Acceptable punishments

[Curious_L]

I was asked by my Master to think of alternate punishments for when I mis-behaved. Beyond the expected spankings or occasional slap. I'm drawing a complete blank, so I thought I'd ask your opinions.

What kind of punishments would you use / have you used in the past? And why?

 

[wetkittengrl]

Denial of something you like, is always fun, or doing something you're not terribly comfortable with but are willing to do.

 

[Quinn71]

To deny a slave any kind of contact with Me for 48 hours seems to work well...also tests the strength of her commitment/devotion.

 

[JamieB]

In real? Or online?

I favor punishments that sort of push the envelope of comfort. For me, it's things like forcing her to watch and describe a kind of porn she doesn't like, or sending her into a sleazy adult bookstore, picking out the most massive dildo on the shelf and asking the clerk, "Is this the biggest one you have?"

Another goodun is forbidding her from washing her hands after she masturbates (or from washing off my cum).

It all sort of depends one your comfort level. Just try and think of things that are just outside it.

J

 

[WriterDom]

It all depends on the one being punished. Forced exercise would be hell for a couch potato and a delight to a gym rat.

 

[BlueMorpho]

I was having a discussion about appropriate punishments with a friend the other day. His wife is kind of a pain slut, so that's more of a reward. The idea of losing something you like for a while is good. A pet of mine (online) was forbidden to masturbate for a while as punishment. But that might not work on someone who enjoys edge play and orgasm denial.

 

[twysted73]

I have often thought on this. Is it a lazy Dominant who directs their submissive to do the footwork (no judgements, these are my own musings) for ideas on punishments (isn't that half of the fun? Suprises?) or is it good field work?

I've thought in the past that searching for ideas was the way to go. But then I wondered, what sort of disservice am I performing for my submissive? Sure the ideas are good as suggested but are they for her necessarily? Are they things that would work for her?
I believe I should take a general tone/mood from suggestions but I feel a responsability to design things speciffically for her that reverberate down the corridors of her mind.
Custom discipline.

Something I feel I owe her as part and parcel for her personalized and intimate loyalty.
I'm not snubbing my nose at suggestions nor do I do so to those who rely on them. As I have said, I like to see what the Johnsons are doing over there on the other side of the fence too. But I am saying I try not to rely on them too much. And I certainly don't feel it's something I deligate to my submissive.

Oh, and to avoid hijacking the thread, you need ideas. I do it in three level steps based on severity.
Level's 1 & 3 are met with psychological retribution.
Level 2 is physical. When I go to levels 2 and 3 remind her to use her safes when necessary and then proceed happily.
As they so often say for children, the punishment is best when it fits the infraction.

1st level situation: I asked her to wear a certain outfit to work or to meet me or pick up a certain bottle of wine on her way home and she forgets. Resolution: If we're in seperate cars you would slip out of your skirt or pants and drive hom this way. (minor) Or, at lunch/dinner I would have her slip a phrase like "And yes, I really do love the sensation of anal. It just makes me wetter then usual." into our conversation anytime the waiter approached the table.

- 2nd Level situation: I ask her to put herrself on display for me. The location woud indictate the severity of punishment here. But let's simply say I wanted her naked, in a favored location, spread and ready with some ice cream topping of choice close at hand when I walked in the door. But she didn't do it. Solution: I place her on her knees, stripped, hands on her upper thighs, palms down, chin up and looking strait ahead. Her bottom resting on her heels, breasts jutting out...5 minutes. Either I sit there and scrutinize, making adjustments or I leave the room.

- 3rd level situation: I speciffically requested her to perform her prep list for the shower as I had plans to play but she didn't do it beause she didn't "feel" like it. At this juncture I would rely on her safe word usage and proceed. One solution: Orgasm denial. And she'd hate it. She'd not come but we'd build you up several times over a period of an hour or two and let her go to sleep that way.
Or perhaps access the list of things I know she hates, things that creep her out or bother her.

