Internal Monologue

[SkyBubble]

How do you signify a character's internal thoughts, as opposed to dialogue? I have places in stories where inserting "she thought" or "he thought" might slow the flow and perturb the pacing, but I want to signify that this is what the character is thinking, not saying out loud, and it's not just narration.

 

[AG31]

How do you signify a character's internal thoughts, as opposed to dialogue? I have places in stories where inserting "she thought" or "he thought" might slow the flow and perturb the pacing, but I want to signify that this is what the character is thinking, not saying out loud, and it's not just narration.

I've seen people use italics successfully.

 

[Trionyx]

Consider using single quotation marks. 'Damn, she's hot,' he thought.
Once you've done that several times in a story, you can leave out the "he thought/she thought" particularly if it is clear that the character is not speaking, such as there is no one to speak to.

 

[GuiltyCowboy]

If you're writing in the third person, which presumably you are if 'he thought' and 'she thought' are options for you, then a simple switch to the first person should be enough to do the trick. If you're worried that doesn't distinguish the separate register enough then obviously you can use italics, as AG31 suggested.

 

[SkyBubble]

That's what I used in the story I've submitted and it sat in pending for seven weeks, I pulled it, resubmitted it with a note, and it's been sitting in pending for over two weeks.

I'm wondering if the HTML is part of the problem.

And @Laurel, if you're not going to publish the story, could you please just reject it rather than just leave it in pending forever?

 

[EmilyMiller]

How do you signify a character's internal thoughts, as opposed to dialogue? I have places in stories where inserting "she thought" or "he thought" might slow the flow and perturb the pacing, but I want to signify that this is what the character is thinking, not saying out loud, and it's not just narration.

I’m not fully consistent. If it’s some aspect of what a character is thinking, I might just include it in general text.

Emily was unsure about this question, but she still tried to answer as best she could.

If it’s more of a defined thought, then I use single quotes.

‘Well,’ Emily thought to herself, ‘this is kinda complicated.’ Out loud, she said, “Does that help?”

 

[GuiltyCowboy]

You can also state the thought plainly and then describe the effect of the thought on the character.

Had she ruined the moment? The thought invaded her in a panic.

More clunky than a discreet 'she thought' perhaps but gives you the opportunity to enrich the moment somewhat.

 

[PennyThompson]

When I first started writing here I was resistant to First-Person, and pretty much exclusively wrote in Third.

But if I have a particularly introspective (or neurotic ) main character, I've now decided that it's just more fun to write them in First and embrace the inner monologue!

 

[SkyBubble]

The story is almost 30 (Word) pages long and the FMC's struggle with herself is a key aspect. The internal monologue helps us appreciate her perspective, helping to advance the narrative, so there's a fair amount of it.

I just wonder if there's a way to designate it that's more moderator-friendly, as this story seems to be "stuck."

 

[EmilyMiller]

But if I have a particularly introspective (or neurotic ) main character, I've now decided that it's just more fun to write them in First and embrace the inner monologue!

What have I done to you ?

 

[EmilyMiller]

I just wonder if there's a way to designate it that's more moderator-friendly, as this story seems to be "stuck."

I doubt that this is your problem, unless you ignored normal dialog rules when using quotes.

 

[AlexBailey]

When I first started writing here I was resistant to First-Person, and pretty much exclusively wrote in Third.

But if I have a particularly introspective (or neurotic ) main character, I've now decided that it's just more fun to write them in First and embrace the inner monologue!

Writing my first person fictional autobiography helped me recognize my own ADHD.

 

[SkyBubble]

I doubt that this is your problem, unless you ignored normal dialog rules when using quotes.

This story was submitted, apparently got caught in the glitch, was withdrawn and resubmitted, and has now sat in pending for over two weeks. I've been working on it since MARCH, been through three editors, substantially rewritten whole sections, and I'm frustrated and trying to figure out why it seems to be stuck in permapending.

 

[EmilyMiller]

This story was submitted, apparently got caught in the glitch, was withdrawn and resubmitted, and has now sat in pending for over two weeks. I've been working on it since MARCH, been through three editors, substantially rewritten whole sections, and I'm frustrated and trying to figure out why it seems to be stuck in permapending.

