Rules for a Gentleman in 2025

[TheRedChamber]

I came across this link during my general Internet exploration, and thought it might generate some discussion regarding our own male characters.

https://www.gq.com/story/gq-125-rules-for-modern-gentlemen-manners-etiquette-guide

As a gentleman myself (ha!) I wont hog all the juicy observations but will note the weird (to me) obsession with olive oil and the fact that pedicures seem mandatory (rather than merely socially acceptable) As always, some of the things you think they wouldnt have to say are the most eye opening...

 

[Kelliezgirl]

https://www.msn.com/en-us/health/wellness/gq-s-125-rules-for-modern-gentlemen/ar-AA1Nd8QD

Non pay-walled version.

12. Greet people you know with a single kiss on the left cheek. Unless you’re in a business setting or meeting someone for the first time, in which case stick with a handshake. If you sense someone going in for a hug—embrace it (and them).

Ummm, yeah...no thanks.

18. Call it old-school, call it charming. But if we’re walking together, the gentleman should take the street side. I’ll be on the inside by the buildings. It’s a quiet sign from you to me that says, “I’ve got you.” —Ava DuVernay

This one is more of a "it depends". The greater threat isn't always from the street side, and there are other considerations. My ex is left handed, so being to his left side means that if something did go wahoney shaped being to his left meant I would interfere with his draw.


Otherwise I'd rate it "Mostly Harmless".

 

[Statius]

https://www.msn.com/en-us/health/wellness/gq-s-125-rules-for-modern-gentlemen/ar-AA1Nd8QD

Non pay-walled version.

12. Greet people you know with a single kiss on the left cheek. Unless you’re in a business setting or meeting someone for the first time, in which case stick with a handshake. If you sense someone going in for a hug—embrace it (and them).

Ummm, yeah...no thanks.

18. Call it old-school, call it charming. But if we’re walking together, the gentleman should take the street side. I’ll be on the inside by the buildings. It’s a quiet sign from you to me that says, “I’ve got you.” —Ava DuVernay

This one is more of a "it depends". The greater threat isn't always from the street side, and there are other considerations. My ex is left handed, so being to his left side means that if something did go wahoney shaped being to his left meant I would interfere with his draw.


Otherwise I'd rate it "Mostly Harmless".

Funny. I read once that men used to walk building side when with a woman due to muggings/ pple being pulled and yanked into alleys. Yes I realize muggings was probably a polite euphemism.

 

[TheRedChamber]

This one is more of a "it depends". The greater threat isn't always from the street side, and there are other considerations. My ex is left handed, so being to his left side means that if something did go wahoney shaped being to his left meant I would interfere with his draw.

As a Brit, it's actually quite scary to see a mind work this way.

 

[TheRedChamber]

View attachment 2568112

Weird, it doesnt do that for me and I'm most definitely not subscribed to GQ. @Kelliezgirl s link doesnt work for me though. If someone can conform a universally okay link, I can replace it.

 

[dirk2024]

Weird, it doesnt do that for me and I'm most definitely not subscribed to GQ. @Kelliezgirl s link doesnt work for me though. If someone can conform a universally okay link, I can replace it.

Both links work for me.

 

[Kelliezgirl]

Funny. I read once that men used to walk building side when with a woman due to muggings/ pple being pulled and yanked into alleys. Yes I realize muggings was probably a polite euphemism.

That's one consideration. If someone with bad intent is out there, what's their most likely avenue? That's the side the man should be on.

 

[Kelliezgirl]

As a Brit, it's actually quite scary to see a mind work this way.

Just common sense personal safety.

 

[TheRedChamber]

Just common sense personal safety.

Any further exploration of 'common sense' in American gun culture is going to send us PB-ward very quickly, so moving on...

 

[dirk2024]

It's interesting, I'm "old school", so a lot of these are easy and common sense to me. There is one though that I have an issue with.

121. Take your shoes off at home. Definitely offer to take your shoes off at someone else’s house. Invest in a great pair of house slippers and, if you really want to be hospitable, provide pairs for your house guests too.

Speaking as someone who has mobility issues, putting shoes on is difficult, even in an ideal spot. Standing in someone's entryway, trying to put on a shoe and maintaining my balance with a cane is not happening. And embarrassing. I'd rather go home wearing only socks than try to put my shoes on at someone elses house.

 

[SimonDoom]

Most of these "rules" can be boiled down to "be courteous and respectful to people." I think that's hard to argue with.