Good luck.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I also am not one who on the surface sees a lot of worth in sending a submissive in search of punishment ideas, but I also realise for the clever PYL it is less about simply asking the submissive (or others) to come up with ideas and more about seeing just how the submissive works. For example, for such a PYL, a submissive who comes back with something fairly lame or more fitted to their liking would clearly be demonstrating a disregard for the concept of real punishment, perhaps a lack of commitment and/or interest, perhaps verifying they think the PYL less than worthy and/or demonstrating disrespect...OTOH, a pyl who comes up with a punishment the PYL knows they will honestly hate or find difficult would be demonstrating a commitment to the purpose of the punishment, respect for the intelligence and dominance of the PYL, and an honesty in doing what was asked without giving thought to hoodwinking or dodging the punishment in real terms. Unfortunately, I get the feeling most who send pyl's to find a suitable punishment are doing it as a means to avoid doing too much thinking themselves, but perhaps I am off the mark and there are a lot more thinking PYL's out there than appear to be.

Catalina

 

[Curious_L]

Thank you for your suggestions! Master has used masterbation denial and orgasm denial, using both randomly in the past. I am really hesitant to remind Him of the orgasm denial or porn shop idea. But then again, I guess the whole point of a punishment is something that I dislike instead of something I enjoy.

Jamie - RL. But due to my work schedule, we don't see each other as often as we would like.

Twysted - No offense taken, but I'm going on good fieldwork. Master is much more experienced than I am, so occasionally He asks questions to make me think. Or statements to see what my reaction will be.

 

[twysted73]

Thank you for your suggestions! Master has used masterbation denial and orgasm denial, using both randomly in the past. I am really hesitant to remind Him of the orgasm denial or porn shop idea. But then again, I guess the whole point of a punishment is something that I dislike instead of something I enjoy.

Jamie - RL. But due to my work schedule, we don't see each other as often as we would like.

Twysted - No offense taken, but I'm going on good fieldwork. Master is much more experienced than I am, so occasionally He asks questions to make me think. Or statements to see what my reaction will be.

Good. Then you're on a good quest for information and I'm happy to help. If you need more ideas, PM me. Depending on your flavors I could whip up something truly evil you might not want seen here.

 

[Yang4yin]

I also believe that a punishment must fit the person, as well as the reason for the punishment. For example, a masochist should not be spanked. A spanking is a reward for someone who enjoys pain.

 

[SweetErika]

Master is much more experienced than I am, so occasionally He asks questions to make me think. Or statements to see what my reaction will be.

If I asked my sub to think up suitable punishments for various offenses, my intention certainly would be to make them think. Therefore, I'd be none too happy if I found out they delegated the task of thinking to others without asking me if that was an acceptable way to complete the assignment. Having others come up with a list of ideas circumvents a good part of the thought process, which would be the point of this task if I gave it. It's not as easy to tap into creativity and come up with suitable, productive punishments, as it is to take from a list others have created for the most part.

Maybe your Master has a different perspective, but it might be something to consider, and possibly clarify with him, before you continue working on this assignment.

****

On a related note, it's very interesting how male and female pyls get very different responses when asking this question here. When the OP is perceived to be male, we aren't so eager to offer ideas, and I've never seen anyone offer to help them complete the assignment via PM. I wonder why there doesn't seem to be so much concern about giving out masturbation material, the sub's growth and stepping on the Dom's toes when someone who presents themselves as female asks us to do a good part of her assignment for her.

I'm not judging anyone; I was just struck by this when I read through the thread.

 

[intothewoods]

Sometimes I say something out of line, and I already know the response he's going to give me, so I just say it. And then Mister Man sits back and says, good girl, you topped yourself!

 

[catalina_francisco]

I also believe that a punishment must fit the person, as well as the reason for the punishment. For example, a masochist should not be spanked. A spanking is a reward for someone who enjoys pain.

Guess it depends who is delivering it and who is receiving it. As a masochist, I can honestly say I have received physical punishment including spankings which were far from enjoyable or a reward.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

If I asked my sub to think up suitable punishments for various offenses, my intention certainly would be to make them think. Therefore, I'd be none too happy if I found out they delegated the task of thinking to others without asking me if that was an acceptable way to complete the assignment. Having others come up with a list of ideas circumvents a good part of the thought process, which would be the point of this task if I gave it. It's not as easy to tap into creativity and come up with suitable, productive punishments, as it is to take from a list others have created for the most part.

Maybe your Master has a different perspective, but it might be something to consider, and possibly clarify with him, before you continue working on this assignment.

