Dealing with despondency about writing

[EmilyMiller]

I have a writer/editor brain and a smut-consuming brain. They happen to occupy the same skull for the moment, which is equal parts convenient and frustrating. So, too, is the fact that that skull happens to be mine.

As I am consistently of two minds on the subject of smut, it's only fitting that I have two separate approaches to dealing with being ignored and criticized.

The first approach is to recall my near-infinite contempt for the common man, go find a story that has tons of views and high ratings, and realize very quickly that that story is sloppily written and poorly edited compared to my own work.

The second approach is to find a story to masturbate to - which also has a pretty good chance of being sloppily written and/or edited compared to my own work - and, well... masturbate to it, because when I'm horny, I have only the one fuck to give, and guess who's getting it?

It's not for me to say whether the first approach accurately assesses reality. The two together, however, strike a balance regardless. It's ego and humility. It's two wildly different perspectives. It's a reminder that we're all dumb monkeys with captive narrators stitched on top of them, and that everything about our existence is either absurd, boring, or both. After that, what is there left to do but write if you want to write?

I’m doing much better today, thanks.

Had some lovely comments from other writers, which is worth more than more general approbation.

Em

 

[EmilyMiller]

Thanks to everyone for cheering me up yesterday and giving me some perspective.

You are all so kind and supportive.



Em

 

[EmilyMiller]

Poor me, poor me
Poor little sad little down little me
I’m a small Emily and I’m feeling very blue
No one reads my stories and there’s nothing I can do

- With apologies to Cressida Cowell (my niece-to-be likes this book)

I woke up early as this was on my mind, how sad am I, right? Writing in bed and I really don’t feel like getting up for work.

So, I realize writing is a crappy deal. The amount you get back from others is never going to exceed the effort you put in. Which is why you write for yourself.

Well yes, to an extent. But if it was really just for myself, then why publish? Publishing suggests you want to share your ideas with others.

So, I wrote Coleoidphilia essentially as an AH dare. I think it’s my best work and quite a few others seemed to agree. At least a few people read it and several said nice things about it.

I’m trying to broaden my wings a bit here. I have a story ready for the On The Job event, for example. Then I thought about Geek Pride. I’d just had a modest success (in my rather narrow world) with Coleoidphilia. I’d introduced a lot of ideas I could build on. So I signed up for a Geek Pride sequel.

Then, as happens when you have obsessive tendencies like me, I ended up putting aside all my other stories and pouring myself into this new work. I got a bit carried away with world building and internal consistency, but remembered I was writing porn, so of course it has sex scenes (5 from memory).

It also has a proper story, not Heart of Darkness, but a story. It has more of an emotional side than much of my work (with some exceptions). Maybe it’s not quite as good as Coleoidphilia, but it’s OK at least. I like it. It’s also nearly three times as long as the earlier work, though much shorter than many stories here. I never know if length is a plus or a minus [insert innuendo here].

So I finished it a month early and there is no way I can sit on a work for that long. Plus, with this and the On The Job story, I hadn’t published anything in ages (for me at least). So I apologized to the lovely @ChloeTzang and decided to publish now.

The result is: Determination.

I didn’t really flag it as a sequel because of spoilers. So maybe I made a rod for my own back.

It’s not been going well. Coleoidphilia didn’t have a massive audience (just under 6k views at the time of writing), but a day into it’s life, Determination hasn’t yet cracked 1,000. We all know a lot of views happen when you are on the front page of the category and it no longer is. Day one was a total flop.

So I guess 1,000 is a lot of people. And, of those who read it six seemed to like it. But comments and favorites are pretty much from friends and acquaintances. The ratings probably are as well. I seem to have done nothing to widen my base.

I really should grow a pair (I wrote a story about that once) I know. But I’m really, really down about this. I guess I naively built my hopes up.

So, worse things happen at sea (and in space). I’m not after sympathy, I have a boyfriend for hugs. But my question is this:

How do you pick yourself up after a massive writing disappointment? The idea of writing, writing anything is anathema right now. Why put myself though this? It can’t be worth it.

