Topping from the Bottom
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DeservingBitch
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The short answer: stop.
The longer one: expecting or asking your Dom to break this habit of yours is basically more topping from the bottom. If you want to submit, then do so. That's your responsibility in your relationship and in sustaining its D/s dynamic.
The longer one: expecting or asking your Dom to break this habit of yours is basically more topping from the bottom. If you want to submit, then do so. That's your responsibility in your relationship and in sustaining its D/s dynamic.
BiBunny
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Nope. Because that attitude is still making it someone else's responsibility. If you're aware of what you're doing, it's your responsibility to either put up or shut up. Or else just be comfortable with the fact that you're not submissive.
G
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Guest
Well, with absolutely no attempt at humor, you might consider a ball gag. Then, lay back and take whatever your Dominant decides to dish out, even if it's nothing on a particular occasion.
Topping from the bottom means it's all about you, what you want and what you need, or think you need. If you're just playing or scening casually, no biggie. Go for the thrills as long as you can find people who will put up with it.
If, on the other hand, you're in a committed D/s relationship, then there's a time to express your views and, once you know you've been heard, stop--and trust your Dominant to take care of your needs and wants.
If that's difficult, you either need another Dominant, or to work on your trust issues.
Just my two cents as a collared sub in a 24/7 for nearly seven years.
Topping from the bottom means it's all about you, what you want and what you need, or think you need. If you're just playing or scening casually, no biggie. Go for the thrills as long as you can find people who will put up with it.
If, on the other hand, you're in a committed D/s relationship, then there's a time to express your views and, once you know you've been heard, stop--and trust your Dominant to take care of your needs and wants.
If that's difficult, you either need another Dominant, or to work on your trust issues.
Just my two cents as a collared sub in a 24/7 for nearly seven years.
twysted73
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iF i MAY....
Offer a third solution.
Communicate. Each submissive and their Dominants (at one time or another) should have a nice little sit down, out of scene, person to person, to discuss what each of them hopes to gain and achieve from their relationship's dynamic.
(the safewords and hard/soft limits should come up in this conversation as well)
I feel that when a submissive Tops from the bottom, that should be an indicator to both that we have a breakdown in communicating what each wants and expects from the other.
Pure and simple.
So....stop scene, re-evaluate what went wrong, regress to a simpler state and take the time to learn not only the basics but one another's verbals/non-verbals.
'Nilla or not, it's a relationship. And relationships (complete with non-empathatic partissipants)
require work.
If you're not willing to put in the time, take your Carnation Instant Situation elsewhere or not at all.
Choose your Pyl/pyl wisely as if choosing a lover or partner. Make sure your goals match. Desires basically match. You don't have to "take whatever you get". But if you choose wisely, carefully, you'll be able to take what is given eagerly. Follow my lead?
You are expected to submit. That is your role. So shut up and do so. And if you've done what I suggest, you'll be able to submit knowing your Dominant has your best interests at heart and you can get to enjoying what He/She does to you without the nit picking complications.
Wish to achieve one-ness with the kink? Then enjoy the journey and not so much the destination.
I'm done with this.
Offer a third solution.
Communicate. Each submissive and their Dominants (at one time or another) should have a nice little sit down, out of scene, person to person, to discuss what each of them hopes to gain and achieve from their relationship's dynamic.
(the safewords and hard/soft limits should come up in this conversation as well)
I feel that when a submissive Tops from the bottom, that should be an indicator to both that we have a breakdown in communicating what each wants and expects from the other.
Pure and simple.
So....stop scene, re-evaluate what went wrong, regress to a simpler state and take the time to learn not only the basics but one another's verbals/non-verbals.
'Nilla or not, it's a relationship. And relationships (complete with non-empathatic partissipants)
require work.
If you're not willing to put in the time, take your Carnation Instant Situation elsewhere or not at all.
