The Art of Getting Lit Laid

[kyblue12]

I'm slowly catching up on this thread, but this caught my eye. The main issue with this is that what gets done unto me is unsolicited nudes and creepy copy/paste role play scenarios. Just because they want that in return, doesn't mean I'll be giving it to them straight out of the gate just be ause they sent it to me first. It's creepy & a turn off. Instead of the golden rule, if ask them to maybe more focus on the latter part of your statement and just remember that there human beings behind these avatars

In an ideal world it would be both. I’m simply posting how I usually contact someone and how that approach works for me. I also post pics and get the occasional creepy message as well. I am not saying that it’s anything like what the women here have to endure, but it gives me insight into that experience.

I’m not saying everyone does follow just simple interpersonal rules, far from it. I’m saying they might get a better reaction if they did.

 

[Hornymwtxn]

I'm slowly catching up on this thread, but this caught my eye. The main issue with this is that what gets done unto me is unsolicited nudes and creepy copy/paste role play scenarios. Just because they want that in return, doesn't mean I'll be giving it to them straight out of the gate just be ause they sent it to me first. It's creepy & a turn off. Instead of the golden rule, if ask them to maybe more focus on the latter part of your statement and just remember that there human beings behind these avatars

I have never copy and pasted role playing
That is just plain ass wrong.

I have sent dick picks but I always ask first. But I have stopped asking that as a result of what I have learned in this thread.

 

[MindYaBitness]

I have never copy and pasted role playing
That is just plain ass wrong.

I have sent dick picks but I always ask first. But I have stopped asking that as a result of what I have learned in this thread.

I try to be very patient with my DMs. First, because they're a never ending source of amusement, but also because I'm a bit of an exhibitionist and I've got pics posted here & there. I understand that a guy may get overwhelmed a bit, and get  ideas. Especially newbies.

So, let's make one thing crystal clear for the fellas: just because you saw her cleavage in a thread, doesn't mean she wants your dick in her inbox. Read this thread folks, get some tact!

The copypastas, and they guys who recycle lines, those are the numbers guys. They're just throwing out chum to see who'll bite. I love @ToPleaseHim who called the guys COPY Paste Lit Lotharios.

 

[LatinaCarmen1980]

I try to be very patient with my DMs. First, because they're a never ending source of amusement, but also because I'm a bit of an exhibitionist and I've got pics posted here & there. I understand that a guy may get overwhelmed a bit, and get  ideas. Especially newbies.

So, let's make one thing crystal clear for the fellas: just because you saw her cleavage in a thread, doesn't mean she wants your dick in her inbox. Read this thread folks, get dome tact!

The copypastas, and they guys who recycle lines, those are the numbers guys. They're just throwing out chum to see who'll bite. I love @ToPleaseHim who called the guys COPY Paste Lit Lotharios.

I can't agree with you more.

I don't receive nearly as many DMs now as I did when I first started. But I did share one bikini picture this past week and my Inbox was flooded! I think I have enough for at least 2 calendars! Seriously! Guys! Like @MindYaBitness said, read the room (thread). Just because we share something sexy doesn't mean we want to get your dick pic.

Still, I only speak for myself. But here's a clue. I'm here for your mind, your personality, your imagination, your words. That's it. Give me that and we are going to get along wonderfully. Am I asking for too much? Don't really care. That's what I want.

Now don't get me wrong. This is a dance. Sometimes you'll get stepped on and sometimes you'll step on toes. But guys, read this Thread! Seriously! You'll go so much farther!

 

[Hornymwtxn]

I can't agree with you more.

I don't receive nearly as many DMs now as I did when I first started. But I did share one bikini picture this past week and my Inbox was flooded! I think I have enough for at least 2 calendars! Seriously! Guys! Like @MindYaBitness said, read the room (thread). Just because we share something sexy doesn't mean we want to get your dick pic.

Still, I only speak for myself. But here's a clue. I'm here for your mind, your personality, your imagination, your words. That's it. Give me that and we are going to get along wonderfully. Am I asking for too much? Don't really care. That's what I want.

Now don't get me wrong. This is a dance. Sometimes you'll get stepped on and sometimes you'll step on toes. But guys, read this Thread! Seriously! You'll go so much farther!

Exhibitionism is kinda fun isn't it?

I had no clue I would enjoy it till I tried it.

What it seems to me is guys are visual beasts. We get turned on at the female form.

Whereas the gals need an emotional connection to whom the dick is attached to.

 

[LatinaCarmen1980]

Exhibitionism is kinda fun isn't it?

I had no clue I would enjoy it till I tried it.

What it seems to me is guys are visual beasts. We get turned on at the female form.

