Just lonely and in a sexless marriage

[fishnfool]

I am in the same boat. Both in our 40s. He will not initiate anything at all. He will only lie there like a dead fish. He says he wants to but shows no excitement. So I find myself solo more often then not. I feel unattractive, boring and im just a mom now. But I am so much more. I am fun and playful. He just isn't into it anymore.

I’m so sorry.

I feel like your male equivalent.

 

[fishnfool]

Was reading this, this morning. In same situation. Why do we stay. Tried to talking to him at weekend. Like you say it's flatmates or homelessness. I care about him, he smells amazing, best kisser, amazing hands likes going down on me sporadically. Otherwise nothing. Do you think there is a site somewhere where all our partners say how lucky they feel not to be pressured into sex but guilty at the same time. What are we doing we need our heads knocking together. I'm missing out on caresses, affection kissing before we even start on sex. I am absolutely fuming

Can I simply say, “what she said…”

 

[And4778]

I wish I could help but...
Would an outside the house FWB make things better or worse. Can you keep physical needs separate from emotional reactions that may surface?

 

[Abeona1]

Can you keep physical needs separate from emotional reactions that may surface. Even over the Internet and miles apart? Discuss

 

[Abeona1]

I wish I could help but...
Would an outside the house FWB make things better or worse. Can you keep physical needs separate from emotional reactions that may surface?

Going to pinch your wording for a thread. Hope that's OK.

 

[Abeona1]

I wish I could help but...
Would an outside the house FWB make things better or worse. Can you keep physical needs separate from emotional reactions that may surface?

What's a FWB

 

[paul__2345]

I think the closer the links the more emotional things get and the daydreaming and fantasy's form a closer bond and hard to break and can be just as breaking up from a physical relationship because the emotions and your feelings are running so strong I think its hard to separate the two

 

[rycat25]

What's a FWB

Friends with benefits.

 

[MaturemanAJ]

Was reading this, this morning. In same situation. Why do we stay. Tried to talking to him at weekend. Like you say it's flatmates or homelessness. I care about him, he smells amazing, best kisser, amazing hands likes going down on me sporadically. Otherwise nothing. Do you think there is a site somewhere where all our partners say how lucky they feel not to be pressured into sex but guilty at the same time. What are we doing we need our heads knocking together. I'm missing out on caresses, affection kissing before we even start on sex. I am absolutely fuming

Why is it that people that like sex rarely find each other.
My wife has more excuses than you can imagine and it's flat ass exhausting to even bother anymore.
She has wasted the best years of our lives worried about everything but our relationship.
I will say just like being at work we both feel like the other doesn't do enough.
Wife says" we always have to do what you want " a female friend with very inside information ( spends lots of time around us) says" does she do anything around the house , you do everything and she has no idea how lucky she is"

40 plus years of marriage and pretty tired of it

 

[Greytruck]

Why is it that people that like sex rarely find each other.
My wife has more excuses than you can imagine and it's flat ass exhausting to even bother anymore.
She has wasted the best years of our lives worried about everything but our relationship.
I will say just like being at work we both feel like the other doesn't do enough.
Wife says" we always have to do what you want " a female friend with very inside information ( spends lots of time around us) says" does she do anything around the house , you do everything and she has no idea how lucky she is"

40 plus years of marriage and pretty tired of it

We’ll put.. same deal here after 41 years married

 

[Abeona1]

Why is it that people that like sex rarely find each other.
My wife has more excuses than you can imagine and it's flat ass exhausting to even bother anymore.
She has wasted the best years of our lives worried about everything but our relationship.
I will say just like being at work we both feel like the other doesn't do enough.
Wife says" we always have to do what you want " a female friend with very inside information ( spends lots of time around us) says" does she do anything around the house , you do everything and she has no idea how lucky she is"

40 plus years of marriage and pretty tired of it

Why is it that people that like sex rarely find each other. That's a million dollar question. Guess there was some sexual activity to start with

 

[Abeona1]

By the way.

Can I thank you all for keeping me occupied this morning. Love that I have found like minded people to chat with. Shame the connection is so negative. Imagine if we all meet for a coffee morning. We might solve some or our issues

 

[Greytruck]

By the way.

Can I thank you all for keeping me occupied this morning. Love that I have found like minded people to chat with. Shame the connection is so negative. Imagine if we all meet for a coffee morning. We might solve some or our issues

Be an interesting get together , that’s for sure

 

[MaturemanAJ]

By the way.

Can I thank you all for keeping me occupied this morning. Love that I have found like minded people to chat with. Shame the connection is so negative. Imagine if we all meet for a coffee morning. We might solve some or our issues

I am guessing coffee would be short lived and we would all end up as a pile of naked bodies

 

[Greytruck]

I am guessing coffee would be short lived and we would all end up as a pile of naked bodies

Think we all get kicked out of the coffee shop.. ha ha

 

[MaturemanAJ]

Think we all get kicked out of the coffee shop.. ha ha

 

[Abeona1]

I am guessing coffee would be short lived and we would all end up as a pile of naked bodies

Prefer one on one but whatever floats your boat

 

[Abeona1]

Think we all get kicked out of the coffee shop.. ha ha

Was thinking my lounge.

 

[AlexBailey]

Being in what has become an almost entirely sexless marriage is soul crushing. Is this what the rest of our lives look like?