****

On a related note, it's very interesting how male and female pyls get very different responses when asking this question here. When the OP is perceived to be male, we aren't so eager to offer ideas, and I've never seen anyone offer to help them complete the assignment via PM. I wonder why there doesn't seem to be so much concern about giving out masturbation material, the sub's growth and stepping on the Dom's toes when someone who presents themselves as female asks us to do a good part of her assignment for her.

I'm not judging anyone; I was just struck by this when I read through the thread.

LOL, we do think alike often I find.

Catalina

 

[nh23]

If I asked my sub to think up suitable punishments for various offenses, my intention certainly would be to make them think. Therefore, I'd be none too happy if I found out they delegated the task of thinking to others without asking me if that was an acceptable way to complete the assignment. Having others come up with a list of ideas circumvents a good part of the thought process, which would be the point of this task if I gave it. It's not as easy to tap into creativity and come up with suitable, productive punishments, as it is to take from a list others have created for the most part.

Maybe your Master has a different perspective, but it might be something to consider, and possibly clarify with him, before you continue working on this assignment.

****

On a related note, it's very interesting how male and female pyls get very different responses when asking this question here. When the OP is perceived to be male, we aren't so eager to offer ideas, and I've never seen anyone offer to help them complete the assignment via PM. I wonder why there doesn't seem to be so much concern about giving out masturbation material, the sub's growth and stepping on the Dom's toes when someone who presents themselves as female asks us to do a good part of her assignment for her.

I'm not judging anyone; I was just struck by this when I read through the thread.

*nods* I thought the exact same thing. But, I also thought Jesus haven't we seen this thread 6,583 times in the last two months.

 

[Curious_L]

SweetErika - Oh. I didn't even think of it like that. I really just wanted to hear what other people thought about it. I realize that punishments vary from sub to sub, I just didn't know what direction to think, so to speak. Kind of a ... sounding board?

nh23 - [bows head apologetically] I guess I should lurk more, huh?

 

[nh23]

SweetErika - Oh. I didn't even think of it like that. I really just wanted to hear what other people thought about it. I realize that punishments vary from sub to sub, I just didn't know what direction to think, so to speak. Kind of a ... sounding board?

nh23 - [bows head apologetically] I guess I should lurk more, huh?

Lol..maybe. We also have a library and a search function.

 

[catalina_francisco]

nh23 - [bows head apologetically] I guess I should lurk more, huh?

Definately not....no-one needs to feel they are only welcome to lurk. Joining in discussions is one of the best ways of not only learning from others, but also learning more about yourself, your needs, and where you want to go from here. Just by posting this alone you have already seen a variety of views. I agree with SE on the thought about checking this is what your PYL wanted and expected when they asked you to suggest a suitable punishment because though many would be quite happy for their pyl to ask others, some would not and you wouldn't want yet another reason to be punished.

Also though Twsted might have innocently suggested you PM for ideas, I know for myself if I acted on such a suggestion from another PYL my own would not be very pleased. I am allowed to exchange PM's, but in a circumstance like this, and while i was inexperienced, F would have seen it as questionable on the part of the PYL, and also unnecessary as anything anyone had to say should have been possible in the forum without need for a private interaction. These are just things which can trip you up when you first start out as you might not be expecting it to be a problem. So please keep posting, asking, learning and enjoying.

Catalina

 

[SweetErika]

SweetErika - Oh. I didn't even think of it like that. I really just wanted to hear what other people thought about it. I realize that punishments vary from sub to sub, I just didn't know what direction to think, so to speak. Kind of a ... sounding board?

nh23 - [bows head apologetically] I guess I should lurk more, huh?

You just have to get in the head of us Dommy types.

Seriously, I think that's the key here - take a step outside of yourself and see what you can come up with. Think in terms of general consequences and lessons for given behaviors, e.g.:
- Attention seeking ----> withdrawing attention

- Not thinking -----> an assignment that requires a great amount of thought or reflection; withdrawing privileges so you have extra time to think/consider

- Not remembering -----> something that requires repetition, forethought, etc.

- Unhealthy behavior -----> a great deal of healthy behavior

- Missing responsibilities -----> remove enjoyable activities; increase supervision of basic tasks; write an essay on responsibility and/or detailed letter of apology

I'm sure you can come up with specifics, but this is where I start when there's been a transgression. It's not that difficult to come up with really fitting, educational punishments once you get rolling.