Whereas the gals need an emotional connection to whom the dick is attached to.

In the right circumstance and mood, exhibitionism is fun. But it doesn't mean showing off a breast or your ass. Sometimes less is more.

Generally speaking, yes. Men are visual creatures and women are drawn more towards a an emotional connection but like anything, it's all about the flow.

 

[The_Quiet_Man]

Exhibitionism is kinda fun isn't it?

I had no clue I would enjoy it till I tried it.

What it seems to me is guys are visual beasts. We get turned on at the female form.

Whereas the gals need an emotional connection to whom the dick is attached to.

I forget where I saw it, but someone once made this comment (it was for comedic effect, but there is an element of truth to it):

"Look at men's magazines, like Playboy, Penthouse, or Maxim. What do you see? Nude and semiclothed women.

"Now look at women's magazines, like Cosmo or Vogue. What do you see? Nude and semiclothed women.

"Why? Because women's bodies are beautiful, and people like seeing them. Nobody wants to look at men's bodies, because men are ugly!"

 

[Britva415]

the best pick-up line I ever received wasn’t flashy, clever, or dripping with poetic charm.

It was the simplest hello.

What made it the best was what came after - a friendship that grew naturally. He was always respectful, always funny, and a delight to talk to. Even when our conversations turned a little steamy, he never pushed. The connection deepened at its own pace… and that simple hello became the first step into something unexpectedly magical.

Is it even fair to call it a pick-up line at all? What I mean to ask is, I can't tell from this whether all of it "just happened" or whether he was intentional about indicating in some way, any way at all, from the beginning that he had "that kind" of interest in you. Or if he even did have it.

Does my question make sense? It comes from a place of great skepticism about that phenomenon where a guy is interested in a woman and instead of being transparent about it, he'll contrive to be "friendsy" until she shows him interest. That is different, of course, from when he's just transparent from the beginning (which can be done gently and respectfully), and it's different from when he really is just friendly and only has "friend" intentions until something unexpected organically grows.

It sounds like that transparency and those intentions were there, in this case. Or maybe you're just calling something which wasn't a pick-up a pick-up for literary purposes

Thanks for considering my question.

 

[Hornymwtxn]

I forget where I saw it, but someone once made this comment (it was for comedic effect, but there is an element of truth to it):

"Look at men's magazines, like Playboy, Penthouse, or Maxim. What do you see? Nude and semiclothed women.

"Now look at women's magazines, like Cosmo or Vogue. What do you see? Nude and semiclothed women.

"Why? Because women's bodies are beautiful, and people like seeing them. Nobody wants to look at men's bodies, because men are ugly!"

Rude!

Just kidding that is hilarious

 

[LatinaCarmen1980]

Is it even fair to call it a pick-up line at all? What I mean to ask is, I can't tell from this whether all of it "just happened" or whether he was intentional about indicating in some way, any way at all, from the beginning that he had "that kind" of interest in you. Or if he even did have it.

Does my question make sense? It comes from a place of great skepticism about that phenomenon where a guy is interested in a woman and instead of being transparent about it, he'll contrive to be "friendsy" until she shows him interest. That is different, of course, from when he's just transparent from the beginning (which can be done gently and respectfully), and it's different from when he really is just friendly and only has "friend" intentions until something unexpected organically grows.

It sounds like that transparency and those intentions were there, in this case. Or maybe you're just calling something which wasn't a pick-up a pick-up for literary purposes

Thanks for considering my question.

I think I'm picking up what you're putting down.

Come on as being friendly but with the intention of testing the waters for any indication of interest isn't something new. In fact, I get that quite often. I think I've learned how to distinguish real friendliness. I stress "I think."

 

[Wouldlovetoo]

I will share something, a failure that I didn't know was a failure.

I consider myself an easy going guy and always asked permission before sharing pics.

But it was pointed out to me that the mere asking for that permission changes the direction and dynamic of the conversation and the other person feels pressured to say yes to the sharing just to be nice and not hurt your feelings.

Lesson learned: don't ask for permission in due time they will ask!

Well said and I hope a lesson some men learn.

 

[Hornymwtxn]

I think I'm picking up what you're putting down.

Come on as being friendly but with the intention of testing the waters for any indication of interest isn't something new. In fact, I get that quite often. I think I've learned how to distinguish real friendliness. I stress "I think."

My intuition is pretty good I think but it sure isn't failsafe.

Some of the actors have been acting for so long it is hard to discern their intent and sincerity

 

[subdudeme13]

Anyone receiving a message like that could hardly help but be flattered. A beautiful invitation.

I am profoundly jealous!

