Tanka Poem

[AlinaX]

last night, my sweet love
there was electricity
in our farewell kiss
the lass I called on next said
my battery was well charged

 

[WCSGarland]

Waiting on Beta Read,
I try to be calm and cool,
Not be premature
Ejaculator Author.
That is so embarrassing.

 

[Jocelyn_Nicole_Sawyer]

so why did you flip me on to my back? and am now drinking honey from my navel??

oh, I remember now! we were discussing Hebrew and I was making a reference to a mistranslation in Song of Songs. Biblical scholars kinda sidestepped a word me thinks...

 

[NivKay]

oh, I remember now! we were discussing Hebrew and I was making a reference to a mistranslation in Song of Songs. Biblical scholars kinda sidestepped a word me thinks...

Well, it is all Greek to me!! Though I would love to read Hebrew...or read the kabbalah

 

[Jocelyn_Nicole_Sawyer]

Well, it is all Greek to me!! Though I would love to read Hebrew...or read the kabbalah

don't worry, Niv! we've already guessed you are a MOSSAD assassin ... but here at thread Tanka -- well, it's your safe house. (see what I did there?)

 

[Jocelyn_Nicole_Sawyer]

Giving a shout out to our very own... @AlinaX

https://www.literotica.com/authors/AlinaX/lists?listid=21258096

 

[NivKay]

don't worry, Niv! we've already guessed you are a MOSSAD assassin ... but here at thread Tanka -- well, it's your safe house. (see what I did there?)

Well, I’ll be.. it’s amazing how one can go from zero to 100 like that.. it’s one of the wonders of the world..!

 

[NivKay]

Zero to hero
Is what they call her, firebrand
Extraordinaire, she is,
Silver-jacketed bullet
coursing through the sound barrier

 

[Jocelyn_Nicole_Sawyer]

Zero to hero
Is what they call her, firebrand
Extraordinaire, she is,
Silver-jacketed bullet
coursing through the sound barrier

firebrand is 3 syllables...

extraordinaire is like 4

barrier might be 3

so that was a 5 / 8 / 6 / 7 / 8

still, I kinda like it

 

[Jocelyn_Nicole_Sawyer]

@AlinaX @Angeline what say ye? does @NivKumar need to be punished?

 

[Jocelyn_Nicole_Sawyer]

no, I'm quite serious... but it will take all 3 of us

 

[AlinaX]

what say ye? does NivKumar need to be punished?

With haiku, 5-7-5 can often feel clunky, and the same can be true of syllable counting in tanka.

I actually enjoy syllable counting, but a 'correct' count is secondary to the impact of the poem.

I write tanka
dropping a syllable
from here and there
who needs calculators
in this modern era?

 

[Jocelyn_Nicole_Sawyer]

I see what you did there!

 

[Jocelyn_Nicole_Sawyer]

still, I kinda like rules... like what even is free verse?

 

[Jocelyn_Nicole_Sawyer]

like you sit down to a game of chess -- there are rules

 

[AlinaX]

I see it almost as two separate forms, one being haiku and the other being 5-7-5, and the challenge is come up with a verse that works for both.

If you want to focus here on 5-7-5-7-7, I have no problem with that. I'm not sure what a suitable punishment would be, though, for breaking it.

 

[Jocelyn_Nicole_Sawyer]

so the way I understand it... haiku really needs to be about nature. BUT the tanka is more illicit communication...

but we can change this thread to "anything goes" -- I think the American Cinquain looks fun too.

HOWEVER... Niv transgressed before we changed the rules... so needs punished. maybe a flogging?

 

[AlinaX]

fetch the whip, mistress!
rule-breakers must be punished
until the tears flow
let us submit to the one
who opened this tanka thread

 

[Jocelyn_Nicole_Sawyer]

oh, my god! I am literally not worthy...

 

[Jocelyn_Nicole_Sawyer]

I may have opened the thread... but pretty clear I am in the presence of giants

 

[AlinaX]

Meh, I've met giants. Occasionally I get a pat on the head. I'm here to have fun.

 

[Jocelyn_Nicole_Sawyer]

fetch the whip, mistress!
rule-breakers must be punished
until the tears flow
let us submit to the one
who opened this tanka thread

What do you have to say about that Niv? maybe compose something from your pov?

 

[Jocelyn_Nicole_Sawyer]

Meh, I've met giants. Occasionally I get a pat on the head. I'm here to have fun.

I met David Sedaris -- love him! Naked...Me Talk Pretty One Day

 

[WCSGarland]

How about you all,
Stuff him in a burlap bag,
tie the top real tight,
then throw him in garbage can,
and beat on the lid with stick?

 

[Jocelyn_Nicole_Sawyer]

seems a tad harsh... but we can put it to a vote