the unicorn sign on our foreheads

[subbyclarajane]

Do other trans girls get this? Is it automatically assumed you want to be the ice cream between a pair of cookies? (Usually one with nuts and one without). And the way they ask. Like, we should be so honored we were chosen?

Here's the paraphrase I had whispered in my ear this evening: "I heard you, girl, and I think I'd look good inside you. And you'd look good inside my wife. Yeah, at the same time."

It was the last sentence that made me spit out my milkshake. This happened at a rather crowded fancy-pants ice cream shop - thus the ice cream references. But there were FAMILIES there. To be fair, I made the mistake of accidentally outting myself talking to a friend. She went to the restroom, and this guy approached. He was neither good nor bad looking, and I was not impressed by his Nirvana teeshirt and sport jacket, so I have no idea where his confidence came from.

This happen to anyone else?

 

[FeelingLikeMyself]

A girlfriend took me to a swingers club once, before I started hormones. Even then, not feeling at all great about how I was looking that night, I still had a parade of couples approaching me in the bar area looking for a novelty, always wanting me to top.

Different situations, but I get it.

I think they believe us to be a slam dunk. I hate how many people see trans women solely through the lens of porn

 

[subbyclarajane]

A girlfriend took me to a swingers club once, before I started hormones. Even then, not feeling at all great about how I was looking that night, I still had a parade of couples approaching me in the bar area looking for a novelty, always wanting me to top.

Different situations, but I get it.

I think they believe us to be a slam dunk. I hate how many people see trans women solely through the lens of porn

Okay, yeah. That feels exactly on the nose. A novelty and desperate.

And for the record, there is not enough money in the world for me to top a dude. Ever.

 

[FeelingLikeMyself]

Okay, yeah. That feels exactly on the nose. A novelty and desperate.

And for the record, there is not enough money in the world for me to top a dude. Ever.

I do the service top thing for other CDs and trans, but I've completely drawn the line at being a CIS man experiment. I lock my cock now when I know I'm dealing with them.

I get it though. Before I started dressing in my early 20s, I was obsessed with having a CD or trans top my 18 y/o ass. Then I got the itch to start dressing and found that bottoming comes naturally and easy for me. No looking back.

 

[BillyWalrus]

I think they believe us to be a slam dunk. I hate how many people see trans women solely through the lens of porn

Exactly right.

 

[BillyWalrus]

My trans girlfriend is a pure top but this is a secret that no one in her life knows except me. We both realize that there are very few trans women like her.

 

[wetsawdust]

I used to kinda just lust over trans women, in porn or in real life. Then I met one. Got to know her. Even got butterflies for each other, but it wasn't the right time. As someone who craves connection and authenticity.....to me, it doesn't get any more authentic than taking such a major step in order to become their true selves. I absolutely love them (ftm, mtf, whatever) if nothing else because of this; resilient living, breathing humans who, like me, are just trying to be themselves. Just like anyone else living their truth. Bonus, it also saved me from being some dumbass in a nirvana shirt.

And of course, the fact that deep down, I am one of you, to an extent.....

 

[subbyclarajane]

I used to kinda just lust over trans women, in porn or in real life. Then I met one. Got to know her. Even got butterflies for each other, but it wasn't the right time. As someone who craves connection and authenticity.....to me, it doesn't get any more authentic than taking such a major step in order to become their true selves. I absolutely love them (ftm, mtf, whatever) if nothing else because of this; resilient living, breathing humans who, like me, are just trying to be themselves. Just like anyone else living their truth. Bonus, it also saved me from being some dumbass in a nirvana shirt.

And of course, the fact that deep down, I am one of you, to an extent.....

We are all us, siblings in compassion. Or we could be, and I do hope for that. And in that direction, I applaud anyone that prioritizes the work that comes with curiosity over the easy path of whatever news outlet tells you what you want to hear. Left, right, or anywhere in between.

And for the sake of clarity, I wouldn’t ever disparage a genuine interest in nirvana… just don’t mitigate cool factor with a sport coat.

It’s like… vinegar and baking soda hold up on their own. And when you mix them, you get this fun, interesting, relatively safe reaction. Nirvana shirt and sports coat are not that.

