Under Attack and wanting feedback too.

[mjl2010]

For whatever reason, it seems my entire list of stories is being attacked. Stories that were listed in the high 4.8's, 4.9's, 4.7's are suddenly plummeting.

Yesterday, I came to see if my latest story, Melissa's Fling had posted yet. It was just after midnight. It wasn't so I went to the index, pulled up the new list and looked for something to read. I got to the bottom, went to the next page and saw all the same stories listed. "huh?" Then I realized, a bunch of stories must have posted, so I went back to page one and voila! there was my story along with a bunch of others. But in the three minutes or so, my story had already been hit with two "one" votes.

Ok, so by now I should be used to this right? So why do I feel like I'm being personally attacked? Why do I feel like it's systematic? I'm not getting any anonymous feedback indicating the story sucks.

Ok I'll quit venting now. If you'd like to read a decent story, here's my latest. Melissa's Fling is a story about a woman who goes looking for a fling, a one night stand. The story was written on request, picked up off the Story Idea's board and after considerable input by the requester, written.

I'd appreciate honest feedback on content, flow, etc. It's under erotic couplings. Honest votes, comments, public or anonymous or private comments are most welcome. So is feedback posted here. Don't be shy. Everyone is welcome to comment, or even hijack my thread and argue.

The rest of my work is here. Enjoy if you like. My Stories

MJL

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Well I rated it '5'. I think it's very arousing and beautifully written. I suspect that your detractor might have a wife named Melissa he doesn't trust and thinks perhaps that you're Simon? Anyway, remember we have no control over the pathology of our readers, worse luck. Keep your sense of humor and remember, you're only writing for yourself and those of us with taste. Damn trolls!

 

[Varian P]

For whatever reason, it seems my entire list of stories is being attacked. Stories that were listed in the high 4.8's, 4.9's, 4.7's are suddenly plummeting.

Yesterday, I came to see if my latest story, Melissa's Fling had posted yet. It was just after midnight. It wasn't so I went to the index, pulled up the new list and looked for something to read. I got to the bottom, went to the next page and saw all the same stories listed. "huh?" Then I realized, a bunch of stories must have posted, so I went back to page one and voila! there was my story along with a bunch of others. But in the three minutes or so, my story had already been hit with two "one" votes.

Ok, so by now I should be used to this right? So why do I feel like I'm being personally attacked? Why do I feel like it's systematic? I'm not getting any anonymous feedback indicating the story sucks.

Ok I'll quit venting now.

Vent all you want. Even when we know on a rational level that it's no reflection on us/our writing, it's disheartening when you spend hours, days, weeks, even months crafting a story, and some jerkwad comes along and pees on it just for jollies.

I'll have a look at your tale and give you my thoughts in the next day or two.

-Varian

 

[Varian P]

Okay, I'm back now that I've read Melissa's Fling.

I thought it was well-written; the dialog feels natural, you do a good job rendering scenes and settings, the sex was nice and juicy, and the flow worked well.

There were some small surprises along the way, like Simon's bit of Dom edge, Melissa's squeamishness about going down on him, and then the little twist at the end. Those all added unexpected texture and made the story more interesting, IMO.

Personally, I don't tend to read the EC category, and this piece suffers (for lack of a better word) from a problem I suspect is common to tales in that category, which is that there's no tension built into the core story. Two people who like each other rendezvous for a second or third date, which culminates in sex, which is what we expect to happen.

I wonder if this story would be more engaging, keep us wondering a bit, if we knew ahead of time that Melissa is having a fling outside a staid relationship, and perhaps that she has some hangups about sex (like giving blowjobs). That way, when we go into the bedroom with her and Simon, we're a little on edge, feeling the tension of her guilt or whatever she may feel, wondering (at least a little) if she'll really go through with it, identify with her nervousness at where things may go (will he ask for that dreaded blowjob?), etc.

I wonder, too, if this story wouldn't be better if told entirely from Melissa's POV. I feel like you played your cards a bit close, keeping her secret from us until the end, which means not only the consequences I was just mentioning, but we don't get let into her feelings much, as opposed to the sensations she experiences, during the encounter. So it all feels a little distant.

