What's the appeal - - Honestly

[dirk2024]

Cooking - I like seeing people enjoy things I created specifically for them. A favorite of my husband's is BBQ spice roasted sweet potatoes. They get a little crispy on the outside and stay fluffy inside with a smokey sweet spice to them. He gets excited by the fact that I can make vegetables delicious without making them unhealthy.

"Someone" needs to start a cooking thread here. This sounds interesting.

 

[Erozetta]

"Someone" needs to start a cooking thread here. This sounds interesting.

There already is one and I participate sometimes.

Fixed the broken link


But the rough recipe for these potatoes can actually be found in a story I wrote with WhiteTailDarkTip called Lips of a Witch. It's on his account.

 

[iwatchus]

Crying - I struggle to cry. Part of growing up rough was not showing perceived weaknesses and crying was a perceived weakness, so I learned very quick to refrain. Sometimes I desperately need to cry, but I have to be made to cry. It's absolutely emotionally freeing when I do. It's kind of a similar feeling if when you have to go pee really bad but can't for a long time. Then when you do it's pure relief. That's what it's like, but with an added "initiate arousal" aspect. Maybe it's being/feeling vulnerable and not necessarily the crying?

You can come watch me write some day. I cry almost every session I write.

 

[Erozetta]

You can come watch me write some day. I cry almost every session I write.

Err, that's specifically me crying, and same.

I should specify: crying in front of other people. Privately, I can cry, I just don't get anything out of it.

Well, I guess just in front of my husband. I haven't gotten to where I can cry in front of anyone else yet.

 

[SmilingLez]

I love the innocence of true submission. It's permission I give to myself to melt. Metaphorically shedding my meat suit and transforming into a pool of feelings and sensations

 

[Britva415]

why the fuck would I need to be seduced?

I believe there is an answer to this. Obviously the answer is not “because you have to surrender.”

Not to try to speak for you personally but in general, the seduction of women by men is how women choose which guys to sleep with.

Otherwise there would be either an overwhelming number to choose from (if it didn’t depend on seduction) or there would be none to choose from (if it did depend on seduction, but every guy always just tried attention-getting instead of actual seduction).

 

[Britva415]

Seduction implies one party is initially reluctant.

It doesn’t have to. It could mean she just never thought of him “that way” before. The feeling of reluctance wouldn’t even be present if she hadn’t already been given a reason to consider it one way or the other.

Like, if he had already shot his shot with a proposition, which a seducer knows not to do until he has gotten noticed and sensed her growing attraction.

Badgering until capitulation isn’t seduction at all.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Not to try to speak for you personally but in general, the seduction of women by men is how women choose which guys to sleep with.

All I can do is strenuously disagree, and suggest explaining what women think and do to them is less than helpful.

This is how you see things, not how at least one woman does.

 

[Britva415]

All I can do is strenuously disagree, and suggest explaining what women think and do to them is less than helpful.

This is how you see things, not how at least one woman does.

At least one, indeed. The exact one I said I was not speaking for.

I also understand that you don’t like generalizations about women. I wonder if we’re even talking about the same thing at all. Maybe “seduction” to me isn’t what it is to you. But I don’t think it’s a controversial or offensive generalization, as generalizations go.

 

[Five_Inch_Heels]

My stuff is quite 'vanilla' to most here, with a side of rum raisin, but key is CONSENT and willingness.

 

[EmilyMiller]

At least one, indeed. The exact one I said I was not speaking for.

I also understand that you don’t like generalizations about women. I wonder if we’re even talking about the same thing at all. Maybe “seduction” to me isn’t what it is to you. But I don’t think it’s a controversial or offensive generalization, as generalizations go.

It’s bizarre (but not exactly surprising) to have a man so confidently tell a woman how her gender behaves. I can’t really see why you would think that was OK. You don’t know about all women any more than you know about me. What you know about is what you think women think. Not what they actually think.

 

[PennyThompson]

It doesn’t have to. It could mean she just never thought of him “that way” before. The feeling of reluctance wouldn’t even be present if she hadn’t already been given a reason to consider it one way or the other.

Like, if he had already shot his shot with a proposition, which a seducer knows not to do until he has gotten noticed and sensed her growing attraction.

Badgering until capitulation isn’t seduction at all.

Maybe you could define what you mean by "seduction?"

Because when I hear that word I think of Pickup Artist strategies like Negging, Neuroliguistic Programming pseudoscience, "escalation of physical touch," and nonsense like that. Is that what you're talking about?

 

[Kelliezgirl]

It’s bizarre (but not exactly surprising) to have a man so confidently tell a woman how her gender behaves. I can’t really see why you would think that was OK. You don’t know about all women any more than you know about me. What you know about is what you think women think. Not what they actually think.

It's bizarre for someone who claims to be all about the science to be upset that someone shares their opinion on observed behaviors.

This Womyn's studies style of argument is just silly. Agree or disagree with him but he has a right to share his opinions based on his experiences.
The irony is you attack him for making a generalization about women by making a generalization about men. What's good for the goose and all.