 

[Carmina24]

The Art of Getting Lit Laid:
The Gentleman's Guide

1. The Real Game (above)

2. The Secret Weapon

Gentlemen, lean in. I’ll let you in on something that changes everything.

It’s not the grand gestures. Not the perfect lines. It’s attention.

The way you notice the pause before she answers. The shift in tone when she’s tired but still smiling. The details she thought you’d forget - and you bring back later like treasures.

Attention tells her she’s not just another voice in the crowd. It says I see you, I hear you, I remember you.

Do you know how dangerous that is?
To a woman, it’s intoxicating. Because once she feels truly seen, her guard lowers. Her laughter comes quicker. Her words spill freer. Desire stops being something she hides - and starts being something she shares.

Ladies - tell me I’m wrong.
Gentlemen - here’s your weapon:
Don’t just talk. Listen.
Don’t just compliment. Observe.
Don’t just touch - notice where she wants to be touched.

Attention is presence sharpened.
It’s the reason she’ll stay up too late just to hear one more story from you.
It’s the reason she’ll replay your words in her head long after you’ve logged off.

So if you want her trust, her heat, her surrender - give her your attention first.
Because that’s the secret weapon.

The Art of Getting Lit Laid:
The Gentleman's Guide (Disclaimer: cobbled together from the entirely fallible, slightly mischievous mind of Carmina).

1. The Real Game (presence) - above

2. The Secret Weapon (attention) - above

3. The Hidden Key

Gentlemen, lean in.
Here’s something most never realize - the key that unlocks more than desire.

It isn’t perfection.
It isn’t bravado.
It isn’t pretending you have no cracks in your armor.

It’s vulnerability.

The moment you stop performing and start revealing.
The slip where your mask falls, and you let her see the scar, the shadow, the doubt.
That’s when she feels you’re real. That’s when trust takes root.

Because when you reveal yourself, you invite her to do the same.
And in that exchange, walls collapse faster than any seduction could tear them down.

Gentlemen - here’s your key:
Tell her what frightens you.
Share the story that still lingers in your chest.
Admit when you don’t have the answer.

Do you know what happens then?
She leans closer.
She softens.
And she offers you pieces of herself you’d never reach by swagger alone.

Ladies - you know this.
When he lets you in, even just a little, the hunger shifts. It isn’t just lust anymore - it’s devotion.
Because you’re no longer chasing a fantasy. You’re holding a man.

So if you want her trust, her fire, her surrender -
Don’t just flex your strength. Reveal your fragility.

That, gentlemen, is the hidden key.

 

[subdudeme13]

The Art of Getting Lit Laid:
The Gentleman's Guide

1. The Real Game (presence) - above

2. The Secret Weapon (attention) - above

3. The Hidden Key

Gentlemen, lean in.
Here’s something most never realize - the key that unlocks more than desire.

It isn’t perfection.
It isn’t bravado.
It isn’t pretending you have no cracks in your armor.

It’s vulnerability.

The moment you stop performing and start revealing.
The slip where your mask falls, and you let her see the scar, the shadow, the doubt.
That’s when she feels you’re real. That’s when trust takes root.

Because when you reveal yourself, you invite her to do the same.
And in that exchange, walls collapse faster than any seduction could tear them down.

Gentlemen - here’s your key:
Tell her what frightens you.
Share the story that still lingers in your chest.
Admit when you don’t have the answer.

Do you know what happens then?
She leans closer.
She softens.
And she offers you pieces of herself you’d never reach by swagger alone.

Ladies - you know this.
When he lets you in, even just a little, the hunger shifts. It isn’t just lust anymore - it’s devotion.
Because you’re no longer chasing a fantasy. You’re holding a man.

So if you want her trust, her fire, her surrender -
Don’t just flex your strength. Reveal your fragility.

That, gentlemen, is the hidden key.

I recall being in a chat room and more or less watcching and not posting much. I got a sweet message from a wonderful woman. We ended up moving and I ended up in the world of my dreams.

 

[Britva415]

ENJOY the process.

Again, only speaking for myself here - enjoy the moments you share with someone new. Enjoy the bumps and swerves that serve as the road of each encounter. And remember, no one owes you anything. We might reach #3 and realize the chemistry, while fun, just isn't going to lead to anything further.

Personally, I would rather find out I don't share that chemistry but build a new friendship, than just ending all contact. Still, I know not everyone here is looking for the same thing. Again, that's why I emphasize ENJOYING the process.

To me, this is the key to all of it.

I flirt because flirting is fun all by itself, whether it goes somewhere or not.

