First time swingers club advice

[LittleGreene]

So my husband and I have made the, quite frankly, terrifying (and thrilling) decision to go to our first swingers club.

We’ve discussed this for years, and have made strong boundaries and rules for this fact finding trip.

Let’s call it a dip our toes in a little and get them a bit wet………

So any advice, etiquette, knowledge 2 middle aged , well educated, socially acceptable (kind of) people on a flight of fancy should know before we go?

 

[write_or_wrong]

So my husband and I have made the, quite frankly, terrifying (and thrilling) decision to go to our first swingers club.

We’ve discussed this for years, and have made strong boundaries and rules for this fact finding trip.

Let’s call it a dip our toes in a little and get them a bit wet………

So any advice, etiquette, knowledge 2 middle aged , well educated, socially acceptable (kind of) people on a flight of fancy should know before we go?

IMHO, you're already on the right track because of all the discussion and your pre-established limits. If for the first time you only watch (together) and react, it should inform whether or not there will be a second time. There's plenty of time down the road to push the envelope and try things - a little at a time. I suggest you do everything together; wives on their own can be an easy target for single men or couples looking for an FFM threesome. That can leave your husband feeling left out and even bitter about the whole evening. Make sure you have a debrief afterward to help you decide how/whether to proceed.

 

[anniebaby10]

we went to just watch and it was so fun to be voyeurs that we ended up fucking in a chair in the lounge area while others watched. It was very exciting and we have gone to various ones around the country through the years. I always reach out to a female concierge at the hotel we are staying at to get information on the best one in the area. Was just at one in tampa called Eyez Wide Shut and it was fun. Been to Miami Velvet which was also very cool place. No one pressures you and no means no. Also no cell phones allowed and there are usually plenty of condoms or lube if you need them and almost all of them have showers and private rooms. Most places only allow couples or single females but no single males. WE have never had sex with other couples but have watched and been watched and been naked with several at a time all having sex. It is very exciting to be in that kind of atmosphere.
Good Luck!!

 

[LittleGreene]

IMHO, you're already on the right track because of all the discussion and your pre-established limits. If for the first time you only watch (together) and react, it should inform whether or not there will be a second time. There's plenty of time down the road to push the envelope and try things - a little at a time. I suggest you do everything together; wives on their own can be an easy target for single men or couples looking for an FFM threesome. That can leave your husband feeling left out and even bitter about the whole evening. Make sure you have a debrief afterward to help you decide how/whether to proceed.

Thank you so much . We won’t be going out seperate ways at all. At least not yet. We plan to watch. We have made some rules about touching if it comes up but only if we are both feeling comfortable.
We’ve heard the ‘debrief’ can be a lot of fun.

 

[LittleGreene]

we went to just watch and it was so fun to be voyeurs that we ended up fucking in a chair in the lounge area while others watched. It was very exciting and we have gone to various ones around the country through the years. I always reach out to a female concierge at the hotel we are staying at to get information on the best one in the area. Was just at one in tampa called Eyez Wide Shut and it was fun. Been to Miami Velvet which was also very cool place. No one pressures you and no means no. Also no cell phones allowed and there are usually plenty of condoms or lube if you need them and almost all of them have showers and private rooms. Most places only allow couples or single females but no single males. WE have never had sex with other couples but have watched and been watched and been naked with several at a time all having sex. It is very exciting to be in that kind of atmosphere.
Good Luck!!

Thank you so much.
We’re going on a couples only night. We’ve spoken to the venue and they suggest this night as a good one to test the waters.
And yes, it’s got a good set up by the looks of it. Lockers, changing rooms, showers
any advice on dress code? Weber been told smart casual in the social areas, anything goes in the play areas. What did you wear the first time?

 

[miska_darling]

Things will all depends on how the venue is set up, the crowd dynamic, your mood and interest on the spot, personalities, intro/extroversion, etc.

You don’t need to do anything beyond even just go to see the dynamic and whether you’re comfortable with it. So, you can just stick with each other and don’t have to jump right in the deep. So don’t try to overdo it and just absorb the atmosphere, if you’re feeling the vibe then there’s always another time.

We’ve approached it very gradually over the years.