I think resubmitting may not get you out of purgatory - I’m testing this assertion as we ‘speak.’ You may need to totally delete and submit fresh.

 

[SkyBubble]

I completely deleted, removed it from the system, then resubmitted it. So far, it hasn't seemed to help.

I'm wondering if it's HTML tags, category, title and description, or what. I just want to get it unstuck.

 

[EmilyMiller]

I completely deleted, removed it from the system, then resubmitted it. So far, it hasn't seemed to help.

I'm wondering if it's HTML tags, category, title and description, or what. I just want to get it unstuck.

I have HTML tags in every single one of my stories here. All 130+

 

[SkyBubble]

I have HTML tags in every single one of my stories here. All 130+

A lot of tags?

 

[EmilyMiller]

A lot of tags?

Yeah

 

[EmilyMiller]

A lot of tags?

From a recently published story:

<p align="center"><em>Part of the <a href="https://forum.literotica.com/threads/once-upon-a-time-the-dark-fairy-tales-challenge.1625343/">Dark Fairytales 2025</a> event</em></p>
<p align="center">&mdash; &mdash; &mdash;</p>
<p align="center"><strong>THE BITCH’S RED LINGERIE</strong></p>
<p align="center"><em>by Emily Miller</em></p>
When I was at school, not so long ago, my English teacher told us to avoid what she called info-dumps. Starting a story with who the narrator is, her situation, what she looks like, and so on.

 

[SkyBubble]

OK, good to know. Thank you. I have internal monologue for several characters designated with the <em> tag, so it's nice to know that's most likely not the holdup.

 

[SkyBubble]

From a recently published story:

<p align="center"><em>Part of the <a href="https://forum.literotica.com/threads/once-upon-a-time-the-dark-fairy-tales-challenge.1625343/">Dark Fairytales 2025</a> event</em></p>
<p align="center">&mdash; &mdash; &mdash;</p>
<p align="center"><strong>THE BITCH’S RED LINGERIE</strong></p>
<p align="center"><em>by Emily Miller</em></p>
When I was at school, not so long ago, my English teacher told us to avoid what she called info-dumps. Starting a story with who the narrator is, her situation, what she looks like, and so on.

That's a lot of tags in a short space!

And while that may be sound advice, that's one teacher's opinion, and no rule is universal. One of my Creative Writing profs told me you should absolutely never write in the second person (after I turned in an assignment that did just that.) She also said that "a poem must have a title; it's an integral part of the work."

To which my roommate responded by turning in the following:

-----
This poem has no name
So it can be about anything it wants
It can walk and talk
Or sing and dance
Or scream and shout
Or run and jump
Or end right here.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Yeah

This is the end of the same story:

<p align="center"><strong>THE END</strong></p>

<u>Endnotes</u>

<ul><li>My debt to the Brothers Grimm is obvious. I did start out thinking about also including Hansel and Gretel, but the two stories (maybe two and a half as the Queen from Snow White might have provided a template for The Bitch) that I took inspiration from sufficed.
</li>
<li>Thank you to <a href="https://www.literotica.com/authors/StillStunned/works/stories">StillStunned</a> for organizing the event.
</li>
<li>Thank you to <a href="https://www.literotica.com/authors/PennyThompson/works/stories">PennyThompson</a> for reading and suggestions. And - as always - to <a href="https://www.literotica.com/authors/Djmac1031/works/stories">Djmac1031</a> for reading, ideas, and proof-reading.
</li>
<li>I might consider a Cindy and Wolfie sequel at some point, there is not enough werewolf sex in the world!</li></ul>

 

[SkyBubble]

Several fairy tales mashed together? You might want to mention Stephen Sondheim and Into the Woods.

 

[TheWritingGroup]

@SkyBubble, it isn't the use of a few HTML tags. It could be the length, could be the category (as you said). The irritating part (to me) is that we'll never know, because spying on Laurel would be unethical (and illegal) and she doesn't want to explain.

--Annie

 

[SkyBubble]

That's the problem. If I knew what would help it through, I could tweak that.

Are some categories slower than others?