✨Highlights and Bombshells💥

[Wand3rlust]

Can you afford me?

Depends how you want paying.

 

[hotwords229_A]

I read a little bit about Hermann Rorschach, it was somewhat interesting.

First of all, he looks like a contemporary guy, more YouTube influencer than old-timey guy.
But maybe I’m just reading into that.

I wonder how someone like him would make out today. It was easy enough back then to spill some ink on paper and turn it into a career, but could he pull anything interesting off today?

As far as his test goes, I suppose it can give you a slight idea of where someone’s head is. If everything looks like two dicks touching each other that tells you a little something about what is going on in that person’s head (), but what’s the takeaway?

 

[hotwords229_A]

We also have to consider the Arnold Horshack test:

How much scarf is too much scarf?

 

[SalaciousMonkey22]

Recharging
​

I can tell when I need a change of routine. I get so out of sorts. I overanalyze every little comment and signal. That’s when I need to take time to figure out what is up with myself and get my head on straight.

Real. I post this regularly as a related ideas

The other day, I was thinking about what things make me feel good and what things really are not the healthiest choices for me, and I’m trying to adhere to that more. Then I found this picture on Tumblr, of all places - it does have things other than anime’ and smut!- and I thought it was a pretty comprehensive list.

I think I might add something mindless like crossword puzzles or games or coloring or something like that on the Energy givers side.

Are there things that jump out to you, either on the Energy Takers or Energy Givers side? Is there a category in the middle where something could go either way? I was thinking that a challenge- something that you are passionate about and you work your butt off to complete, might be both a Giver and a Taker. Maybe like starting a business or something.

We all need to recharge sometimes and that’s what I’m going to do for a bit. I think sometimes social media can fall into the “both” category and Lit is like that for me.

View attachment 2551489

I admit I have a kneejerk negative reaction to these sorts of lists. It’s good to think about what you do and why you’re doing it. But theses sorts of arbitrary binaries seem a little moralistic, a little condescending and a lot just wrong. I agree that so many of these things can and should be both. Context matters. And even the things that are probably universally bad, like junk food, yeah man, I know. We ALL know. But we’re all just tryna get through the day, I’m going to enjoy this brief moment of pleasure with these greasy fries. Back off.

Anyway, I guess I’d prefer to just see the list and a prompt that asks people to decide for themselves whether they think they add to their wellbeing or not. Encourage them to be honest with themselves not tell them what they should think.

I think things like the news, can outlet energy takers. But I don’t think that’s a bad thing. Protecting our metal health is important but it’s not the only thing and a lot more of us should probably be more uncomfortable with the world we’re letting happen. Being drained by news isn’t good but being motivated to act out of sense of duty is.

There’s also this whole other diatribe that it’s not the news or social media or junk food that are bad, it’s capitalism and the profit motive leaning to exploit evolutionary processes in our brains to profit greatly off of things we’re not even consciously aware of most of the time but I won’t get into that

Also, fuck, I always feel better when I meditate and I never do it. WTF. I’m gonna start today.

 

[SalaciousMonkey22]

I wonder how someone like him would make out today. It was easy enough back then to spill some ink on paper and turn it into a career, but could he pull anything interesting off today?

Take this quiz to find out what type of dog you are.

Jordan Petersen is a person. Questionable psychology is still big business

 

[Apisto42]

Depends how you want paying.

Tacos and beer.

But I have expensive tastes and a voracious appetite.

 

[Mei5ter]

Because my other option was cleaning out my closet, I chose to take this online Rorschach Test. I’m sure it is completely based on science and I’m going to now base all of my life’s decisions on the outcome of this test.

If you, too, would like to take this test that I found by doing a quick Internet search and doing zero research on its validity, here’s the link: Rorschach Test

I searched online for a more reliable version of this. "Rorshach Test", I said to my search engine of choice.

Unfortunately, all I came up with was lots of different ways to ensure that nezumizame was sufficiently fresh to be suitable for use in sashimi.

Voice recognition software isn't designed for people who speak proper, is it?

 

[Wand3rlust]

Tacos and beer.

But I have expensive tastes and a voracious appetite.

