Inexperienced, but I know what I want

[rakess]

So, I'm very inexperienced sexually and not in any rush. I've never been kissed, never had sex, never dated. I've never met anyone yet that I would like to have a sexual relationship with. However, for the last couple years I've had fairly strong BDSM fantasies. I would really like to start acting on them. I've been reading and I know about munches, etc. What I don't know is should I wait until I've met someone that I would feel comfortable having vanilla sex with? Or, should I just jump right in to the community. I'm torn. I feel as if I should wait and have some sexual experience first before getting into D's, but at the same time it seems like such a waste of time knowing what I want sexually. Also, right now, I don't want a full blown relationship. Ideally, I would like someone I could play with and learn from. How do I go about finding such a man (and safely too, I might add)?. I don't know so I'm asking for advice from you old fogies Thanks.

 

[pellso27]

Good luck with that

 

[Sir_Winston54]

.... for the last couple years I've had fairly strong BDSM fantasies. I would really like to start acting on them. I've been reading and I know about munches, etc. What I don't know is should I wait until I've met someone that I would feel comfortable having vanilla sex with? Or, should I just jump right in to the community.

There's a big difference between jumping "right into the community" and getting into a BDSM relationship, whether play or "full-blown" (see third portion of quote). Getting into the community can mean as little as going to munches, meeting people, hearing about some r/l experiences, blah blah blah, or as much as going to *a* munch, finding a guy who says he can <insert BDSM activity of your choice, since you're not specific about your fantasies > and heading off to his dungeon. The first would be recommended; the second wouldn't.

I'm torn. I feel as if I should wait and have some sexual experience first before getting into D's, but at the same time it seems like such a waste of time knowing what I want sexually.

Umm, why do you feel as if you "should wait and have some sexual experience first before getting into D/s" if that's what you want to do? And if D/s *is* what you want sexually, isn't that the experience you should get, rather than something that wouldn't satisfy (and may turn you off)?

Also, right now, I don't want a full blown relationship. Ideally, I would like someone I could play with and learn from. How do I go about finding such a man (and safely too, I might add)?. I don't know so I'm asking for advice from you old fogies Thanks.

Well, if you were in East Tennessee or nearby, I know someone you could play with and learn from with little risk of getting involved in a full-blown relationship. And yeah, I'm an old fogie, but I have my good points.

 

[Chicklet]

Go ahead and get involved in the community, that's what I say! You don't have to have sex with someone you meet at the munch, so it's not necessarily going to sway you like that. It could be educational, fun, and quite eye opening though.

Good luck!

 

[FurryFury]

Go ahead and get involved in the community, that's what I say! You don't have to have sex with someone you meet at the munch, so it's not necessarily going to sway you like that. It could be educational, fun, and quite eye opening though.

Good luck!

I so agree!

 

[Evil_Geoff]

To find local Munches, email groups, and events in your area, try:

SceneUSA - http://www.darkheart.com/sceneusa.html

Caryl's Page - http://www.drkdesyre.com/

The BDSM Events Page - http://www.thebdsmeventspage.com/ which has links to both organizations AND events.

Hope that helps!
- Geoff

 

[VelvetDarkness]

*blinks*

Old fogey? Moi?

The first thing you need to do is start casting aside your preconceptions about the BDSM community. If your current knowledge is based on erotica and porn it's about 95% bullshit hon. I do wonder about the OP's age.

It's good that you know what you want and admirable that you've held back sexually until you get it. Let me be the first to burst your little bubble and warn you: For every young woman at the beginning of her journey into kink there are at least 25 randy, macho assholes masquerading as 'dominants' to a ratio of about 0.1 experienced, intelligent, considerate dominant men. It's a depressing but nevertheless accurate equation.

If you want to get into kink a munch is a good first step. You don't have to go to one near where you live. Even if you do, there is very little chance of anyone you know gossiping about your submissive streak. Otherwise you'd already know who all the deviants were in your area, right? If you plan to look for a play partner online you will have to sift through a lot of crap. Anybody can say they are experienced and many will. Anyone who throws the 'If you were a true submissive you would do X.' line is a total asshat. It's like saying 'If you loved me you'd fuck me on the first date.' Manipulative men are unfortunately prolific and many think that sub = slut.

I would also advise keeping the 'never been kissed' info under your hat until you trust someone. Asshats think that virginity is a challenge and a trophy. If you're too upfront about your lack of experience you'll find the creeps and weirdos much harder to shake off.

