Being autistic, adhd and random stuff

[Strixaluco]

Finally got my diagnosis today - ASD with a side of ADHD. Psychologist said that medication might help the ADHD element but did not push the idea. From what I remember about that stuff the side effects might outweigh the benefits.

Hoping the wife does not weaponize it. Her ideas about neuro-diversity are far from progressive.

Congrats on getting the confirmation!

From what I've heard, many need to experiment with the meds to find out a working med and dosage. But they usually find them worth it. Just with AuDHD it's not a given that any work well.

And so sorry that you need to worry about your wife's reaction

 

[PMarky2]

Congrats on getting the confirmation!

From what I've heard, many need to experiment with the meds to find out a working med and dosage. But they usually find them worth it. Just with AuDHD it's not a given that any work well.

And so sorry that you need to worry about your wife's reaction

I am thinking that meds might be a last resort for me. I have a pretty good therapist, and she might be more useful than a bunch of chemical concoctions. My profession life is fairly successful, so it is debatable how much the condition impacts me on a day to day basis other than it makes me a somewhat difficult customer to handle - like a lot of academics. My private life can be messy, and I am hoping being more aware of the cause of my limitations might help me deal more insightfully with my normie better half.

 

[stickygirl]

Urgh.. our neighbours in a rented place have been given notice to leave. I feel sorry for them of course, but it's so unsettling. I didn't figure out if the property was being sold or the old owners are moving back in. I hate this kind of thing: new noises and habits; new people. Too many unknowns out of my control

 

[FataMorgana]

Urgh.. our neighbours in a rented place have been given notice to leave. I feel sorry for them of course, but it's so unsettling. I didn't figure out if the property was being sold or the old owners are moving back in. I hate this kind of thing: new noises and habits; new people. Too many unknowns out of my control

Decent neighbors are a godsend. Even Trevor The Cunt next door isn't all bad. He shouted through his ring doorbell at an undesirable lurking in my back passage the other night.

 

[stickygirl]

Decent neighbors are a godsend. Even Trevor The Cunt next door isn't all bad. He shouted through his ring doorbell at an undesirable lurking in my back passage the other night.

I'd draw the line at a neighbour watching my back passage, even if it did ring his bell. Dirty Trevor


Our neighbour is called Clair and she's rightly proud of her well mown lawn. I've even come to like her pink flamingo which is so kitsch

 

[PMarky2]

Congrats on getting the confirmation!

From what I've heard, many need to experiment with the meds to find out a working med and dosage. But they usually find them worth it. Just with AuDHD it's not a given that any work well.

And so sorry that you need to worry about your wife's reaction

My big fear with meds, now that I have had time to think about it, is that anything that works for my ADHD will make the Autism more noticeable. At the moment, I can function just about well enough to maintain my relatively unsupervised role because even if I am having a bad week, I turn up, I lecture, I answer email, and mark papers before the students have a meltdown. Extra stuff, though, takes it chances. I have some jobs at home that are getting really moldy at this point, and I need to find the energy/willpower/whatever to do something about them.

 

[Strixaluco]

My big fear with meds, now that I have had time to think about it, is that anything that works for my ADHD will make the Autism more noticeable.

I get that. And it is likely.

For me, personally, that would probably be a plus - I'd function better with more autism, less adhd traits.

 

[PMarky2]

I get that. And it is likely.

For me, personally, that would probably be a plus - I'd function better with more autism, less adhd traits.

The psychologist I went to, after going through all the various tests, phrased my diagnosis in the following way, "yep, you are on the Autism Spectrum, and there is also some ADHD there." I took that as meaning the dominant tendency is ASD, but ADHD is going on in the background complicating things. That said, there are times when I would like to be a little more focused, but what I struggle with more than anything else are my executive function deficits. However, having a list, and using the autie side of my personality to get me through it usually works pretty well. I have only majorly crumbled once, and that was during COVID. I stopped caring, and stopped making lists. It got so bad that I managed to forget to bank my paychecks for several months and then bounced a check to the IRS!

At some point, I am going to have to accept, as opposed to intellectually assent to the idea, that relationship instability of any kind is hellish for me, and work on not being disconcerted by every little jolt in friendships. I often find myself both needing and fearing friendship.

 

[stickygirl]

I often find myself both needing and fearing friendship.

Kerching!! Feeling that ^^

I hope that now you have a diagnosis you can be aware of asd and adhd traits in your behaviour. I was able to be kinder to myself, more forgiving if I fuck things up. I began to understand why I reacted in a particular way and so started to develop some coping strategies.

I laughed at a YT from Mom on the Spectrum the other day, when she said an autie trait that NTs don't understand, is simply walking away mid-discussion. Apart from it being empowering, it totally throws the other person I've only done that a couple of times but just knowing that's an option is helpful to me.