As tips
- if you’re introverted and more likely to ‘go with the flow’, consider giving yourselves some codes so that you can check on each other’s. Something like for I’m fine with what’s going on, or I’m not keen.

- For dressing, that just depends on the place. Just whatever makes you feel sexy but also comfortable and feels like you. I would recommend her to avoid heels or such, as nothing affects the mood more than sore feet after a few hours of standing. I learned that the first time.

- Be clear about consent and be bold about making sure people ask for consent.

 

[LittleGreene]

Things will all depends on how the venue is set up, the crowd dynamic, your mood and interest on the spot, personalities, intro/extroversion, etc.

You don’t need to do anything beyond even just go to see the dynamic and whether you’re comfortable with it. So, you can just stick with each other and don’t have to jump right in the deep. So don’t try to overdo it and just absorb the atmosphere, if you’re feeling the vibe then there’s always another time.

We’ve approached it very gradually over the years.

As tips
- if you’re introverted and more likely to ‘go with the flow’, consider giving yourselves some codes so that you can check on each other’s. Something like for I’m fine with what’s going on, or I’m not keen.

- For dressing, that just depends on the place. Just whatever makes you feel sexy but also comfortable and feels like you. I would recommend her to avoid heels or such, as nothing affects the mood more than sore feet after a few hours of standing. I learned that the first time.

- Be clear about consent and be bold about making sure people ask for consent.

That’s a great tip on the heels. I’m not a big heelmwearer anymore so they would no doubt hurt after a couple of hours.

We have set a couple of code words already. So that’s good.

And we’ve been told the club is majorly hot on making sure no means no and the respect is there. But I appreciate the advice to be bold and clear.

Thank you

 

[impresso]

I just remembered.
A close female friend of mine was keeping company with her buddy who really wanted to go to a swinger club, but didn't have a couple. They both went for the first time. She ended up spending an hour signing autographs because a few people in the club mistook her for some famous porn actress and she decided to play along )
(sex didn't happen)

 

[LittleGreene]

I just remembered.
A close female friend of mine was keeping company with her buddy who really wanted to go to a swinger club, but didn't have a couple. They both went for the first time. She ended up spending an hour signing autographs because a few people in the club mistook her for some famous porn actress and she decided to play along )
(sex didn't happen)

Ha ha ha. That’s amazing.

 

[soflabbwlvr]

The wife and I were in the lifestyle for around 16+ years. We were members at two different clubs (not at the same time), which were completely different from one another. One club was rather small - on a good night there might be 50 couples attending, other nights closer to 20-25. The other club was huge -- on a Saturday night there were easily over 2000 people in attendance, most of whom were in the dancing part of the club. A couple hundred made to the play rooms in the back.
I would say, first of all, go in with no expectations that anything will happen. Keep your mind open to new experiences, but do no expect to be included in any activities. It could happen, or it might not.
Second, if the club allows alcohol, you probably need to take your own bottle. Find out the policy before you go. If alcohol is allowed, drink just enough to loosen your inhibitions a bit, but not so that you lose control. No one appreciates drunks at the club, and you may find yourself in an uncomfortable situation.
Third, in one way, it just like meeting people at any other club. It is not a free for all. One misconception is that everyone is there to fuck and will fuck anyone who comes along. Some people go for the sexy atmosphere. Some go to watch. Some are highly selective (my wife was like that). Some not so much. In general, like in a regular club, the hotter couples will be more in demand. That's just how the world works. But friendliness counts too. Anyone can get laid, but not everyone will.
As far as dress, think sexy. You can wear skimpier clothes than you would otherwise, if that is what you want to do. But it is not required. You don't need a costume, but you can be more revealing than you would be at an ordinary night club. But most of all, wear what is comfortable for you.

 

[OralAllOver]

pro tip:
when in doubt, ask for ass to mouth

 

[lets_roll_12]

We ‘almost’ dipped our toes, so to speak. Did the research, discussed it lots (admittedly setting the ground rules discussion never arose - putting that down to our much younger age at the time, perhaps..) but it just never eventuated.

So, good luck! Hope you both enjoy the experience! Looking forward to reading the full debrief of the debrief!

