I'm new here...and I have a question for you all, and hopefully this is in the right spot. I'm 18...so pretty young and I have the same bf i've had for 2 years now. He's very sweet, very caring, very nice and that's great and all, but he doesn't agree with me sexually. I try to make him open up and share fantasies but his wildest fantasy was having sex in the shower...wow...how wild that was. He's 23 by the way. I told him about my fantasies, wanting a master, wanting to receive a colllar and wear it proudly. He's just not open. I love him, but in order to be with him i can't experiment with my fantasies. I even tried pushing anal on him, I told him i used my dildo for anal play by myself since he wouldn't and his reaction was "gross" I'm just stuck in the situation of loving someone... he's my bestfriend but having to give up my fantasies. Has anyone else experienced this...what did you do, and if anyone has advice or kind words on what I should think about doing i'd appreciate it.
Advice please
- Thread starter NYsAngel
- Start date
I should add... I've had an online relationship with one guy, but I'm not so great with guilt. I told my bf about it hoping for an approval and he shot that one down as well. I still stay in contact with the online guy cause I don't wanna lose him completely, but it's been going on for months now and it's gotten to the point where both of us want the real thing... in order for me to get the real thing i'd have to cheat... and I hate the idea of cheating.
My bf does know, I'm not the secret keeping type, i can't do that. His words were "what I don't know doesn't hurt me" But those words were after a long fight about me leaving cause I feel trapped. It's not what he wants which is why I don't fool around with the guy anymore. I keep in touch yes...we talk about fantasies and what not... cause he's the only one I have who gets it and I know he does.
I know im in the wrong, that's not what I need people to tell me. I know I shouldn't be talking to some guy behind by bf's back... the same guy i've shared photos with and cam sesions with. I don't do that anymore, but I know keeping in touch so I don't lose him isn't right.
Maybe i'm just looking for someone who's been through the issue of having to decide between two lives. A very peacful life where my bf treats me like a princess and spoils me and has regular old sex with me. Or a life where i'm with a Master...having my sexual needs and fantasies met, but not being with my bestfriend(bf).
00Syd
Secret Agent
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- Dec 26, 2007
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My situation and experiences are incredibly similar to yours, I've talked about it in other threads but I'll summarize it here:
I'm 18, have been dating the same guy for two years (he's 22) and about half a year ago I realized that I'm submissive and began to explore the online BDSM community. I too met a Master online and began having a fairly serious relationship with him which did help relieve some of my desires for a while but the guilt was overwhelming and it nearly destroyed my relationship with my bf. I was sick with stress and guilt and fear that if I told my bf that I was interested in BDSM and about my online relationship he would leave me. I left my online Master completely, knowing that I had to if I wanted to stay with my bf and be true to him. Finally I told him and at first he was mad but we talked about it, and he said that he was willing to help me explore. At first he was just sort of playing along, but now he is much more into it.
I say, take it slow. Don't just suggest things like him becoming your Master and collaring you, don't just push anal on him like you did. My bfs first reaction when I brought that up was also "gross" and we still haven't tried it but he has told me recently that he is much more open to the idea then he was and I think we may try it soon. The first things I did was just ask him to maybe hold my hands above my head during sex, suggest he maybe be just a little more forceful.
It was strange asking him to do these things when really what I want him to do is do these things of his own accord. I want to submit to him, not tell him what to do. But after suggesting he do these things a few times he began doing it just because he wanted to do it.
So my suggestion is to stop talking to your online Dom completely so that you can focus on being with your bf. Maybe suggest small things to him that he would be willing to do and work from there. Of course he probably isn't a natural Dom, my bf isn't, but I love him and it means the world to me that he is trying.
If things don't work out between you and your bf, at least you'll know that you did everything you could to try and make it work.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you and sending you lots of supportive hugs via the world wide web
I'm 18, have been dating the same guy for two years (he's 22) and about half a year ago I realized that I'm submissive and began to explore the online BDSM community. I too met a Master online and began having a fairly serious relationship with him which did help relieve some of my desires for a while but the guilt was overwhelming and it nearly destroyed my relationship with my bf. I was sick with stress and guilt and fear that if I told my bf that I was interested in BDSM and about my online relationship he would leave me. I left my online Master completely, knowing that I had to if I wanted to stay with my bf and be true to him. Finally I told him and at first he was mad but we talked about it, and he said that he was willing to help me explore. At first he was just sort of playing along, but now he is much more into it.