It's the beginning of a process, a process which could go zero steps, or two, or all the way around the bases. If every step isn't enjoyed (by me), the other person is going to suss that out and wonder what the hell I'm even doing.

And since this thread is about succeeding, well, it can't succeed if that happens. That's the step where the other person decides they aren't interested.

Of course not every flirt is going to "succeed," in the sense of getting the number, or getting the date, or getting laid, or getting married. Of course not. Some aren't going to succeed in any mutual sense at all. But I can't regard those as failures, I can't regret that I tried a little bit at a time to engage with the other person pleasantly and with a whiff of some kind of energy which I hope they will be entertained, intrigued, attracted by, and decide to share back to me.

That is fun all by itself. Especially when it does turn out to be mutual - no matter how far it goes. Every step is worth it for its own sake, even if it goes no farther than just a five-second long genuine connection. Or a cup of coffee. Or a breathless but fully-clothed make-out. Or however far it does go:

ENJOY the process!

(Just for context, I don't really flirt online. I'm talking about my experience of real-life interactions.)

 

[Carmina24]

I recall being in a chat room and more or less watcching and not posting much. I got a sweet message from a wonderful woman. We ended up moving and I ended up in the world of my dreams.

A dream come true - you are truly blessed! It's something a lot of us can only fantasize about, but you're living the dream! I am so happy for you!!!

 

[kyblue12]

@Carmina24 …. First, perfectly stated. Take that risk and open up.

Second…. If I ever need a speech written I hate to break it to you but you’re at the top of my list to write it.

 

[Paul_Chance]

Relax. Take a deep breath.

1. Before you contact anyone, know what YOU want. It's a simple thing, but it's going to make navigating the great and stormy Sea of Lit that much easier.

2. Prep your profile. You may not be aware of it, but your profile is the first screening many people will give you. It's an opportunity to get some key decision making factors out there. You may not like them, but you are going to get screened on:
-Gender
-Sexual Orientation
-Fetish/Kink
-Relationship Status
-Age
-Location (General)
This is also the first place you get a chance to start lying and to sows the seeds of eventual heartbreak.

3. Come on line. Go to some of the open and playful threads, such as the various games and question threads. Start chiming in and participate. This is where the vast majority of other people are going to see you and start the process of passing judgement on you. Create a visible trail so people and "stalk-review" your posts and get a sense of "you".

4. Watch the interplay of people. If you see someone you think you might be interested in.
-Read anything in their profile (including signature lines
-Read their profile
-Read their posts for the last couple of days
If they state any preferences/likes/dislikes pay attention and honor their statements

5. If you can, interact with them on the threads, comment on their comments, respond to their comments, etc. (LOL - do don't thread stalk them, that is chase them thread to thread and comment on everything they post anywhere about everything. That reeks of desperation.)

6. Once you are a known commodity to them, then send them that first PM. I won't tell you want to put in it, other than introduce yourself and express your interest in your own style. By now, you should have an idea of what attracts them. If you don't, well, good luck.

Whether you're looking to establish a "Lit Relationship" or get "Lit Laid", the approach is simple - pay freaking attention to what they say and believe them. There are enough people here that, whatever your preference or goal is, you can find someone whose looking for the exact same thing. Which brings me back to the importance of my first point. Know what YOU want. That's the first step to finding a Lit Relationship.

 

[cascadiabound]

I try to be very patient with my DMs. First, because they're a never ending source of amusement, but also because I'm a bit of an exhibitionist and I've got pics posted here & there. I understand that a guy may get overwhelmed a bit, and get  ideas. Especially newbies.

So, let's make one thing crystal clear for the fellas: just because you saw her cleavage in a thread, doesn't mean she wants your dick in her inbox. Read this thread folks, get some tact!

The copypastas, and they guys who recycle lines, those are the numbers guys. They're just throwing out chum to see who'll bite. I love @ToPleaseHim who called the guys COPY Paste Lit Lotharios.

THIS >>>>

"...just because you saw her cleavage in a thread, doesn't mean she wants your dick in her inbox."


And OMG the COPY Paste Lit Litharios
Thank you @ToPleaseHim for that gem

 

[Carmina24]

@Carmina24 …. First, perfectly stated. Take that risk and open up.

Second…. If I ever need a speech written I hate to break it to you but you’re at the top of my list to write it.

@kyblue12
Lol
What an honour that would be!

 

[Hornymwtxn]

Relax. Take a deep breath.

1. Before you contact anyone, know what YOU want. It's a simple thing, but it's going to make navigating the great and stormy Sea of Lit that much easier.