<feels seen>

 

[Mei5ter]

View attachment 2551904

But… but…

Butt, you say?

what would you say to a friend who said the same to you? You would tell them that they needed to take time for themselves.

Of course. And I'd be right.

You’re human too, and you get to take a break too. You have to.

Ah, but to use your recharging metaphor, you can recharge in different ways. You can switch your phone off and be back to 100% in no time because nothing is draining you. Or you can plug the thing in while it's still doing lots of things, and it still charges. Just slower.

I didn’t know this was a thing? Recharging a battery or squeezing more power out of it by putting it on a radiator?? What?

You didn't do this??

I grew up in the country, m'dear. I swung on gates and chewed grass while wearing dungarees. (This is true, but there are no pictures. NONE. Especially not of the dungarees). The nearest shop which sold batteries was just under four miles away. So if the batteries in your flashlight were dying, you warmed them up and coaxed a bit more juice out of them. (This also applies to other things but we'll stick with batteries for now).

Radiators in my childhood were alqays covered with old batteries, Plasticine, and gloves made with zero natural fibres. It's a wonder the entire country didn't spontaneously combust.

I realized another energy giver or at least an energy extender—memes or mindless humor. Cat memes. Specifically cats riding roombas. Add cats riding roombas smacking something as it glides by… recharged.

Okay. I have a Roomba. I also have a cat.

My cat can't even balance on my lap without falling off. She already has once this morning.

I love the idea of two cats riding Roombas and jousting as if they're in a mediaeval tournament. But mine hasn't even got her L plates yet.

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

Ah, but to use your recharging metaphor, you can recharge in different ways. You can switch your phone off and be back to 100% in no time because nothing is draining you. Or you can plug the thing in while it's still doing lots of things, and it still charges. Just slower.

I tend to be option #2 because I can’t leave it alone long enough.

You didn't do this??

I grew up in the country, m'dear. I swung on gates and chewed grass

I’d make whistles and daisy crowns

while wearing dungarees. (This is true, but there are no pictures. NONE. Especially not of the dungarees).

Uh huh… I don’t believe this

The nearest shop which sold batteries was just under four miles away. So if the batteries in your flashlight were dying, you warmed them up and coaxed a bit more juice out of them. (This also applies to other things but we'll stick with batteries for now).

We did have those floorboard heaters in a house I lived in for a while (we moved around a bit)

Radiators in my childhood were alqays covered with old batteries, Plasticine, and gloves made with zero natural fibres. It's a wonder the entire country didn't spontaneously combust.

Okay. I have a Roomba. I also have a cat.

My cat can't even balance on my lap without falling off. She already has once this morning.

I love the idea of two cats riding Roombas and jousting as if they're in a mediaeval tournament. But mine hasn't even got her L plates yet.

I think I’ve seen a gif of two cats with light sabres dueling?

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

Hello, It’s Me…​

No, not Adele. Just me. I do like that song though. I wish I could sing like her. Or like BadAmy. If you were here when she was here, you might remember a Litster who could siiiing. I mean, really sing. She was so good. Can anybody here really sing? Well… I know one person — yes I’m looking at YOU. There are actually a number of people here who can.
If you can sing, and you want to let us hear it, leave a vocoroo. I’d love to hear. !! I know there’s real talent here.
Ok. That was a complete tangent.
I was starting to explain why I’ve been mostly away for a while.
I was spending time with THAT FAMILY MEMBER who makes me feel the broadest range of emotions of anyone in my life. We all have someone like that in our lives. For me, it’s my dad.

A little about him. He’s a Vietnam Vet who saw a lot and therefore brought home a lot of rage and has held onto it. I didn’t live with him for most of my formative years. Now he is an old man with a lot of rage that comes out at unexpected times. So, He wanted to take a trip across country and I was to drive.

