Have you ever asked for/been asked for punishment?

[HottieMama]

Have you ever asked your PYL for or been asked for punishment by your pyl? If so, what were the circumstances? (If you don't mine sharing.)

Just something that is on my mind tonight.

 

[intothewoods]

You mean, play punishment, in an erotic way? Or, pardon me, but I comitted this transgression please oh please punish me?

Asking for a true punishment seems sort of ass backwards to me. As for play punishment - actually either way, I don't ask.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I have never asked for real punishment. I have also never purposely done something that I know I would be punished for just to get punished. I have however asked to be spanked because I craved it. Not very often though, and my request has not always been granted.


ETA: I didn't answer your poll because I wasn't sure what you meant by punishment.

 

[snowy ciara]

I'm an "other" too, because I wasn't sure what you meant.

Ms. T does not believe in corporal punishment or erotic punishment. She feels it's confusing to the masochistic submissive and non-productive. I have never asked for punishment because I don't feel that I've misbehaved that badly, and because it is not pleasurable to be told "go away for x amount of days. Do not contact me, my other subs, or come over to my house. You are also suspended from any duties that you currently do for me." It hasn't happened to me, but I've seen it happen to one of the boys. It's not fun to watch, and it seems like it'd be horrible to endure.

Also, I feel that asking for punishment is topping from the bottom. It says to her "Hey, I don't think you're Domme enough; otherwise you would have punished me harder, so please punish me and do it right."

We don't do role play very much either, and it never seems to be role playing "punishment" scenes. So I never ask for it in that sense either. She does a killer interrogation/torture thing though! But again, it's not punishment or punishment role play.

Now, I AM a masochist and sometimes I need the pain. I need to be beaten until I cry, and/or fucked until it hurts. But this is not punishment. This is not her making me pay for transgressions, real or imagined. This is me begging for relief in a manner that I cannot give to myself. So again, it's not punishment, for us. And she usually helps me out. (Says the girl who got thoroughly worked over this afternoon. I am going to be SO marked!)

For the sake of the discussion, would you mind elaborating a little on what you mean by punishment? Because some of us don't really know what you're asking about.

 

[HottieMama]

You know...the more i think about it...the more i am confusing myself. LOL.

i'll elaborate more as soon as i can try to get a grip on my feelings right now.

 

[EmpressFi]

I dont ask for it.

Sometimes, Master says any punishment he would give couldnt be worse than the punishment I give myself.

The only time I've been "punished" was simply a withdrawl of contact. He was visiting and I said something extremely sarcastic after being asked not to and so he moved to the other side of the couch and there was no contact for the rest of the day until bedtime. That nearly killed me. I guess that's why they call it punishment

 

[Caitlynne]

Truthfully, yes, I have asked for correction [a word preferred to punishment, but I think it's what you are taking about here.]. Not because I wanted sensation, but because I was thinking overly much on some infraction or another, and the correction would end my distraction.

I can sometimes get lost in my guilt. It can trigger a lot of things from my past that distract from my service and my own well being. Sometimes just going to him and telling him what I had done and to ask for correction was necessary to end the loop of guilt and reactionary behavior [over sensitivity, etc.] I asked because it always worked to return my focus and to correct the behavior.

Truthfully though, it was seldom 'corporal punishment' [and sometimes we just had a talk because he felt that was all that was necessaary]. When I was corrected, it was often long and tedious assignments, that really corrected whatever I'd done. Not fun, but certainly not any kind of physical sensation [good or bad]. So, I never acted up to get some attention with punishment. Correction seldom involved attention anyway, it was all about introspection, and doing some assignment meant to drive a particular point home.

I think it works well because one, I want to have my behavior corrected so I can serve with better focus, and two, because when it's over--it is over. It's never again brought up. And I mean never. Done. It was/is absolutely over. Instead of me hanging on to some kind of guilt forever [and I mean forever], I'll just ask for correction and once it is done--I'm over whatever it was, and he has a nicely corrected girl/slave/etc.

Over the years, I came to trust that correction was always going to end up being a good thing for me, and he was always going to be pleased with the end result.

Don't know if that answers your question, but it's my experience.

 

[HottieMama]

Truthfully, yes, I have asked for correction [a word preferred to punishment, but I think it's what you are taking about here.]. Not because I wanted sensation, but because I was thinking overly much on some infraction or another, and the correction would end my distraction.

I can sometimes get lost in my guilt. It can trigger a lot of things from my past that distract from my service and my own well being. Sometimes just going to him and telling him what I had done and to ask for correction was necessary to end the loop of guilt and reactionary behavior [over sensitivity, etc.] I asked because it always worked to return my focus and to correct the behavior.

Truthfully though, it was seldom 'corporal punishment' [and sometimes we just had a talk because he felt that was all that was necessaary]. When I was corrected, it was often long and tedious assignments, that really corrected whatever I'd done. Not fun, but certainly not any kind of physical sensation [good or bad]. So, I never acted up to get some attention with punishment. Correction seldom involved attention anyway, it was all about introspection, and doing some assignment meant to drive a particular point home.

