Do women grow tired of sex with just one person quicker than men?

[Britva415]

I'd say the answer to that very much depends on the man.

And the woman.

 

[Britva415]

Some women just get tired of sex, entirely.

Hell, so do some men.

 

[magicalmoments]

As a life time swinger I've only ever met two women who entered the lifestyle because they desired more variety in their sex life. One started cheating on her husband, he found out, was turned on by it and they made it their lifestyle. The other was also cheating on her husband and the last time I heard from her, about 20 years ago, she was still married and still cheating.

Every other woman I met through the lifestyle (that I discussed the issue with) entered it because of pressure from their husband. Pressure is probably the wrong word, but they started seeing other men because it was something their husbands had desired, rather than something they had sought. Never met any who regretted the choice though.

 

[LMWM321]

As a life time swinger I've only ever met two women who entered the lifestyle because they desired more variety in their sex life.

Thanks for replying to the thread...

Please believe I'm not judging your lifestyle - not one bit. But....

I don't think swinging would appeal to most women - so the women you're meeting may not be particularly representative of women in general.

Remember, an average looking woman could walk into any Hotel bar and end up heading up to her room with a very attractive man - a man SHE has chosen. So, why would she interested in going to a swingers club/ gathering, etc.. where she is confined to picking a sex partner from a group of guys that she may find unappealing? In that sort of arrangement, she's basically yielding to her husband who has said, "Honey, you can have sex with another man, but you have to chose from among these...." And it's even more confining if it's a wife-swapping arrangement, which means she has to be equally attracted to the husband of the woman he’s attracted to. ..Yeah, that makes it pretty darn limiting.

If I were a woman, I'd say.. "Sorry, I'll pass on all of that. I'd rather fuck one of the hot single guys I work with when I travel next month."

 

[policywank]

Thanks for replying to the thread...

Please believe I'm not judging your lifestyle - not one bit. But....

I don't think swinging would appeal to most women - so the women you're meeting may not be particularly representative of women in general.

Remember, an average looking woman could walk into any Hotel bar and end up heading up to her room with a very attractive man - a man SHE has chosen. So, why would she interested in going to a swingers club/ gathering, etc.. where she is confined to picking a sex partner from a group of guys that she may find unappealing? In that sort of arrangement, she's basically yielding to her husband who has said, "Honey, you can have sex with another man, but you have to chose from among these...." And it's even more confining if it's a wife-swapping arrangement, which means she has to be equally attracted to the husband of the woman he’s attracted to. ..Yeah, that makes it pretty darn limiting.

If I were a woman, I'd say.. "Sorry, I'll pass on all of that. I'd rather fuck one of the hot single guys I work with when I travel next month."

The difference in male/female access to casual sexual encounters always exists but is magnified when married. If a guy is interested in casual sexual encounter with a woman he won't care if she is single or married and in an open relationship (a few might care, but even more might prefer the latter). But the reverse is not true - a woman being approached by a man in an open marriage will often find that to be a turn-off. She will often perceive or assume selfish or even sleazy motivation - the man might perceive the same if the situation is reversed, but is less likely to and even if he does he probably won't care.

As a result, the prospects of participating in swingers scene are very different for men and women. For the woman it is unnecessary restriction of choice without offering anything meaningful that she couldn't get elsewhere. For the man it is an enhancement of choice and opportunities that would not otherwise be available to him and his wife is his ticket to the club.

 

[Erodicus]

I have zero evidence on this, but I'm inclined to think it has more to do with libido than gender. Maybe some budding sociologist may like to undertake a study to test both hypotheses.

 

[sexymanfun]

One thing to bear in mind when considering this question is that the women who are entering retirement villages at this current time, largely matured, became sexually active during what is now known as the "summer of love". They reached adolescence and teenage years in the 60s and 70s. They were the first generation to have more or less open access to contraceptive pills. They, as a group, were more sexually adventurous than any other generation of women before them.

Then they settled into domestic bliss, lived the monogamous lives, got bored with sex with hubby and stopped participating. But the adventurous girl from the 60s and 70s is still inside her and just needs a trigger to being her back.

Retirement homes offer an environment that is not a lot different from their days of sexually liberation back in high school and college. All of a sudden things have changed...

https://media.tenor.com/4p5BqkaJgVgAAAAM/dentadura-dente.gif

 

[Masters_slutpussy]

Do women grow tired of sex with just one person quicker than men?