I don't agree with the kissing people on the cheek rule. I don't do that and most people I know don't do that. I think the "how you greet people" rule is very situational. In some situations, it's appropriate to greet people with a hug. But some people aren't comfortable with that, and if you know that you should never force your sense of etiquette on another person.

When it comes to dating, I try to adopt a rule of "flexible and courteous chivalry." I have generally found it to be the case that women appreciate it when men pay for dinner, when men open doors, when men offer to pick the woman up for a date, etc. But this is always subject to the "rule" I stated above, which is you have to be courteous and mindful toward the person you are with, and the situation. If the woman wants to pay the check sometimes, or split the check, or sometimes drive the car, don't be a pushy jerk about it.

I don't take my shoes off at home. I have friends who ask everyone to take shoes off in their homes. I gladly accommodate them. I don't do that in my house, or ask it of others. I prefer to wear shoes, in part because my feet appreciate the arch support.

 

[Levorotatory]

121. Take your shoes off at home. Definitely offer to take your shoes off at someone else’s house. Invest in a great pair of house slippers and, if you really want to be hospitable, provide pairs for your house guests too.

This is one of the things that we in Canada really don't get about Americans. Here, hardly anyone wears their shoes in the house, and you don't offer to take off your shoes at someone else's house, you just do it. Some people like slippers, but most of us are happy in socks at home. Or bare feet. It always throws me out a bit when I read a scene where a couple have made their way to the bedroom and have been making out for a while and they start disrobing by taking off their shoes. They should have done that a long time ago.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Some good bits in there but also some stinkers...

If you have a favorite flower, send a small number of stems. If not, you can’t go wrong with a few calla lilies.

*sighs the weary sigh of somebody about to regift something that's toxic to my pets*

Find a signature gift you can give to almost anyone for almost any occasion—and stock up. A specific candle. A specific Champagne. A specific short book.

This works great until the people you give gifts to compare notes and figure out that you gave them ALL the same book.

Also, alcohol is not a great candidate for an "almost anyone" gift because there are many people who avoid it for one reason or another. They repeat this later with "a bottle of wine is always a safe bet" followed by several tips acknowledging that it's not always the right thing!

Greet people you know with a single kiss on the left cheek.

Enh. This is very much a "case by case, default to no until you know their preferences" one for me.

The words body count should never leave your mouth.

Blatant erasure of a talented if controversial band.

The date isn’t over until you know I’m home safely. A simple “Did you make it?” or “Let me know when you’re in” goes a long way.

Importantly, never say "let me know when you're in" during the date.

Asking “Is this okay?” is sexy. There’s been plenty of hand-wringing about how to confirm consent in the heat of the moment. It really can be just as simple as asking your partner, “Do you want to do this next?” or “Do you want me to touch you here?” Be alluring but clear—and if things are going well, you should definitely hear an enthusiastic yes in return. Any momentary awkwardness is far better than the potential alternative.

Yes, this.

Learn how to cook one thing well.

...look, it's better than no things, but this still seems like setting the bar very low.

 

[Bramblethorn]

This is one of the things that we in Canada really don't get about Americans. Here, hardly anyone wears their shoes in the house, and you don't offer to take off your shoes at someone else's house, you just do it. Some people like slippers, but most of us are happy in socks at home. Or bare feet. It always throws me out a bit when I read a scene where a couple have made their way to the bedroom and have been making out for a while and they start disrobing by taking off their shoes. They should have done that a long time ago.

IME this etiquette seems to correlate with places that get snow. In Australia shoes-on is the norm but I do have one set of friends who run a shoes-off household.

 

[alohadave]

This is one of the things that we in Canada really don't get about Americans. Here, hardly anyone wears their shoes in the house, and you don't offer to take off your shoes at someone else's house, you just do it. Some people like slippers, but most of us are happy in socks at home. Or bare feet. It always throws me out a bit when I read a scene where a couple have made their way to the bedroom and have been making out for a while and they start disrobing by taking off their shoes. They should have done that a long time ago.

Like anything else, it's highly variable. Not everyone in the US wears their shoes indoors. But it also depends on the situation.

 

[Bamagan]

IME this etiquette seems to correlate with places that get snow. In Australia shoes-on is the norm but I do have one set of friends who run a shoes-off household.

The type of flooring has often been the determining factor where I've lived. Tile, hardwood, and the like are pretty easy to clean and can sometimes be dangerously slippy in just socks. Folks with wall to wall carpets generally have not wanted shoes tracking things over them. The real X factor are the people with hard floors and decorative rugs. That way lies madness!