I think it works well because one, I want to have my behavior corrected so I can serve with better focus, and two, because when it's over--it is over. It's never again brought up. And I mean never. Done. It was/is absolutely over. Instead of me hanging on to some kind of guilt forever [and I mean forever], I'll just ask for correction and once it is done--I'm over whatever it was, and he has a nicely corrected girl/slave/etc.

Over the years, I came to trust that correction was always going to end up being a good thing for me, and he was always going to be pleased with the end result.

Don't know if that answers your question, but it's my experience.

GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!!!!!!!! LOL

This is what i am struggling with on a fundamental level...Guilt.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Yes, I have asked for punishment on more than one occasion. I am not perfect, and living 24/7 means there will be times when no matter how honourable your intentions, you will make mistakes or do something wrong...human nature I'm afraid. As Caitlynne said, there are times when the wrongdoing will be a distraction and provocation for self guilt and/or loathing. That is not very productive for either PYL or pyl and so punishment can serve as a release, moving on point, reminder, or sense of having paid back some of what was due.

Catalina

 

[sinnocence]

Nope. I know if I did, He would either a) ignore my request or b) give me something totally opposite to what I want. So, I don't even bother. But honestly, I never get the desire to 'ask' for it because who likes punishment? I'm going through one right now. I didn't follow an order earlier this morning. Then, when He called me on it, I made the mistake of getting an attitude with Him. So, my punishment was no more contact until tomorrow. And of course, His disappointment. To me, those are worse than physical punishment. I really do hate this...so no, it never goes through my mind to ask.

 

[Caitlynne]

GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!!!!!!!! LOL

This is what i am struggling with on a fundamental level...Guilt.

LOL, sorry [sort of]

I can let guilt bog me down. It always shifts the focus to me and my guilt, instead of where it should be--on service and him. I can't help it, and there are legitimate reasons for my behavior, but it still is a distraction when it happens. A distraction that isn't really tolerated. But like I said, because the "why" of my behavior is understood, I think it really is this kind of correction--not punishment. Well it is, but not. If that makes sense.

there are times when the wrongdoing will be a distraction and provocation for self guilt and/or loathing. That is not very productive for either PYL or pyl and so punishment can serve as a release, moving on point, reminder, or sense of having paid back some of what was due.

Exactly. The correction ends it. Since he really does let whatever it is go, and I've 'paid for it' and then I can let it go, it is just over. We move on from there. I find it liberating in a lot of ways. I'm liberated from my own guilt, and I'm freed to better serve him.

I don't think it would work as well if it was ever brought up again. I can let the guilt go because I know he won't bring it up ever again. I now that the correction--corrects the situation. I trust that. He says it will solve the situation, and it does. That goes a long way for someone like me.

 

[myinnerslut]

i have.
it isnt something i have done often or on any sort of a regular basis.
i dont ask for punishment becuase i think it will be fun or erotic.
i dont think its something i will enjoy in any way.
i do view punishment as related to closure.

consider this. a PYL says "do xyz" and the pyl does not for one of multiple reasons. the PYL sees that xyz isnt done, and does nothing. the pyl is now confused, hurt, and doesnt understand why thier PYL saw the mistake but didnt care enough to call them on it.

in that situation i would say the pyl could comfront thier PYL and ask for closure.

 

[minx1]

Truthfully, yes, I have asked for correction [a word preferred to punishment, but I think it's what you are taking about here.]. Not because I wanted sensation, but because I was thinking overly much on some infraction or another, and the correction would end my distraction.

I think it works well because one, I want to have my behavior corrected so I can serve with better focus, and two, because when it's over--it is over. It's never again brought up. And I mean never. Done. It was/is absolutely over. Instead of me hanging on to some kind of guilt forever [and I mean forever], I'll just ask for correction and once it is done--I'm over whatever it was, and he has a nicely corrected girl/slave/etc.

For exactly those reasons. I worry and I stress and it distracts me from serving the best i can. I haven't asked many times at all, but the result grounded me completely and enabled me to focus on what i should be focusing on.

 

[Blushing Bottom]

I have requested punishment on two occasions only. The first was when I met my current Dom, almost 2 years ago now. I was seeing a Dom who had just asked me if I would wear his collar and I was in the process of deciding. Well when I met my guy and was struck by the thunderbolt, I allowed him to take all he wanted of me the first night we met. I felt so guilty when I next saw the Dom who had asked me to wear his collar I asked him to punish me. I never wore his collar but wore his marks for weeks. We are still friends by the way.

The second time was with my current Dom and I was becoming frustrated with how little time we spent together when he got this 80 hour a week job. I informed him one day I was going elsewhere to have my needs met. He was calm and agreed that perhaps I should but came to me that night and no sooner did I see his smiling face than I was on my knees begging for punishment and believe you me got what I begged for...more than I begged for in fact. He whipped me for almost an hour and while I was still face down...bottom up he left without a word...just walked out. I never threatened him again.

 

[h_i_s]

In our relationship, it's never been and is not a 'pleasurable' form of pain for me.
Punishment is anything but enjoyable, and a rare occurrence in the relationship between IYM and myself.