Any wise words would be welcome.

Em

As of today, Determination has 8k reads and an OKish rating (over 4.8 would be nicer)…

 

[NuclearFairy]

I'm dealing with a similar funk lately. I'm glad yours got better. It means there's hope for the rest of us.

 

[EmilyMiller]

I'm dealing with a similar funk lately. I'm glad yours got better. It means there's hope for the rest of us.

This thread is over two years old .

I have so many new and interesting things to get upset about now

 

[Djmac1031]

This thread is over two years old .

I have so many new and interesting things to get upset about now

I was like "wait, deja vu" ...

 

[Djmac1031]

I suppose since this thread has been resurrected I can bring up that I'm sorta feeling the same disappointment about the reception to the audio the wonderfully talented Resident Madame recorded of an excerpt to my story The Seduction Of Darkness.

She put months of effort into recording it and I was incredibly excited by the results, exceeding every expectation.

I think maybe ten people have listened to it since it published at the beginning of June. And not one clicked the link over to read the rest of my published story, at least that I can tell.

I had very high hopes for it doing well, finding an audience.

it did. But not what I'd hoped for, certainly.

https://www.literotica.com/s/cozbi-rise-of-the-she-demon

 

[EmilyMiller]

I posted here today as I had like three or on earlier post. I thought I’d try to provide a HEA.

 

[EmilyMiller]

I suppose since this thread has been resurrected I can bring up that I'm sorta feeling the same disappointment about the reception to the audio the wonderfully talented Resident Madame recorded of an excerpt to my story The Seduction Of Darkness.

She put months of effort into recording it and I was incredibly excited by the results, exceeding every expectation.

I think maybe ten people have listened to it since it published at the beginning of June. And not one clicked the link over to read the rest of my published story, at least that I can tell.

I had very high hopes for it doing well, finding an audience.

it did. But not what I'd hoped for, certainly.

https://www.literotica.com/s/cozbi-rise-of-the-she-demon

It is a fine piece of art - no other word for it and @ResidentMadame is an exceptional voice actress. She is now officially the voice of Cozbi in my mind. But art isn’t always popular.

 

[Djmac1031]

It is a fine piece of art - no other word for it and @ResidentMadame is an exceptional voice actress. She is now officially the voice of Cozbi in my mind. But art isn’t always popular.

I know. And I've come to live with the idea that my best works are also my least read.

Its the nature of the beast here.

Still, I had high hopes for that audio.

 

[NuclearFairy]

This thread is over two years old .

I have so many new and interesting things to get upset about now

Hope is still hope!

 

[NuclearFairy]

I know. And I've come to live with the idea that my best works are also my least read.

Its the nature of the beast here.

Still, I had high hopes for that audio.

My lowest rated work is also my most read, so maybe?

 

[lc69hunter]

Poor me, poor me
Poor little sad little down little me
I’m a small Emily and I’m feeling very blue
No one reads my stories and there’s nothing I can do

- With apologies to Cressida Cowell (my niece-to-be likes this book)

I woke up early as this was on my mind, how sad am I, right? Writing in bed and I really don’t feel like getting up for work.

So, I realize writing is a crappy deal. The amount you get back from others is never going to exceed the effort you put in. Which is why you write for yourself.

Well yes, to an extent. But if it was really just for myself, then why publish? Publishing suggests you want to share your ideas with others.

So, I wrote Coleoidphilia essentially as an AH dare. I think it’s my best work and quite a few others seemed to agree. At least a few people read it and several said nice things about it.

I’m trying to broaden my wings a bit here. I have a story ready for the On The Job event, for example. Then I thought about Geek Pride. I’d just had a modest success (in my rather narrow world) with Coleoidphilia. I’d introduced a lot of ideas I could build on. So I signed up for a Geek Pride sequel.

Then, as happens when you have obsessive tendencies like me, I ended up putting aside all my other stories and pouring myself into this new work. I got a bit carried away with world building and internal consistency, but remembered I was writing porn, so of course it has sex scenes (5 from memory).