I say, take it slow. Don't just suggest things like him becoming your Master and collaring you, don't just push anal on him like you did. My bfs first reaction when I brought that up was also "gross" and we still haven't tried it but he has told me recently that he is much more open to the idea then he was and I think we may try it soon. The first things I did was just ask him to maybe hold my hands above my head during sex, suggest he maybe be just a little more forceful.
It was strange asking him to do these things when really what I want him to do is do these things of his own accord. I want to submit to him, not tell him what to do. But after suggesting he do these things a few times he began doing it just because he wanted to do it.
So my suggestion is to stop talking to your online Dom completely so that you can focus on being with your bf. Maybe suggest small things to him that he would be willing to do and work from there. Of course he probably isn't a natural Dom, my bf isn't, but I love him and it means the world to me that he is trying.
If things don't work out between you and your bf, at least you'll know that you did everything you could to try and make it work.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you and sending you lots of supportive hugs via the world wide web
DeservingBitch
Mostly gone
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I pretty much agree with what Sinn already told you.
I would add that I see a few possibilities here -- please note that they all assume that those submissive needs and desires you have are NOT going to go away:
1. You talk again to the bf making very clear what your needs and desires are, and how important they are for you. He agrees to slowly try some of this stuff with you. It may work, or it may not.
2. You talk again to the bf making very clear what your needs and desires are, and how important they are for you. He doesn't want to engage in any of those activities with you but agrees to open the relationship so that you can have those needs/desires met with someone else.
3. You talk again to the bf making very clear what your needs and desires are, and how important they are for you. He doesn't want to engage in any of those activities with you and doesn't agree to open the relationship. You choose to stay with him nonetheless and to remain sexually exclusive, which means not having your own needs and desires met.
4. You talk again to the bf making very clear what your needs and desires are, and how important they are for you. He doesn't want to engage in any of those activities with you and doesn't agree to open the relationship. You choose to stay with him nonetheless, but without respecting the sexual exclusivity agreement and having a relationship with someone else in secret.
5. You don't talk to him and suffer in silence.
6. You don't talk to him but have a relationship with someone else in secret.
7. You leave the relationship.
You are the best one to know what is best for you.
I would add that I see a few possibilities here -- please note that they all assume that those submissive needs and desires you have are NOT going to go away:
1. You talk again to the bf making very clear what your needs and desires are, and how important they are for you. He agrees to slowly try some of this stuff with you. It may work, or it may not.
2. You talk again to the bf making very clear what your needs and desires are, and how important they are for you. He doesn't want to engage in any of those activities with you but agrees to open the relationship so that you can have those needs/desires met with someone else.
3. You talk again to the bf making very clear what your needs and desires are, and how important they are for you. He doesn't want to engage in any of those activities with you and doesn't agree to open the relationship. You choose to stay with him nonetheless and to remain sexually exclusive, which means not having your own needs and desires met.
4. You talk again to the bf making very clear what your needs and desires are, and how important they are for you. He doesn't want to engage in any of those activities with you and doesn't agree to open the relationship. You choose to stay with him nonetheless, but without respecting the sexual exclusivity agreement and having a relationship with someone else in secret.
5. You don't talk to him and suffer in silence.
6. You don't talk to him but have a relationship with someone else in secret.
7. You leave the relationship.
You are the best one to know what is best for you.
madetotakeit
WARNING: I Bite Back
- Joined
- Nov 29, 2007
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- 1,406
I have been in your situation, although not to the same extreme. We started out as friends and it developed into something more. My boyfriend was adventurous. With many things he was willing to try at least once, but he did not bring the enthusiasm to it that I needed. (Something experienced with someone who is simply making the attempt and somebody who shares the interest are not even in the same category.) Our interests diverged at a certain point. I talked to him about some of my interests and when I found out his standing on them, I did not go into depth with him. There was no need to. If he wasn't on board with the milder ones, the heavier ones were definitely out of the question.
On one hand, he is a best friend. We have similar mindsets. Enjoy do many of the same things, but have enough enough separate interests that we did not feel the need to do everything together and avoided that suffocated feeling. When it comes to romance and vanilla sex, the compatibility is definitely there. The softer needs are met. He reminds me I am a woman, worthy of being seduced and romanced, needing to sometimes just be held and feel the contact with someone. Sounds perfect, right? Well, no, because it isn't all that I need.