Choose your Pyl/pyl wisely as if choosing a lover or partner. Make sure your goals match. Desires basically match. You don't have to "take whatever you get". But if you choose wisely, carefully, you'll be able to take what is given eagerly. Follow my lead?
You are expected to submit. That is your role. So shut up and do so. And if you've done what I suggest, you'll be able to submit knowing your Dominant has your best interests at heart and you can get to enjoying what He/She does to you without the nit picking complications.
Wish to achieve one-ness with the kink? Then enjoy the journey and not so much the destination.
I'm done with this.
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DeservingBitch
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What BiBunny said.
I think it's Homburg who has this line somewhere about submission: just shut up and do what you're told. Easy.
I think it's Homburg who has this line somewhere about submission: just shut up and do what you're told. Easy.
BiBunny
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Again, I ask--what's so wrong with just saying you're a bottom and not a sub? (For the record, DB, I know you've already answered this question in the other thread. I'm not interrogating you again, LOL. I'm just bringing it up for discussion.)
DeservingBitch
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Oh sure - there's that too. But it seems to me to be a different situation.
I have a regular play partner that bottoms for me, but there's no D/s involved in our play, except that I'm the boss of our scenes. But he does show quite a bit of irreverence while scening, bites back, or whathaveyou. But that's OK 'cause I enjoy our dynamic.
But that's not topping from the bottom to me. I'm still the boss for as long as our scenes last, and outside of it, we're just two cool people hanging out with no D/s involved.
Which relates to Bunny's question.
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rosco rathbone
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Some tricky, manipulative people simply don't know what they want. Often, they are also quite attractive, in a BPD way, and doms get sucked in and founder on the rocks.
9to5
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I think when you first tell your dom what you like thats it. now its up to her or him . to have some of ther own fun too. if my dom is having fun doing things to me. I must make her happy if I want to try something again.
So topping from the bottom who wins.
It seems that a happy dom is willing to pay back pleasure sometimes.
Thats wat makes it fun. Next time she might do what I want.
So topping from the bottom who wins.
It seems that a happy dom is willing to pay back pleasure sometimes.
Thats wat makes it fun. Next time she might do what I want.
EmpressFi
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I may be wrong..but bottom is more of being the physical recipient of a Top's attention, not always submitting to them after the play scene is over.. where Submission is more of the day to day submission to one person
BiBunny
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I KNEW I couldn't be the only person in the world who notices the BPD connection. I knew it. Thank you for that totally validating moment.
DeservingBitch
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We have a thread somewhere on just those labels. Link someone?
But it's quite simple really. Either you're a bottom in a relationship with a top that does not involve power exchange (submission from you), or you're a bottom in a relationship with a top that has a D/s dynamic.
If you are in a D/s relationship, the topping from the bottom is counter-productive to sustaining the D/s dynamic of your relationship which I would assume you wanted in the first place. So just stop and submit.
If there's no D/s involved, then what you call topping from the bottom is what I probably call not being grown up enough to voice your needs and desires to your Top about the nasty things you'd like your Top to do to you. So, just ask for what you want instead of tricking your Top into giving it to you.
It could also be that what you call topping from the bottom is part of your play with your top, but in this case, and provided you both like this kind of play, there's no need to stop it, is there?
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rosco rathbone
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I KNEW I couldn't be the only person in the world who notices the BPD connection. I knew it. Thank you for that totally validating moment.
That's funny, I was just thinking that my post was a kind of "iceberg tip" to my hidden history and thought process and thinking that I should have just kept stumm.
I'm glad you understand the BPD connection.
DeservingBitch
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What's BPD???
BiBunny
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DeservingBitch
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Oh yes. Of course.
We have derailed LOL ...
But at least people are reading this thread haha!
MasterPhoenix
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I agree with this 100%
There is nothing more important in any relationship that communication, in my opinion, this importance is magnified 10000x in a power exchange dynamic.
I do also agree that since it is something that is your behaviour, it is something that you do need to work on.
Without knowing more of the specifics of you or your relationship, this is the best advice I can give.
