Is This Really Who We Are?

[catalina_francisco]

This post from the GB was brought to my attention (by someone who knows I dare not venture there..and no, I'm not telling who), and I just wondered how many felt this was an accurate description of who we are and what we do. Discuss away if you so desire....add to, redefine, elaborate, dispute, agree, cheer, praise, trash, explore.

Because MANY Doms are only doms because they lack the self confidence to have real relationships with real women... they pose as a top/dom/sadist in order to have some kind of control with the psychotic/delusional/void of self confidence women that fall for their bullshit.


That being said- There are some truly gorgeous shit-for-brians pseudo-doms out there... and some truly ugly dyed-in-the-wool-amazing Doms out there. There are some truly beautiful no-self-esteem submissives out there, and some truly ugly, amazingly gifted submissives.

The Lifestyle offers a good many people the opportunity to fit in through deviant sexual fetish... people who are unable to forge 'normal' relationships with 'normal' people... it is a good costume party where 'assholism' is portrayed as 'powerful', and 'doormattism' is portrayed as 'submissive'... very few of those involved in the lifestyle truly understand what drives them to either role, or any place in between... and when you meet the ones that understand... everything insignificant about them, stays insignificant- looks, colour, creed, everything... you simply know that they understand, and their self-knowledge gives them the power that they deserve, the power that they claim, and the respect that they demand.

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/147/379869681_ec002c3bb5_t.jpg Catalina

 

[JMohegan]

I searched for the post in context and found it on this thread.

I don't have any experience with Collarme, but LittleJade seems to be elaborating on the "asshat" descriptor to which many here frequently refer.

 

[minx1]

Crikey I'm gonna have to return and read it again later, when my brain stops aching.

I gave up after two fat people can't have sex and people who are Doms behind a computer have issues. *sigh*

 

[catalina_francisco]

I didn't read the thread...too little time, too much to do. I think it is a valid point of discussion given we are often asked who we are, why, etc., as it opens the opportunity to explore our own perceptions and those who are not like minded. Some of what is described I would attribute to fakes and HNG's more so than genuine people within the lifestyle.

Catalina

 

[SweetErika]

I searched for the post in context and found it on this thread.

I don't have any experience with Collarme, but LittleJade seems to be elaborating on the "asshat" descriptor to which many here frequently refer.

I agree. I read LJ's post in the context of the thread and understood where her comments were coming from.

I'm not about to speak for LJ, but I seriously doubt she was commenting on who we, as participants in this lifestyle, are; especially since she's kinky herself, from what I've gathered from her posts.

CollarMe chat and other chatrooms (and the BDSM places the OP tends to hang out in general) attract a different...umm...demographic than, say, this forum and other discussion-oriented groups, many munches and RL events. A like comparison would be the type of people who tend to hang out in Lit Chat or Personals and this forum, IMO. A lot of the former are HNG's and fantasy players, whereas it seems most of the folks who spend a lot of time in the latter are looking to expand their knowledge base in order to have safer, more fulfilling play and relationships. Neither place or group is better or worse, they're just very different environments that tend to attract different people who are seeking different things.

I'm also looking at who the comment was aimed at. The OP in the quoted thread is a physically, mentally and emotionally ill person who rarely leaves her home, claims to enjoy the negative attention she gets on the GB and elsewhere, and has hooked up with a slew of HNG's, abusers and fake Doms in the past. Her stated history and interactions on Lit lead me to believe she's not likely to seek online or RL partners in places that have a higher percentage of quality men and Doms. And, honestly, chatrooms and places loaded with HNG's who are willing to take anything they can get are probably her best bet for getting the attention she seeks because no quality man or Dom would get involved with such an ill, difficult person who clearly feeds her illnesses and troubles with negative attention and bad relationships. The only guys who would touch her with a ten foot pole (including having an online sexual/romantic relationship) are desperate and unhealthy themselves at best, and predators at worst.

So, I'm guessing LJ was trying to explain it in terms of the environment(s) she puts herself in most often. I'm sure there ARE quality doms and subs in those environments, but I'd be they're few and far between because most of us tend to choose to spend our time with likeminded people.

I went off on a tangent there, but hopefully you see my points.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Yes, I agree the OP has issues beyond what we want to deal with. I think the post covered some good areas, but I also think it left some things open to misinterpretation in terms of what is normal, and I think this ...'it is a good costume party where 'assholism' is portrayed as 'powerful', and 'doormattism' is portrayed as 'submissive' sort of also misleads those who don't understand and gives a weapon to those who continually attack our choice of lifestyle by seemingly saying that this is exactly how we disguise our real purpose and try and pretend it is otherwise. As often, it is likely in how you read it and when which lends to the interpretation of a few words.