If the sex isn't satisfactory...
Not saying that all women would act on their dissatisfaction.

 

[LMWM321]

But the reverse is not true - a woman being approached by a man in an open marriage will often find that to be a turn-off. She will often perceive or assume selfish or even sleazy motivation

You may be right, but it would be a shame if she presumed something negative.

As I'm sure you know, "open marriage" can mean many different things. Is it "open" for one-night stands? ..Or is it "open" for full-fledged on-going romantic relationships? Each has different implications for the woman being approached.

And why is the relationship is open might be meaningful to the woman approached by a married man. ..It could be a couple who fell out of love but wish to stay married as they raise children - so they allow each other to do what they wish. OR, it could be a couple who are so secure in their marriage that they don't perceive extracurricular sex as a serious threat to their union. And then there may be those who are also 100% secure in their relationship and see allowing a partner to have ex with others as a way to keep their overall interest in sex going - which is my reason for allowing my wife to be with others. But only after we had been exclusive for 20+ years.

Besides, isn't it possible a woman interested in just casual sex might actually PREFER a man who is already in a committed, even if non-monogamous, relationship? Perhaps she believes he'll be less apt to form an attachment.

I'm nitpicking, of course. But your comment..

"For the woman it [swinging] is unnecessary restriction of choice without offering anything meaningful that she couldn't get elsewhere."

..is perfect.

 

[magicalmoments]

https://media.tenor.com/4p5BqkaJgVgAAAAM/dentadura-dente.gif

Now... That is something every man should experience at least once, a blow job from someone with no teeth. Talk about silky smooth!

 

[policywank]

You may be right, but it would be a shame if she presumed something negative.

As I'm sure you know, "open marriage" can mean many different things. Is it "open" for one-night stands? ..Or is it "open" for full-fledged on-going romantic relationships? Each has different implications for the woman being approached.

And why is the relationship is open might be meaningful to the woman approached by a married man. ..It could be a couple who fell out of love but wish to stay married as they raise children - so they allow each other to do what they wish. OR, it could be a couple who are so secure in their marriage that they don't perceive extracurricular sex as a serious threat to their union. And then there may be those who are also 100% secure in their relationship and see allowing a partner to have ex with others as a way to keep their overall interest in sex going - which is my reason for allowing my wife to be with others. But only after we had been exclusive for 20+ years.

Besides, isn't it possible a woman interested in just casual sex might actually PREFER a man who is already in a committed, even if non-monogamous, relationship? Perhaps she believes he'll be less apt to form an attachment.

I'm nitpicking, of course. But your comment..

"For the woman it [swinging] is unnecessary restriction of choice without offering anything meaningful that she couldn't get elsewhere."

..is perfect.

Yes, it would be a shame. I don't think that is necessarily the case or even most of the time. There are plenty of men and women who are open minded about such things.

But if we consider that lots (maybe most?) of people that we meet are more traditional in their views on sexuality and monogamy as the default 'right' model. Among those people I think that the attitudes between men and women are fairly different in large part due to societal conditioning. A single man interacting with a married woman is more likely to think in terms of 'if there is anything amiss here it is her husband's problem not mine.' Whereas the women are probably more likely to perceive an ick factor and see the man's perceived motivations in a negative light.

I'm not sure I am right and if I am it isn't really fair. But I think that society still infers different motivations to each gender when they go outside their marriage. If it is a man going outside his marriage we tend to assume he is at fault - i.e. he is a selfish cad. We may feel the same way about the woman, but she is more likely to receive the benefit of the doubt that she was driven to it by a bad husband be that inadequate, insensitive, abusive or whatever. I'd like to think it is different if it is truly an open marriage, but I think traditionalists can still be a bit judgemental and perhaps even question the legitimacy of that claim (i.e. maybe they are just lying to cover up cheating).

I also think that women overall are a little but less likely to engage in a casual sexual encounter where there is no chance of it becoming something more. That is changing and I think it has more to do with societal conditioning than our innate nature but it is still there.

I think that all possible variations of how men and women feel in these circumstances exist or can exist. But overall a man interacting with a broad sample of women can expect a different experience than vice versa.

 

[sexymanfun]

Now... That is something every man should experience at least once, a blow job from someone with no teeth. Talk about silky smooth!

