How NOT to Get Lit Laid- A Parody Thread

[LoneMilf]

This works too:

Always show your caring side by asking detailed questions about your chat partner's children - like how old they are, what kind of clothes they wear, if they ever do slumber parties, what social media they use, how they get to school, etc.

 

[SpicyBean99]

Force feed your political standpoint to everyone who has the opposite opinions and/or doesn’t want to hear it. If anyone disagrees, accuse them of being sheep, shills, or part of the Deep State. They’re more likely to agree to that date now. I truly believe that nothing, gets a woman wetter than hearing about your undying devotion to Donald J. Trump. Something like this should work a treat: “Did you see Trump’s new tariff plan? So strong, so masculine, just like me.” () she’s bound to be getting closer now, so this is the point at which you send her that snap of you wearing your MAGA hat. I promise it’ll take her over the edge right to the door of that big O.

 

[deft]

Force feed your political standpoint to everyone who has the opposite opinions and/or doesn’t want to hear it. If anyone disagrees, accuse them of being sheep, shills, or part of the Deep State. They’re more likely to agree to that date now. I truly believe that nothing, gets a woman wetter than hearing about your undying devotion to Donald J. Trump. Something like this should work a treat: “Did you see Trump’s new tariff plan? So strong, so masculine, just like me.” () she’s bound to be getting closer now, so this is the point at which you send her that snap of you wearing your MAGA hat. It promise it’ll take her over the edge right to the door of that big O.

I just came.

 

[SpicyBean99]

I just came.

Proud of you baby #upTRUMP

 

[Jaws82]

Force feed your political standpoint to everyone who has the opposite opinions and/or doesn’t want to hear it. If anyone disagrees, accuse them of being sheep, shills, or part of the Deep State. They’re more likely to agree to that date now. I truly believe that nothing, gets a woman wetter than hearing about your undying devotion to Donald J. Trump. Something like this should work a treat: “Did you see Trump’s new tariff plan? So strong, so masculine, just like me.” () she’s bound to be getting closer now, so this is the point at which you send her that snap of you wearing your MAGA hat. It promise it’ll take her over the edge right to the door of that big O.

Absolute solid plan to change hearts, minds and arousal

 

[Jaws82]

I just came.

#MACA

 

[HopefulRetirement]

Force feed your political standpoint to everyone who has the opposite opinions and/or doesn’t want to hear it. If anyone disagrees, accuse them of being sheep, shills, or part of the Deep State. They’re more likely to agree to that date now. I truly believe that nothing, gets a woman wetter than hearing about your undying devotion to Donald J. Trump. Something like this should work a treat: “Did you see Trump’s new tariff plan? So strong, so masculine, just like me.” () she’s bound to be getting closer now, so this is the point at which you send her that snap of you wearing your MAGA hat. I promise it’ll take her over the edge right to the door of that big O.

I knew it! I knew this would work. I'll be drowning in ladies now!

 

[EvaLane]

#MACA

Oh yea, don’t forget the proper way to say goodnight to your friends across the border/waters! Be respectful and kind, always

 

[HopefulRetirement]

Here's my suggestion. Begin every conversation with "Hung like mouse." Guaranteed conversation starter. In fact, once you get past the choking laughter, their curiosity will be spiked and in no time dick pic requests will flood your inbox.

Ask me how I know.

 

[Hornymwtxn]

I just came.

Also a very good first line in the initial PM

 

[devilsanus]

Even I have committed a blunder or two that have led to dry seasons

Call the wrong man Daddy and oops, bye bye

Call the right man Daddy and he’ll never leave you alone

Lol, you can call me whatever you like, I will like it right back.

 

[MiaBabe23]

New favorite thread, this is great, Atramentous!

 

[Jaws82]

Even I have committed a blunder or two that have led to dry seasons

Call the wrong man Daddy and oops, bye bye

Call the right man Daddy and he’ll never leave you alone

The new “give a man a fish”

 

[MiaBabe23]

17) (I think?) If a guy says he’s looking to sex chat, recognize this is his way of shyly saying he’s desperately in love with you and to please start the wedding planning by yesterday
This will work with all guys who tell you you have great tits, legs etc - they’re not really that interested in sex and our bodies, just complicated, exhausting entanglements

 

[SpicyBean99]

I knew it! I knew this would work. I'll be drowning in ladies now!

