On This Anniversary...

[MelissaBaby]

From Chapter Seven of My Fall and Rise. In deference to Lit's "true story" rule, this event may or may not have taken place ten years ago today:

***
Wake up call came at 4:30 on my 545th day in prison, just as it had on all the others. Today was different though. I had been instructed to report to Processing at 8:00, and was in administrative limbo until then. My other cellmates shuffled off to the showers, but Alicia lingered. She watched me as I began packing up my state issued items.

"So, how's it feel?" she asked.

"I don't know. Kind of like it's not real yet, I guess."

"Fuck. I've got at least three more years before I am even eligible to apply."

I wanted to hug her, but felt sure she'd push me away.

"Well, who knows?" I shrugged. "Maybe I'll see you on the outside sometime."

"Bitch, if I see you out there, I will knock you on your ass. Stay the fuck away from bitches like me. Go fucking be somebody, and don't fucking come back here."

"I won't."

***

I didn't.

"Alicia" has been in and out several times. To the best of my knowledge she is currently incarcerated.

Did I follow her advice and "become somebody"? I suppose I did. I became a writer, and I will let others judge my success at that. But I became someone more than that. I became someone who works at helping other people who have fallen, or sadly, sometimes willingly jumped through the cracks in society. People like her. People like who I used to be.

I post this, not seeking praise or congratulations, but in reflection. While I am feeling pride in my success, I am thinking about "Alicia," I thank her for her advice and mourn for the somebody that she could have been.

 

[StillStunned]

Good words.

 

[colddiesel]

A famous Australian football coach, Jack Gibson, was asked how his team had performed. Famous for his torture of the English Language, Gibson responded,"Played good, done fine." That is what MB has done as one of the best writers on Lit - "Played good, done fine."

 

[iwatchus]

I had been wondering how long after the story ends you wrote it. Your fictitious anniversary pretty well answers that.

 

[MelissaBaby]

A famous Australian football coach, Jack Gibson, was asked how his team had performed. Famous for his torture of the English Language, Gibson responded,"Played good, done fine." That is what MB has done as one of the best writers on Lit - "Played good, done fine."

I didn't ask for praise, but I'll certainly take it. Thank you for your kind words.

 

[MelissaBaby]

I had been wondering how long after the story ends you wrote it. Your fictitious anniversary pretty well answers that.

I wrote a journal while I was inside, but they didn't let me take it with me when I was released. I started another about six months later, and then a Tumblr blog, but that wasn't in a narrative form. It was short essays about addiction, prison life, etc.

I started writing it in story form shortly after the events in the last chapter took place in May of 2017 and published the first chapter here in July. (And got rejected and had to do a re-write...)

And, BTW, thank you for your chapter by chapter comments. I appreciated them very much.

 

[iwatchus]

Have you thought about trying to sell fall and rise beyond this site?

 

[MelissaBaby]

Have you thought about trying to sell fall and rise beyond this site?

While I may at some point monetize my other stories, I will never make anything off of My Fall and Rise. I don't expect everyone to understand, but I think doing so would take away an important part of what it means to me.

The thing is, it isn't just a story of my redemption, it's also a confession. When I wrote it, with no idea how it would be received, it wasn't just about telling my story as a way to try to exorcise so much that was pent up inside of me, it was also meant as an atonement for all the wrongs I did, the pain I caused people close to me, the damage my actions caused to people I don't even know. To make money off of telling the story would negate that, and, for me, rob the telling of some of its intent.

I'm very flattered when people suggest I seek a publisher for it, but I have no interest in becoming any sort of professional writer. I enjoy writing, tremendously. But it's not my calling. My calling is my work helping others find the path to a better life, as I did.

(If this post sounds like I'm applying for sainthood or something, I apologize. That's not my intent.)

 

[iwatchus]

While money is obviously nice, I wondered about it to get it an audience beyond this site. I think it is a powerful story; whether or not you want to be a professional writer, you are a good enough storyteller to do your story justice.

 

[Not2Pervy]

And

While I may at some point monetize my other stories, I will never make anything off of My Fall and Rise. I don't expect everyone to understand, but I think doing so would take away an important part of what it means to me.

The thing is, it isn't just a story of my redemption, it's also a confession. When I wrote it, with no idea how it would be received, it wasn't just about telling my story as a way to try to exorcise so much that was pent up inside of me, it was also meant as an atonement for all the wrongs I did, the pain I caused people close to me, the damage my actions caused to people I don't even know. To make money off of telling the story would negate that, and, for me, rob the telling of some of its intent.

I'm very flattered when people suggest I seek a publisher for it, but I have no interest in becoming any sort of professional writer. I enjoy writing, tremendously. But it's not my calling. My calling is my work helping others find the path to a better life, as I did.

(If this post sounds like I'm applying for sainthood or something, I apologize. That's not my intent.)

Any profits could be donated to a good charity seeking to help people in these situations. Just sayin…