 

[EmmAgain]

Swingers’ clubs - at lest the nicer ones - are always very chill and respectful. Nobody will push you into doing something uncomfortable and everybody respects boundaries.

Maybe turn up and just watch, check out the vibe? There are always drinks and nibbles, and you can take your time figuring out which room to visit or even whether to strip down completely. Nobody will pressure you.

I love the lifestyle. Nobody judges you and you get to have lots of amazing sex with attractive, interesting people. Stick to the nicer meet-ups if you can. A particularly classy example I discussed here recently is the Penthouse Playroom in London (my welcome: https://www.imagebam.com/view/ME15B1UL) but there are equivalents in every major city.

Good luck!

 

[LittleGreene]

The wife and I were in the lifestyle for around 16+ years. We were members at two different clubs (not at the same time), which were completely different from one another. One club was rather small - on a good night there might be 50 couples attending, other nights closer to 20-25. The other club was huge -- on a Saturday night there were easily over 2000 people in attendance, most of whom were in the dancing part of the club. A couple hundred made to the play rooms in the back.
I would say, first of all, go in with no expectations that anything will happen. Keep your mind open to new experiences, but do no expect to be included in any activities. It could happen, or it might not.
Second, if the club allows alcohol, you probably need to take your own bottle. Find out the policy before you go. If alcohol is allowed, drink just enough to loosen your inhibitions a bit, but not so that you lose control. No one appreciates drunks at the club, and you may find yourself in an uncomfortable situation.
Third, in one way, it just like meeting people at any other club. It is not a free for all. One misconception is that everyone is there to fuck and will fuck anyone who comes along. Some people go for the sexy atmosphere. Some go to watch. Some are highly selective (my wife was like that). Some not so much. In general, like in a regular club, the hotter couples will be more in demand. That's just how the world works. But friendliness counts too. Anyone can get laid, but not everyone will.
As far as dress, think sexy. You can wear skimpier clothes than you would otherwise, if that is what you want to do. But it is not required. You don't need a costume, but you can be more revealing than you would be at an ordinary night club. But most of all, wear what is comfortable for you.

Thank you so much.

We’re not big drinkers at all, in fact my husband doesn’t ever but it’s a good point, Dutch courage could easily turn into Dutch sinking.

I think I’m going to go for simple but sexy dress for the social, good lingerie (nothing too revealing) if we make it beyond there.

 

[LittleGreene]

We ‘almost’ dipped our toes, so to speak. Did the research, discussed it lots (admittedly setting the ground rules discussion never arose - putting that down to our much younger age at the time, perhaps..) but it just never eventuated.

So, good luck! Hope you both enjoy the experience! Looking forward to reading the full debrief of the debrief!

Thank you. I’ll post an update when we’ve been

 

[Shaglus_Ziegler]

So my husband and I have made the, quite frankly, terrifying (and thrilling) decision to go to our first swingers club.

We’ve discussed this for years, and have made strong boundaries and rules for this fact finding trip.

Let’s call it a dip our toes in a little and get them a bit wet………

So any advice, etiquette, knowledge 2 middle aged , well educated, socially acceptable (kind of) people on a flight of fancy should know before we go?

Exciting!

 

[J_Bone]

I'll reiterate some of what others have said....

The ones we've been to have been very chill with a largely professional, varied and friendly clientele that's primarily middle aged and almost all couples except for the occasional single female. Most don't allow single men except on maybe certain designated evenings. The staff has always been welcoming and helpful and really tries to make you feel comfortable. If the club you're planning to attend is worth its salt, they will too.

Ours have always been no pressure and no expectations from others, which is definitely helpful for first timers like yourselves. Most have different designated areas, i.e., dance floor/bar area with plenty of seating, public, semi-private and private play areas. We've enjoyed taking part in all three.

As far the dress code, that can vary a bit. But most are pretty casual. For example, nice jeans, boots and a button down for me and a sexy cocktail dress for her, not what you'd think of as slutty, but classy.....maybe mid thigh and not a plunging neckline, but enough to show a little cleavage. One was a little more upscale where she wore similar and I went with slacks instead of jeans. Just check ahead of time to be certain. She has brought lingerie a few times, but only actually put it on once that I recall. Although she does wear a g-string or thong under her dress and either a lace bra, quarter-cup/shelf bra, or no bra at all.