It's not done for sport or as 'play'. It's used as a tool to aid in the prevention of what He views as undesirable behavior, or behavior which does not meet His standards, and expectations.

There have been times when He might say that I'd asked for it and in saying so, He'd be speaking only of what my unacceptable behavior is saying to Him.

I have never and would never stop and say, "Hey Master? Would you please give me a dose of that one thing that you know I fear the most and absolutely hate on all levels to include mentally, emotionally, and physically?". I'm one to believe in that 'never say never' stuff, but NOT in this case.

 

[snowy ciara]

Truthfully, yes, I have asked for correction [a word preferred to punishment, but I think it's what you are taking about here.]. Not because I wanted sensation, but because I was thinking overly much on some infraction or another, and the correction would end my distraction.

I can sometimes get lost in my guilt. It can trigger a lot of things from my past that distract from my service and my own well being. Sometimes just going to him and telling him what I had done and to ask for correction was necessary to end the loop of guilt and reactionary behavior [over sensitivity, etc.] I asked because it always worked to return my focus and to correct the behavior.

I do that too, but she and I both feel, in my case, additional punishment is not going to fix the problem. We talk, and deal why I'm obsessing over this issue, and strategies to deal with it, as it is very common for me to obsess over something. So in that case, I guess we are in a position of correction also as we are working to reform my behavior, but I'm not being punished. The only punishment I face is to be shunned by my Mistress. And believe me, the threat is MORE than enough. She deals with infractions more PROactively than REactively too, so we (her subs) are allowed to correct our actions before being punished. It's when a wrong behavior repeats itself or is deliberately invoked that the punishment comes into play.

Truthfully though, it was seldom 'corporal punishment' [and sometimes we just had a talk because he felt that was all that was necessaary]. When I was corrected, it was often long and tedious assignments, that really corrected whatever I'd done. Not fun, but certainly not any kind of physical sensation [good or bad]. So, I never acted up to get some attention with punishment. Correction seldom involved attention anyway, it was all about introspection, and doing some assignment meant to drive a particular point home.

I think it works well because one, I want to have my behavior corrected so I can serve with better focus, and two, because when it's over--it is over. It's never again brought up. And I mean never. Done. It was/is absolutely over. Instead of me hanging on to some kind of guilt forever [and I mean forever], I'll just ask for correction and once it is done--I'm over whatever it was, and he has a nicely corrected girl/slave/etc.

This is where I get uncomfortable. (Not being rude or picking on you, but the part that I bolded is what I wanted to respond to.)

It's not my place to want things in our relationship. And I feel that if I ask for punishment because I think I need it, I feel like I am usurping her power, am less submissive, and not serving her. It's true that we are in the relationships because we are submissive and these relationships meet an internal need (like my need be in service to the person I care for) but when it comes to me asking for punishment, it doesn't feel right.

Over the years, I came to trust that correction was always going to end up being a good thing for me, and he was always going to be pleased with the end result.

Don't know if that answers your question, but it's my experience.

I'm really liking all the discussion going on here. I'm learning a lot.

 

[catalina_francisco]

While I can appreciate that some feel asking to be punished is not being submissive, I would beg to differ by adding that any request or expression of feeling something might be productive for the relationship and/or the PYL is not only letting the PYL know there is a problem or possible advantage to be had, but also does not mean the PYL has to accept and act on the request. There have been times when I have requested punishment and outlined why I felt it was needed and been refused, there have been times when I have done so and he has agreed it would serve a better purpose for both and proceeded to punish me. By doing so, I also allow him the opportunity to know what is going on inside my head, my heart. I think sometimes we can get too bogged down with thinking from only one angle with the aim of being the best submissive that we fail to see there can be another angle, another perspective, which is just as valid and real. As he always says, I can ask for anything, doesn't mean he is going to give it to me as that remains his decision to make.

Catalina

 

[myinnerslut]

As he always says, I can ask for anything, doesn't mean he is going to give it to me as that remains his decision to make.

Catalina

very well said

 

[snowy ciara]

I can request things, and sometimes she says yes and sometimes she says no. Punishment is a hands off sort of thing for me, though. I can sort of understand why people sometimes ask for it. I was just explaining my take and my feelings and hope no-one felt bashed or singled out.

Back to the fluff zone I guess.

 

[Caitlynne]

This is where I get uncomfortable. (Not being rude or picking on you, but the part that I bolded is what I wanted to respond to.)

I saw no rudeness to me. We all have actually adjusted to the manner that pleases whomsoever it is we seek to please. In your relationship it works best doing it the way the two of you have developed. I can only smile that you have found your way in your relationship. I took no offense at all.

 

[Millificent]

Yes, once. And it was real punishment.

 

[snowy ciara]

I saw no rudeness to me. We all have actually adjusted to the manner that pleases whomsoever it is we seek to please. In your relationship it works best doing it the way the two of you have developed. I can only smile that you have found your way in your relationship. I took no offense at all.

Thanks.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Back to the fluff zone I guess.

And no supper neither.

 

[HottieMama]

THANK YOU everyone for your opinions....

Seriously, you have no idea how helpful you have all been so far.

 

[snowy ciara]

And no supper neither.

Do I get dessert at least?