On the other hand, I need something in addition. I am a submissive. I need to submit. While he can role play to an extent and is an alpha male in personality, he is not a Dominant. I appreciate the fact that he was open minded enough to make the attempt, but his heart wasn't in it. It was not fair of me to ask of him something that he was not truly comfortable providing.
So this left a dilemma. On one hand, the love is there but on the other not all needs are being met. I had to make the choice of suppressing what I needed for the sake of someone I love or not settling for less than what I feel I needed. I talked to him. I explained how much I loved the things that we had done and I really wanted more of that. He agreed that it was not something he could provide more than he had. There were a lot of questions about why I liked what I do and why I felt I needed it, etc. Truthfully, I couldn't answer many of those with more of an answer than, "I just do. This is what turns me on. I can't describe how it makes me feel other than it just feels right." I had to look at how important this was to me. While it was not the only reason, it was a big factor in why the relationship could not work out long term.
What evolved from that is we have kept the friendship. We have even continued a physical relationship long distance. We both know where we stand. It is what it is. Two people who care the world for each other, but are not completely right for each other either.
You will find many times on this board the importance of communication being in highest regard. It is necessary for healthy human interactions. The talk is not an easy one, but it is one that must happen if this is something you feel you need. You have to be sure within yourself. Be prepared that is will be the end of the relationship as you know it. You may be lucky as I was and you do not lose him from your life, but you may end up with him out of your life completely. Make the decision based on your own thoughts and needs. You have to understand that this rests solely on your shoulders. Don't do it for anyone else but you.
Understand that there are no guarantees in any relationship. Say you move into the real world with this guy you are talking to online. What happens if it doesn't work out? Are you going to be content with the fact that you realized what you need and went for it, glad for the experiences? Or would you be more content having not taken the chance and missed out on something that could have been positive and fulfilling?
It's all a matter of what you feel you need to make you happy. If you find that it is a different path than the one you have been on, you have to be brave enough to take the steps. Life is a series of chances. Which chances we take determine its outcome. Yes, the riskier choices come with the possibility of pain. Safe choices are no guarantee of being pain free, but in the end can feel very lonely even if you are sitting across from someone.
On one hand, he is a best friend. We have similar mindsets. Enjoy do many of the same things, but have enough enough separate interests that we did not feel the need to do everything together and avoided that suffocated feeling. When it comes to romance and vanilla sex, the compatibility is definitely there. The softer needs are met. He reminds me I am a woman, worthy of being seduced and romanced, needing to sometimes just be held and feel the contact with someone. Sounds perfect, right? Well, no, because it isn't all that I need.
On the other hand, I need something in addition. I am a submissive. I need to submit. While he can role play to an extent and is an alpha male in personality, he is not a Dominant. I appreciate the fact that he was open minded enough to make the attempt, but his heart wasn't in it. It was not fair of me to ask of him something that he was not truly comfortable providing.
So this left a dilemma. On one hand, the love is there but on the other not all needs are being met. I had to make the choice of suppressing what I needed for the sake of someone I love or not settling for less than what I feel I needed. I talked to him. I explained how much I loved the things that we had done and I really wanted more of that. He agreed that it was not something he could provide more than he had. There were a lot of questions about why I liked what I do and why I felt I needed it, etc. Truthfully, I couldn't answer many of those with more of an answer than, "I just do. This is what turns me on. I can't describe how it makes me feel other than it just feels right." I had to look at how important this was to me. While it was not the only reason, it was a big factor in why the relationship could not work out long term.
What evolved from that is we have kept the friendship. We have even continued a physical relationship long distance. We both know where we stand. It is what it is. Two people who care the world for each other, but are not completely right for each other either.
You will find many times on this board the importance of communication being in highest regard. It is necessary for healthy human interactions. The talk is not an easy one, but it is one that must happen if this is something you feel you need. You have to be sure within yourself. Be prepared that is will be the end of the relationship as you know it. You may be lucky as I was and you do not lose him from your life, but you may end up with him out of your life completely. Make the decision based on your own thoughts and needs. You have to understand that this rests solely on your shoulders. Don't do it for anyone else but you.
Understand that there are no guarantees in any relationship. Say you move into the real world with this guy you are talking to online. What happens if it doesn't work out? Are you going to be content with the fact that you realized what you need and went for it, glad for the experiences? Or would you be more content having not taken the chance and missed out on something that could have been positive and fulfilling?