It also has a proper story, not Heart of Darkness, but a story. It has more of an emotional side than much of my work (with some exceptions). Maybe it’s not quite as good as Coleoidphilia, but it’s OK at least. I like it. It’s also nearly three times as long as the earlier work, though much shorter than many stories here. I never know if length is a plus or a minus [insert innuendo here].

So I finished it a month early and there is no way I can sit on a work for that long. Plus, with this and the On The Job story, I hadn’t published anything in ages (for me at least). So I apologized to the lovely @ChloeTzang and decided to publish now.

The result is: Determination.

I didn’t really flag it as a sequel because of spoilers. So maybe I made a rod for my own back.

It’s not been going well. Coleoidphilia didn’t have a massive audience (just under 6k views at the time of writing), but a day into it’s life, Determination hasn’t yet cracked 1,000. We all know a lot of views happen when you are on the front page of the category and it no longer is. Day one was a total flop.

So I guess 1,000 is a lot of people. And, of those who read it six seemed to like it. But comments and favorites are pretty much from friends and acquaintances. The ratings probably are as well. I seem to have done nothing to widen my base.

I really should grow a pair (I wrote a story about that once) I know. But I’m really, really down about this. I guess I naively built my hopes up.

So, worse things happen at sea (and in space). I’m not after sympathy, I have a boyfriend for hugs. But my question is this:

How do you pick yourself up after a massive writing disappointment? The idea of writing, writing anything is anathema right now. Why put myself though this? It can’t be worth it.

Any wise words would be welcome.

Em

Em, You have a skill, no, an art, that many of us do not. That is why, when the dreaded writer's block hits, you get frustrated and wonder what is wrong, This too shall pass. I probably have fifteen stories I have been unable to finish, and guess what? I heard a song on the radio that made me start working on my novel again, and it has also triggered me to finish several stories on here. It is the butterfly effect. Something will trigger you to kick the block to the curb.

 

[Djmac1031]

My lowest rated work is also my most read, so maybe?

That's the trade off; the more eyes on your story, the more potential for lower ratings. But I'd gladly trade some Red H's for more actual readers on some stories.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Em, You have a skill, no, an art, that many of us do not. That is why, when the dreaded writer's block hits, you get frustrated and wonder what is wrong, This too shall pass. I probably have fifteen stories I have been unable to finish, and guess what? I heard a song on the radio that made me start working on my novel again, and it has also triggered me to finish several stories on here. It is the butterfly effect. Something will trigger you to kick the block to the curb.

I’m good, hun. Just indulging in a little necrophilia, kinda unintentionally. But thanks for the nice words

 

[Djmac1031]

I’m good, hun. Just indulging in a little necrophilia, kinda unintentionally. But thanks for the nice words

Rumors of this thread's death have been greatly exaggerated...

 

[EmilyMiller]

Rumors of this thread's death have been greatly exaggerated...

I had a kinda blonde moment (very odd for me). As I say, there were a few likes on an ancient post on this thread - me replying to @alohadave - and for some reason I thought the thread had been exhumed. So I figured I’d update it with a more positive message about my little story standing the test of time.

And I ended up exhuming it myself…

 

[NuclearFairy]

That's the trade off; the more eyes on your story, the more potential for lower ratings. But I'd gladly trade some Red H's for more actual readers on some stories.

Well then I guess a snappy title like "The Parasite" might help. XD I don't know though, cause the only comment I've gotten on it was as a direct result of putting it in the review me forum. And both people who showed up to the thread told me that they wouldn't normally click on a story like that without the longer description I provided... It's also my only story with over 10k views, and it's the one I see the most room for improvement in.

 

[NuclearFairy]

I had a kinda blonde moment (very odd for me). As I say, there were a few likes on an ancient post on this thread - me replying to @alohadave - and for some reason I thought the thread had been exhumed. So I figured I’d update it with a more positive message about my little story standing the test of time.

And I ended up exhuming it myself…

I'm glad you did, made me feel a little better.