a haiku is more than 5-7-5

[AlinaX]

lonely mountain - tears fall like gold
in the dawn of the world

 

[EbersMoll]

The wind whispers past
The bright, enticing, petals,
Carrying invites.

 

[AlinaX]

the tease of cool air
against unguarded petals

 

[AlinaX]

The wind whispers past
The bright, enticing, petals,
Carrying invites.

I actually really like this and the image of petals being carried in the air, each one a drifting echo of some not-so-distant vibrancy.

 

[EbersMoll]

I actually really like this and the image of petals being carried in the air, each one a drifting echo of some not-so-distant vibrancy.

Thank you I was imagining fragrance being carried from the petals on the passing breeze. I’m working on follow-on.

 

[EbersMoll]

Pity the poor fly,
Unconsciously drawn, to the
Fly trap’s sweet centre.

 

[WCSGarland]

Pity the poor fly,
Thinking old man with chopsticks,
Is not a big threat.

 

[EbersMoll]

The silver back male,
Reflects upon those beauties
He lusted after.

 

[42BelowsBack]

Dragon mountain mouth
ice it smokes with cruel fire
mountain water springs

 

[AlinaX]

sunset gold
rings in the belly
of the worm

 

[EbersMoll]

The buttercup leaf
Fills the caterpillar’s gut
With vibrant sunshine.

 

[SmilingLez]

Blood pools on grass
An empty chair still waits
Silence takes its place

 

[AlinaX]

too convenient
a bullet’s trajectory
post fact

 

[SmilingLez]

Shorelines gleam at dawn,
Boardwalks hum with summer cheer,
Garden State's pride.

 

[SmilingLez]

Friday

Skin tingles
Leather seat, first breath
Weekend here

 

[AlinaX]

wrung
the cloth of humanity
no more tears

 

[WCSGarland]

is it not irony,
hyphenated,
versus non-hyphenated?

 

[SmilingLez]

sticky nectar drips,
velvet sweetness on my tongue,
desire softly stirs.

 

[AlinaX]

I never like that construction (desire softly stirs). It... grates. And it's almost only ever seen in 5-7-5.

Get away from it. Rebuild. Fuck the rule.

sticky nectar
dripping velvet sweetness
the tongue of desire

 

[SmilingLez]

I never like that construction (desire softly stirs). It... grates. And it's almost only ever seen in 5-7-5.

Get away from it. Rebuild. Fuck the rule.

sticky nectar
dripping velvet sweetness
the tongue of desire

Desire softly stirs,
Grating.
Rules,
Five -
Seven -
Five.
Nonsense.
Rebuild,
Break the mold.

 

[AlinaX]

Which, ironically, is almost a 5-7-5.

desire softly stirs
grating! rules! five-seven-five!
rebuild… break the mold

 

[WCSGarland]

Seventeen syllables,
Three lines or less...
exquisitely wrought.

 

[AlinaX]

wrought… past tense of write?
I don’t know my wrong from left
but I oughta learn

 

[WCSGarland]

Wrought... worked; elaborated; not rough or crude...
These words are steel.

 

[AlinaX]

(Wrought and steel don’t really go together in my head.)