It's all a matter of what you feel you need to make you happy. If you find that it is a different path than the one you have been on, you have to be brave enough to take the steps. Life is a series of chances. Which chances we take determine its outcome. Yes, the riskier choices come with the possibility of pain. Safe choices are no guarantee of being pain free, but in the end can feel very lonely even if you are sitting across from someone.
dave's thing
pervuator of boredom
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- Mar 17, 2002
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Here here......... thats where it is going to go any ways!!
and that is based on personal experience too
00Syd
Secret Agent
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- Dec 26, 2007
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- 4,580
Its just not that simple or easy. It might be the inevitable thing, but I know in my case I'm in no hurry whatsoever to dump my bf and be done with it, and it doesn't sound like NYsAngel is either.
I know everyone has their different experiences with this sort of situation, but for me, I'm in an incredibly loving relationship and I'm not quite ready to abandon yet.
I agree 100%. It's not like my bf is just some guy i've dated a few times. He's my bestfriend...
I guess you just can't have everything you want... cause if it were up to me i'd have my bf and be able to mold him into my perfect Dom... but that's just not him... I want to accept that, but I'm sure i'm not the only one who gets those sexual urges and fantasies.
I'm gonna take some of the advice I received and try to talk to him again... we have before but he kinda brushed it off. I'm gonna try and really make him listen. If that doesn't work and he brushes it off once more THEN i'll have the decision of whether I wanna abandon my relationship or abandon my fantasies.
Thank you all again for the advice, I really do appreciate it. The push to talk to him again helped and i'm gonna sit him down tomorrow.
YourCaptor
Cute Girl Connoisseur
- Joined
- Jun 17, 2007
- Posts
- 4,550
Wow, this guy sounds really, really boring. I bet he gets a thrill out of watching concrete cure.
I have said it before and I will say it again, an unfulfilled sex life is a very good reason to split up.
Maybe he just doesn’t understand sex, you could try having your hands tied behind your back while having sex, that might cause his brain to click. Would probably be good for you too, you wouldn’t believe what a difference something little like that can make.
Another possibility is that he is sexually submissive, try a lap dance with him tied to a chair. That’s a relatively simple test that should give you an idea whether he’s into it or not.
PS. If you decide to try the tied up stuff take care of your wrist. Use something soft, or put something soft under the rope.
I have said it before and I will say it again, an unfulfilled sex life is a very good reason to split up.
Maybe he just doesn’t understand sex, you could try having your hands tied behind your back while having sex, that might cause his brain to click. Would probably be good for you too, you wouldn’t believe what a difference something little like that can make.
Another possibility is that he is sexually submissive, try a lap dance with him tied to a chair. That’s a relatively simple test that should give you an idea whether he’s into it or not.
PS. If you decide to try the tied up stuff take care of your wrist. Use something soft, or put something soft under the rope.
twysted73
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 20, 2007
- Posts
- 1,377
I do wish there were easy answers to your questions. I honestly do.
If you dump him, you will be filling one hole and leaving another. (no pun intended)
If you keep him, it may go one of two ways. Either he will become secure with you, himself, his/your sexuality and take that giving step....OR.....he will remain in his current frame of mind and you will simply put your own desires on hold. (or try hard to but will eventually fail because those who have that "kinky spark" in them cannot extinguish it once it's been lit and coaxed into a flame....TRUST me here) I've seen marriages never happen because the need for and draw of sexual/self exploration outweighed the draw of love and marriage.
Keep in mind, he's 23. Psychologically, emotionally....sexually, he won't be in a mature possition to remove his head from his butt until atleast 28 or 30 years old.
"Eww" is an immature answer one gives who cannot remove themselves from the "what makes ME happy" frame of mind and project themselves into the "i give of myself to you because I love you" mentality.
So, as it's been suggested, baby steps with him and give it a shot so no regrets can be found if things go south later. Communication is and will always be key to anything you do in the arena of human relations. (TRUST me here too. If you share something that matters to you to another...and they reject you for it? Then nomatter how "special" they are to you, they aren't on your page of music. And you need to re-evaluate your situation with them.)
- First step : Make a *Wish List*. List ALL the things you want to do, enjoy, desire or find interesting. Divide them up into the "Would like to have's" and "Must Have's" categories.