That’s more like… chocolate on a pickle. Both have a place in my heart. But for the love of fuck, don’t mix them.

 

[subbyclarajane]

My trans girlfriend is a pure top but this is a secret that no one in her life knows except me. We both realize that there are very few trans women like her.

Applause that she delivers on your delights

 

[DarkestParts]

We are all us, siblings in compassion. Or we could be, and I do hope for that. And in that direction, I applaud anyone that prioritizes the work that comes with curiosity over the easy path of whatever news outlet tells you what you want to hear. Left, right, or anywhere in between.

And for the sake of clarity, I wouldn’t ever disparage a genuine interest in nirvana… just don’t mitigate cool factor with a sport coat.

It’s like… vinegar and baking soda hold up on their own. And when you mix them, you get this fun, interesting, relatively safe reaction. Nirvana shirt and sports coat are not that.

That’s more like… chocolate on a pickle. Both have a place in my heart. But for the love of fuck, don’t mix them.

Why does you saying that make me want to try chocolate on a pickle?

"The work that comes with curiosity" is terrifying when you don't see anyone else in your life doing that. Some groups are very much content with doing/thinking/being exactly the way everyone else is and work to maintain that shared perspective. Admitting that you see things differently is heart-thumping work.

 

[subbyclarajane]

You know what else is heart thumping work?

Horror movie reviewer.

Why does you saying that make me want to try chocolate on a pickle?

THIS WAS NOT A CHALLENGE!

Addendum: your perspective is well received. Thank you.

 

[BillyWalrus]

Applause that she delivers on your delights

We are exceptionally well matched and not just sexually.

 

[stickygirl]

I think they believe us to be a slam dunk. I hate how many people see trans women solely through the lens of porn

Yeah this. It’s all about projection - he wanks off thinking about trans women, he’s seen the videos, so he knows you’re a nympho that will do everything. Fortunately I’ve not been propositioned quite like that, but yeah, dudes.

Imagine talking to a trans woman about her interest in sailing
Imagine meeting a trans woman who is studying law
Imagine clocking a trans woman in a public restroom and asking her about her leggings

We were here before you tube, we have lives, pay taxes, catch colds. We’re regular people with a medical issue. Back off and show some frickin respect

 

[subbyclarajane]

Yeah this. It’s all about projection - he wanks off thinking about trans women, he’s seen the videos, so he knows you’re a nympho that will do everything. Fortunately I’ve not been propositioned quite like that, but yeah, dudes.

Imagine talking to a trans woman about her interest in sailing
Imagine meeting a trans woman who is studying law
Imagine clocking a trans woman in a public restroom and asking her about her leggings

We were here before you tube, we have lives, pay taxes, catch colds. We’re regular people with a medical issue. Back off and show some frickin respect

The videos really aren’t doing us any favors, but when have they ever given women an advantage?

My girlfriend is very small and extremely curvy, and in her southern US high school, she had the unofficial superlative “most fuckable”. Mind you, it didn’t matter if she said yes or no, she was expected to put out and was harassed and smeared when she didn’t.

On some level, when you’re in a highly sexualized demographic, you are anchored by members of some demographics to your sexuality. And whether they actually think you’ll say yes, they’re not giving away their shot. (Unless it’s in or on you).

Frankly, I’ve been sexualized, touched without permission, and propositioned in person just minding my own business being a female with nice lips, a cute nose, and a juicy ass. I’m confident most of the offenders had no idea I’m trans.

The crazy part is… I had this level of attention from women before I transitioned. But it was very different. More nuanced. No expectations. Not that women won’t do it, too. My tiny girlfriend had to intervene last week when I was losing ground with an aggressive lesbian (I’m not good at telling people I’m not interested - I hate hurting people’s feelings).

My message is that the tone of the engagement and expectation changes with perceived physical advantage as well as with this idea that youre probably a grateful fuck doll.

 

[DarkestParts]

I'm not trans so I don't really have the right to weigh in on how it feels for anyone that is but at least as a female I have spent a lot of time thinking about how different the world must feel to other groups of people.

