Things a [character archetype] would say

[HordHolm]

An upper-class English idiot:

"Oh, I say, did you know? People actually dig, in the dirt, for food! Why don't they just buy it from Fortnum and Mason's?"

 

[AchtungNight]

A few grumpy old man lines you forgot-

“Kids these days…”

“Lousy new music…”

“Get off my lawn!”

 

[StillStunned]

An upper-class English idiot:

"Oh, I say, did you know? People actually dig, in the dirt, for food! Why don't they just buy it from Fortnum and Mason's?"

There used to be a comic strip in one of the UK newspapers, called "The Perishers", about a group of kids. One strip included this exchange between (if I remember rightly) Wellington and the kids' rich friend Fiscal Yere:

"So, Fiscal, is your dad rich? I mean, *really* rich? Does he light his cigars with £5 notes?"

"No, don't be silly! That's what we have a buttler for."

 

[THBGato]

An upper-class English idiot:

"Oh, I say, did you know? People actually dig, in the dirt, for food! Why don't they just buy it from Fortnum and Mason's?"

My sister got a scholarship to a very posh Cotswolds school. Princes Wills and,Harry came to her leavers' ball. This is a genuine conversation my mum had with another parent:

Other mum: "I say, do you hunt all at all?"
My mum: "oh, no."
OM: " well, do you play polo?"
MM: "no."
OM: "do you ride?"
MM: "Not for years."
OM: "Oh, well what do you do?"
MM: "I run a nursery school."
OM: "You work? Oh, how quaint!"

 

[HordHolm]

A server in a US fast food establishment/diner/motel/car-hire desk at an airport, on finding they're talking to someone English:

"Oh, you're English? Do you know Prince William?"*

*Sorry, my American friends, but it's happened to me and it's happened to friends of mine. Once might be an anomaly, but after you've heard three people (none of whom know each other) relate that particular experience, and then you experience it yourself, you start to wonder if it isn't a feature, not a bug.

 

[Britva415]

My biker stories conditioned me to the point that I can't read 1%er without thinking about the HAMCs and Bandidos MCs and other similar clubs instead of billionaires and trillionaires.

Another archetype!

 

[StillStunned]

More usable lines for the Grumpy Old Fart archetype:

Did you order that food to eat, or just to take pictures of?

I'll like, follow or subscribe to you if you insist, but be prepared for some constructive feedback.

Coffee has two ingredients: beans and water. What you're drinking is a tepid milkshake.

The world would be a happier place if people had to take a parenting test before having kids, like a driving test.

 

[MrPixel]

“Get off my lawn!”

I resemble that remark. However, it was directed at this punk who lived in the apartments next door who'd ride his crotch rocket across the field I maintained, leaving a rut. I had cause. My revenge? Bought and tore down the apartments.

(Okay, okay. The 6-unit apartments were a rundown fire trap and a notorious haven for drug dealers. For not very much money we made the city fathers and many others very happy for dealing with a problem property. The peace-of-mind and sense of personal security was well worth what we paid for it. We weren't renewing leases and, in the end, just one family had to move out only a couple of weeks earlier than they had planned because of unsafe conditions. We weren't evil.)

 

[StillStunned]

We weren't evil.

We'll have to make a list of "Things a slum lord/ruthless property developer would say".

 

[PapaRomantic]

Greatest line (from a disgruntled man) from the movie 'DC Cab' (and since stolen by Artie Lange and also the show Yellowstone)...

"Why are women are so uptight? They've got half the money and all the pussy?"

 

[MrPixel]

We'll have to make a list of "Things a slum lord/ruthless property developer would say".

You're not kidding. The apartments were one of two derelict properties on this downtown block, both owned by well-known slumlords in our small town. Our art studio comprised the north end, an equally-dilapidated commercial structure we gutted and restored into something pretty nice.

The "other" property was a 100-year-old single-family house we attempted to buy from the idiot crook owner, who made a business out of buying-up delinquent tax houses and renting them at obscene rates to people who paid cash. No repairs, as-is. Next-to-last tenant in that house was a parolee who was rearrested for something new. We offered to buy it and owner was, again, an idiot, asking way too much. My wife said, "Just wait. It'll either fall down on its own, or the tenant will blow it up cooking meth, or set it on fire."

She was right. It fell down on its own, trapping (another) ex-con and her girlfriend on the sofa in the living room. We bought the lot and collapsed building for a song. The city was more than happy to pay for the demolition. With the two hovels gone, our "campus" is on one acre of mostly a park-like setting. Sadly, just last week we had to take down a lovely elm tree that had been split in two by lightning.

City still loves us.

Somewhere in there is a LitE story, but I certainly don't have a good enough sense of the criminal mind to do anything even close to authentic.

 

[AchtungNight]

I worked security at a serious slum apartment complex way back when. About twenty years ago it was demolished and the property today is an Oracle campus.

 

[TheLobster]

I worked security at a serious slum apartment complex way back when. About twenty years ago it was demolished and the property today is an Oracle campus.

I'm not entirely sure if I'd consider this an improvement.

 

[MrPixel]

Yeah. Oracle. Same time frame, I lived in Belmont for a year, and our house was up on the hills overlooking the bay. I'm pretty sure with good enough binoculars I could peer into Larry Ellison's office.

 

[MrPixel]

Did you order that food to eat, or just to take pictures of?

Our son, who lives in India. It's become a joke with us.

 

[XerXesXu]

We'll have to make a list of "Things a slum lord/ruthless property developer would say".

'I want you and your eight children out by Saturday. I have a contract to house ten illegal immigrants starting Monday, I'll need a day to make the place look fit for human habitation.'

 

[Lumiere_Amie]

Nose rings only belong on hogs and bulls!