Ok dad. I got you.
Deep breath. Armor on.
He’s always been very generous with his opinions about my shortcomings. Many years of therapy later, and I’m able to realize that it’s his issue and not mine. But still, that’s painful sometimes.
Other times, he’s energetic and funny and interesting and smart. It makes me almost forget the negative times.
Day 3 is usually when the shit hits the fan. Our visits are good for the first couple days. Then Day 3 something happens and he’s mean as fuck. And there’s no catalyst. It doesn’t matter. So Day 3 came and went and I was still standing and then came out the other side of it. Day 4 we didn’t talk. I just drove him around like a chauffeur. Day 5 he was on his best behavior again and the rest of the visit as bearable.
Fast forward to me being home. I just absolutely crashed and slept and slept. I always wonder if it will be the last time I see him and it makes me sad.
I think it’s to the point where, unless I want to cut off communication with him, which I seriously considered for a long while, this is the best that I can expect from him- from us.

So, that’s why I’ve been AWOL. I have bittersweet feelings about this trip being over.

I guess as far as a prompt goes, I’d welcome you to share about whether you can relate to having that person in your life who has caused you to have the most therapy bills or that you’ve had to figure out how to manage. How did you do it? What were the challenges? Have you managed some victories? What do you still need to do to protect yourself l, if anything.?

Thank you for reading, if you’ve made it this far. Sometimes it just helps to write and put it out there.

 

[Azuldrgon]

Hello, It’s Me…​

No, not Adele. Just me. I do like that song though. I wish I could sing like her. Or like BadAmy. If you were here when she was here, you might remember a Litster who could siiiing. I mean, really sing. She was so good. Can anybody here really sing? Well… I know one person — yes I’m looking at YOU. There are actually a number of people here who can.
If you can sing, and you want to let us hear it, leave a vocoroo. I’d love to hear. !! I know there’s real talent here.
Ok. That was a complete tangent.
I was starting to explain why I’ve been mostly away for a while.
I was spending time with THAT FAMILY MEMBER who makes me feel the broadest range of emotions of anyone in my life. We all have someone like that in our lives. For me, it’s my dad.

A little about him. He’s a Vietnam Vet who saw a lot and therefore brought home a lot of rage and has held onto it. I didn’t live with him for most of my formative years. Now he is an old man with a lot of rage that comes out at unexpected times. So, He wanted to take a trip across country and I was to drive.

Ok dad. I got you.
Deep breath. Armor on.
He’s always been very generous with his opinions about my shortcomings. Many years of therapy later, and I’m able to realize that it’s his issue and not mine. But still, that’s painful sometimes.
Other times, he’s energetic and funny and interesting and smart. It makes me almost forget the negative times.
Day 3 is usually when the shit hits the fan. Our visits are good for the first couple days. Then Day 3 something happens and he’s mean as fuck. And there’s no catalyst. It doesn’t matter. So Day 3 came and went and I was still standing and then came out the other side of it. Day 4 we didn’t talk. I just drove him around like a chauffeur. Day 5 he was on his best behavior again and the rest of the visit as bearable.
Fast forward to me being home. I just absolutely crashed and slept and slept. I always wonder if it will be the last time I see him and it makes me sad.
I think it’s to the point where, unless I want to cut off communication with him, which I seriously considered for a long while, this is the best that I can expect from him- from us.

So, that’s why I’ve been AWOL. I have bittersweet feelings about this trip being over.

I guess as far as a prompt goes, I’d welcome you to share about whether you can relate to having that person in your life who has caused you to have the most therapy bills or that you’ve had to figure out how to manage. How did you do it? What were the challenges? Have you managed some victories? What do you still need to do to protect yourself l, if anything.?

Thank you for reading, if you’ve made it this far. Sometimes it just helps to write and put it out there.

*leaving hugs*
For a while, I started doing a Soundcloud of covers.
One of my biggest escapes while driving is singing along with the radio.
I feel bad sometimes because my range isn't what it used to be.
Then there are times I start to cry in the middle of a song.

Music is definitely a release for me.

*Extra hugs for what you're going through*

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

*leaving hugs*
For a while, I started doing a Soundcloud of covers.
One of my biggest escapes while driving is singing along with the radio.

What were some of your favorites to sing?

I feel bad sometimes because my range isn't what it used to be.
Then there are times I start to cry in the middle of a song.

Music is definitely a release for me.

I like singing in the car too but not when I have an audience.

*Extra hugs for what you're going through*

thank you. This has gotten a lot better and I’m happy with how I didn’t get upset for a long time afterwards like I used to.

 

[Azuldrgon]

What were some of your favorites to sing?