Catalina

 

[A Desert Rose]

Frankly that post made me laugh.

Why does it matter if someone takes that shit seriously? People who believe that stuff, make no difference to me.

I'm not on a mission to convert or convince anyone of anything.



Now, let's all roast some marshmellows and tell campfire stories.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Frankly that post made me laugh.

Why does it matter if someone takes that shit seriously? People who believe that stuff, make no difference to me.

I'm not on a mission to convert or convince anyone of anything.



Now, let's all roast some marshmellows and tell campfire stories.

I could do with some marshmallows and the warmth of a fire wouldn't go astray either.

Catalina

 

[A Desert Rose]

I love roasted marshmellows. I'm right with ya.

Honestly, consider the source (dollparts) and nothing else need be said. It's just all ridiculous and not worthy of any comment by me; my doing so, here or anywhere else, only gives her silliness silly credibility.

 

[coy_one]

Frankly that post made me laugh.

Why does it matter if someone takes that shit seriously? People who believe that stuff, make no difference to me.

I'm not on a mission to convert or convince anyone of anything.



Now, let's all roast some marshmellows and tell campfire stories.

This is exactly how I feel. You want to ask me why I am the way I am, I'll tell you.

As for misinterpretation, I can see where someone may take that literally, if they didn't understand the lifestyle. Everyone has their own opinion. Education is empowerment.

And there's nothing like roasted marshmellows.

 

[A Desert Rose]

This is exactly how I feel. You want to ask me why I am the way I am, I'll tell you.

As for misinterpretation, I can see where someone may take that literally, if they didn't understand the lifestyle. Everyone has their own opinion. Education is empowerment.

And there's nothing like roasted marshmellows.

Exactly.

There are some people that no matter what you tell them or how you try to answer their misunderstandings, will not see it any differently. They simply won't. They've made up their mind about a thing and that's how it is.

You know, there are just as many non-kink assholes in the world as there are kinky ones. People are people and assholes are assholes. Kinky people don't have a corner on the jerk market.

And by the way, this would be me: truly ugly, amazingly gifted submissive. I think in fact, that should go in my sigline.

 

[coy_one]

And by the way, this would be me: truly ugly, amazingly gifted submissive. I think in fact, that should go in my sigline.

But according to your current av, you're one of the most enigmatic ladies on the planet.

 

[unfoundiamond]

I didn't read the whole thread...

Neither the original one the quote Cat posted came from, or this one...

But...

I have to say to the idea there are amazing players that are not "ugly" but are not conventionally attractive, but are amazing, this is true...

I used to think looks where a good indicator of things, shallow ideals, like height and body type where actually important... then I met someone, who I realize is unconventional... He isn't ugly, but he's also not Gaston from beauty and the beast,

Which is part of what I love about him... Things like honor, loyalty, self discipline... that's what makes someone really really get my panties wet...

Another thing...

Some people who call themselves dominant are just control mongers... didn't we establish this in many threads proir...?

And in general, since when does someones short commings make their opinion not at least worth considering... I see people discrediting whoever wrote that quote cat posted, as if to say that people who make poor choices, have low self esteem or have fallen prey to wisdom intertwined with common misconceptions and bitterness don't deserve to be listened to, or contribute...

I see both... and a lesson to be seen here...

And beauty is definately in the eye of the beholder, (and the beauty may not be seen unless the beholder knows what to look for)...It doesn't mean the beauty isn't there... just because you don't see it...

If Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I guess so is wisdom in this case...

The funny thing is, whoever wrote that is definately on to something, not 100% correct, and clearly needing to separate HER personal expiriences... She is bitter, NO DOUBT, but if that shit was edited out, and her words formed a little better, you all would be fighting over who could nominate her for the calendar.

Damn its nice to be back...

*kisses*!

 

[intothewoods]

What we really need is a BDSM census bureau.

 

[Netzach]

I've met some players who blow everyone else I know out of the water AND look like Ford models.

It happens.

Attractiveness isn't an automatic marker for stupidity or crappy skills any more than unattractiveness is.

But yeah, there are a lot of really not very bright, not very *soundly motivated* people in the community. This board isn't representative of what you will find out there in 3D in all corners - I can't honestly disagree completely with the premise at all, except to elaborate that MOST people, across the board, are too issues-laden for grownup relationships whether they like to give directions or not, whether they like to take them or not.

 

[A Desert Rose]

But according to your current av, you're one of the most enigmatic ladies on the planet.