 

[DeMont]

I came across this link during my general Internet exploration, and thought it might generate some discussion regarding our own male characters.

https://www.gq.com/story/gq-125-rules-for-modern-gentlemen-manners-etiquette-guide

As a gentleman myself (ha!) I wont hog all the juicy observations but will note the weird (to me) obsession with olive oil and the fact that pedicures seem mandatory (rather than merely socially acceptable) As always, some of the things you think they wouldnt have to say are the most eye opening...

@TheRedChamber,
My dear colleague, as you may well know by now I do tend to treat, and deal, with everyone here respectfully. That also counts if the "opinions' in a discussion are not exactly matching my own.

I guess I am an "old school" kind of person who was raised in a particular fashion that included, self-pride, respect and common courtesy. I just have one question though, will there be an exam at the end of this thread?
Respectfully, always,
D.

 

[Levorotatory]

97. Open the passenger door for your date. They do it in movies for a reason.

This one made sense decades ago, before power door locks, when not opening the passenger door first meant your date would be left standing by the door, potentially in the cold or rain, until you unlocked it from the inside. Now that all of the doors can be unlocked with a push of a button before you get to the car it seems kind of condescending, implying that your date is somehow incapable of opening a car door.

 

[NaughteeDragon]

12. Greet people you know with a single kiss on the left cheek. Unless you’re in a business setting or meeting someone for the first time, in which case stick with a handshake. If you sense someone going in for a hug—embrace it (and them).

I came of age during the Clarence Thomas confirmation hearing. The only two people I initiate a kiss with are my wife and my mother. If a man kisses me on the cheek he is probably going to get decked unless it's one of my gay friends and we've had a conversation before then.

 

[DeMont]

This one made sense decades ago, before power door locks, when not opening the passenger door first meant your date would be left standing by the door, potentially in the cold or rain, until you unlocked it from the inside. Now that all of the doors can be unlocked with a push of a button before you get to the car it seems kind of condescending, implying that your date is somehow incapable of opening a car door.

@Levorotatory,
Evening my dear colleague, I have to say that even in this age of central locking I will always approach the car from the passenger side if I am in female company and open the door for them. It's just the way I was brought up I guess.

If my passenger is a guy they're s.o.l.
Deeply respectful,
D.

 

[Erozetta]

It's interesting, I'm "old school", so a lot of these are easy and common sense to me. There is one though that I have an issue with.



Speaking as someone who has mobility issues, putting shoes on is difficult, even in an ideal spot. Standing in someone's entryway, trying to put on a shoe and maintaining my balance with a cane is not happening. And embarrassing. I'd rather go home wearing only socks than try to put my shoes on at someone elses house.

I keep a chair by my front door for this reason. Neither my husband or I need it yet, and we don't really have guests 'cause we're loners, but there's a sturdy padded chair with arms by my front door and a shoe tray next to it. We don't require anyone to take off their shoes and would never ask someone to do so, but the option is there in a (hopefully) accessible way for anyone who wanted to do so.

 

[mrs_mackenzie]

Courteousness and thoughtfulness are the answer. Instead of buying the same one present for everyone, buy something that suits the person and shows you've thought about them. Greet people in a way which puts them at ease and shows you're considering them: sometimes no physical contact at all is best. All the men I would describe as 'gentlemen' are polite, thoughtful, and actually listen to what someone is saying (of any gender!)

 

[Erozetta]

*sighs the weary sigh of somebody about to regift something that's toxic to my pets*

This is always such an issue. Also, I'm allergic to basically every flower except sunflowers. I always bring them to work and ditch them at the front desk.

This works great until the people you give gifts to compare notes and figure out that you gave them ALL the same book.

This wouldn't be an issue to me. My response would be an emphatic "It's a really good book, though!"

Also, alcohol is not a great candidate for an "almost anyone" gift because there are many people who avoid it for one reason or another. They repeat this later with "a bottle of wine is always a safe bet" followed by several tips acknowledging that it's not always the right thing!

Yeah, this. The few times I've been gifted alcohol I brought it to work and made a nice stew and some wine and jam filled cakes for the staff. But damn the temptation to just sit with the bottle and get lost in it is high.

 

[XerXesXu]

But Psy always gets the girl (Kim Hyuna).

 

[NaughteeDragon]

This wouldn't be an issue to me. My response would be an emphatic "It's a really good book though!”

My wife doesn’t get this. The point of buying a book for someone isn’t to get them something they want, but to share something you love. I love getting books from people because they liked it. It expands my horizons.