Ballads mostly.
I did sing "Shot in the Dark" by Ozzy and recorded it.
In case you are curious.

https://soundcloud.com/user-399012249

I'm not BadAmy level I assure you.

 

[EvaLane]

Hello, It’s Me…​

No, not Adele. Just me. I do like that song though. I wish I could sing like her. Or like BadAmy. If you were here when she was here, you might remember a Litster who could siiiing. I mean, really sing. She was so good. Can anybody here really sing? Well… I know one person — yes I’m looking at YOU. There are actually a number of people here who can.
If you can sing, and you want to let us hear it, leave a vocoroo. I’d love to hear. !! I know there’s real talent here.
Ok. That was a complete tangent.
I was starting to explain why I’ve been mostly away for a while.
I was spending time with THAT FAMILY MEMBER who makes me feel the broadest range of emotions of anyone in my life. We all have someone like that in our lives. For me, it’s my dad.

A little about him. He’s a Vietnam Vet who saw a lot and therefore brought home a lot of rage and has held onto it. I didn’t live with him for most of my formative years. Now he is an old man with a lot of rage that comes out at unexpected times. So, He wanted to take a trip across country and I was to drive.

Ok dad. I got you.
Deep breath. Armor on.
He’s always been very generous with his opinions about my shortcomings. Many years of therapy later, and I’m able to realize that it’s his issue and not mine. But still, that’s painful sometimes.
Other times, he’s energetic and funny and interesting and smart. It makes me almost forget the negative times.
Day 3 is usually when the shit hits the fan. Our visits are good for the first couple days. Then Day 3 something happens and he’s mean as fuck. And there’s no catalyst. It doesn’t matter. So Day 3 came and went and I was still standing and then came out the other side of it. Day 4 we didn’t talk. I just drove him around like a chauffeur. Day 5 he was on his best behavior again and the rest of the visit as bearable.
Fast forward to me being home. I just absolutely crashed and slept and slept. I always wonder if it will be the last time I see him and it makes me sad.
I think it’s to the point where, unless I want to cut off communication with him, which I seriously considered for a long while, this is the best that I can expect from him- from us.

So, that’s why I’ve been AWOL. I have bittersweet feelings about this trip being over.

I guess as far as a prompt goes, I’d welcome you to share about whether you can relate to having that person in your life who has caused you to have the most therapy bills or that you’ve had to figure out how to manage. How did you do it? What were the challenges? Have you managed some victories? What do you still need to do to protect yourself l, if anything.?

Thank you for reading, if you’ve made it this far. Sometimes it just helps to write and put it out there.

So much love to you, my friend. You made it home ok, let’s just get into it.

I really thought I was going to spend the rest of my life taking care of my mom. It’s what I had been doing for 25 years, why would I have expected anything different for the next 25 or 45?

Things change, of course. In some ways, definitely for the better but it’s incredibly bittersweet that I had to lose my best friend to actually start living for myself. It’s a very lonely, isolating type of grief.

and it makes me angry. I have nothing that is just mine. No memory or attachment to anything that isn’t full of her. Full of us. Every childhood memory, every movie or show or song or store or flower or dog or colouring book or volleyball net or body of water. There’s no moment I’m not thinking about her. It’s not even a thought anymore, she’s just in me, so much so that I don’t know if I’ve ever really lost her or if I’ve ever really been me.

She never gave me a chance to become myself. Maybe she never had that chance either and I was her one opportunity to feel free, and loved, and known.

Now I’m without her, but still with her. Therapy can’t untangle it, not really, but I keep going. I know the only way out, if there even is one, is through. I can’t stay here and I definitely can’t go back.

I’m so grateful to her because without her, I’d have been so fucking boring and dumb. At the same time, I’m also so tired of running from the life I should’ve been living a long time ago.

So what do I do now?

I have to move forward. New hobbies, new books, new family.

I’ll continue to carry her with me, seeing the world through our eyes until, slowly, I stop looking next to me expecting her to be there.

If I do the work and I keep trying, maybe one day I’ll see someone beside me who never felt like I did and I’ll know her favourite colour, her favourite flower, her favourite song has nothing to do with me and everything to do with her.

