Ways of describing the throes of passion...

[Nefric]

My wife and I are working on a story and can't decide on the best way to describe the throes of passion. I tend to do the drawn out moans like Ooooo and Unnggghhh, trying to get the audio experience of the moment. My wife likes the idea of using things like she moans deeply as he sucked her...
We both think that a mix of the two is probably best, but this is our first erotic story so I thought asking for some feedback from folks who have written more erotica than us would be a good idea. So let us hear from you, give us the benefit of your wisdom.

 

[tickledkitty]

I'd say go easy on the noises. I mean, only use them when you really need that noise and there's no way to describe it. It seems too porny and amateur otherwise. Ok, I know it is amateur porn, but it's more pleasant to read without a lot of "Uuuuunnnnnnggghhhhhs" and "I'm cummmmmmmings".

What have you noticed in stories you like?

 

[Weird Harold]

...I tend to do the drawn out moans like Ooooo and Unnggghhh, trying to get the audio experience of the moment.

Oh no, a proponent of the NOAM!

NOAM stands for "Never Ending Orgasmic Moan" and on any list of mistakes novice erotic story authors make, it's in the top three.

 

[rgraham666]

I almost never use noises.

If I do I just use a short form of the sound and describe how it emerges.

For example: "Ah!" she gutters.

Or: "Gaw!" seeps out from her mouth, the sound shaking with her joy.

Or: With that sweet sob, she floats away.

How's that?

 

[Stella_Omega]

I would far rather read;
...she moans deeply as he sucked her...

only-- I'd prefer that the tenses matched;
...she moans deeply as he sucks her...

Or else;
she moaned deeply as he sucked her...

 

[tickledkitty]

Or: With that sweet sob, she floats away.

Oh, that image is really lovely.

 

[lesbiaphrodite]

I personally enjoy the French approach of the "non-dit."

 

[CrimsonMaiden]

Definitely no "ooooohhhhhh" or "unnnggghhh". That's a back click for me.

 

[Emperor_Nero]

I agree with what has been said. Let the reader fill in with their imagination just what her moans and gasps sound like and develop the scene within their mind. Sometimes, too much information -- something as innocuous as an oooh, when the reader would have used mmmmm -- can just spoil that mental image you are creating.

 

[NymphGoddess]

think about what it feels like when your two are...what happens right before the orgasm...how does it feel? does her body quake? is she breathless? does her chest start heaving because the multiple is just lasting long enough that she cannot speak? does it leave her or you shaking after? does it rise from inside you till you have to scream that you're cumming?

 

[SlickTony]

Definitely no "ooooohhhhhh" or "unnnggghhh". That's a back click for me.

IME/IMO cries of passion are more staccato than that.

 

[impressive]

My wife and I are working on a story and can't decide on the best way to describe the throes of passion. I tend to do the drawn out moans like Ooooo and Unnggghhh, trying to get the audio experience of the moment. My wife likes the idea of using things like she moans deeply as he sucked her...
We both think that a mix of the two is probably best, but this is our first erotic story so I thought asking for some feedback from folks who have written more erotica than us would be a good idea. So let us hear from you, give us the benefit of your wisdom.

Whenever there is doubt, the wife is right.



The rest of the time, she's right, too.

 

[Guest]

Whenever there is doubt, the wife is right.



The rest of the time, she's right, too.

Damn straight.

 

[sr71plt]

"Holy Jesus full rut"?

 

[Frank Noir]

Definitely no "ooooohhhhhh" or "unnnggghhh". That's a back click for me.

I think dialogue makes the scene more real, but "words" like the above turn me off as well.
My personal rule: Maximum one tripled letter - after that it gets silly.
That is, no more drawn out than "Aaah" or "Ahhh" or "Ohhh". And only in moans and cries - leave "real words" as they are.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I use sounds, and a lot of them, but I'm careful. I think you can pronouce, "Ohhhh", a moan that fades away to a breathy whisper, or "Yessss" that turns into a sibilant hiss. But you can't pronounce the pentuple 'D' in "Goddddd", and you're better off saying something like: " 'I'm coming!' the word trailed off into a strangled cry in her throat" rather than saying "I'm comiiinnnnggg", though I've done both.

I personally find vocalizations very sexy, and saying "She moaned" is not the same as knowing what she said. The main thing is to keep it from getting ludicrous.

 

[impressive]

Throes are damned strange things. Has anyone ever seen a throe?

 

[rgraham666]

Throes are damned strange things. Has anyone ever seen a throe?

Been on the receiving end of one, once or twice.

 

[Guest]

edited

 

[Stella_Omega]

think about what it feels like when your two are...what happens right before the orgasm...how does it feel? does her body quake? is she breathless? does her chest start heaving because the multiple is just lasting long enough that she cannot speak? does it leave her or you shaking after? does it rise from inside you till you have to scream that you're cumming?

If I have to scream because I'm coming, believe me-- I won't be able to scream that I am coming.

I'll just be screaming.

 

[tickledkitty]

Throes are damned strange things. Has anyone ever seen a throe?

Seen a throe down once or twice.

 

[Selena_Kitt]

I use sounds, and a lot of them, but I'm careful. I think you can pronouce, "Ohhhh", a moan that fades away to a breathy whisper, or "Yessss" that turns into a sibilant hiss. But you can't pronounce the pentuple 'D' in "Goddddd", and you're better off saying something like: " 'I'm coming!' the word trailed off into a strangled cry in her throat" rather than saying "I'm comiiinnnnggg", though I've done both.

I personally find vocalizations very sexy, and saying "She moaned" is not the same as knowing what she said. The main thing is to keep it from getting ludicrous.

Amen. All rules are made to be broken. The NOAM can be used to good effect... (affect? god I hate that word). Dialogue is hot. Silent sex doesn't happen very often... little "uh-uh-uh's" and throaty, "Ohjesusgod what are you - ohhh's!" are good too... Just think of real sex... and translate. What does the 'sound' sound like? uh, oh, ah, eeeeiy! Vowels are your friend.

 

[Nefric]

thanks for the insights

Thank you everyone you have given a lot of great idea of my rewrite, I look forward to getting a wide variety of ways to express the throes of passion. Like they say variety is the spice of life and it can only make my stories better.