A couple nitpicky things:

I found this a bit confusing:

'Now or never,' he thought to himself and pushed one strap of her armless dress off her shoulder, then the other. Still hungrily kissing her mouth, he slid his hand down her chest, over her breast and down a little more, then up again to cup her breast in his hand...

...Simon felt her nipple harden and poke against the palm of his hand through her bra and thin dress. He captured it with his thumb and forefinger.

I thought he'd already bared her breasts?

I also tripped over this, a bit:

She fumbled with his first button, got it undone and went to the next one...

...Not bothering with the rest of his buttons, he pulled his shirt off over his head and threw it over the chair where it joined her dress.

For some reason, I'd pictured her undoing his fly, not unbuttoning his shirt. An assumption on my part, but if you specify, even the slow students will get it right.

Overall, I enjoyed the read, and the sex was indeed...sexy.

-Varian

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Now that kind of feedback has got to be helpful! Varian, might I trouble you to do the same for my thread labeled "Another insecure sort"? At your own convenience, of course.

 

[mjl2010]

Now that kind of feedback has got to be helpful! Varian, might I trouble you to do the same for my thread labeled "Another insecure sort"? At your own convenience, of course.

ETA: Voluptuary, anytime you want someone to read something, post a link. Even threads on the same board.

Yep. That's the kind of feedback that helps you do better next time.

Varian, I very much appreciate your comments and all of them will be taken to heart. I don't write for EC much, most of my stuff is long. However, in this case there's a few things I'm keeping "close to my chest" as of yet, and will reveal in a day or so. Hopefully, there's one individual who will come and comment and then I'll explain my motives for POV and how the story did flow.

You're right about her breast being bared or at least her bra anyway. My bad and you're the first to catch it. I'll make sure next time she unbuttons his shirt if that's what's she doing, not just unbuttoning.

Thanks so much.



MJL

 

[mjl2010]

Well I rated it '5'. I think it's very arousing and beautifully written. I suspect that your detractor might have a wife named Melissa he doesn't trust and thinks perhaps that you're Simon? Anyway, remember we have no control over the pathology of our readers, worse luck. Keep your sense of humor and remember, you're only writing for yourself and those of us with taste. Damn trolls!

Thanks for the read and the vote v_m. I know what you're saying about the trolls. just needed to vent a little.

MJL

 

[Bonniehart]

I thought it was solid all round. I enjoyed the dialogue and the description of the pub. Sounded a lot like some pubs I know, and I almost had the feeling I was eavesdropping on their conversation.

I felt a little bad for Simon at the end. I had a sense that he really liked her and was try doing his best to woo her. Poor guy! He had no idea he was a throw-away lover.

 

[mjl2010]

Thank you Bonnie,

Don't feel bad for Simon. Although it wasn't written in the story, Simon and Melissa were both looking for the same thing; to get comfortable enough with someone else for a night of decent sex and little else. The possibility to hook up later is there, but not planned for. Plus, Melissa did want to be "seduced" into bed and she got what she wanted.

Thanks for reading and I hope you voted.

MJL

 

[manyeyedhydra]

Attacks happen I guess.

One of my stories picked up an E so someone blanket-bombed the rest with 1 votes. Most of them got cleared by the sweeps.

I think the comments are more important anyway (when they're constructive).

 

[Varian P]

ETA: Voluptuary, anytime you want someone to read something, post a link. Even threads on the same board.

Yep. That's the kind of feedback that helps you do better next time.

Varian, I very much appreciate your comments and all of them will be taken to heart. I don't write for EC much, most of my stuff is long. However, in this case there's a few things I'm keeping "close to my chest" as of yet, and will reveal in a day or so. Hopefully, there's one individual who will come and comment and then I'll explain my motives for POV and how the story did flow.

You're right about her breast being bared or at least her bra anyway. My bad and you're the first to catch it. I'll make sure next time she unbuttons his shirt if that's what's she doing, not just unbuttoning.

Thanks so much.



MJL

You're very welcome, MJL.