 

[Whiskeyjack]

​

I guess as far as a prompt goes, I’d welcome you to share about whether you can relate to having that person in your life who has caused you to have the most therapy bills or that you’ve had to figure out how to manage. How did you do it? What were the challenges? Have you managed some victories? What do you still need to do to protect yourself l, if anything.?

I think I'm very lucky in that I don't really have anyone like that in my life. All of the people who cause emotional stress like that are only tangentially part of my life and it's easy enough to cut them out of it. It's hard to do that with a dad. It's pretty easy when it's an uncle or a cousin you only see once every 5 years anyway.

 

[velona]

Hello, It’s Me…​

No, not Adele. Just me. I do like that song though. I wish I could sing like her. Or like BadAmy. If you were here when she was here, you might remember a Litster who could siiiing. I mean, really sing. She was so good. Can anybody here really sing? Well… I know one person — yes I’m looking at YOU. There are actually a number of people here who can.
If you can sing, and you want to let us hear it, leave a vocoroo. I’d love to hear. !! I know there’s real talent here.
Ok. That was a complete tangent.
I was starting to explain why I’ve been mostly away for a while.
I was spending time with THAT FAMILY MEMBER who makes me feel the broadest range of emotions of anyone in my life. We all have someone like that in our lives. For me, it’s my dad.

A little about him. He’s a Vietnam Vet who saw a lot and therefore brought home a lot of rage and has held onto it. I didn’t live with him for most of my formative years. Now he is an old man with a lot of rage that comes out at unexpected times. So, He wanted to take a trip across country and I was to drive.

Ok dad. I got you.
Deep breath. Armor on.
He’s always been very generous with his opinions about my shortcomings. Many years of therapy later, and I’m able to realize that it’s his issue and not mine. But still, that’s painful sometimes.
Other times, he’s energetic and funny and interesting and smart. It makes me almost forget the negative times.
Day 3 is usually when the shit hits the fan. Our visits are good for the first couple days. Then Day 3 something happens and he’s mean as fuck. And there’s no catalyst. It doesn’t matter. So Day 3 came and went and I was still standing and then came out the other side of it. Day 4 we didn’t talk. I just drove him around like a chauffeur. Day 5 he was on his best behavior again and the rest of the visit as bearable.
Fast forward to me being home. I just absolutely crashed and slept and slept. I always wonder if it will be the last time I see him and it makes me sad.
I think it’s to the point where, unless I want to cut off communication with him, which I seriously considered for a long while, this is the best that I can expect from him- from us.

So, that’s why I’ve been AWOL. I have bittersweet feelings about this trip being over.

I guess as far as a prompt goes, I’d welcome you to share about whether you can relate to having that person in your life who has caused you to have the most therapy bills or that you’ve had to figure out how to manage. How did you do it? What were the challenges? Have you managed some victories? What do you still need to do to protect yourself l, if anything.?

Thank you for reading, if you’ve made it this far. Sometimes it just helps to write and put it out there.

I love the big questions and this is a really big one for me. Because “that person” can’t be That Person if you don’t love them, can they? And family in particular because for most of us it’s easier to walk away from friends than family, with all the complicated feelings and entanglements.

Anyway, for me That Person is my mother. She has been a force to reckon with and a rock for the family. She gave us so much. But also, nothing ever is or was good enough. Growing up, I thought I could find a way to get it right and I was so, so perfect. But I lived in a world where even coming home with perfect scores would be met with “no extra credit?”

And then one blessed day, in my 20s, I had something really special to celebrate. Everyone I knew was so excited and proud. I told my mother and…I wasn’t enough. It broke me. But this time in a good way because I realized it wasn’t about ME, had never been about me at all, and truly nothing would or could ever be good enough because SHE wasn’t happy and I was not responsible for that. It was a revelation.

I see how it still gets to my siblings, the nothing is ever good enough attitude, and I can feel it sometimes too, like an old scar getting inflamed, but now I do what I think is right for her, the family, etc. and don’t seek an approval I know can’t exist. I wish I could give that to others but I think it has to be a felt experience. You can know something intellectually and still not be able to move on from the feeling of it. So as hard as that terrible moment was, I’ll always be so grateful that it broke me free.

