How 'bout a story about a skinny Santa?

[FallenMorgan]

I'm just wanting to say that I am really well...grossed by erotic stories involving Santa Claus. Mostly because well...he's fat and jolly and whatnot...um...maybe somebody can write a story where Santa gets a Bowflex or w/e it's called and shaves and gets that "Just for Men" stuff.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with fat, old, beirded men...just fat old beirded men who sneak into the house and violate your sister or something like that.

Just a thought, since it's the holidays...

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

As far as I know, the original "Santa" is a german legend of "The Man In The Woods" who was dressed in white, was slender and gave presents to good little kids and beat bad ones with a stick.

The St. Nicholas thing, again, was a slender priest who gave presents to orphans on Christmas. Notable, he wore a dark brown robe.

The Santa Clause we know today was a 19th century invention and the first one that was both fat and dressed in the Red suit with white trimmings.

I think you have a lot of room here.

 

[emap]

Not to mention, mall santa's tend to be not portly older gentlemen, they wear pillows.

Or perhaps a sort of Santa Clause parody, you know the one with Tim Allen done by Disney. Except he doesn't get fat, he just gets all the powers or whatever you want to call them. Perhaps instead of kids running to him, women run to him like in those horribly braindead Axe commercials.

 

[FallenMorgan]

Not to mention, mall santa's tend to be not portly older gentlemen, they wear pillows.

Or perhaps a sort of Santa Clause parody, you know the one with Tim Allen done by Disney. Except he doesn't get fat, he just gets all the powers or whatever you want to call them. Perhaps instead of kids running to him, women run to him like in those horribly braindead Axe commercials.

Yeah, I say that on the basis that there are a lot of weird stories involving Santa Claus.

Also, here's a good one: what the hell does he do the rest of the year?

 

[Fantasies_only]

Not to mention, mall Santas tend to be not portly older gentlemen, they wear pillows.

Or perhaps a sort of Santa Clause parody, you know the one with Tim Allen done by Disney. Except he doesn't get fat, he just gets all the powers or whatever you want to call them. Perhaps instead of kids running to him, women run to him like in those horribly brain dead Axe commercials.

I think you mean Tag Body Spray.

As far as I know, the original "Santa" is a German legend of "The Man In The Woods" who was dressed in white, was slender and gave presents to good little kids and beat bad ones with a stick.

The St. Nicholas thing, again, was a slender priest who gave presents to orphans on Christmas. Notable, he wore a dark brown robe.

The Santa Clause we know today was a 19th century invention and the first one that was both fat and dressed in the Red suit with white trimmings.

I think you have a lot of room here.

Actually he was from around the regions of Romania (AKA Transylvania), Czechoslovakia, Hungry, Turkey, and U.S.S.R. in the 16th or 17th Century.
The invention of the switch (tree limb used for spanking disobedient children) didn't come until later.

 

[emap]

Hmmm, how about for the other 364 days, he runs a brothel. He is also the guy in charge of trying out the new workers.

So for the other 364 days he is a trim and buff young guy, only getting large for that one night say.

 

[Fantasies_only]

By the way, the Idea of stuffing gifts in footwear came from the Dutch (and possibly Finnish) and their wooden shoes.
The idea of a fireplace came from Spanish army boots thawing from the snow near the kilm or fireplace.
It was the Polish who finally made it a hosiery tradition, mimicked by countries in the U.K. (boiler included).

 

[DarkBee]

The modern image of Santa Claus was invented by Coca Cola, who took their idea from the Dutch: they took the image of Sinterklaas and remodeled it into the fat bearded guy we know today as Santa. Even the name Santa Claus is directly derived from Sinterklaas: Sint means Saint and Klaas could be translated to Claus.

