Help!

[JADED_ONE1969]

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[sr71plt]

As some people already know i am crap at grammar, spelling , sentence structure and my spell and grammar check is crap. As i am too old to be taught how to spell and puncuate what else can i use. The system i am using at the moment is word 2000 any ideas?
GW

Word 2000 is fine. No spelling and grammar help in any Word program will take you all the way, so the version you have doesn't make much of a difference. Do run spellcheck, though, because it will point to a lot of words you should then look up (the world of publishing prefers Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, edition 11). The Word spellcheck won't help you at all with such things as proper hyphenation, by the way. Look it up in the dictionary. If it's combined or hyphenated, it's usually found there. If it's not found there, you are usually safe to run it as separate words. (A glitch is that a lot of words would be hyphenated before the verb in a sentence but not hyphenated after the verb).

If you want a really handy dandy, easy to read/use handbook for word usage/grammar, try using the American Heritage Book of English Usage. That will carry you the farthest with the least hassle.

Beyond that no one's work is pristine, nor does it really need to be. If you're a really good storyteller, readers are going to overlook minor problems.

 

[snooper]

... Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, edition 11 ...
... American Heritage Book of English Usage. ...

Since GW66 comes from Oxford, UK, I assume that (s)he speaks Queen's English rather than Bill Gates' English, and therefore neither of these is much use.

 

[adetaildiva]

Since GW66 comes from Oxford, UK, I assume that (s)he speaks Queen's English rather than Bill Gates' English, and therefore neither of these is much use.

.... and I speak Southern English, so I know I wouldn't be of any help .....

 

[sr71plt]

Since GW66 comes from Oxford, UK, I assume that (s)he speaks Queen's English rather than Bill Gates' English, and therefore neither of these is much use.

Quite right. I didn't catch that. The OED, of course, reigns for the Queen's English, but for greater/cheaper help on the colloquial in the UK, she could use the Collins Pocket Reference English Dictionary. The British spell/grammar check from Word is even less useful for British English than the American English version is (and again Word 2000 isn't any better/worse than any other program). For differences in English/American usage, I don't know of a British equivalent version. I've just picked up the nuts and bolts from various stint of having to translate British into American.

(Interesting that you responded though, Snooper--you having me on ignore and all. )

 

[CopyCarver]

As some people already know i am crap at grammar, spelling , sentence structure and my spell and grammar check is crap. As i am too old to be taught how to spell and puncuate what else can i use. The system i am using at the moment is word 2000 any ideas?
GW

All computerized grammar/spelling/punctuation checkers are crap, IMHO, but several of my students regard Grammar Checker as the best of a bad lot. It integrates grammar, punctuation, and spell checkers with a thesaurus and dictionary, all of which may make editing quicker and simpler for you. I'm not positive, but I think Grammar Checker handles both British English and "Americanese."

 

[JADED_ONE1969]

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[sr71plt]

What on earth gave you the impression that I was a female next time try checking someones bio before making statements like that and by the way just because I live close to Oxford does not mean I can afford to go there! and besides the fact that I have been married for 13 years seemed to have escaped some people. Anyway thanks for the constructive ideas.

I think Snooper was trying to cover all bases (profiles aren't that reliable). "s(he" is an acknowledgment of "I don't know which." I was the one who apparently assumed female--from an inadequate read of Snooper's post. Sorry about that.

That said, probably your poblems with posting stories to this board are largely that this board heavily prefers American English. That doesn't mean that English English shouldn't be accepted--just that it isn't always identified as acceptable here. It may not matter all that much how well-honed your British version of anything is.

 

[JADED_ONE1969]

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[sr71plt]

That's the problem we speak English but not the same English I know this is a bit trite but one major word difference is the word COLOUR please note in England we spell it with a 'U' which of course Americans don't one thing i have learned is not to trust spell checkers although there does appear to be a choice of English or American language perhaps I should use that one instead or both. Anyway I have got a very good editor to help me and she is American or at least speaks American so hopefully things will improve.

