Oh, hey, I just thought... Good pick-up lines

[DeMont]

Good evening my dear colleagues, I hope all is well with you?

As a lifelong, straight, Alpha male variety person I've had, throughout my life, occasion (obviously) to try "pick-up" lines, I won't lie, some worked while others just drew raucous laughter. There's just no way of knowing how any given individual is going to respond.

The worst I've ever heard was at a nightclub one night. There was a cute gal sitting next to where I was front up at the bar. I was waiting on a friend (Thanks Mick!) when this guy sidled up to the gal, asked if he could buy her a drink. She accepted and a moment after she got it he said, "So, y'wanna play hide the salami?"

She wound a roundhouse slap from her seat and followed it with the drink! I nearly choked to death on my drink, I had tears in my eyes and spluttered my drink all over the bar. Very undignified.

NOW... as writers we deal, all the time, with introductory situations in our stories so what are some of the best pick-up lines we can put into our stories to make them more palatable and believable?
Ladies, I would dearly love your input here as the most usual recipient of such lines.
Gentlemen, as the most usual purveyors of such I would very much like to have your thoughts, successes or failures (if you like) of things to say or NOT to say!

As always, many thanks and deepest respects,
D.

 

[THBGato]

Reciting poetry to girls (sometimes in French) always worked for me as an adolescent/young adult.

They only time I ever used a cheesy chat up line (and it worked) was in Norway, when I grabbed a big pick of ice, cracked it and said "now I've broken the ice, can I kiss you?"

To be honest, her English wasn't great (and my Norwegian extends only to adking to see the cat or threatening to stab somebody with a fork) so I'm not sure if she got it...

 

[StillStunned]

My go-to line is, "Hello, aren't you beautiful?" It works almost every time.

True, I only ever use it on cats and my wife, but still.

 

[TheRedChamber]

Ee bye heck, you don't sweat much for a fat lass.

In my experience there is no such thing as a good pick-up line. Not one coming from me anyway.

 

[WeShallUnclench]

I feel the most useful here might be feedback from those who have been at the receiving end of those things (in my case, I have been in neither position. My spouse's "pickup line" was to say "mine").

On a purely theoretical basis, and feel free to correct me, it looks like pickup lines serve as 1) a declaration of intent 2) a condensed introduction to your character and merit and 3) setting the mood by being entertaining and ideally stimulating. Obviously those 3 all flow into one another.

A basic "I want you" (pure expression of intent) can be very hot depending on who is saying it. It can also serve as a challenge - the recipient pushes back against it, maybe even quite vocally, but now they are intrigued, "who IS that cheeky fucker, who desires me so much?". It can feel good to be wanted, and someone bold and irreverent might just be the sort of person that it's interesting to be wanted by.
Of course in reality there are many other variables, not least of all that (by now) that "boldness" as a gimmick is relatively shallow. Of course first of all you wanna reduce the creepyness factor, unless you are in Erotic Horror - does the cheeky expression of intent come from a lovable scoundrel, or some random desperate creep, or just some horndog with no imagination? And of course that can only ever be half of the equation, the other half is all the variables of the recipient's side, like how horny and fearless they are and how well they know the other person.

Presumably even the crappiest line can "work" if the recipient is in a playful mood and willing to trust the other person. Next step up from that would be a recipient who wants to be entertained and needs to be brought from 0 to 100. Supposedly one would want to communicate early on that both are aware of what the objective of the interaction is, but also signal intent to tactfully explore the other person's mood and inclination first. Once it's established that the other person IS open to a flirt, there comes your chance to impress them with your character and a sample of the sort of fun/originality you have to offer...

 

[XerXesXu]

'Get your coat love, your pulled.' Said to work well in Manchester.

Something that travels better:

M 'Who's your ugly friend?'
F 'She's not ugly.'
M 'She looks ugly sat next to you. Anyway, my mate fancies her; fetch her over and I'll get the drinks in.'

Opportunistic one-off.

M 'You got rats nesting in your hair?'
F 'Looking for your mates?'
M 'My mates are crabs. Any chance of getting in your knickers?'
F 'Fuck-all chance.'
M 'Dance?'
F 'Spose.'

Always check first that your furtive glances are being returned.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

The classic goth version is "Nice boots. Wanna fuck?"

"Fancy a fuck?" can work in some contexts.

Possibly safer if not much less subtle: "It's getting late; people are leaving. Fancy coming back to mine?" Promises of coffee or some etchings are optional.

Back in the cheesy "get your coat, you've pulled" territory -
"Did it hurt, falling here from Heaven?" (the original 'Did you come here from Heaven?' was spoilt by the ad going 'Nah, Luton Airport!')

There's something wrong with my phone, can you help? It doesn’t have your number in it...

I think I need medical assistance. Because you take my breath away...

 

[BobbyBrandt]

My go-to line is, "Hello, aren't you beautiful?" It works almost every time.

True, I only ever use it on cats and my wife, but still.

"You are so much prettier than the last girl to stand in that spot."

It is generally a well received icebreaker.

 

[StillStunned]

"You remind me of my mother. Just one question, though: you don't shave do you?"

 

[iwatchus]

I think I have written pick up lines twice, which I think is two more than I have been on either end of IRL. In both literary cases, the woman recipient burst out laughing at how corny the line was. Both of the utterers (one male, one female) used it successfully as an icebreaker though, because laughter is a great start. Both led to some short term success, but both cases were early failed relationships for the MC in the context of the story.