 

[serijules]

For example, a masochist should not be spanked. A spanking is a reward for someone who enjoys pain.

This always baffles me.

I love pain. I get off on it, in face, I have a hard time having an orgasm without some sort of pain present. I do consider myself a masochist for these reasons.

However, I get spanked for punishments and let me tell you, I don't enjoy this. Pain as a result of disappointment is light years away from pain for pleasure. When Ma'am is upset enough with me to punish me for something, my love of pain plummets and becomes non-existent. Erotic pain is enjoyable because it is given in an erotic, albeit painful, setting. A punishment has no erotic elements to it, and thus is not enjoyable, no matter how high my pain tolerance is or how much I normally love the implement being used.

In my opinion if you physically punish a bottom using pain and she knows how disappointed or upset you are and she STILL loves it, you have bigger problems on your hand, such as complete disregard for having disappointed you and complete disrespect for the power exchange present.

Someone else said that making a gym rat work out would not be a suitable punishment. Maybe not, but what if you pushed them to a limit of working out that simply was no longer enjoyable or tolerable? Or made them work out while wearing something very uncomfortable or some other creative twist.

I love chocolate cake. If you made me sit down and eat the whole damn thing in one sitting while telling me what a pig I was, I would no longer be enjoying that chocolate cake.

I don't think it's so much that the punishment chosen absolutely must be something the bottom dislikes, it just needs to be presented in a way that takes it beyound that enjoyable level. For me, being spanked with a hairbrush until I can hardly breath anymore while being lectured by a very disappointed owner is certainly going to have an impact on me and I'm not going to love any moment of it, regardless of the fact that under different circumstances, that same scene might make me horny!

 

[Curious_L]

serijules - I think you make a very interesting point, although I'm facing it from the opposite direction. I don't normally enjoy pain. I have a very low tolerance for it, from everyday aches to quick stings.

But.

I know that my Master will not intentionally cause me harm. And I believe He has the experience to understand how careful He needs to be on this issue. And He enjoys giving pain. Not maliciously, just.. I don't know. I don't know the terminology for it yet.

Ok, back to the point. Master enjoys me in "little pain". Spankings and light slaps. Probably because it focuses my attention squarely on Him. So, when He gives me pain I accept it. I enjoy it. Because it makes Him happy.

 

[FurryFury]

When I'm really scared and/or pissed off about behavior one of the worst things I do is assign sentences. As in, "Write, I will not lie, hide food in my room, hide homework in my desk 100 times."

*nods*

 

[BiBunny]

Well, punishment is not a part of any relationship I've ever been in or will ever be in, but I think serijules is right. I'm a masochist. It's still not THAT hard to push me past my painslut happy place and into "OMFG, you bastard, STOP!!!!!!" Of course, it takes a real sadist, and many who say they are, aren't. *Sigh* I suppose that's another thread, though.

 

[LadyIlsa]

New Girl Here

About 6 months ago, I discovered that I'm submissive. It really was a revelation for me but looking back I realized that I had always been with dominant men. But then we started swinging. It was then that it became obvious to everyone!

Sir (my DH) found a Dom to help teach me what it means to be submissive. Not just sexually, but submissive to my Husband and any He gives me too. He felt that outside help with this would help him to develop his skills also. And it has.

One of my first 'training' exercises was to write a list of punishments for infractions of the rules. I could not ask for help. The punishments had to be physical and measurable - such as 5 smacks with the flogger for not doing the housework correctly, orgasm denial for neglecting my anal training. I am not a pain slut. While I enjoy a good sensual spanking, I do not enjoy a punishment flogging. While I enjoy being restrained - I do not enjoy being tied up and left alone.

When I had 10 punishments and they met approval, I had to write 10 more - each more harsh than the last. The final one on my list was going into a bar, without panties wearing a short skirt and sitting on the bar stool, flashing anyone who wants to look. If approached, I would have to submit to that person if Sir wanted me too. For a person is who normally shy and not an exhibitionist - this was the harshest punishment I could think of. Only real pain would be harder for me.

I was told to write out each punishment on a card, numbering them from 1 to 20 and I carry them with me at all times. Some can only be administered in private and they are on white paper. Public ones are on pink. The top 3 most severe are on blue.

I hope this helps you. Good luck.