New Writer Here! Help Needed!!

[HelenofTroy25]

Hello. I’m a long time reader, but first time writer. I finally decided to take the plunge and write a short story of my own.

After the initial excitement of putting together my story, I’ve suffered the inevitable ‘work sent back’. The note refers to making characters talk. I suspected that this might the area where I’m lacking. I’m also struggling with how to get to grips with writing internal monologues.

I’m sure that my story is a long way from being good enough, but any help or tips would be greatly appreciated.

I really feel that my creative juices are flowing, so I can’t wait to be able to publish my stories! I’m also looking forward to chatting with some of the already published authors that I’ve admired from afar for so long.

 

[TheLobster]

The note refers to making characters talk.

I’m guessing it’s about punctuating dialogue? If so, then just google a guide that describes how to do it and follow the rules.

Lit editors are known to be strict about this particular thing, and it’s always a good idea to follow established typographical conversations so that your story is easy to read.

 

[TheRedChamber]

It sounds like it's a common enough problem. I suspect either you are not punctuating your story according to the rules (which the site is a stickler for):

"The problem with dialogue," said Red, "is that you need to get the punctuation in the right place."
"Oh, I see." Green looked worried. "I had one of my stories sent back for the same reason."

Or alternatively, you're writing stories with little or no dialogue where there should be some.

You can find guides to writing dialogue quite easily on the Internet. If it's still a problem, you can ask someone here for help. I'd offer but I'm snowed under with work atm (I really am! That's why I'm on the site right now. Avoid that work!)

 

[HelenofTroy25]

Thank you for the replies. I think my punctuation in terms of dialogue is correct. I suspect my issue may be around formulating the dialogue into correct paragraphs.

I’ve tidied it up a little and re-submitted the story, so I guess we’ll see how it goes.

If there any are experienced writers who wouldn’t mind casting an eye over my story, it would be very much appreciated.

Helen

 

[Bamagan]

Thank you for the replies. I think my punctuation in terms of dialogue is correct. I suspect my issue may be around formulating the dialogue into correct paragraphs.

I’ve tidied it up a little and re-submitted the story, so I guess we’ll see how it goes.

If there any are experienced writers who wouldn’t mind casting an eye over my story, it would be very much appreciated.

Helen

Did you have more than one person speaking per paragraph? That's something that got my first story sent back. I had several instances of having one character respond to a question from another character in the same paragraph (usually short answers, like 'yes' or 'no'). That generally won't fly here.
You may also want to do a search in your document for instances of ", or ". anywhere in the text. Overall, your punctuation may be fine, but there may still be places where things got overlooked. Some people have reported getting their stories rejected for a very small number of such typos (I believe 3 out of some 20k words is the record, at least from anyone I have seen posting here). Many published stories have such errors, so it seems to kind of be luck of the draw as to who gets the harshest scrutiny on any given day, but that's life I guess.

 

[TheLobster]

I had several instances of having one character respond to a question from another character in the same paragraph (usually short answers, like 'yes' or 'no'). That generally won't fly here.

If you ever need to do this and don't want the exchange to blow up vertically, I think a case can be made for (ab)using indirect speech and employing a subtle perspective shift:

I sat before the patient and started reading out the questionnaire.

"Are you sexually active?" She said yes.

"How often?" She said every other day.

"Do you typically achieve orgasm?" Almost always, she said with a blush.

"What about masturbation?" Also every other day, and also a blush.

"Do you orgasm from self-stimulation?" Yes, always.

I marked the answers and moved on to the next section.

Note how the very last answer has no markers or tags, but it's nonetheless (IMO) perfectly clear it's something the patient said.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

Welcome to the harried world of writing!

You might want to consider asking for help in the Editors' section.

Good luck!

 

[Voboy]

Thank you for the replies. I think my punctuation in terms of dialogue is correct. I suspect my issue may be around formulating the dialogue into correct paragraphs.

I’ve tidied it up a little and re-submitted the story, so I guess we’ll see how it goes.

If there any are experienced writers who wouldn’t mind casting an eye over my story, it would be very much appreciated.

Helen

Ah. So... you're having more than one person sharing the same paragraph with their dialogue?

Yeah. Don't do that. Just give each speaker their own paragraph, and you're all set. Welcome to Lit!

 

[HelenofTroy25]

Thank you for all the replies and helpful tips. I’ve never posted on here before, but it’s seems like just a lovely community.

I’ve definitely got only one person speaking per paragraph. Maybe there’s something else that I’m missing.

I’ve asked for help from some volunteer editors, so hopefully they may be able to give me some pointers.

 

[AG31]

Or alternatively, you're writing stories with little or no dialogue where there should be some

Is this really a thing? There are stories that have no dialogue at all. How does one decide "where there should be some?"

 

[TheRedChamber]

Is this really a thing? There are stories that have no dialogue at all. How does one decide "where there should be some?"

Actually, I'm not sure. I've definitely seen stories published here where it's a constant stream of '...and then my wife told me she wanted to sleep with someone else and I told her I'd think about it...' to the point that I've ctrl-F'd to see if there's a single quotation mark in it.