How does the option thing work for you? "I don't need to start rocking, but I'm allowed to if this situation gets much worse" . Those options are like a break-the-glass alarms.

 

[txblush]

I found this after listening to a YouTube video by Dr. Kim Sage. https://embrace-autism.com/

I'm auditorily sensitive and can only listen for a while before I have to find something to read that helps me better understand my autism diagnosis.

 

[PMarky2]

I find listening to things rather than reading/seeing them hard work being both a visual learner and noise sensitive. I am not quite sure who came up with the idea of making videos about AuDHD, but they missed something - at least from my POV - as I cannot scan a video and grab the relevant pieces of information, I have to watch the whole bloody thing! Arrgghhh! I have an entertaining attention span; it ranges from nanoseconds to hours depending on medium used and subject, which I guess is pretty common among the neurodiverse.

It was my sensory stuff coupled with the fact that I have a lot of ASD/BAP folks in my circle that first switched me on to the fact I might be on the Spectrum. I eventually got the point where the wife's nagging to get tested was acted upon when I got obsessive about a particular friend who is suspected ASD.

FWIW, my sensory problems don't cause to much friction with my wife as she does not seem to mind that I prefer spaces with lowish light levels, and very little unnecessary noise. The one area of friction is clutter - if I have my way, there us very little unused clutter except in designate hobby/work spaces. In a summer the A/C unit is by biggest fri-enemy buzzing away in the corner - it keeps me cool, but it makes me crazy. However, one bonus is that since the wife got her hearing aids, she has turned down the volume on her devices, and the buzz from the A/C covers the multiple forms of racket coming from the other side of the room.

I get the walking off in the middle of a conversation thing. BAF does it quite often usually when she sees someone she has not talked to for a while on the other side of the room. I get get the hunted squirrel look and disappear as soon as I can get a break. This morning is going to be moderately grim after church, as I am required to be sociable, and I am not feeling up to it.

 

[Strixaluco]

I can handle *some* videos. At least some of the time. They just need to have visual cues, too, and for example Auticate with Chris and Debby provide those visual cues to keep me on.

It's kinda hard ro be anything else than a visual learner when you have auditory processing issues.

 

[PMarky2]

It's kinda hard to be anything else than a visual learner when you have auditory processing issues.

True dat! Half of the trouble I get into at home is due to auditory processing issues.

 

[stickygirl]

Hmm... I guess I am rubbish at spoken info. My brain only runs at 40% with auditory stuff so I'm always playing catch up then miss the last thing that was said - it helps if I can watch a person's mouth as they speak so I think I partly lip-read. More of kinetic learner, hence being decent at practical tasks.

I'd always been baffled how some people could hear and understand the lyrics of a song as it was sung. I have to look up the words to read later.

 

[Utmale48]

Same for me. As far as hearing people and lyrics. I’ve not been diagnosed with anything. But I’ve always had to watch people speak to catch everything.

 

[stickygirl]

Same for me. As far as hearing people and lyrics. I’ve not been diagnosed with anything. But I’ve always had to watch people speak to catch everything.

Frustrating huh? I guess we make more of an effort to discover the lyrics. The brain does an amazing job converting vibration into meaningful intelligence. If a percentage of the population have a less than perfect system, it needn't make them autistic. Welcome to slowly spoken party, with no background noise!

 

[Utmale48]

Very frustrating. No background noise helps for sure.

 

[PMarky2]

Same for me. As far as hearing people and lyrics. I’ve not been diagnosed with anything. But I’ve always had to watch people speak to catch everything.

I'll pick up the tune really fast; the words - erm, yes, oh - that takes a while!

 

[Strixaluco]

Auticate With Chris And Debby had a good video about auditory processing issues I think - but it could have been more than a year ago.

Orion, the autistic guy, had some stuff too. And one of these could be something that you could throw at someone while struggles to understand your issues.

 

[stickygirl]

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[Strixaluco]

Yeah. I end up interrupting a lot.

 

[PMarky2]

I am finding it very difficult to find information on ASD+ADHD that is directed towards adults. Kids and teens - tons of stuff, but for apprentice old farts in their 50s, there seems to be a whole lot of nothing. Probably looking in the wrong place. Even had a look at groups on Facebook but they all seem to be disaster areas being either heavily policed by heavy handed admins who would have been happy working for the Gestapo, or only interested in folks who are their sort of ASD. Left the last group/page I was trying on F/B this morning as it seemed to have an in-crowd who seemed to be allowed to post the fact they had been number two, and the rest of us who could not get anything posted.

