Novice Writer looking for feedback on the second chapter of a slow-burn Romance story!

[Dusty_writer]

Hi, I just published the second chapter of my story "Wait and Hope". After posting the first chapter, I received a lot of very useful feedback, thanks to you all, so I'm back again, as I'm pretty sure I still have some room to improve.

As for a quick synopsis of the story: Two old friends, Jesse and Chloe, who had drifted apart a bit over the years, get reunited when life gets in the way of one of them. While they always were good friend, life will force them to admit there is more to their relationship than they are ready to admit

I'm looking for any type of feedback, either on the story itself or the grammar, and everything in between.
Thank you very much in advance for your time!

 

[lovecraft68]

I recall leaving feedback on the first chapter. I think everything story wise is okay, but two things that I think may be a problem, at least for some readers.

Between the opening and closing notes it seems its almost as much content as the story, which leads to issue number two.

These are very short chapters and although the story is progressing its a very minimalist approach as in its bare bones and not a lot of fleshing out.

That could be a style in and of itself. You say you're a novice writer, I've been writing about 17 years now and will be the first to say I am no polished professional just someone who likes to tell stories, so when it comes to in depth critique I'm not much beyond liked it and why and didn't and why.

I'm just thinking people may be waiting for more to happen as this progresses and you may want to think about beefing up the ensuing chapters.

 

[Dusty_writer]

I recall leaving feedback on the first chapter. I think everything story wise is okay, but two things that I think may be a problem, at least for some readers.

Between the opening and closing notes it seems its almost as much content as the story, which leads to issue number two.

These are very short chapters and although the story is progressing its a very minimalist approach as in its bare bones and not a lot of fleshing out.

That could be a style in and of itself. You say you're a novice writer, I've been writing about 17 years now and will be the first to say I am no polished professional just someone who likes to tell stories, so when it comes to in depth critique I'm not much beyond liked it and why and didn't and why.

I'm just thinking people may be waiting for more to happen as this progresses and you may want to think about beefing up the ensuing chapters.

Yes, I also noticed there isn't much story in my story. I'm not sure about beefing up chapters as I have a pretty clear idea of what I want to do in each one, but what I'm going to do moving forward is fusing two chapter per "story" if one isn't long enough. Takes more time to do, but at least there is something to read!

What kind of fleshing out could I do for exemple?

In any case, thank you for your feedback!

 

[lovecraft68]

Fleshing out doesn't mean you need to add new things or more to your existing plot or story, but just padding it with more description. a little more narrative?

There are people who yammer about 'flabby writing, or self indulgent' but that's when its too the extreme. I find people like to relax into a story and read a bit more even if some of its fluff. They want to immerse and that's often hard in a short piece.

The idea of combining what you now see as two chapters into one could work.

Again, this is my opinion. You don't have to change anything if you don't want to.