Smart Doms-Intimidating or not?

[NoLeafClover7]

.....

 

[BiBunny]

Intelligence is at the top of my list of traits for a partner. I'm not tooting my own horn, either, but I'm smart, and I don't want someone I can run intellectual rings around without even trying.

As far as the intimidation factor goes...well, for me, if I'm not at least somewhat intimidated by a Dom/me, then there's not really any magic there. I like being a bit nervous and hesitant and--dare I say--afraid.

Kind of a non-answer there, wasn't it?

 

[00Syd]

I don't know what those girls were thinking. Intelligence is a great thing in any man, Dom or otherwise. And anyone who is reluctant to be in a situation or relationship that may cause them to think or learn, in my opinion, isn't really someone you want to be with.

An intelligent Dom? ideal.

 

[stayed]

a Man must be intelligent...keep one on her toes ... it's the only way i can respect Him as being in any way able to Dominate me. It starts with the mind, after all

 

[HottieMama]

There is nothing worse than a Dumb Dom.

Someone that matches or actually exceeds me in intelligence is ideal. That goes for any type of relationship not just D/s. After all, do you really want dumb friends?

 

[Essene]

Intelligence is at the top of my list of traits for a partner. I'm not tooting my own horn, either, but I'm smart, and I don't want someone I can run intellectual rings around without even trying.

As far as the intimidation factor goes...well, for me, if I'm not at least somewhat intimidated by a Dom/me, then there's not really any magic there. I like being a bit nervous and hesitant and--dare I say--afraid.

Ditto. In a Dominant I need someone that commands respect, and in a submissive someone who understands me and what I ask of them - sometimes that understanding being very complex and profound.

 

[iluvyou3638]

I'm just curious as to what everyone's take is on a Dom who is considered to be somewhat intelligent. Is it seen as a bad thing, a good thing, or a non-issue either way? I really hope I don't sound like I'm blowing my own horn on that one, its just that a lot of people see that in me. And I've talked to some submissives and slaves who I was interested in, and they were interested back, at first. After a little while though, they said that they really liked me but it wouldn't ever work because they felt like my knowledge in a lot of areas was just a bit intimidating and they felt like they couldn't live up to what I wanted and felt like I would be better off with someone who was a bit more intelligent. Its not like I was going on about particle physics or anything ridiculous. I just wanted someone who wasn't dumb as a brick and who had a wide range of general interests, so maybe she'd learn from me, and I'd learn from her. Does it really intimidate a lot of submissives or slaves that much to be with someone who is reasonably intelligent and is always wanting to learn more? Or have I just had really bad luck of the draw on this one?

i have this problem in reverse quite often. when i am speaking to possible Dom's and i crack a joke or make a smart ass comment of basically do anything to insinuate that i have a brain, they get a little pissed and upset, like "how am i supposed to boss you around if your not stupid?" and i think a lot of people dont realize that a dom/sub relationship isnt just about bossing people around, its a trust thing, and you both have to have common issues and be able to talk outside of the bedroom, not just within.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Of course we are fucking intimadating. That's the whole point.

 

[graceanne]

I prefer smart guys, period - dom or not. I know that brains are considered sexy on this forum, especially in sadists. Their's a thread somewhere, I think cat started it, about how brains are the most necessary thing for a dominant to have. Fudge. I can't remember what the title of the thread was. *grr*

 

[snowy ciara]

Brains are imperative in a Dom for me. If I can't respect your intellect, then your Dominance doesn't trigger my submission. Which is funny, because I'm usually too polite to state that so badly. I'll just be polite and say "I don't think we're compatible, thanks." and try to move on. I've had one or two CM "doms" who pushed and pushed and finally when I pointed out what the issue was, I was informed I wasn't a "true" submissive.

 

[~His Kitten~]

How can I be submissive to a man when I am smarter than he is? I can't. Tried that once and towards the end of the relationship it was like I was talking to a teenage idiot. I'm grateful that my current D is much smarter than I am. There isn't anything he can't help me on.

 

[NeedyLittleGirl]

I have to echo the comments here. It's not very enjoyable having a Dom that isn't intelligent. And for me...common sense/life lessons & 'book smarts' are both very important.

 

[graceanne]

Actually, while book learning is cool, I'm not really hung up on that. K's in construction (although he recently returned to college). He's not uneducated, but I wouldn't call him book smart. He's more a hands-on type guy. D) . . . what was I saying? Oh yeah. The point is he can outsmart me, which is not that easy to do. We can carry on a conversation and I don't feel like I'm talking to the village idiot.

 

[madetotakeit]

Of course we are fucking intimadating. That's the whole point.

Absolutely. Intelligence isn't just necessary, it's enticing. I want to be challenged on many levels. The mind is one of them. If someone is less intelligent than me, I think "Eh, I can talk my way out of this." When I should be thinking, "I really want to do this. I'm nervous as hell about it. I'm not going to win this battle." Intelligence is something I admire in all people who possess it. For a Dom...it just puts him on a higher level of my opinion of him.

 

[callinectes]

Considering I am of the "D/s in a monogamous committed relationship" variety, I can not fathom submitting to a man that I couldn't enjoy talking with over dinner. I need a man that embodies the traits I desire in a partner, including intelligence and education. The fact that he is Dominant is a sort of required icing on the cake thing. Meaning..I need a Dominant man, but first I need to be compatible with him socially, morally, mentally, etc.

 

[Homburg]

Do you know what most people call a dumb Dom?

An abuser.

 

[snowy ciara]

Do you know what most people call a dumb Dom?

An abuser.

Know where you find 'em? CollarMe.

 

[Dreamliner]

A Dom is not about being bossy or intimidating. It is the use of intelligence and using the brain provided to us such that a sub desires and needs more from a Dom.

Some have it, many don't.

Our brain is also our largest sexual organ; both men and women.

 

[~His Kitten~]

Know where you find 'em? CollarMe.

Actually Lit has their fair share of dumb, abusive Doms.

There is no escaping them. Unless you found a smart one and aren't looking...even then they haunt you.

 

[Xantu]

I prefer smart people. They get my jokes.

But there are myriad types of intelligence, emotional, verbal, musical, spacial... ad infinitum. I find music impossible and mysterious. Yet I know people who never read a book who can pick up musical instrument that they have never played before and belt out Gershwin. Genius pure genius.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Do you know what most people call a dumb Dom?

An abuser.

Depends on how you define "dumb" and "dom".

 

[iluvyou3638]

I prefer smart people. They get my jokes.

But there are myriad types of intelligence, emotional, verbal, musical, spacial... ad infinitum. I find music impossible and mysterious. Yet I know people who never read a book who can pick up musical instrument that they have never played before and belt out Gershwin. Genius pure genius.

i agree. i'm such a smart ass and i hate it when my sarcastic comments go unnoticed.

 

[myinnerslut]

clever, cunning, creative. its a must. i need to be kept on my toes or ill get bored. i want to be able to talk to someone, to debate with someone, to luagh around with someone. you have to at least match me to do that.

 

[snowy ciara]

Actually, while book learning is cool, I'm not really hung up on that. K's in construction (although he recently returned to college). He's not uneducated, but I wouldn't call him book smart. He's more a hands-on type guy. D) . . . what was I saying? Oh yeah. The point is he can outsmart me, which is not that easy to do. We can carry on a conversation and I don't feel like I'm talking to the village idiot.

But K is also quite smart, book smarts aren't a requirement.

 

[Chicklet]

Dom or not, you're not in my circle if you ain't got brains.