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

So much love to you, my friend. You made it home ok, let’s just get into it.

Thank you for checking on me throughout my trip. That was really thoughtful of you.

I really thought I was going to spend the rest of my life taking care of my mom. It’s what I had been doing for 25 years, why would I have expected anything different for the next 25 or 45?

Things change, of course. In some ways, definitely for the better but it’s incredibly bittersweet that I had to lose my best friend to actually start living for myself. It’s a very lonely, isolating type of grief.

It absolutely is.

and it makes me angry. I have nothing that is just mine. No memory or attachment to anything that isn’t full of her. Full of us. Every childhood memory, every movie or show or song or store or flower or dog or colouring book or volleyball net or body of water. There’s no moment I’m not thinking about her. It’s not even a thought anymore, she’s just in me, so much so that I don’t know if I’ve ever really lost her or if I’ve ever really been me.

Yes, everywhere you look there are reminders.

She never gave me a chance to become myself. Maybe she never had that chance either and I was her one opportunity to feel free, and loved, and known.

Now I’m without her, but still with her. Therapy can’t untangle it, not really, but I keep going. I know the only way out, if there even is one, is through. I can’t stay here and I definitely can’t go back.

This is so brave. I don’t know that you realize how brave and strong you are. But you are.

I’m so grateful to her because without her, I’d have been so fucking boring and dumb. At the same time, I’m also so tired of running from the life I should’ve been living a long time ago.

So what do I do now?

I have to move forward. New hobbies, new books, new family.

You may not have the answer right this moment, but I know that if you listen to yourself and trust yourself, you will find the right thing for you. Your instincts are spot on.

I’ll continue to carry her with me, seeing the world through our eyes until, slowly, I stop looking next to me expecting her to be there.

If I do the work and I keep trying, maybe one day I’ll see someone beside me who never felt like I did and I’ll know her favourite colour, her favourite flower, her favourite song has nothing to do with me and everything to do with her.

Thank you so much for sharing this here, Eva

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

I think I'm very lucky in that I don't really have anyone like that in my life. All of the people who cause emotional stress like that are only tangentially part of my life and it's easy enough to cut them out of it. It's hard to do that with a dad. It's pretty easy when it's an uncle or a cousin you only see once every 5 years anyway.

I think that it isn’t just luck. I think it says something about your common sense and strength and how you choose the people in your life.

 

[birdy]

I guess as far as a prompt goes, I’d welcome you to share about whether you can relate to having that person in your life who has caused you to have the most therapy bills or that you’ve had to figure out how to manage. How did you do it? What were the challenges? Have you managed some victories? What do you still need to do to protect yourself l, if anything.?

My parents, for sure. It's taken me years to realize how manipulative they are. I started putting up boundaries, and as expected, they took offense to them. Instead of talking to me directly about anything, they discuss me with my other siblings and family members, hoping the information will eventually reach me. I started ignoring it. I hate acting like everything is fine on the surface, but I stopped taking the bait when they would try and make me feel bad about something they don't totally understand. I just moved across the country too... that helped a lot lol. They pretty much mind their business and have been nice so far because they still want a relationship with my kids. I have to remind myself that I need to do what makes me feel happy, even if it doesn't make everyone happy. It isn't easy (as a former people pleaser), but it has brought me a lot of peace that I've needed for a long time.

 

[Azuldrgon]

​

I guess as far as a prompt goes, I’d welcome you to share about whether you can relate to having that person in your life who has caused you to have the most therapy bills or that you’ve had to figure out how to manage. How did you do it? What were the challenges? Have you managed some victories? What do you still need to do to protect yourself l, if anything.?


I apologize that I overlooked this prompt during my midnight talk about music.

My therapy journey has been based on pleasing my father and my own emotional instability when he passed.
Being the compliant one.
Long story short, it's been a two year journey so far.
I am a better person now, but at a cost of losing others who dealt with me before then.
Still, one day at a time.

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

I love the big questions and this is a really big one for me. Because “that person” can’t be That Person if you don’t love them, can they? And family in particular because for most of us it’s easier to walk away from friends than family, with all the complicated feelings and entanglements.

Thank you! I’m thankful for you sharing your thoughts here.