Then...give it to him.
Give him a highlighter and have him draw a simple line through what he will try to do with/for you.
Give him time. Don't rush him to finish it. Don't sit there while he reads it either. Let him know what it is, tell him how to mark it and just go do something else.
When you get your list back, look at what is ok with him and what isn't.
You've invested 2 years in him. Give him a third to "come around". Decide for yourself which items on that list you can put asside (for now) and which ones you cannot live without.
Keep the list in your drawer or somewhere safe. Check off things as you complete them as the year progresses.
Who knows....maybe you two can become so familiar with the list, in the heat of passion, you can whisper.."I want number 17...bad!"
*laughs*
Aww..your own personal code.
I digress.
In summary: Give it a year. If he hasn't even tried anything despite repeated efforts, it might be time to walk.
But if you do, atleast you know you gave him your all, gave him chances after chances to try, and you can then walk away with a clear conscience.
Just don't wait around forever.
You have living to get on with. Joy and love and really great sex to experience.
Maybe he isn't the partner you were meant for.
I heard this great saying...."Relationships work best when they're balanced".
Find balance. Either with or without him.
Best of luck.
If you dump him, you will be filling one hole and leaving another. (no pun intended)
If you keep him, it may go one of two ways. Either he will become secure with you, himself, his/your sexuality and take that giving step....OR.....he will remain in his current frame of mind and you will simply put your own desires on hold. (or try hard to but will eventually fail because those who have that "kinky spark" in them cannot extinguish it once it's been lit and coaxed into a flame....TRUST me here) I've seen marriages never happen because the need for and draw of sexual/self exploration outweighed the draw of love and marriage.
Keep in mind, he's 23. Psychologically, emotionally....sexually, he won't be in a mature possition to remove his head from his butt until atleast 28 or 30 years old.
"Eww" is an immature answer one gives who cannot remove themselves from the "what makes ME happy" frame of mind and project themselves into the "i give of myself to you because I love you" mentality.
So, as it's been suggested, baby steps with him and give it a shot so no regrets can be found if things go south later. Communication is and will always be key to anything you do in the arena of human relations. (TRUST me here too. If you share something that matters to you to another...and they reject you for it? Then nomatter how "special" they are to you, they aren't on your page of music. And you need to re-evaluate your situation with them.)
- First step : Make a *Wish List*. List ALL the things you want to do, enjoy, desire or find interesting. Divide them up into the "Would like to have's" and "Must Have's" categories.
Then...give it to him.
Give him a highlighter and have him draw a simple line through what he will try to do with/for you.
Give him time. Don't rush him to finish it. Don't sit there while he reads it either. Let him know what it is, tell him how to mark it and just go do something else.
When you get your list back, look at what is ok with him and what isn't.
You've invested 2 years in him. Give him a third to "come around". Decide for yourself which items on that list you can put asside (for now) and which ones you cannot live without.
Keep the list in your drawer or somewhere safe. Check off things as you complete them as the year progresses.
Who knows....maybe you two can become so familiar with the list, in the heat of passion, you can whisper.."I want number 17...bad!"
*laughs*
Aww..your own personal code.
I digress.
In summary: Give it a year. If he hasn't even tried anything despite repeated efforts, it might be time to walk.
But if you do, atleast you know you gave him your all, gave him chances after chances to try, and you can then walk away with a clear conscience.
Just don't wait around forever.
You have living to get on with. Joy and love and really great sex to experience.
Maybe he isn't the partner you were meant for.
I heard this great saying...."Relationships work best when they're balanced".
Find balance. Either with or without him.
Best of luck.
Last edited:
DeservingBitch
Mostly gone
- Joined
- Sep 1, 2007
- Posts
- 2,098
That is what I would refer to as an uncalled for and unproductive comment.Wow, this guy sounds really, really boring. I bet he gets a thrill out of watching concrete cure.
She made it clear that this guy is important for her and that she loves him. Why putting him down 'cause he happens to have a different sexuality than yours?
EmpressFi
Mama Bear
- Joined
- Feb 7, 2006
- Posts
- 4,622
I do wish there were easy answers to your questions. I honestly do.