Yes. Yes, that's absolutely correct. Tell all your friends... I'm the most enigmatic woman on the planet. I need all the good PR I can get.



LOL

 

[serijules]

Funny. My definition of "ugly" is a person who actually cares about someone's weight or looks versus all they have to offer otherwise.

 

[twysted73]

Damn its nice to be back...

*kisses*!

As it is good to have you back. You were missed! *hugs*

There I was, imagining your writing all of that with lightening thumbs.

 

[twysted73]

I've met some players who blow everyone else I know out of the water AND look like Ford models.

It happens.

Attractiveness isn't an automatic marker for stupidity or crappy skills any more than unattractiveness is.

But yeah, there are a lot of really not very bright, not very *soundly motivated* people in the community. This board isn't representative of what you will find out there in 3D in all corners - I can't honestly disagree completely with the premise at all, except to elaborate that MOST people, across the board, are too issues-laden for grownup relationships whether they like to give directions or not, whether they like to take them or not.

My headache just started as a result of your thread response Netz. And the reason? *ouch* I started visualizing this in my mind....here it is.

** When I was heading out the door as just a little Twysted so many years ago, my semi-sage-like father said to me..."Nomatter where you go, there will always be an asshole there you can't get along with." And he not been wrong yet.
Then I looked around a little. I realized that nomatter what demographic, social group, sexual denomination, religous, sports, hobby, career/workplace you go to, this holds true.
So...with this said...would it not be true to say that perhaps with there being atleast one or two "assholes" everywhere we go, would they not outnumber those of us who are non-assholes collectively, thus placing us in the "decent people" minority living in their world?

That would certainly lend credit to the Mel Brooks/Spaceballs line, "Great, I'm surrounded by assholes."

 

[bronntanas]

This post from the GB was brought to my attention (by someone who knows I dare not venture there..and no, I'm not telling who), and I just wondered how many felt this was an accurate description of who we are and what we do. Discuss away if you so desire....add to, redefine, elaborate, dispute, agree, cheer, praise, trash, explore.



http://farm1.static.flickr.com/147/379869681_ec002c3bb5_t.jpg Catalina

No, this isn't who we really are, but you get what you pay for. It's a fairly well established that CM and such are not the best hunting ground for a partner, unless you're into game players and clueless asshattery on both ends of the spectrum. The Asshat thread features mostly "Dominate"s from there but Dom's (or Dom oriented switches) get a whole new variety of "what planet are you from anyway!" By her own admission, the woman is fairly screwed up, and not able to make the best decisions for herself and her own well-being. Just click her profile and do a quick survey on her threads. I think in this case, it's not that all Doms are users and asshats, that's just what she looks for. I've no idea if it's a conscious thing or not. She may not be doing it on a conscious level.

The sad thing, this weird view is prevalent enough that it attracts more people into BDSM that aren't really emotionally equipped for a relationship. Then they have problems getting a relationship and making it work. It goes to pot, and then they scream about how they were used and abused, and that feeds the stereotypes.

Self-fulfilling prophecy, anyone?

 

[serijules]

Even funnier, most of the "normal" people I know are the most clueless self-centered sons of a bitches I've ever met.

Go figure.

 

[bronntanas]

Even funnier, most of the "normal" people I know are the most clueless self-centered sons of a bitches I've ever met.

Go figure.

LOL

I have too. Most of them are politicians, who are trying to convince me that they're "just like you! So you can vote for me with confidence!" and other schmalzy crap.

 

[Netzach]

I agree the language is pretty derisive, and the lookism or reverse lookism in it is icky - but the point that there are more people worth avoiding than there are worth embracing wherever you go (I mean, embrace people, but make it a friendly peck on the cheek kind of thing before you let them into your life, right?) is just good sound advice to a community that tends to think "oh, we have common kink, so that person's totally good and smart and trustworthy" far too often.

 

[rosco rathbone]

It's even odds that that OP is a troll by the way.

 

[RJMasters]

truly ugly, amazingly gifted submissive.

well your half right ADR

As to both of your above comments...right on the money.

there was a time when I wanted to be understood and vai that I wanted to be accepted. I think ultimately that is behind why so many try so hard to justify who they are. At some point I think most of us learn that its really not all that important to justify who we are to anyone else, as long as we understand ourselves and are comfortable with who we are in our own skin.

Those who seek honestly to understand more will do so as they get to know us, those who have closed minds have already made up their minds and I feel no compulsion to try and crack their skull to let a little light shine in. I would rather just point at them and laugh at their ignorance.

oh and eat roasted marshmellows of course.