This one night I did a thought experiment. I was going to the store for something, don't remember what and it doesn't matter, but it was late and dark and I always consider that when I decide to go to the store. I always park where the light is, make sure my purse is securely on me before I get out of the vehicle, make sure my keys are in my hand firmly and glance around to note who is nearby before I get out, right? Well, this time I parked and noticed a couple guys near a truck. I hesitated to get out and wondered if I should wait. There was no one else around and I knew that they could get to me before I could get to the front of the store if they wanted to. Then this thought popped into my brain: what if I was never scared of being hurt physically? What if it wouldn't bother me to be sexually harassed or bodily injured?

Just even having that thought relaxed my body. The fear just left and I walked into the store. I felt relaxed in this new way and just unworried. It felt amazing! It felt free. I'm not saying I'd like two men to come after me in a parking lot, obviously, or that it wouldn't bother me, but I just wondered: is this what big, strong men feel most of the time? What a different world to walk around in that would be.

Sorry if I took this conversation in a direction you didn't intend.

 

[wetsawdust]

We are all us, siblings in compassion. Or we could be, and I do hope for that. And in that direction, I applaud anyone that prioritizes the work that comes with curiosity over the easy path of whatever news outlet tells you what you want to hear. Left, right, or anywhere in between.

And for the sake of clarity, I wouldn’t ever disparage a genuine interest in nirvana… just don’t mitigate cool factor with a sport coat.

It’s like… vinegar and baking soda hold up on their own. And when you mix them, you get this fun, interesting, relatively safe reaction. Nirvana shirt and sports coat are not that.

That’s more like… chocolate on a pickle. Both have a place in my heart. But for the love of fuck, don’t mix them.

I love Nirvana. Saw them way back in the day. But that shit does not belong with a sport coat.
The work I put in over the last year was pretty intense. After about 10 years worth of life changes in about 3 months, I've mostly healed. I quit defining my sexuality, gender, or identity, because it was fucking exhausting. I'm demisexual as fuck, so as long as I can establish and maintain some sort of connection outside of just physical attraction, I'm down for whoever. And it's a lot more fun this way.

 

[subbyclarajane]

I'm not trans so I don't really have the right to weigh in on how it feels for anyone that is but at least as a female I have spent a lot of time thinking about how different the world must feel to other groups of people.

This one night I did a thought experiment. I was going to the store for something, don't remember what and it doesn't matter, but it was late and dark and I always consider that when I decide to go to the store. I always park where the light is, make sure my purse is securely on me before I get out of the vehicle, make sure my keys are in my hand firmly and glance around to note who is nearby before I get out, right? Well, this time I parked and noticed a couple guys near a truck. I hesitated to get out and wondered if I should wait. There was no one else around and I knew that they could get to me before I could get to the front of the store if they wanted to. Then this thought popped into my brain: what if I was never scared of being hurt physically? What if it wouldn't bother me to be sexually harassed or bodily injured?

Just even having that thought relaxed my body. The fear just left and I walked into the store. I felt relaxed in this new way and just unworried. It felt amazing! It felt free. I'm not saying I'd like two men to come after me in a parking lot, obviously, or that it wouldn't bother me, but I just wondered: is this what big, strong men feel most of the time? What a different world to walk around in that would be.

Sorry if I took this conversation in a direction you didn't intend.

This perspective is hugely valid and definitely appropriate for this thread. I’m in a position to feel the opposite. I’d always been fast, strong, built muscle like drinking water. I never once considered myself intimidating but neither did I consider I would need to defend myself. I expected my presence to do that for me. And I haven’t lifted weights in three years, and my entire body composition has changed. I have trouble opening jars now. And I’m suddenly walking places at night thinking - am I a target now? I don’t feel like one. But am I being naive about that? Which then led me to see the proverbial guys in the truck staring at me, and in that moment remembered: I had no idea I was ever the guy in the truck. That I might have been the cause of someone smaller to walk to their car a bit faster.

Most guys have no idea. Like so many things, it’s never come up as a challenge, so awareness only comes when they seek education or someone in their circle helps them sort it out.