And yes, most allow alcohol, but you must provide your own and they will provide setups. While I'd say the majority does usually partake, fortunately we've never experienced any drunks or issues as it pertains to that.

Good luck, relax and enjoy! Look forward to reading how it went for y'all.

 

[Lifestyle66]

I know many people who have been to swinger clubs, and I've heard the stories from real life.

As others here have said, clubs can be relaxed and welcoming. Or possibly not. And even though you've discussed it and have set your personal rules, beware: "Here there be dragons!" You don't know what you don't know.

It often depends on each of the personalities between the couple, and their individual personal self-image and expectations.

Is one shy and an introvert? Is one unattractive in any way? Are there any potential jealousies which may erupt at the wrong moment? Have either or both of the couple had other extra-marital sex experiences to pave the way in revealing such landmines?

When people say, "No means NO!", it works both ways. The wife might think "Yes!" when asked by some guy in the club, while the husband finds no other woman wants to talk to him. Or it could be the wife has insecurities and says "No!" too often, while the husband wanders off and seems to stay away from her for what she feels is suspiciously too long.

If this is going to be a first for extra-marital sex for either or both of the couple, then beware! When there are multiple couples and others around and there's alcohol and lust involved, things can move quickly and possibly in the wrong direction for one of the newbies.

One couple I know whose wife was very flirty, but the husband had recently lost weight went to a private club. The husband later expressed his displeasure at the fact there were two wives there trying to get him to go with them into a separate room. He suspected they were only doing so because all of the other men were planning to take his wife off without him to a different room for their own fun. And he knew his wife would probably have gone along with them!

I would recommend that if you're a couple new to the extra-marital sex concept, having never done it before, then start small by finding another more experience couple for a foursome outside of a club. The clubs I know of can be intense for those "dipping their toes in". In a foursome, the other couple knows you're new to it, and things can be stopped quickly. But in a club, if things move in the wrong direction too fast, there may be no "forgive and forget" afterwards.

 

[LittleGreene]

I know many people who have been to swinger clubs, and I've heard the stories from real life.

As others here have said, clubs can be relaxed and welcoming. Or possibly not. And the fact you've discussed it and have set your personal rules, beware: "Here there be dragons!"

It often depends on each of the personalities between the couple, and their individual personal self-image and expectations.

Is one shy and an introvert? Is one unattractive in any way? Are there any potential jealousies which may erupt at the wrong moment? Have either or both of the couple had other extra-marital sex experiences to pave the way in revealing such landmines?

When people say, "No means NO!", it works both ways. The wife might think "Yes!" when asked by some guy in the club, while the husband finds no other woman wants to talk to him. Or it could be the wife has insecurities and says "No!" too often, while the husband wanders off and seems to stay away from her for what she feels is suspiciously too long.

If this is going to be a first for extra-marital sex for either or both of the couple, then beware! When there are multiple couples and others around and there's alcohol and lust involved, things can move quickly and possibly in the wrong direction for one of the newbies.

One couple I know whose wife was very flirty, but the husband had recently lost weight went to a private club. The husband later expressed his displeasure at the fact there were two wives there trying to get him to go with them into a separate room. He suspected they were only doing so because all of the other men were planning to take his wife off without him to a room for their own fun. And he knew his wife would probably have gone along with them!

I would recommend that if you're a couple new to the extra-marital sex concept, having never done it before, then start small by finding another more experience couple for a foursome outside of a club. The clubs I know of can be intense for those "dipping their toes in". In a foursome, the other couple knows your new to it, and things can be stopped quickly. But in a club, if things move in the wrong direction too fast, there may be no "forgive and forget" afterwards.

Thank you for the advice.
Alcohol is not an issue for us as my husband doesn’t touch it and I hardly drink. But I’m still sure people can get swept up in the atmosphere quickly.

We’re not total newbs - we’ve had same room sex with another couple and an online play. We are not planing on going anywhere near as far as swapping this first time. We have our limits set.

And we will not be separated at all. That’s a hard rule for this visit,

But thank you for the experiences