 

[redgarters]

To be honest, her English wasn't great (and my Norwegian extends only to adking to see the cat or threatening to stab somebody with a fork) so I'm not sure if she got it...

It seems asking to see the cat might have been a viable strategy in the situation...

 

[crookedletter]

I never tried a pickup line. My wife continues to make fun of me for being woefully bad at flirting, as well as detecting when women are flirting with me. My characters flirt (I think!), but thus far in anything I've written they don't flirt in such clumsy ways as trying out pickup lines. I can't see myself writing any unless I was playing it for laughs.

But, in the spirit of the thread:

"Are those space pants? Because that ass is out of this world."

 

[big_cane_sugar]

Back in my single days I used, "Hi, I noticed how pretty you are and I wanted to meet you."

I don't even know if that counts as a "pick-up line" since it's just the simplest, most honest way I could think of to say that. But I never had a reaction worse than "oh, that's so sweet, but I have a boyfriend." I got phone numbers about sixty percent of the time I used it.

I think that would work well for most guys. Maybe not as well as it did for me, but it only has to work once. I'm surprised we don't try straightforward honesty more often.

 

[StillStunned]

I'm not sure how successful it is in face-to-face situations, but I hear that lots of online conversations begin with "Hi, here's a picture of my penis."

 

[cw5523729]

I'm not sure how successful it is in face-to-face situations, but I hear that lots of online conversations begin with "Hi, here's a picture of my penis."

I tried that with @EmilyMiller - weirdly, it wasn't well received.

But maybe the issue was that it was online. Perhaps I should print out a picture of it and carry it around with me to the bar? I do have a CVS photo coupon for a free 4x6 I've been meaning to use.

 

[CalBishForNow]

On a purely theoretical basis, and feel free to correct me, it looks like pickup lines serve as 1) a declaration of intent 2) a condensed introduction to your character and merit and 3) setting the mood by being entertaining and ideally stimulating. Obviously those 3 all flow into one another.

Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

 

[StillStunned]

But maybe the issue was that it was online. Perhaps I should print out a picture of it and carry it around with me to the bar? I do have a CVS photo coupon for a free 4x6 I've been meaning to use.

Does nobody have a Polaroid anymore?

 

[cw5523729]

Does nobody have a Polaroid anymore?

Great suggestion. I could make the "shake, shake" part of pick-up process!

 

[StillStunned]

Conversations like this remind me how happy I am to be married. And that I should be nicer to my wife.

 

[crookedletter]

Conversations like this remind me how happy I am to be married. And that I should be nicer to my wife.

If you've been married more than ~5-10 years I can't imagine trying to get back out there nowadays. I feel like I slipped out of the singles market just as the apps etc. were starting to take hold of the dating scene. It's weird out there.

 

[cw5523729]

If you've been married more than ~5-10 years I can't imagine trying to get back out there nowadays. I feel like I slipped out of the singles market just as the apps etc. were starting to take hold of the dating scene. It's weird out there.

I've been married for 25 years. My last dating scene was an AOL chat room. A/S/L for any old people like me that know the reference without googling.

 

[crookedletter]

I've been married for 25 years. My last dating scene was an AOL chat room. A/S/L for any old people like me that know the reference without googling.

Well it was pretty weird out there too.

 

[EmilyMiller]

I tried that with @EmilyMiller - weirdly, it wasn't well received.

Um… unless it was a different Emily Miller (common enough combo) I think I’d remember. Then maybe it wasn’t very memorable .

 

[EmilyMiller]

The ‘pick up line’ that worked best for me was something like.

“It’s been really helpful to take advantage of your prior experience in this area. You’re a lifesaver. But it’s getting late, maybe we could discuss the remaining items over a drink?”

He’s not managed to find a way to get rid of me yet .

 

[CalBishForNow]

I've been married long enough that I can't speak from experience myself, but I think this is another one of those "kids these days" things. Talking to strangers, especially in the context of trying to date, has been complicated and awkward for not just in the past 10 years but closer to the past 100. (Go back further than that, and gender roles and the economy meant that dating just didn't exist.)

Reddit informs me that bars still exist where singles can strike up a conversation. Take Reddit with as big a grain of salt as you want, but my very limited experience when the rest of my family is busy is consistent with this. Then there's actual mingling events, and clubs and social groups not explicitly intended for sexual pairing-off but it's possible to happen organically. As for the apps, there are weird people on them and the signal-to-noise ratio is bad, but if you're honest about what you want and realistic about your prospects, I'm pretty sure you can pair off eventually. All of that has very little to do with "pick-up lines." Situations in which they're useful seem like the historical anomaly, not the rule.

Sooo...

If I were trying to meet a stranger for a casual encounter in real life, and apps and clubs didn't seem useful, then I'd go to a bar and strike up a conversation with almost anyone about almost anything. The game on the TV, the book sticking out of her purse, something I overheard in their previous conversation, whatever. Any given encounter probably won't work, but you never know. If I don't see an opportunity before I finish my drink, then I'd pick the next bar better.

If I were writing a story where a character tries to do so, then I'd use one of the lines in this thread and immediately have it go opposite to the line-user's expectation. For example:

I think I need medical assistance. Because you take my breath away...

Followed immediately by a coronary thrombosis. Or "did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" Followed immediately by the revelation that they're in EmilyMiller's Angels & Demons universe. Or just have them introduce a 12-inch pianist, and we're in a story with a "size difference" tag.