 

[Monazwx]

This is really great Santa history you guys. Lots to work with.
*humming 'Oh-oh, I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus' . . . *

 

[VisualExplorer]

This is really great Santa history you guys. Lots to work with.
*humming 'Oh-oh, I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus' . . . *

Or "I saw Daddy kissing Santa Claus". The one where the little kid is spying on Daddy as he pours Santa some wine, kisses Santa, fondles Santa, then undresses Santa at which point the kid sings:
"Well, much to my surprise,
I couldn't believe my eyes!
It wasn't Santa after all but Mommy in disguise"

 

[FallenMorgan]

Or "I saw Daddy kissing Santa Claus". The one where the little kid is spying on Daddy as he pours Santa some wine, kisses Santa, fondles Santa, then undresses Santa at which point the kid sings:
"Well, much to my surprise,
I couldn't believe my eyes!
It wasn't Santa after all but Mommy in disguise"

Thank god for that last line...ewww.

 

[emap]

Hey I was liking it until the last part. Santa would make a pretty good bear.

Dark you bad bad boy, bringing logic and fact into here like that.

Though ummm dang could I have what you got in your picture there? Both of em, I don't mind larger guys if Jenny McCarthy is there to.

 

[DarkBee]

Though ummm dang could I have what you got in your picture there? Both of em, I don't mind larger guys if Jenny McCarthy is there to.

Ok, so how about these then?

http://www.nack.us/gif/favorite/SexySanta.jpg
http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b1/Gerrilee/SexySantaWishes.gif
http://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e321/kbizs/sexysanta.jpg
http://data1.blog.de/blog/k/kairokairo/img/sexy_santa_01.JPG

 

[emap]

I will so take the first three, emap gangbang.

I am to old to take all of them, that big group in number 3 makes it too many to handle one more. Luckily he is old and probably would enjoy watching better anyway.

 

[FallenMorgan]

Maybe a story where Santa is sick and gets his hot neice or something to deliver presents - maybe she wears one of those stereotypical "female sexy santa" outfits and maybe something happens at one house or something...except the story would have to throw out many practical things, since there are many things preventing a santa claus from existing:

1) Not all houses have chimneys that can be easily slipped down.
2) Parents buy kids presents.
3) I don't see how presents can be delivered in one day.

Of course with 1 it would be taken out if it's a petite-ish female santa. Why the hell am I getting so gung-ho over this?

 

[emap]

Probably because you are thinking of writing it silly.

So now let's cover your problems with houses and delivering presents.

1) Santa has the use of magic so he simply gets thinner to get into the house, so if there is no chimney santa goes through one of the pipes that stick up and gets in through a vent from there.
2)Yes parents buy kids their presents, but just for the sake of argument, they label a few as from Santa so for the purposes of a story, they really are from Santa
3)This one is easy, magic again to the rescue, the night lasts as long as is needed for santa, what actually happens is time is stopped while santa goes and delivers all of those presents. If someone was say tracking it all of the presents appear at the same time all over the world.

Now as for your niece takes over, could work and say time starts up again while santa is in a house but only in that house so a guy could be waiting up for santa and find the niece and one thing leads to another, so the niece can enjoy all the dad's who are still up putting those bikes together still.

If your feeling extra naughty, the niece decides to grant a wish to one family and give them a baby, using herself as the mother. Of course magic has to come to the save again for that since most likely there is a wife and kids involved.

 

[Fantasies_only]

Probably because you are thinking of writing it silly.

So now let's cover your problems with houses and delivering presents.

1) Santa has the use of magic so he simply gets thinner to get into the house, so if there is no chimney Santa goes through one of the pipes that stick up and gets in through a vent from there.
2)Yes parents buy kids their presents, but just for the sake of argument, they label a few as from Santa so for the purposes of a story, they really are from Santa
3)This one is easy, magic again to the rescue, the night lasts as long as is needed for Santa, what actually happens is time is stopped while Santa goes and delivers all of those presents. If someone was say tracking it all of the presents appear at the same time all over the world.

Now as for your niece takes over, could work and say time starts up again while Santa is in a house but only in that house so a guy could be waiting up for Santa and find the niece and one thing leads to another, so the niece can enjoy all the dad's who are still up putting those bikes together still.