For all the bitching I did to open this thread, did I educate that guy. No. Was it my responsibility? Technically no, but could I have given him pause, helped the next woman? Maybe…

The only thing i knew for sure, he was unlikely to learn on his own the effect of his approach or presumption. And I really do like to believe in good, honorable men. Maybe he was one and needed a little boost.

Aggressor and victim mindsets are such a knot to unravel.

 

[subbyclarajane]

I love Nirvana. Saw them way back in the day. But that shit does not belong with a sport coat.
The work I put in over the last year was pretty intense. After about 10 years worth of life changes in about 3 months, I've mostly healed. I quit defining my sexuality, gender, or identity, because it was fucking exhausting. I'm demisexual as fuck, so as long as I can establish and maintain some sort of connection outside of just physical attraction, I'm down for whoever. And it's a lot more fun this way.

Yeeeeeah I started here, thought I was nonbinary. But I kept resisting any changes to the performance, even resisted a change of pronouns. It wasn’t until I kept hearing from online friends over and over (and over so many fucking times), “I thought you were a girl, a total AFAB.”

That made me go… hang the fuck on. What?? Over the next few days, thousands of red flags hit me in the face, starting from when I was 4 years old. My neurodivergence is all female type and always has been. And I recalculated all the friction in my life as “girl trapped in boy body” and the armor shattered and I knew I was trans.

 

[stickygirl]

The videos really aren’t doing us any favors, but when have they ever given women an advantage?

My girlfriend is very small and extremely curvy, and in her southern US high school, she had the unofficial superlative “most fuckable”. Mind you, it didn’t matter if she said yes or no, she was expected to put out and was harassed and smeared when she didn’t.

On some level, when you’re in a highly sexualized demographic, you are anchored by members of some demographics to your sexuality. And whether they actually think you’ll say yes, they’re not giving away their shot. (Unless it’s in or on you).

Frankly, I’ve been sexualized, touched without permission, and propositioned in person just minding my own business being a female with nice lips, a cute nose, and a juicy ass. I’m confident most of the offenders had no idea I’m trans.

The crazy part is… I had this level of attention from women before I transitioned. But it was very different. More nuanced. No expectations. Not that women won’t do it, too. My tiny girlfriend had to intervene last week when I was losing ground with an aggressive lesbian (I’m not good at telling people I’m not interested - I hate hurting people’s feelings).

My message is that the tone of the engagement and expectation changes with perceived physical advantage as well as with this idea that youre probably a grateful fuck doll.

Sure, when you include cis women there’s a different type of harassment. Other women might hit on you but they won’t physically assault you.

@DarkestParts As for that chill we face in dark places or just dodgy neighbourhoods, we shouldn’t let the fear defeat us. Statistically you’ll be fine. You’re probably more likely to be assaulted by someone you know anyhow. I’ve seen the effect it’s had on a close friend and her life … I’ll always be grateful for the unspoken bond with other women who’ll look out for you : rose:

 

[DarkestParts]

Sure, when you include cis women there’s a different type of harassment. Other women might hit on you but they won’t physically assault you.

Does that mean cis women do or will assault you? Do they really? That's awful

 

[stickygirl]

Does that mean cis women do or will assault you? Do they really? That's awful

No! Quite the reverse. Perhaps using the words ‘hit on you’ was confusing. My bad. Hopefully my second paragraph makes that clear.
I’ve had a few sarcastic comments from cis women but nothing more.

 

[DarkestParts]

Oh, oh, oh, I was reading it like "other women" being the cis women. I gotcha now!

 

[subbyclarajane]

Does that mean cis women do or will assault you? Do they really? That's awful

I was assaulted by a cis woman. So.

 

[DarkestParts]

I was assaulted by a cis woman. So.

I'm so sorry to hear that.

That's truly awful.

 

[subbyclarajane]

I'm so sorry to hear that.

That's truly awful.

I’ve processed. She was very entitled and doesn’t take no for an answer, ever really, and I find it extremely difficult to challenge coercion.

I got into a car accident once, 100% the other guy’s fault. I apologized to him for the inconvenience.