Anyway, for me That Person is my mother. She has been a force to reckon with and a rock for the family. She gave us so much. But also, nothing ever is or was good enough. Growing up, I thought I could find a way to get it right and I was so, so perfect. But I lived in a world where even coming home with perfect scores would be met with “no extra credit?”

This sounds so deflating. I’m sorry this happened.

As a teacher, I will say that I’ve heard this a time or two and it makes me cringe. It just isn’t fair.

And then one blessed day, in my 20s, I had something really special to celebrate. Everyone I knew was so excited and proud. I told my mother and…I wasn’t enough. It broke me. But this time in a good way because I realized it wasn’t about ME, had never been about me at all, and truly nothing would or could ever be good enough because SHE wasn’t happy and I was not responsible for that. It was a revelation.

What a gift that you learned this, and in your 20, too. To have that perspective at such a young age is really impressive.

I see how it still gets to my siblings, the nothing is ever good enough attitude, and I can feel it sometimes too, like an old scar getting inflamed, but now I do what I think is right for her, the family, etc. and don’t seek an approval I know can’t exist. I wish I could give that to others but I think it has to be a felt experience. You can know something intellectually and still not be able to move on from the feeling of it. So as hard as that terrible moment was, I’ll always be so grateful that it broke me free.

It sounds like such a cathartic experience- maybe it sounds corny but it was a chrysalis moment- like you were emerging as a new form of yourself.

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

My parents, for sure. It's taken me years to realize how manipulative they are. I started putting up boundaries, and as expected, they took offense to them. Instead of talking to me directly about anything, they discuss me with my other siblings and family members, hoping the information will eventually reach me. I started ignoring it. I hate acting like everything is fine on the surface, but I stopped taking the bait when they would try and make me feel bad about something they don't totally understand. I just moved across the country too... that helped a lot lol. They pretty much mind their business and have been nice so far because they still want a relationship with my kids. I have to remind myself that I need to do what makes me feel happy, even if it doesn't make everyone happy. It isn't easy (as a former people pleaser), but it has brought me a lot of peace that I've needed for a long time.

I am a card carrying member of People-pleasers, Inc. too. It’s so hard to set boundaries:
a) to know what boundaries to set
b) to realize you deserve to set boundaries
c) work up the nerve to set them
d) stick to them

As I’m writing this list, I’m thinking, are there people who this just comes naturally to? Like if someone in their lives is pushy or demanding, they have no trouble telling them to step back and if they can’t respect their space, they can’t be in their life, and that’s that. And then they don’t think twice about it. Are their people like that? Or do people get to be like that at an early age because they’ve had to sink or swim? Because they’ve had to learn those coping skills early on and they are just really good at them at a young age for that reason?

I’m glad that you made that move for your family and that you get to make a fresh start. I hope that it is going well!

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

My therapy journey has been based on pleasing my father and my own emotional instability when he passed.
Being the compliant one.
Long story short, it's been a two year journey so far.
I am a better person now, but at a cost of losing others who dealt with me before then.
Still, one day at a time.

I’m sorry for the loss of your father. :-(

One day at a time. Yes. This mantra is so helpful with focusing on the present and not getting overwhelmed with all the other distractions in life.

Thank you for this reminder

 

[F3x0r]

I am a card carrying member of People-pleasers, Inc. too. It’s so hard to set boundaries:
a) to know what boundaries to set
b) to realize you deserve to set boundaries
c) work up the nerve to set them
d) stick to them

As I’m writing this list, I’m thinking, are there people who this just comes naturally to? Like if someone in their lives is pushy or demanding, they have no trouble telling them to step back and if they can’t respect their space, they can’t be in their life, and that’s that. And then they don’t think twice about it. Are their people like that? Or do people get to be like that at an early age because they’ve had to sink or swim? Because they’ve had to learn those coping skills early on and they are just really good at them at a young age for that reason?

I’m glad that you made that move for your family and that you get to make a fresh start. I hope that it is going well!

I think I am the opposite, hard and blunt. A lot of people think of me as standoffish, or direct ( If they are being polite ). It's unfortunately suited me well in regards to a career etc

Sorry to barge into the conversation, on brand I guess.