I'm not trying to scare you off. I truly am not. I just couldn't bear to see you wander into an inadvisable encounter all dewey eyed and then have a terrible experience with someone who cares nothing for you and just wants to get his rocks off. If you want to get into kink you have to be streetsmart with a finely tuned BS-O-Meter.

I sincerely wish you all the best and hope you will keep us updated about your journey.

 

[bandelero]

lol, what velvet said times two!

BEWARE !
TAKE CARE!
BEWARE again

ok, just one thing to add, GO slow, take your time....I can still remember my teens, and I wanted everything to happen NOW...go slow, get to know someone before you give them trust, then dole it out like a miser.
Anyone with any feelings for you at all will let you take your own sweet time, if they want to rush you tell em to go fuck a tree or whatever.

If you want to chat to a Dom with not too much BDSM experience, but a whole lot of life experience, then PM me or send an e mail through my profile e mail addy.

Regardless, wish you loads of happiness whatever your road.

 

[unfoundiamond]

Save Yourself.

I think you should know that sometimes before we do something, we have these romantic ideas about what it will be like, and its not.

Unless you wait, and wait, and wait... untill its right.

I have been dating Amanda for about six months, and that's after being her next door neighbor for 3 years... and We are still in no hurry to have sex just to do it. She has put me over her knee, and we are very romantic... but we don't get undressed(good way to make sure no sex happens is to stay dressed *wink*)

I know what works for me isn't for everyone, but... at the same time,

I wish someone would have told me to keep myself out of situations where I was alone with people I didn't know very well, I shouldn't have lost my virginity the way I did. And I just wanna warn you...

Don't go doing something just to do it. Play with someone because you know you like then and trust them. (I think it will be better, and mean more... sure anyone can meet someone and play with them... but a relationship based on trust and mutual admiration seems like the ideal arrangement.)

Best of luck... and I am not a fogie...
WTF/?? ...Heh

Silly Girl.

Oh and I agree with the other person, DON'T GO AROUND blabbing about your virginity... it sends up a flare to attract people who just wanna f* you.

 

[smotherman]

So, I'm very inexperienced sexually and not in any rush. I've never been kissed, never had sex, never dated. I've never met anyone yet that I would like to have a sexual relationship with. However, for the last couple years I've had fairly strong BDSM fantasies. I would really like to start acting on them. I've been reading and I know about munches, etc. What I don't know is should I wait until I've met someone that I would feel comfortable having vanilla sex with? Or, should I just jump right in to the community. I'm torn. I feel as if I should wait and have some sexual experience first before getting into D's, but at the same time it seems like such a waste of time knowing what I want sexually. Also, right now, I don't want a full blown relationship. Ideally, I would like someone I could play with and learn from. How do I go about finding such a man (and safely too, I might add)?. I don't know so I'm asking for advice from you old fogies Thanks.

I'd say jump right in the community and get involved since you're looking for a play partner and not an relationship!

Just remember to take it slow and have fun!

Good luck!

 

[Homburg]

I don't know so I'm asking for advice from you old fogies Thanks.

I'm not sure whether to take offense at being called an old fogey or find it vaguely exciting.

*shrug* Other folks have given you solid advice here. Heed it and you will do okay. And, as Sir Winston said, if you have Litsters in your area, the majority of people on this section of the board will likely be willing to help you find groups, instruction, etc. And some of the pervy ones might even offer direct help in gaining experience.

<----- Pervy one

 

[Sir_Winston54]

I'd say jump right in the community and get involved since you're looking for a play partner and not an relationship!

Just remember to take it slow and have fun!

Good luck!

 

[Homburg]

Jump slowly, apparently.

 

[Primalex]

Matrix-Style

http://www.mytv.de/view.html?id=24626

 

[Primalex]

Regarding the topic..

"Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans." - John Lennon

 

[rakess]

Thanks all.

Thanks for the advice! And now I'm all excited for the new year...

 

[EmpressFi]

Jump slowly, apparently.

is that like "Hurry up and wait?"

 

[twysted73]

34 is NOT old thank you

I don't know so I'm asking for advice from you old fogies Thanks.

Insult us, then ask for help. Interesting approach.

There are many people out there who engage in BDSM and don't enjoy the sexual aspects of it. BDSM isn't "sex on steriods". It's the expression of self through action alternate from social acceptance.

( now if that doesn't make the calandar, someone's just snubbing me on purpose)

Sex is just one facet to a very beautiful diamond. Enjoy, be safe, push boundries and good luck.