All in due course. But in no hurry as of now to make that happen

https://media.tenor.com/6Ly_NJuJjpsAAAAM/betty-white-winking.gif

 

[MichelleSwan]

A new lease on life is always stimulating, opening that tap can get carried away sometimes. But as far as retaining interest, I think men wane much quicker. I've had men pursue me for years, and after a couple of times between my knees they evaporate, submission and conquer

 

[hiker283]

I know with my wife, her interactions with other men are about sexual pleasure. When she lost her virginity, it was because she liked how he made her feel and wanted more. When she has been bedded by other men since we have been married, it was the same. The only way I would have been jealous would be if one had gotten her pregnant. That did not happen and is no longer possible.

I must say, for my girl friend it is the same. I am a safe sex partner since I am married and no commitment is required. It also leaves her free to date in the hopes of finding the man to spend the rest of her life with.

 

[LMWM321]

Couples who were strictly monogamous throughout their marriage may proclaim they achieved something they can brag about... ie., "We've been married for 50 years and never had sex with anyone but each other..." But where is the virtue in that if they quit having sex with each other years before couples who allowed some reasonable amount of extracurricular sexual activity?

 

[Sweetdreams71]

This is obviously true. An average looking women could take a seat at an upscale hotel bar and end up leaving with a man 10 nights out of 10 - and often with a guy who is objectively more attractive than she is. ..Your average looking guy, however, would have no such luck hooking up with a more attractive women - also probably 10 out of 10 days.

But I can't help but wonder if part of it is men have a much stronger libido to begin with. So even after familiarity and loss of mystery have taken it's toll on a long-term relationship or marriage, the guy is still PLENTY horny for his partner while those same detractions have left the woman preferring to just not have sex any more. ...But if the newness and mystery of sex is brought back - vis-à-vis a "new partner" - her interest in sex may come back. And the question I'm asking you is: If it does come back, does it reinvigorate her interest in her primary partner as well?

I do believe both of these things can be true: Women can (generally speaking) have weaker libidos AND also be less naturally monogamous than men.

I know my interest in sex with my husband has changed many times. And it always is what did he do to change my interest.

Currently I am very frustrated that he watches porn and then wants to have sex. It leaves me feeling that he needs porn in order to find me attractive.

So now sex is just another chore before I go to bed.

 

[LMWM321]

Currently I am very frustrated that he watches porn and then wants to have sex. It leaves me feeling that he needs porn in order to find me attractive.

So now sex is just another chore before I go to bed.

Ugh. I'm so sorry to hear...

Not that it's my place but I will say that just because he looks at porn doesn't mean he no longer finds you attractive. Indeed, there's a lot of guys (and likely some women, too) here on lit who look at porn and are still very horny for their partner, including me.

That said, his viewing it just before having sex is understandably a problem for you, which mean it's his problem, too - as it should be. As I see it, there's nothing wrong with looking at porn unless it interferes with the sex you should be having with your partner. And it seems to have gotten to that point with your husband.

Have you discussed this with him? Reading your bio it's obvious you're a sex-positive and sexy woman who is probably comfortable discussing sex. He needs to know this habit bugs you.

I'm not making excuses for him, but could it be that his need for extra visual stimulation is due to age-related ED?? If he's in his 70's - an inference I'm making from your name, forgive me if I'm way off - and he's not taking viagra or Cialis, he's beating the odds. ..But it could be that he now needs one or the other, or needs a dose increase if he is taking one of them. Obviously, this is a subject he should discuss with his doctor.

In any case, you seem like an awesome partner. ..He needs to know what he's doing is bothering you and needs to address it. And don't let him off the hook if he says, "Well, it wouldn't bother me if you looked at porn before we have sex!" ..That doesn't matter. It bothers YOU that HE does it and THAT is what matters.

 

[Sweetdreams71]

Ugh. I'm so sorry to hear...

Not that it's my place but I will say that just because he looks at porn doesn't mean he no longer finds you attractive. Indeed, there's a lot of guys (and likely some women, too) here on lit who look at porn and are still very horny for their partner, including me.

That said, his viewing it just before having sex is understandably a problem for you, which mean it's his problem, too - as it should be. As I see it, there's nothing wrong with looking at porn unless it interferes with the sex you should be having with your partner. And it seems to have gotten to that point with your husband.

Have you discussed this with him? Reading your bio it's obvious you're a sex-positive and sexy woman who is probably comfortable discussing sex. He needs to know this habit bugs you.