If you dump him, you will be filling one hole and leaving another. (no pun intended)
If you keep him, it may go one of two ways. Either he will become secure with you, himself, his/your sexuality and take that giving step....OR.....he will remain in his current frame of mind and you will simply put your own desires on hold. (or try hard to but will eventually fail because those who have that "kinky spark" in them cannot extinguish it once it's been lit and coaxed into a flame....TRUST me here) I've seen marriages never happen because the need for and draw of sexual/self exploration outweighed the draw of love and marriage.
Keep in mind, he's 23. Psychologically, emotionally....sexually, he won't be in a mature possition to remove his head from his butt until atleast 28 or 30 years old.
"Eww" is an immature answer one gives who cannot remove themselves from the "what makes ME happy" frame of mind and project themselves into the "i give of myself to you because I love you" mentality.
So, as it's been suggested, baby steps with him and give it a shot so no regrets can be found if things go south later. Communication is and will always be key to anything you do in the arena of human relations. (TRUST me here too. If you share something that matters to you to another...and they reject you for it? Then nomatter how "special" they are to you, they aren't on your page of music. And you need to re-evaluate your situation with them.)
- First step : Make a *Wish List*. List ALL the things you want to do, enjoy, desire or find interesting. Divide them up into the "Would like to have's" and "Must Have's" categories.
Then...give it to him.
Give him a highlighter and have him draw a simple line through what he will try to do with/for you.
Give him time. Don't rush him to finish it. Don't sit there while he reads it either. Let him know what it is, tell him how to mark it and just go do something else.
When you get your list back, look at what is ok with him and what isn't.
You've invested 2 years in him. Give him a third to "come around". Decide for yourself which items on that list you can put asside (for now) and which ones you cannot live without.
Keep the list in your drawer or somewhere safe. Check off things as you complete them as the year progresses.
Who knows....maybe you two can become so familiar with the list, in the heat of passion, you can whisper.."I want number 17...bad!"
*laughs*
Aww..your own personal code.
I digress.
In summary: Give it a year. If he hasn't even tried anything despite repeated efforts, it might be time to walk.
But if you do, atleast you know you gave him your all, gave him chances after chances to try, and you can then walk away with a clear conscience.
Just don't wait around forever.
You have living to get on with. Joy and love and really great sex to experience.
Maybe he isn't the partner you were meant for.
I heard this great saying...."Relationships work best when they're balanced".
Find balance. Either with or without him.
Best of luck.
*applauds*
great information and advice
sexycaz22
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2006
- Posts
- 3,307
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2002
- Posts
- 18,730
Just a couple of thoughts...obviously your bf is also not getting what he wants as he is aware of what you are hoping for but not interested...not his fault, he is just different to you. The second, ad don't get me wrong as I remember what it felt like to be 'in love' at 18, but bottom line is you are only 18 and likely have a few more relationships ahead of you as yet so why hold onto one tha is clearly not working for you? While you may feel it is love, how can it be if you are 2 such different people? By wha you have done to date, you have already damaged the trust in your relationship...do you want to risk more damage? Might also be you need to decide what you really want....do you want to be treated like a princess, or do you want to serve a Master? They are worlds apart. If you sort that out you might know immediately what you need to do.
Catalina
Catalina
00Syd
Secret Agent
- Joined
- Dec 26, 2007
- Posts
- 4,580
Wow, this guy sounds really, really boring. I bet he gets a thrill out of watching concrete cure.
This is the kind of stuff that always gets me irritated with the whole kink community. I'm really new at this, not so far off from my vanilla past, and I mean, just because someone is vanilla doesn't mean they are boring, it just means that they aren't into the same twisted stuff that we are. I'm sure you were joking, but still. No need to insult the guy.
00Syd
Secret Agent
- Joined
- Dec 26, 2007
- Posts
- 4,580
I was in her same situation a few months ago and saying (or at least thinking) a lot of the same things. But it can be overcome! Just because she is confused and hurting now, doesn't mean that it has to last. While telling her to just dump him since its so obviously inevitable may be valid advice, I really don't think its the type of advice that NYsAngel is looking for. I know that if someone had told me that when I was still in this situation I would probably be a lot worse off and a lot more unhappy than I am now.
My relationship is mostly vanilla, but since I'm so damn new to all this, thats a good thing. I feel like I'm not really ready to step out and start some full blown D/s relationship and I'm happy being with someone as inexperienced as I am so that we can fumble around and make mistakes together. Maybe NYsAngel feels the same way, maybe not. But telling her to just dump him... I don't think thats really being very helpful.
