When someone’s preferences start to change mine

[EvaLane]

Sometimes if I’m into someone, like really into them, and they casually mention not liking something sexually - not to me, not in a conversation we’re having, just in passing… I stop wanting that thing.

Not because I’m trying to please them or be what they want. Half the time, we’re not even talking. It just happens. Something in me shifts, and suddenly what I used to crave doesn’t do it for me anymore - because I know it wouldn’t do it for them.

I’ve never been one to change my music tastes, or my sense of style, or really anything about myself for a guy. But this isn’t something I’m choosing. It feels automatic and truthfully, it kind of unsettles me.

Is this a kind of submission? Or just a weird quirk of attraction? I’m trying to understand it, but I’m also wondering if anyone else has felt something similar.

Apologies if this has been discussed, I’d appreciate any links to relevant threads if that’s the case!

 

[9to5]

I think your just more open. if I am with someone and they are into other things I might start to think about it and then may try it.
maybe I am more submissive so change is easier

 

[calmlikeabomb]

I have had the opposite experience. My subs have at times requested things i couldn't even imagine being into, and not only did I get into them, i began enjoying them too. I suppose in some ways it was because i could see their happiness and satisfaction and it reflected onto me.

 

[MiaBabe23]

I think one of the most exciting things about this kinda relationship is exploring and understanding each other’s likes and kinks
So unless it’s something you’ve come to actually dislike, or it crosses a limit for him, I wonder if it’s worth revisiting those things, remembering what you like about them, and casually discussing why with him
I know I’ve had occasions of balking at an idea, only to think about it later and feel very aroused by it
Stating the obvious, but he was drawn to you for you, so letting yourself enjoy what you like, whether with him or elsewhere, will likely feel more satisfying

 

[SissySalina]

Is this a kind of submission?
In this sissy's opinion it is not. If you are submissive to a person you are doing it for them, you crave their attention, their approval, the satisfaction the you did what they wanted because they wanted it.
The submissive gets the pride of doing it how they wanted it done, they are not doing it to impress them but to consummate the fact that that can do it to the level that is expected.

 

[seela]

Yes, I’m all too familiar with this phenomenon. Usually I take on the other person’s kinks and get into them, even if previously they didn’t interest me at all. I’ve gained some “permanent” interests that way, but most of them have been very situational, they’ve only interested me when I’ve been with that person/someone else who appreciates those things.

That’s one reason why I really hate being asked what I’m into. With a person I’m into, I’m into most things they like. It’s not even limited to strictly sexual things.

My own interests certainly become less interesting to me as well, if the other person is not into them. Usually that’s less noticeable for me than when it happens the other way around, meaning I get into their kinks.

I’ve never felt like this aspect of me is somehow becoming “less myself”. I think it’s more about me broadening my horizons and getting to experience new things. My core personality and interests are always there, even if I’m not acting on those interests for a period of time. I always find myself back to certain things.

 

[lifeselector002]

We can't change our selves even in sex
Because it's all about feeling relaxed in each others not stressed

So We can't practice the ways that makes us feel uncomfortable just it

And an advice never try to change to please someone
Because by time they will never get satisfied by your change
And your soul will be fading away

 

[cascadiabound]

There are many things that I really like sexually that I would not have imagined turning me on/craving/wanting/needing 10-15 years ago. Some of that has simply been exposure to ideas I hadn't considered when I was younger. Some of that is him liking it/wanting it and me wanting to please him, do whatever he wants.

Many times things start for me as fantasy fodder, or him winding me up as he talks filthy to me about what he's gonna do or wants to do. So many times, the idea of this or that is - omg no way - and then I feel my body responding. I've learned that my cunt loves things that my brain can't logically rationalize.

I've learned that being a submissive girl means that I need to trust my D and lean into what my cunt wants. It becomes a complete mind fuck and part of what deepens my submission.

As others have said, preferences do change with different partners - if my current D loves a certain activity (sexual or otw), I find that I want to learn about it, understand it and enjoy it with him. If he wants my pussy bald, I'll groom that way. If he wants it groomed some other way, I'll do that. If he's got a sadistic streak I'll lean into the part of me that is a complete pain slut. If he is into mind control and orgasm denial I find that I crave that kind of control. Does it mean I'm wishy washy? I don't think so. I think these things are part of what makes me a submissive by nature.

 

[jason28053]

There are many things that I really like sexually that I would not have imagined turning me on/craving/wanting/needing 10-15 years ago. Some of that has simply been exposure to ideas I hadn't considered when I was younger. Some of that is him liking it/wanting it and me wanting to please him, do whatever he wants.