I'm not making excuses for him, but could it be that his need for extra visual stimulation is due to age-related ED?? If he's in his 70's - an inference I'm making from your name, forgive me if I'm way off - and he's not taking viagra or Cialis, he's beating the odds. ..But it could be that he now needs one or the other, or needs a dose increase if he is taking one of them. Obviously, this is a subject he should discuss with his doctor.

In any case, you seem like an awesome partner. ..He needs to know what he's doing is bothering you and needs to address it. And don't let him off the hook if he says, "Well, it wouldn't bother me if you looked at porn before we have sex!" ..That doesn't matter. It bothers YOU that HE does it and THAT is what matte

Thanks for the reply, I have read a lot of your posts and you are very wise, I like your outlook.
We are in our 50's and I am not gonna change him now, probably will end up as resentment towards me. He has always watched I just didn't know the extent of it until recently. We have discussed it, and I told him I didn't care if he watched, cause I think I am at the point that I don't care. Like I said, just another chore before bed now.

 

[Noor]

I know my interest in sex with my husband has changed many times. And it always is what did he do to change my interest.

Currently I am very frustrated that he watches porn and then wants to have sex. It leaves me feeling that he needs porn in order to find me attractive.

So now sex is just another chore before I go to bed.

I wouldn’t have sex with him until he can go without porn for a week.
Porn can be an addiction, not sure he needs it to have sex with you, he may think he needs it to have any sex.
Other possibility is that his testerone is low and he is trying to jump start himself, and not to do with you.

 

[Noor]

I wouldn’t have sex with him until he can go without porn for a week.
Porn can be an addiction, not sure he needs it to have sex with you, he may think he needs it to have any sex.
Other possibility is that his testerone is low and he is trying to jump start himself, and not to do with you.

In other words, don’t kill him yet

 

[LMWM321]

Thanks for the reply, I have read a lot of your posts and you are very wise, I like your outlook.
We are in our 50's and I am not gonna change him now, probably will end up as resentment towards me. He has always watched I just didn't know the extent of it until recently. We have discussed it, and I told him I didn't care if he watched, cause I think I am at the point that I don't care. Like I said, just another chore before bed now.

I'm sorry you're feeling this is beyond hope. ..Maybe in time he'll change or you'll get to the point where you feel you have to speak out.

Men need to understand that watching too much porn, or the wrong kind of porn, can leave a partner feeling sexually irrelevant and left behind.

 

[gtnlynn]

It probably depends on the woman. My wife enjoyed sex with a number of guys in college before we became engaged. She was totally faithful through the first years of our marriage, but I sensed that she wished she could accept some of the offers she was getting from other men. I gave her permission, and she was grateful to be able to have one-time sex with several different men, mostly younger ones. Once that itch was scratched, she decided I was all she needed and has not had sex with anyone else for over 25 years.

 

[Sweetdreams71]

I'm sorry you're feeling this is beyond hope. ..Maybe in time he'll change or you'll get to the point where you feel you have to speak out.

Men need to understand that watching too much porn, or the wrong kind of porn, can leave a partner feeling sexually irrelevant and left behind.

He mainly looks at "still" pictures currently, well that I know of....

 

[paulapossiter]

When I was married and living with the man (my one and only husband) who was the father of my two girls, the idea of having sex with another man never really came up. Until we weren't, I considered us a self-contained unit and for the good of our children the idea never really entered my head. I thought it never entered my husband's head either, which shows how wrong I can be! Was he bored with me? That is for him to answer.
Sex with my gf was another matter. That was a long-standing relationship which pre-dated my marriage and we did not abandon when we both married. It was not a regular thing and also not a romantic thing either, just very good friends whose shared interest happened to be sex with each other-so if we were together in the right circumstances, yes we had sex.
Over the last 20+ years and a number of relationships I will confess that i get bored and want to move on before the man involved feels the same. The older I get also the more clingy and needy men become-almost as if they fear being alone in their 50's-whereas I think women find that a rather liberating experience, especially if they have been the rock of a relationship for a number of years.
I have written elsewhere about my FWBs both of whom are married and they remain FWB's just because they understand the terms of our relationship. Will I get bored with them first-well we don't see each other that often and the older I get, the more I value sex with someone whose body I know and who knows my body and needs. Sorry a long post and a rambling set of thoughts. Paula

 

[Noor]

He mainly looks at "still" pictures currently, well that I know of....

Ask him to show you so you know