Yes, and flavour and favour and behaviour and savour . . . and . . . I'm editing a book for an American publisher by a Russian by way of London at this moment, and I'm tearing my hair out trying to catch up with all of the variations. When I was translating BBC news stories for American consumption, I had a handy dandy chart for that. Sure wish I could find it now.

And we won't even get into what you do with quotation marks and related punctuation in contrast to what we do.

 

[fieryjen]

What on earth gave you the impression that I was a female next time try checking someones bio before making statements like that and by the way just because I live close to Oxford does not mean I can afford to go there! and besides the fact that I have been married for 13 years seemed to have escaped some people. Anyway thanks for the constructive ideas.

First of all, as Sr71plt already mentioned, Snooper never assumed that you were female. He was simply trying to help you out, so it's really quite rude of you to bitch at him like you did. Second of all, what on earth does your marital status have to do with anything?

 

[snooper]

What on earth gave you the impression that I was a female next time try checking someones bio before making statements like that and by the way just because I live close to Oxford does not mean I can afford to go there! and besides the fact that I have been married for 13 years seemed to have escaped some people. Anyway thanks for the constructive ideas.

Checking bios does not help. I wrote my bio and you know nothing about me that I have not typed into a computer. I claim to be male and 68 years old and to live in Tirphil, but the attached picture could be me, and I could be lying. So to be polite I always use non-specific personal pronouns and (s)he is quicker than he/she, with the added advantage of not seeming to give emphasis to one or the other sex.

That's the problem we speak English but not the same English I know this is a bit trite but one major word difference is the word COLOUR please note in England we spell it with a 'U' which of course Americans don't one thing i have learned is not to trust spell checkers although there does appear to be a choice of English or American language perhaps I should use that one instead or both. Anyway I have got a very good editor to help me and she is American or at least speaks American so hopefully things will improve.

If you use MSWord you already have a built in spell chequer (yes - that's wrong and no spell checker will find it) which knows about at least four variants on English. When editing some text, press Ctrl-A to select all the text, and then click on [Tools] [Language] [Set Language] and pick the variant you want (from the choice of SEVENTEEN versions of English. I know that Australian, Canadian, and US work as well as UK English, because I've used those. You may have to download dictionaries for other varieties.

 

[JADED_ONE1969]

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[JADED_ONE1969]

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[fieryjen]

It's not about lying, it's about the availability of information. I realize you may not have been aware of this, but when I click on the link to your public profile, here's the information it gives me:

Date of Birth:
November 30
Biography:
Happily married for 13years old fashioned romantic just here because I'm curious to see what's out there.
Location:
Oxfordshire,UK

That doesn't tell me anything whatsoever about your gender. The only place where it does tell us about your gender is your author page, which is quite difficult to find, and I'm not going to go through all the effort just to figure out your gender (that's why most authors on here have a link in their signature).

And the fact that you are married should give people the impression that you are male? I don't understand how those two are related.

 

[JADED_ONE1969]

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[fieryjen]

I'm not hitting anything over your head. I simply explained the situation - hence my words "you may not be aware of this". I was acknowledging that you are still new to this, and I attempted to explain to you that your gender cannot be seen on your public profile. Literotica does ask you for your gender, but this is only displayed on the author page (you're not the only one who has ever mistakenly believed that it's displayed on both).

Please read posts more carefully before you get defensive. You felt attacked despite the fact that I was only explaining something further in order to help you along.

The question about you being married has nothing to do with the discussion - I honestly did not understand this statement you made:

I thought the fact I was married gave people the impression that I was male.

It does say on your public profile that you are married, but I don't see how we can conclude from this that you are male. Maybe I'm misunderstanding the statement?

 

[snooper]

... I don't know you from Adam ...

That's easy to tell - I dress better than he did, and at this time of the year in the Welsh hills, I wear a lot more than a fig leaf.