And voluptuary_manque, I'll be happy to have a look at your story. I'll have a look and reply in your thread, hopefully later today.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Well, it isn't as neat as a "my stories" link but at least now my stories will follow me anywhere.

 

[dogs_of_phwoar]

A note from the story requester

I requested this story be written to specification, and I think MJL has done a superb job of it. Not only has he come up with a well-written and very sexy tale, but he's done a great job of basing it on the real details I gave him. I thought it might help other readers' understanding to explain why I wanted the story writing for me.

I've been asked why I didn't write it myself, and the reason is that I wanted an author to fill in the blanks for me around some facts I knew. I figures that since I had nothing to do with what happened, I should not write the story. MJL worked in the descriptions and details I supplied, then applied his own imagination to fill in the parts I didn't know; and this is the result.

My request basically stemmed from titillation and intrigue over what a lady friend of mine got up to. She had been single for a while, and went on a couple of dates with a guy she fancied, but wasn't serious about. They went out dancing, they'd flirt and kiss a little, that sort of thing. She was obviously enjoying herself and she seemed pretty horny around this time. So I was surprised to hear, a while later, that she'd ended it with him.

Eventually she confessed that she'd gone all the way with him just before ending the fling. So she'd got what she wanted from him after all! I found that very titillating, especially as she doesn't normally go for one night stands.

I wanted to know how it had happened, what she'd done with him, basically to be a fly on the wall as she got what she had been after - a good lay with no strings attached.

I think this answers some of the points raised in the feedback above. There is no 'staid relationship' subplot, because the facts are they were both single. They both knew what they wanted, which explains any lack of surprise leading up to the sex. These were necessary sacrifices due to the "reality" of the situation I prescribed to the author.

It was a real delight to read MJL's take on the tale - believable build-up, great descriptions, and of course it was great to read how my "up for it" friend got everything she wanted and then some! He's included certain facts I mentioned, and surprised me with a few things too. The style of writing of course, as has been noted by others, is excellent - elegant and readable. The sex scenes really work, IMO.

Apparently MJL may take further requests, so if you're looking for an intelligent writer to bring your fantasy to life, then here's your man. Hope the "attacks" come to an end soon.

 

[GratefulFred]

Mjl, first of all I have to say I didn't read your story, nor have I ever read an erotic couplings story, and I furthermore am not 100% sure what exactly the purpose of such a catagory is, and if I did know I probably wouldn't read such a story in the first place.

However I'd give you a 5 anyways since you're a cool dude. Just stop worrying about trolls - they don't define who you are. These comments from your peers in this thread carry so much more weight than a silly voting tabulation.

I'd have been long gone if I let them get to me. And if that happened you'd never get such a kick ass detective story now playing all hours in "Story Ideas" under the subject "Story Time".

 

[mjl2010]

I'd like to thank Dogs of Phwoar for the story. The amount of effort he put into describing what he wanted, describing Melissa and so forth was great. I've got more than three Word pages of information from him. Some I didn't use, some I did. Having so much to work with made this story a lot easier to write.

I'm rather pleased with how it came out actually. I was horribly blocked and I literally dragged this out of myself one word at a time. I finally got it done and Phwoar was nothing but patient with me. So in that respect, I'm quite happy with the story.

To Freddy,

Freddy I want to thank you for the "Five". I know how much you hate reading and writing, especially about sex. So to know you actually opened the story just to vote on it, touches me deeply. I'm going to write a romance story now about sex in the shower called, "Always Shower Afterwards." I doubt it will end anything like yours did though.

Anyway, thanks everyone who read, read and voted, just voted, or even gave me feedback. Much appreciated.

MJL

 

[GratefulFred]

For the record, I do like to write about strange or humorous sexual acts just none of this romance bullshit.

I did catch the title of that melissa piece you wrote and saw the copyright letter - I think it was a "C". I also made it to page 2 but it was a struggle. That's the farthest I have ever gotten in such a story.

The things I do to thwart the work of trolls.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

mjl

You write superbly and I love your scene setting and dialogue.

Here ,I thought you had not given us quite enough character and tension to be willing Melissa on. Maybe Varian is right, slipping out the issues a tad earlier to allow you play with tension would help.

I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Elle