I'm still trying to get it right with my BAF. We are talking to one another, but she is still distant, and this is intermittently putting me through the emotional wringer. My read is that she is not yet ready to full reconnect after the mess in the spring. Thing is what do I do next? Disconnect again for a while, and try again in the Fall? Give-up? Keep going? IDK. I also know I am overthinking this as a distraction from what I impolitely call 'work shit.' I am constantly amazed by how many intelligent people have very little commonsense.

 

[stickygirl]

I am finding it very difficult to find information on ASD+ADHD that is directed towards adults. Kids and teens - tons of stuff, but for apprentice old farts in their 50s, there seems to be a whole lot of nothing. Probably looking in the wrong place. Even had a look at groups on Facebook but they all seem to be disaster areas being either heavily policed by heavy handed admins who would have been happy working for the Gestapo, or only interested in folks who are their sort of ASD. Left the last group/page I was trying on F/B this morning as it seemed to have an in-crowd who seemed to be allowed to post the fact they had been number two, and the rest of us who could not get anything posted.

I'm still trying to get it right with my BAF. We are talking to one another, but she is still distant, and this is intermittently putting me through the emotional wringer. My read is that she is not yet ready to full reconnect after the mess in the spring. Thing is what do I do next? Disconnect again for a while, and try again in the Fall? Give-up? Keep going? IDK. I also know I am overthinking this as a distraction from what I impolitely call 'work shit.' I am constantly amazed by how many intelligent people have very little commonsense.

FB would be last place I'd look for advice, but maybe that's just me? I hear all kinds of stories about it and, like a lot of social media, it operates for the lowest denominator, with experts citing BS evidence they just made up for kicks. Most of the good advice I've found has been on YT. I was once with Reddit but it got too shouty.

As for your BAF - it sound like you need to take a page from the NT playbook. She's maybe being distant to ring-fence her own emotions, but doesn't want to hurt you by either cutting you off altogether or being rude. I hear you though, I really do! I've wanted to 'make this better' or 'mend stuff' but it never works. It would be okay to decide to let your relationship fade into history. It's not easy to walk away from a relationship when you've invested so much time and emotion into it.

 

[PMarky2]

FB would be last place I'd look for advice, but maybe that's just me? I hear all kinds of stories about it and, like a lot of social media, it operates for the lowest denominator, with experts citing BS evidence they just made up for kicks. Most of the good advice I've found has been on YT. I was once with Reddit but it got too shouty.

As for your BAF - it sound like you need to take a page from the NT playbook. She's maybe being distant to ring-fence her own emotions, but doesn't want to hurt you by either cutting you off altogether or being rude. I hear you though, I really do! I've wanted to 'make this better' or 'mend stuff' but it never works. It would be okay to decide to let your relationship fade into history. It's not easy to walk away from a relationship when you've invested so much time and emotion into it.

Yes, I have sort of discounted FB at this point, though I do have a nosey at what is going on occasionally. There are a couple of individuals on there who have similar backgrounds to mine, and I like hearing their take on things. The big groups are, to put it bluntly . Reddit has never been my sort of thing. So far I have also found that YT is the most useful.

As for BAF, I think she is protecting her own emotions, and the best thing I can do is polite and a little distant, and wait for her to reconnect, though it probably won't be with the same intensity. As I am friendly with the rest of the family that seems the most likely outcome long term.

 

[Strixaluco]

I am finding it very difficult to find information on ASD+ADHD that is directed towards adults. Kids and teens - tons of stuff, but for apprentice old farts in their 50s, there seems to be a whole lot of nothing. Probably looking in the wrong place. Even had a look at groups on Facebook but they all seem to be disaster areas being either heavily policed by heavy handed admins who would have been happy working for the Gestapo, or only interested in folks who are their sort of ASD. Left the last group/page I was trying on F/B this morning as it seemed to have an in-crowd who seemed to be allowed to post the fact they had been number two, and the rest of us who could not get anything posted.

I'm still trying to get it right with my BAF. We are talking to one another, but she is still distant, and this is intermittently putting me through the emotional wringer. My read is that she is not yet ready to full reconnect after the mess in the spring. Thing is what do I do next? Disconnect again for a while, and try again in the Fall? Give-up? Keep going? IDK. I also know I am overthinking this as a distraction from what I impolitely call 'work shit.' I am constantly amazed by how many intelligent people have very little commonsense.

If you are interested in an autism Discord group that has people between 18 and 50 (majority under 30,but we do have a bunch of middle-aged people) , and where more than half the people have adhd and not just autism, I can send you a link. No policing there, the guy who started it was only suspecting autism back then.

Except it's moderated in the nice and necessary way. Spam bots and trolls trigger some firm moderating action, other issues are dealt in a discussing and guiding way if possible.