2. Prep your profile. You may not be aware of it, but your profile is the first screening many people will give you. It's an opportunity to get some key decision making factors out there. You may not like them, but you are going to get screened on:
-Gender
-Sexual Orientation
-Fetish/Kink
-Relationship Status
-Age
-Location (General)
This is also the first place you get a chance to start lying and to sows the seeds of eventual heartbreak.

3. Come on line. Go to some of the open and playful threads, such as the various games and question threads. Start chiming in and participate. This is where the vast majority of other people are going to see you and start the process of passing judgement on you. Create a visible trail so people and "stalk-review" your posts and get a sense of "you".

4. Watch the interplay of people. If you see someone you think you might be interested in.
-Read anything in their profile (including signature lines
-Read their profile
-Read their posts for the last couple of days
If they state any preferences/likes/dislikes pay attention and honor their statements

5. If you can, interact with them on the threads, comment on their comments, respond to their comments, etc. (LOL - do don't thread stalk them, that is chase them thread to thread and comment on everything they post anywhere about everything. That reeks of desperation.)

6. Once you are a known commodity to them, then send them that first PM. I won't tell you want to put in it, other than introduce yourself and express your interest in your own style. By now, you should have an idea of what attracts them. If you don't, well, good luck.

Whether you're looking to establish a "Lit Relationship" or get "Lit Laid", the approach is simple - pay freaking attention to what they say and believe them. There are enough people here that, whatever your preference or goal is, you can find someone whose looking for the exact same thing. Which brings me back to the importance of my first point. Know what YOU want. That's the first step to finding a Lit Relationship.

What an outstanding post!

Thank you for sharing your hard won knowledge!

 

[cascadiabound]

Relax. Take a deep breath.

1. Before you contact anyone, know what YOU want. It's a simple thing, but it's going to make navigating the great and stormy Sea of Lit that much easier.

2. Prep your profile. You may not be aware of it, but your profile is the first screening many people will give you. It's an opportunity to get some key decision making factors out there. You may not like them, but you are going to get screened on:
-Gender
-Sexual Orientation
-Fetish/Kink
-Relationship Status
-Age
-Location (General)
This is also the first place you get a chance to start lying and to sows the seeds of eventual heartbreak.

Don't lie in your profile. Someone you will grow to care about will feel betrayed by it.

3. Come on line. Go to some of the open and playful threads, such as the various games and question threads. Start chiming in and participate. This is where the vast majority of other people are going to see you and start the process of passing judgement on you. Create a visible trail so people and "stalk-review" your posts and get a sense of "you".

4. Watch the interplay of people. If you see someone you think you might be interested in.
-Read anything in their profile (including signature lines
-Read their profile
-Read their posts for the last couple of days
If they state any preferences/likes/dislikes pay attention and honor their statements

5. If you can, interact with them on the threads, comment on their comments, respond to their comments, etc. (LOL - don't thread stalk them, that is chase them thread to thread and comment on everything they post anywhere about everything. That reeks of desperation.)

... desperation and classic creep behavior.

6. Once you are a known commodity to them, then send them that first PM. I won't tell you want to put in it, other than introduce yourself and express your interest in your own style. By now, you should have an idea of what attracts them. If you don't, well, good luck.

Whether you're looking to establish a "Lit Relationship" or get "Lit Laid", the approach is simple - pay freaking attention to what they say and believe them. There are enough people here that, whatever your preference or goal is, you can find someone whose looking for the exact same thing. Which brings me back to the importance of my first point. Know what YOU want. That's the first step to finding a Lit Relationship.

Lots of wisdom in this post.
And no surprise. Paul has been here for quite a while, has seen it all and knows a green flag and a red flag when he sees them.
If you haven't already read the sticky at the top of the PG, go read it now.

https://forum.literotica.com/thread...ience-words-of-wisdom-aka-how-to-lit.1561485/

 

[kyblue12]

@kyblue12
Lol
What an honour that would be!

Hey, I admit when someone does something better than I do…. Lol

 

[Biggalute]

This thread is really blooming, with some really interesting posts.
I've been thinking about a lot of them in terms of men on Lit and men in everyday life and society, and whether there's a difference.
Whilst Lit is heavily skewed in terms of the number of male versus female members and whilst it is a sex site, I actually think it reflects society quite well, and is possibly even better.

The crassness of sending unsolicited dick pics, or the thirsty comments on people's posts can be seen regularly in people's behavior. Some of the stories my female friends tell me of the comments and behavior, often from strangers, they endure is awful and sometimes disturbing.
In fact because Lit is virtual, it is often easier to call it out and show folks why it's not acceptable.
What do others think?

I also think the difficulties folks have in making connections here are also reflected in real life, which is why this thread is so good and valuable.