position from that.

And good luck with whatever choices you make - no matter how well you lay plans, things will always crop up to screw with them