Feedback on my first submission? Would love to hear comments.

[coycooper63]

First submission: https://www.literotica.com/s/fantasy-weekend-9

Started doing it as a series by chapter, and got lots of reads. But also lots of negative comments because it is a slow burn and the chapters were mostly non-sensual (boring). So I posted the whole story and it ended up getting put as part of the series, not replacing the series. I guess I suck at the mechanics. The chapters I put in Loving Wives and got 2k to 7k reads. Posted the whole story to Romance, but it has attracted less than 1.5k views. zero comments. Am I in the right category? Now that it is 45k words, are people not willing to read that length of story?

Would love your comments and feedback.

 

[AlinaX]

Loving Wives gets *lots* of views, and quite often a lot of comments too. The other categories can feel very quiet in comparison.

A couple of quick comments:

I don't think you should make a point of explaining things, i.e.:

it was Deus Ex Machina ("God in the machine," the Greek tragedy plot device that solved every impossible dilemma).

It's distracting. It certainly distracted me into looking up the phrase 'God is in the details'... but I also learned the Greeks used actual cranes to descend their gods, so that's interesting.

the financial miracle she needed was not impossible. Improbable? Yes.

The rhythm feels off when you say it like that. I feel it should be:

the financial miracle she needed was not impossible. Improbable yes, but not impossible.

 

[coycooper63]

--Thanks. That is better phrasing.
-- I wasnt sure whether the phrase was well-known enough to stand on its own. If you are a fan of the movie (Dodgeball) it's actually printed right on the treasure chest that gives them enough money to buy back Average Joes Gym.

 

[Gamblnluck]

First submission: https://www.literotica.com/s/fantasy-weekend-9

Started doing it as a series by chapter, and got lots of reads. But also lots of negative comments because it is a slow burn and the chapters were mostly non-sensual (boring). So I posted the whole story and it ended up getting put as part of the series, not replacing the series. I guess I suck at the mechanics. The chapters I put in Loving Wives and got 2k to 7k reads. Posted the whole story to Romance, but it has attracted less than 1.5k views. zero comments. Am I in the right category? Now that it is 45k words, are people not willing to read that length of story?

Would love your comments and feedback.

One of the biggest problems you have are the terribly short chapter lengths. You might have had better reviews if you'd combined them into a few reads at most. I'll often wait to either read or comment until enough of the story is even presented. Sometimes, like others, I am hesitant to get started with a chapter 5 if I know I have to go back and read 4 others to figure out what is going on.

 

[gunhilltrain]

Loving Wives gets *lots* of views, and quite often a lot of comments too. The other categories can feel very quiet in comparison.

A couple of quick comments:

I don't think you should make a point of explaining things, i.e.:

It's distracting. It certainly distracted me into looking up the phrase 'God is in the details'... but I also learned the Greeks used actual cranes to descend their gods, so that's interesting.


The rhythm feels off when you say it like that. I feel it should be:

Duex ex machina can be translated as "God from a machine. " That and God is in the Details" - well, does he have to explain what those mean? Maybe; it depends on the audience.

Dodgeball I had to look up. I haven't followed movies much since the beginning of this century. Sort of amusing how he mixed high brow with middle brow in one sentence.