That said, I have myself written a 2k story which only has two lines of dialogue spoken right at the very end. But, you know, I'm an artiste.

 

[TheLobster]

Actually, I'm not sure. I've definitely seen stories published here where it's a constant stream of '...and then my wife told me she wanted to sleep with someone else and I told her I'd think about it...' to the point that I've ctrl-F'd to see if there's a single quotation mark in it.

I’ve seen at least one story here that full of “I told her” and “She said”, all properly broken into paragraphs, but without the quotes and commas to punctuate it into actual dialogue.

At this point, it’s just the author being an obnoxious douchenozzle.

 

[NuclearFairy]

I have had two people talking in the same paragraph before, but they were speaking simultaneously so I'm not sure how that counts for grammar. Honestly I couldn't figure out how to separate it and have it flow properly.

 

[MillieDynamite]

I read the part about the internal monologue and thought about what an internal monologue is. It wasn't long until I was flooded with ideas, not about monologues but my day. My thoughts then drifted to a pleasant night with Jo, waking up in the morning, looking forward to day, feeding Donnie his breakfast with, her comes the bus, open wide, and realized, I'm in the middle of fucking internal monologue.

 

[Davidbeer1]

You have single quotation marks in your original post, so I'm guessing you are using them in the English style. I had that problem, but it was easy to find sites that explain the difference. English spelling doesn't seem to matter.

 

[MillieDynamite]

Italics can work, or write as her/his/their/them/they's emotions. Emily's heart raced, pounding wildly in her chest, as her breasts heaved. That gives the internal and external of what's happening. For thoughts, Emily thought, Wow, don't know about this guy, on the one hand, he's sexy as fuck, on other, he arrogant as hell. It makes making a decision... hum, difficult. "Sure, I'll dance with you." Oh, shit his arms are strong, and oh, is that his dick or an unwaped mint in weird place.

 

[NuclearFairy]

You have single quotation marks in your original post, so I'm guessing you are using them in the English style. I had that problem, but it was easy to find sites that explain the difference. English spelling doesn't seem to matter.

I use single quotation marks to differentiate between spoken dialog and thoughts all the time. I've never had a story get rejected for that before.

 

[MetaBob]

Hello. I’m a long time reader, but first time writer. I finally decided to take the plunge and write a short story of my own.

After the initial excitement of putting together my story, I’ve suffered the inevitable ‘work sent back’. The note refers to making characters talk. I suspected that this might the area where I’m lacking. I’m also struggling with how to get to grips with writing internal monologues.

I’m sure that my story is a long way from being good enough, but any help or tips would be greatly appreciated.

I really feel that my creative juices are flowing, so I can’t wait to be able to publish my stories! I’m also looking forward to chatting with some of the already published authors that I’ve admired from afar for so long.

It would help if you posted an excerpt so we don't have to guess at what the problem might be. Three paragraphs is generally allowed. If they're short paragraphs (1-3 lines each), more might be acceptable. If you post too much, the content might get yanked by a mod.

Also, what is the exact message you're getting as the reason for rejection?

 

[Djmac1031]

Lots of good advice already so I'll also say a good learning tool is simply to pay attention to how other authors write dialog.

You say you're a long time reader, and that's great. Now try reading, not just for entertainment purposes, but for educational as well. Look at what they do that works. And what doesnt. And use that knowledge accordingly.

 

[MetaBob]

The note refers to making characters talk. I suspected that this might the area where I’m lacking. I’m also struggling with how to get to grips with writing internal monologues.

I’ve definitely got only one person speaking per paragraph. Maybe there’s something else that I’m missing.

Since you have stopped replying, I must infer that the problem isn't that you're writing internal monologues the wrong way, it's that you're writing internal monologues *at all*. Dialogue is a much more effective way to hold a reader's attention than narrative or internal monologue, though both have their place. "Show, don't tell" is common advice.

For what limited use you might still have for internal monologue, using italics or 'single quotes' is common, as has already been noted by others here.

 

[HelenofTroy25]

Hello. I just wanted to say a big thank you to everyone who replied to my question and helped out with some writing tips.

I made some slight adjustments and re-submitted my story and it looks like good news as the status is now scheduled.

I’m so excited for my first story to be published and to getting some much needed feedback.

A big thank you again to everyone. Looking forward to more interactions with you lovely people in the forum x

 

[HelenofTroy25]

Yey! My story has finally been published!

For anyone interested, the name of the story is Helen’s toy. It can been found in the Erotic Couplings section.

Any constructive feedback is much appreciated, as I have many more adventures planned for Helen.

 

[StillStunned]

If you want more eyes on your story, make it easy to find: include a link in your post, and in your signature.

 

[HelenofTroy25]

Thank you StillStunned! More great advice. I’m such a novice to all this lol x

https://www.literotica.com/s/helens-toy

 

[StillStunned]

Thank you StillStunned! More great advice. I’m such a novice to all this lol x

https://www.literotica.com/s/helens-toy

Don't worry about it. Nobody was born knowing these things. We all started as novices and had to learn from other members.