 

[NuclearFairy]

Maybe you could define what you mean by "seduction?"

Because when I hear that word I think of Pickup Artist strategies like Negging, Neuroliguistic Programming pseudoscience, "escalation of physical touch," and nonsense like that. Is that what you're talking about?

That doesn't sound like seduction at all! Now I feel old, and I'm only in my early 40s. Good lord what the hell have those younger than me been put through...

I've already posted my definition of seduction and it's not that. Geeze, mind games, gross.

 

[djrip]

Maybe you could define what you mean by "seduction?"

Because when I hear that word I think of Pickup Artist strategies like Negging, Neuroliguistic Programming pseudoscience, "escalation of physical touch," and nonsense like that. Is that what you're talking about?

PUA BS is seduction, albeit shitty stupid seduction.
Flirting is seduction, if you hope anything comes of it.
Wearing a sexy dress or a nice suit is seduction when done to attract or impress someone you're interested in.
Putting your pinkie on your lower lip and looking innocent while wearing stockings and a short skirt is seduction.
Borrowing your older brother's Corvette for your date is seduction.
Writing "love you" on your eyelids and blinking at your archaeology professor is seduction.

 

[Five_Inch_Heels]

It used to be an art. Took a lot of skill that I never had.

That whole song about 'baby it's cold outside' that some people, hate? That's part of what seduction used to be. Lots of playfulness both ways.

 

[Kelliezgirl]

Writing "love you" on your eyelids and blinking at your archaeology professor is seduction.

Pretty sure that one didn't work.

 

[Five_Inch_Heels]

I think seduction, I think Jennifer O'Neill or Lauren Hutton.

 

[SmilingLez]

That doesn't sound like seduction at all! Now I feel old, and I'm only in my early 40s. Good lord what the hell have those younger than me been put through...

I've already posted my definition of seduction and it's not that. Geeze, mind games, gross.

It's covert grooming masquerading as respectful seduction.

 

[NuclearFairy]

It used to be an art. Took a lot of skill that I never had.

That whole song about 'baby it's cold outside' that some people, hate? That's part of what seduction used to be. Lots of playfulness both ways.

Ha, I was just thinking about that song and how it encapsulates how seduction has changed. Now a days a lot of people view that song as a bit of a date rape song. But, back when it came out it was more along the lines of a girl going, "Seduce me," and the guy going, "Can do!"

 

[iwatchus]

That whole song about 'baby it's cold outside' that some people, hate? That's part of what seduction used to be. Lots of playfulness both ways.

I have to say I find that song extremely rapey. To me, that song represents exactly the kind of seduction that I think Emily was complaining about.

 

[Five_Inch_Heels]

Two back to back posts with opposite opinions.

Gotta love the AH.

 

[PennyThompson]

PUA BS is seduction, albeit shitty stupid seduction.
Flirting is seduction, if you hope anything comes of it.
Wearing a sexy dress or a nice suit is seduction when done to attract or impress someone you're interested in.
Putting your pinkie on your lower lip and looking innocent while wearing stockings and a short skirt is seduction.
Borrowing your older brother's Corvette for your date is seduction.
Writing "love you" on your eyelids and blinking at your archaeology professor is seduction.

Could be a generational difference in terminology?

To me most of those examples don't feel like they're in the same category as pickup artist stuff. I see "flirting to show interest," as being distinct from "strategic behaviors intended to win sex," but maybe that distinction doesn't exist for some people?

Could it be related to cultural norms about gender roles too? If you grew up being taught that women don't enjoy or desire sex as much as men, or that women aren't supposed to initiate flirting or express interest, then I guess you'd have to write creepy songs about a guy lying about the weather to talk his way into a sleepover

 

[Five_Inch_Heels]

"In 1944, Loesser wrote "Baby, It's Cold Outside" to sing with his wife, Lynn Garland, at their housewarming party in New York City at the Navarro Hotel. They sang the song to indicate to guests that it was time to leave."



"The lyrics consist of the host trying to convince the guest that she should stay for a romantic evening because he fears her getting too cold outside, despite the fact that she feels she should return home to her concerned family and neighbors.

In the film Neptune's Daughter, the song is first performed by Ricardo Montalbán and Esther Williams in the conventional manner, "

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baby,_It's_Cold_Outside

 

[SmilingLez]

Could be a generational difference in terminology?

To me most of those examples don't feel like they're in the same category as pickup artist stuff. I see "flirting to show interest," as being distinct from "strategic behaviors intended to win sex," but maybe that distinction doesn't exist for some people?

Could it be related to cultural norms about gender roles too? If you grew up being taught that women don't enjoy or desire sex as much as men, or that women aren't supposed to initiate flirting or express interest, then I guess you'd have to write creepy songs about a guy lying about the weather to talk his way into a sleepover

Eartha Kitt singing."Santa Baby" gives me black widow spider vibes