They will come flocking. I hear that there is a 100% success rate.

 

[Whiskeyjack]

Can we talk a little about etiquette AFTER all these hot tips work and you've bagged your beau? I just think it's important to keep things spicy and not fall back on the same drivel over and over. How many times have we heard things like, "I'm so hard/wet for you?" or "I need your mouth on my cock/pussy." It's the same words over and over. Mix it up a little. Add in a rhyming scheme. Tell her you want to slurple her nurples. Or you want to put some spunk in her junk. Or 'gasm in her chasm. She'll appreciate the clever wordplay and by tickling her mind THAT will get her knickers slicker.

 

[HopefulRetirement]

Can we talk a little about etiquette AFTER all these hot tips work and you've bagged your beau? I just think it's important to keep things spicy and not fall back on the same drivel over and over. How many times have we heard things like, "I'm so hard/wet for you?" or "I need your mouth on my cock/pussy." It's the same words over and over. Mix it up a little. Add in a rhyming scheme. Tell her you want to slurple her nurples. Or you want to put some spunk in her junk. Or 'gasm in her chasm. She'll appreciate the clever wordplay and by tickling her mind THAT will get her knickers slicker.

You mean like compliment her junk in the trunk?

 

[Whiskeyjack]

You mean like compliment her junk in the trunk?

Exactly. Plus it works great for broaching new or sensitive ideas or kinks. Maybe she doesn't want to indulge your foot fetish. But how can she say "no" when you suggest she eat the jeet you yeet on her feet? More wordplay = more turn-ons.

 

[MiaBabe23]

Can we talk a little about etiquette AFTER all these hot tips work and you've bagged your beau? I just think it's important to keep things spicy and not fall back on the same drivel over and over. How many times have we heard things like, "I'm so hard/wet for you?" or "I need your mouth on my cock/pussy." It's the same words over and over. Mix it up a little. Add in a rhyming scheme. Tell her you want to slurple her nurples. Or you want to put some spunk in her junk. Or 'gasm in her chasm. She'll appreciate the clever wordplay and by tickling her mind THAT will get her knickers slicker.

Yes, keeping it spicy! Wanna put a guy’s cock in a sock, have him grunt in my cunt!

 

[SpicyBean99]

Can we talk a little about etiquette AFTER all these hot tips work and you've bagged your beau? I just think it's important to keep things spicy and not fall back on the same drivel over and over. How many times have we heard things like, "I'm so hard/wet for you?" or "I need your mouth on my cock/pussy." It's the same words over and over. Mix it up a little. Add in a rhyming scheme. Tell her you want to slurple her nurples. Or you want to put some spunk in her junk. Or 'gasm in her chasm. She'll appreciate the clever wordplay and by tickling her mind THAT will get her knickers slicker.

Wait but this would actually work on me…

… for real.

Is there something wrong with wanting my nurples slurped? Or needing cream in my seam? Urgh, you could even say “would you like me to grease your crease” and I’d most likely fold.

 

[LoneMilf]

Wait but this would actually work on me…

… for real.

Is there something wrong with wanting my nurples slurped? Or needing cream in my seam? Urgh, you could even say “would you like me to grease your crease” and I’d most likely fold bend

Fixed that for you..

 

[graysilver]

Fixed that for you..

Whale done!

 

[SpicyBean99]

Fixed that for you..

Fold = Fall for you (gen z lingo)

Bend though I shall, if someone ever spoke to me with such grace

 

[Jaws82]

Fold = Fall for you (gen z lingo)

Bend though I shall, if someone ever spoke to me with such grace

While In the high waist thong I hope

 

[Pad_Foot]

Let your freak flag fly!
Push them into loving and accepting delivery your favorite sex toy. They will be eager to give you their home address. Don’t let your kink shrink under a basket! Send them used one!! Really cement how close you are.

Amerikkkans? Let the world know it! Drape your junk in the red, white and blue to show your patriotic fever. Everyone loves Amerikkkan junk!

( ok… no politics ? I heard that. No pushing kinks! Ok! Got it!! Amerikkkans? You know you love shaming. Deal with it)