Many times things start for me as fantasy fodder, or him winding me up as he talks filthy to me about what he's gonna do or wants to do. So many times, the idea of this or that is - omg no way - and then I feel my body responding. I've learned that my cunt loves things that my brain can't logically rationalize.

I've learned that being a submissive girl means that I need to trust my D and lean into what my cunt wants. It becomes a complete mind fuck and part of what deepens my submission.

As others have said, preferences do change with different partners - if my current D loves a certain activity (sexual or otw), I find that I want to learn about it, understand it and enjoy it with him. If he wants my pussy bald, I'll groom that way. If he wants it groomed some other way, I'll do that. If he's got a sadistic streak I'll lean into the part of me that is a complete pain slut. If he is into mind control and orgasm denial I find that I crave that kind of control. Does it mean I'm wishy washy? I don't think so. I think these things are part of what makes me a submissive by nature.

You both are lucky

 

[RosewoodTulip]

I have found in my explorations here (I've been single for a long time) that I definitely want what my partner wants.

Its not so relevant now as life and stress and health issues have chased my libido off (I've left a candy trail, she'll be back), but in my more "active" days here I absolutely only wanted certain experiences from certain people. If I'm talking to someone who isn't into punishment then I couldn't dream of asking for that. Some hate the DD/lg side of submission so I'd never think to bring my little side out with them.

I don't know if it's just because I want to please and for them to lead the way or if I'm not very confident maybe but I actually quite enjoy seeing what new things a partner would want to explore with me and if I'm up to the challenge.

 

[flameinsidesoul]

Sometimes if I’m into someone, like really into them, and they casually mention not liking something sexually l, not to me, not in a conversation we’re having, just in passing… I stop wanting that thing.

Not because I’m trying to please them or be what they want. Half the time, we’re not even talking. It just happens. Something in me shifts, and suddenly what I used to crave doesn’t do it for me anymore… because I know it wouldn’t do it for them.

I’ve never been one to change my music tastes, or my sense of style, or really anything about myself for a guy. But this isn’t something I’m choosing. It feels automatic and truthfully, it kind of unsettles me.

Is this a kind of submission? Or just a weird quirk of attraction? I’m trying to understand it, but I’m also wondering if anyone else has felt something similar.

Apologies if this has been discussed, I’d appreciate any links to relevant threads if that’s the case!

I’ve felt that too, when someone you’re into says they’re not into something, and suddenly, you’re not either. It’s not about trying to impress them. It just… happens. Like your body rewrites its own settings without asking you first.

I don’t think it’s submission exactly. Maybe it’s just deep connection. When someone really matters to you, their likes and dislikes seem to echo inside you without effort.

It is a little unsettling, I agree. But maybe it just means you’re open, not easily influenced, but deeply responsive when it counts.

Not broken. Just tuned in.

 

[Boat1]

My Lovely Wife Domme and I have a relationship that is rather unique (based on a lot of reading on Lit) as we FULLY committed ourselves and submitted ourselves to each other, PRIOR TO ever dipping our toes into the D/s and BDSM Life that we share.
IMHO, what made it possible, is the utmost trust, respect, appreciation, acceptance, and non-judgmental feelings we share....

Once we dipped our toes in the water of D/s and BDSM Living, we held hands and went "cliffdiving!"

It involved a lot of self discovery and discovery of each other, but I'm a hardcore masochist and She has really found Her beautifully Sadistic inner self!
It seems too good to be true and has really surprised us both!...
She has taken one of the MOST immalleable people on the planet and can mold me like soft clay... and I absolutely LOVE ❤ every aspect of it!
The connection we share is UNEQUALED in my life and ALL of it comes from the right place, deeply ingrained in LOVE!

 

[MasterDarcy]

Being open and willing to learn and be flexible in terms of kinks is all part of being a submissive and having an innate need to please.

It's natural.

Unless it infringes on a hard limit, the vast majority of submissives would add a new kinky string to their bow at the behest of their Dominant.

It's all part of the personal grown and moulding and evolution of submissives.

Plus, if the Dom/me teaches and guides the submissive along the way, it helps forge and strengthen their dynamic.

 

[Britva415]

Sometimes if I’m into someone, like really into them, and they casually mention not liking something sexually - not to me, not in a conversation we’re having, just in passing… I stop wanting that thing.

So, you're talking about something you weren't ever even doing with them in the first place?

That makes it sound like you wanted it but didn't bring it up or ask about it.

Are you talking about someone you're into but not sexually involved with?

 

[EvaLane]

Are you talking about someone you're into but not sexually involved with?

I may not have answers, but you sure are making me think. I’ve been staring at my screen for like 10 minutes. I’ll get back to ya, but thank you. Very interesting