Sex isn’t everything, not by any means. But the shared experience with the one I love with all of the closeness, dopamine, oxytocin and other natural boosts was always a high point. I still want that in my life but it’s not available to me.

I’ve had femme leanings, had a variety of sexual experiences, and have been a cross dresser in private and public all of my life. And while I have presented mostly as cis male that’s not my inner identity. I’ve spent most of my life presenting as something other than myself to accommodate the values of those I care about.

Now in a sexless marriage? The thing that’s been the most relentless annoyance is morning wood. What the fuck? Why? What good does it do? It makes me feel and look all needy nearly every morning yet no one else has any interest in it.

I’m not blaming my wife. She has her own issues. She just doesn’t want me and now I don’t really want myself anymore.

 

[MrBob206]

I have been married a long time. I get that people can grow apart. It certainly has happened in my marriage. My wife has no interest in sex or intimacy. It has been over a year. I get that, in that I am certainly not the man I was in my 20's. In 30 or so years we all change.

But I have needs that shee seems to not care about. We talk about it, and she gets it, but she never wants to address it physically, or in any manner that would make me feel like her husband or even a man. I am not sure what to do.

My life now is all masturbation in terms of intimacy. I still have a strong libido. What I do not still have is my 30 year old self. I feel that if you are in love at 30 you can also be in love at 50 or older, but you cannot expect that 30 year old man and body you were into........we grow older, and our love should too.

So I am lonely and depressed. I have to get myself off, but it is getting harder to do as i am not only feeling bitter, but really abnormal and guilty. Online pictures, videos, and stories have become my intimate life. Maybe I need to give into that.....I don't know. But I am looking for anything that would help.

Thanks!

Been married over 50 years and your story is my life also!!

 

[Tweedledude]

Been married over 50 years and your story is my life also!!

Life in the rickety leaking sinking ship

 

[And4778]

What's a FWB

Friends with benefits

 

[shizzz]

Are you showing up for her? Are you block ass husband? Taking care of the trash and the dishes? Are you aware of what gives her stress and do your best to relieve that so she can show up for you?

I ask because I was in your boat and that’s what I did. She finally started showing up when I brought up divorce because I wasn’t happy. This caught her off guard, she asked me if I was happy?

I laughed because I’d spent YEARS!!! Showing up for her. And I asked her if she showed up for me? When had what I asked for changed? And that made her stop and think.

You have to tell her she isn’t getting it. You have to tell her that you want to open your relationship if she can’t be there for you if she doesn’t show up. Because you’re not lovers then, you’re roommates.

 

[Harry sach]

I’m in the same boat as many people here, but for us it was almost from the beginning as we were good Christian kids who were waiting until we got married …

You see, my wife had been abused by her uncle when she was younger. I didn’t know this at first, and everything seemed to be fine in terms of making out and more. We did practically everything shy of having sex, but then her uncle reappeared on the scene (apparently a changed man) and we were pressured to invite him to the wedding.

That night when the moment finally arrived, we couldn’t do it. She said I was too big (and that’s a lovely compliment in theory) but the truth is she was so nervous and clenched up that I never stood a chance. We tried a few times without luck, so we’d make out and she’d finish me off. Eventually that started to fade away as she didn’t like the transactional nature of it (and didn’t want me returning the favour) so our intimacy trailed off until even passionate kissing was off the cards in case it led somewhere.

25 years on, my libido remains as strong as ever (it’s amazing what deprivation can do to you) but we’re still married and otherwise happy. Admittedly it’s a huge thing to be lacking - and intimacy is so much more than just sex - but we align so much in other key ways that I would never leave.

Instead, I wish I could find a friend who I could enjoy that with … almost like someone you go to the movies with or share another hobby in common. Someone with equal needs who would like some added intimacy in their lives and to share that with someone else who cares. I’m happy for it to be virtual as well since that’s a safer and easier option for many of us … I just want to share the experience with someone, rather than it just being me (or them) completely alone in our lack.

I hope I haven’t over shared too much.

I can relate to a lot of your story myself. My wife too suffered abuse from a family member, which I think has shaped her outlook on sex, but we're at the point now where she is physically unable to let me in. It's so frustrating when you just crave that physical contact, but like yourself, we are happy in most other ways.

 

[Stargatefan78]

I have been married a long time. I get that people can grow apart. It certainly has happened in my marriage. My wife has no interest in sex or intimacy. It has been over a year. I get that, in that I am certainly not the man I was in my 20's. In 30 or so years we all change.

But I have needs that shee seems to not care about. We talk about it, and she gets it, but she never wants to address it physically, or in any manner that would make me feel like her husband or even a man. I am not sure what to do.

My life now is all masturbation in terms of intimacy. I still have a strong libido. What I do not still have is my 30 year old self. I feel that if you are in love at 30 you can also be in love at 50 or older, but you cannot expect that 30 year old man and body you were into........we grow older, and our love should too.

So I am lonely and depressed. I have to get myself off, but it is getting harder to do as i am not only feeling bitter, but really abnormal and guilty. Online pictures, videos, and stories have become my intimate life. Maybe I need to give into that.....I don't know. But I am looking for anything that would help.

Thanks!

I was in your position 15 years ago. I got divorce 8 years ago. I was sexually frustrated and then, I found out she was cheating on me. She asked for the divorce and I give it to her.