If your feeling extra naughty, the niece decides to grant a wish to one family and give them a baby, using herself as the mother. Of course magic has to come to the save again for that since most likely there is a wife and kids involved.

You are almost correct (at least according to the Christmas specials I've seen).
1: Where there is no roof, Santa sends packages down by magic without even entering the house or trailer.
The houses that do have chimneys are entered by magic for 3 reasons:
A: Santa does not want his suit messed by soot and/or tar.
B: The American version of Santa is too fat for the average chimney (he can make himself thin, but that still wouldn't be narrow enough to fit all the way down).
C: A fire might be bellow him.
2: Parents buy the toys Santa's elves make.
The elves magically distribute them to warehouses weeks before, when everyone is looking for a Thanksgiving turkey.
Shopping mall Santas are supposed to be helpers of the real Santa, who is busy getting ready for the big night.
3: Santa cannot stop time even with magic.
Being at the north poll gives him magical access to manipulate the rotation of the Earth, so night is extremely long.
This means the day before Christmas is also long for the other side of the Earth, so Santa actually has 2 nights to bring presents to the kids of the world.

That's tricky to do even with magic, since the Earth is spinning while rotating around the sun.

 

[FallenMorgan]

And for the sake of modern-nes, lets have the elves making iPods and Xboxes as well as little toys. Seriously.

 

[Texguy84]

And for the sake of modern-nes, lets have the elves making iPods and Xboxes as well as little toys. Seriously.

Bonus points if they're still using wooden mallets to make the iPods somehow.

 

[Fantasies_only]

Bonus points if they're still using wooden mallets to make the iPods somehow.

No, they're using them to smash the Nintendo DS.

I'm just wanting to say that I am really well...grossed by erotic stories involving Santa Claus. Mostly because well...he's fat and jolly and whatnot...um...maybe somebody can write a story where Santa gets a Bowflex or w/e it's called and shaves and gets that "Just for Men" stuff.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with fat, old, beirded men...just fat old beirded men who sneak into the house and violate your sister or something like that.

Just a thought, since it's the holidays...

And I thought you meant a story with a pedophilia angle on Santa's lap.
Actually if Santa was thinner, and the children were actually young adult knockouts, it could really be hot if written right.
What do you think that candy cane poll in the mall is for?
You can have the mall close Early for Chistmas, and then Santa's Toy Shop turns into a strip club and peep show (including V.I.P. lap dances for Santa).

 

[FallenMorgan]

I'd prefer something that'd go in the humor/satire section, so yes, elves making Xboxes with wooden mallets

Um...what do you think of my female santa idea?

 

[emap]

I like it. I'd write it but well heck I am busy and I got other stuff waiting to be written or in the process of but back burnered.

 

[Fantasies_only]

The modern image of Santa Claus was invented by Coca Cola, who took their idea from the Dutch: they took the image of Sinterklaas and remodeled it into the fat bearded guy we know today as Santa. Even the name Santa Claus is directly derived from Sinterklaas: Sint means Saint and Klaas could be translated to Claus.

From http://www.carols.org.uk/

'twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
in hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
while visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads.
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
but a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
and he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

"Now Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! On, Cupid! On Donner and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
when they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
with the sleigh full of Toys, and St. Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
the prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
and his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of Toys he had flung on his back,
and he looked like a peddler, just opening his pack.

His eyes-how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses. His nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
and the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
and the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
that shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
and I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
and filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
and giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
and away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"

Actually it was Coca~cola that designed and colored Santa's suit and gave him the name Santa Claus so he wouldn't be tied to the church.

Pepsi was a new startup company (partnered with A&W Rootbeer) that was competing with Cocacola (partnered with 7Up), so they used Macy's Santa in a photo-op campaign featuring children from all over the world.
They happened to be sitting on his lap, and a new tradition started (Coca cola licenced the image of Santa Claus holding a beverage or sponsoring a soda).

The concept of writing letters to Santa, was a marketing device of The Chicago Tribune.